Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
All the worst-case scenarios run through my mind as I cross the lot, scanning the farm for Winston. At everyone’s request, I brought him to work today. Which felt like a good idea this morning.
But he’s been missing all day, and now I’m waiting for someone to tell me to never do this again. Because I can almost guarantee he was in everyone’s way all day.
Especially since I don’t see him anywhere. But I think I know exactly where to find him.
And sure enough, as I step into the garage, there he is sitting proudly next to the planter while Silas leans over it.
Relief flows through me knowing he’s not off being a shit disturber somewhere on the farm, so I take a moment to check out Silas’s ass and ignore the judgmental look my dog throws my way.
“I don’t think he’s even my dog anymore,” I say as I approach them, and Silas glances over his shoulder at me.
He looks down at Winston, who just stares back up at him with a huge, goofy smile.
“He’s been here for about three hours. You should probably do a better job watching him and maybe he would be,” Silas says, turning back to the planter with one arm braced against the frame while the other works a wrench deep inside the housing.
The motion has the muscles in his back flexing in all the right ways, and I send a silent thank you to the weather for making today a T-shirt day.
I chuckle, leaning back against his workbench and crossing my arms. “Fuck off.”
Silas smirks at me, wiping his wrench with a rag before dropping it onto the bench and grabbing another one.
I nod to it with my chin. “What’s wrong with it?”
He shakes his head, leaning over the exposed mess of wires, bolts, and scary-looking parts. “Nothing,” he says, his voice slightly muffled as he dips his head down and starts turning something with his wrench.
Some things really never change.
“So… you’re just fucking around with it for fun then?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes at me over his shoulder, and I smile widely.
“Just resetting the singulators, purging the vacuum lines, and backing off the drive sprocket before I grease the row units.”
I nod as all those words go right over my head. “Sounds simple enough.”
“Silas, when you’re done with this, I need you to—”
Scott comes to an abrupt stop as he rounds the planter, and his eyes quickly dart between me and Silas.
“Hey,” I say with a smile, and Winston bounds over to him, licking his hand and leaning his entire body weight against his leg, staring up at him with excited pants.
“Hey,” Scott says, leaning down to pat Winston as his gaze shifts between me and Silas again.
“Do what?” Silas asks.
“Everything good?” Scott asks slowly as he straightens, his hand lingering on Winston’s head.
I let out a soft chuckle, aware of how this probably looks to him. He knew we were working together on the hollow heart field since we let him know of our plan. But I guess he isn’t aware that we’re friends again.
Or, well… more than friends.
Shit, what even are we?
“Yeah, why?” Silas asks with a furrowed brow.
My god.
Rob lets out a laugh from the bay next to us, where he’s half inside a piece of equipment. “Didn’t notice the boys figured their shit out?”
Scott’s brows lift as his eyes dart to Silas, then to me, then back to Silas. Then a wide smile spreads over his face. “Happy to hear it.”
Silas just glances at his dad before dropping the wrench onto the workbench. “What did you want me to do?”
“Oh,” Scott waves a hand, “nothing. It’s the end of the day, you’re done.”
I smile as Silas gives him a confused look.
“Well, that’s good,” I say, pushing off the bench. “Because Winston wants to go to the beach.”
Winston immediately perks up at the sound of that, practically prancing on the spot as he whines and stares at Silas and me, like we’re taking too long.
Silas looks down at him. “Ok… well, when I finish this—”
“It’ll be here in the morning,” Scott says, then tilts his head to catch Silas’s gaze. “Go.”
Silas hesitates, but I step forward and push his shoulder, urging him to walk towards the door. “Come on.”
Winston bolts out of the garage, twisting himself in circles in the lot, he’s so excited. I didn’t even know he knew the word beach. Or maybe he doesn’t, and he doesn’t actually know where we’re going. He’s just excited any time anyone does… anything.
“Have fun,” Scott says as we pass him, the look on his face one of pure joy.
Winston runs ahead of us as we head down the driveway and onto the dirt road, stopping every few steps to look back and make sure we’re still coming before tearing off again.
“Has he always been this excited?” Silas asks, watching him pounce on a rock like a cat before he continues running with legs and ears flapping in every direction.
“Yes,” I say with a laugh. “Always.”
Silas glances back at the garage as it fades out of view, and I do the same. I know where his head just went, because mine has been there too. How everyone is seeing us as friends again… but it’s more than that.
We’re quiet for a moment as that thought swirls in my head, with nowhere to land. But… why do we need to make sense of it right now?
“You know…” I say slowly. “We don’t have to figure it all out right away.”
Silas looks at me, and I meet his eyes, bumping his shoulder with mine.
“No one needs to know anything until we do,” I say.
He releases a breath with a nod, and I see a flicker of relief in his gaze.
“Yeah.” He nods. Then he looks ahead, hesitating for a moment. “What… do you know?”
I shrug. “About as much as you do. That we’re friends again, who apparently like kissing each other.”
Silas huffs and shakes his head. “I mean…” His gaze flicks toward my parents’ house as we pass it. “Are you… you’ve been with girls, and…”
Ah.
“Yeah…” I nod slowly. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about this too.
Winston stops ahead of us, turning back like he’s debating if we’re worth waiting for, then disappears into the dune grass that leads to the beach.
“I’m not really sure,” I say slowly. “While I’ve never been with another guy, I think… I’m bi, I guess? I’ve realized I’m attracted to guys too, but it’s all very… new.”
Silas’s eyes quickly flick towards me before he looks away again, and I smile.
Is that jealousy?
“What about you?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “I’ve only ever been with Bell, so I don’t know.”
I stop, slapping a hand to his chest to turn him towards me. “Really?”
His eyes widen slightly, and his cheeks flush before he looks down at the ground. “Yeah,” he mumbles.
I take him in for a second, then glance past him to the hollow heart field stretching out along the road. As surprising as that is, I guess it makes sense. His entire life has been the farm, and it’s not like there’s a big dating pool here.
And he completely hid himself away after I left.
I let my hand fall from his chest and smile softly at him. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. We’re just going to figure this whole thing out as we go.”
His eyes lift to meet mine again, and he nods with a small smile.
A splash sounds on the other side of the path, so I quickly turn and head through the dune grass, breaking into a laugh as I step onto the red sand.
Winston tears out of the ocean, water flying everywhere as the stick in his mouth is launched into the air. He runs after it, pouncing on it as it lands in the sand, then takes it back into the water.
“Is he playing fetch with himself?” Silas asks, stepping up beside me.
I huff and shake my head. “It would seem that way.”
When he spots us, Winston grabs the stick and barrels our way, wet sand and water flying everywhere.
“Don’t you fucking—” I start, but it’s too late.
He drops the stick at Silas’s feet and shakes himself off… aiming the spray of sandy, cold water right at me.
“Fuck!” I yell, shielding my face with my arms as Silas laughs.
Silas picks up the stick as I wipe the mess from my shirt and heads towards the water with Winston prancing along beside him, looking at Silas and the stick in his hands like he can’t believe something so perfect exists.
And I can’t either.
I stay right where I am, just taking in the beautiful sight as I watch them reach the shoreline, and Silas throws the stick into the water.
Winston leaps in after it, sending water droplets into the air that catch the sunlight like little diamonds before they fall back into the gentle waves.
The clear sky is bright blue without a single cloud, and the sun sits over the water, highlighting everything about this place that makes it so gorgeous.
Especially the man standing right in the middle of it all.
My eyes travel over him where he stands at the water’s edge, his tall, strong frame so different, yet so similar to the boy I grew up with.
Because he’s always been strong. Even when he was a small, skinny kid, he carried a strength to him I knew I’d never be able to match.
And that became true. He doesn’t do it loudly, but every problem he faces, he sees a solution.
He never lets anything keep him down. And I don’t think he realizes that.
He looks back and tilts his head for me to join him as he starts walking along the water’s edge, and Winston swims along with his stick in his mouth.
I walk down the sandy beach and fall into step next to him, letting my eyes sweep over this space that I missed so much while I was away.
My gaze lands on the lighthouse as we get closer to it, and I look up at the windows, remembering all the times we used to spend up there, escaping the world and creating one just for us.
And suddenly, my heart hurts. Because the image of Redwave with a hollow space over his heart flashes through my mind. The world we created to escape our pain, Silas continued to use. And I caused the hurt he needed to escape.
Silas throws the stick for Winston again, and I pull my focus from the lighthouse as we stop in front of it.
But Silas glances up at it. “Want to go up?” he asks.