Chapter 49
FORTY-NINE
I can’t stop smiling as I turn the truck onto the dirt road towards the farm. I wasn’t sure how far we were going to make it, although I didn’t tell Levi that. But we drove along the water to the wharf and back, and so far, so good.
Levi chuckles in the passenger seat, and I glance at him as he sticks his arm out the open window, a wide smile on his face as his dark hair blows across his forehead.
He turns to look at me with pure joy in his eyes, and I reach over to brush his hair back so I can see them better.
I just want to stare into them for the rest of my life.
And I will.
The farm comes into view as we continue down the road, and I slow and grip the steering wheel tighter as we get closer. When we reach the driveway, I pull in.
Levi glances at me. “What are you doing?”
My eyes land on Dad and Papa near the equipment shed as I put the truck in park, and my heart starts racing. Winston perks up from his spot at Dad’s feet as he assesses the new truck in the lot.
I kill the engine and look at Levi. “We’re taking the risk, right?”
Levi’s gaze shifts out the windshield as Dad and Papa turn towards the truck, and then he looks back at me with a soft nod. “Yeah.”
The hinges let out a loud groan as I push the driver’s door open, and my pulse thunders in my ears as I step out of the truck.
“I didn’t know you were working on this,” Dad says with a wide smile as he walks over to us, his gaze moving over the truck in awe.
Winston bounds over to me, circling my legs with a wagging tail before darting to Levi and doing the same.
“Yeah. I figured it was time,” I say, watching as Papa makes his way around the back.
He lets out a quiet chuckle as he finishes his loop and stops beside Dad. “Needs a good wash after sitting in the weeds for so long.”
Levi laughs with a nod, and his eyes flick towards me.
My heart is thumping so hard I swear everyone can hear it, and my hands shake as I stick them in my pockets. Doubt starts to rise and thoughts start to grow, slowly getting louder as they try to tell me not to do this. That if I do, I’ll lose my family.
But I take a deep breath and blow it out, shoving those thoughts down.
Because I know they’re not true. And I’m doing this.
I meet Levi’s warm brown eyes and soft smile and find the courage I need.
Because courage comes from the heart. And he’s my heart.
“I want to tell you something,” I say, turning to Dad and Papa.
Their attention shifts to me, and Dad immediately furrows his brow, looking concerned.
I guess I’m not hiding my emotions as well as I hoped.
“What is it?” he asks.
Papa steps forward, eyeing me carefully and looking like he’s ready to jump into action if I need him.
I look between them, and some of the pressure in my chest eases as I take them in.
I’ve always known they care about me, and that they love me.
My whole family here on the farm does. But standing here now, in this moment where it feels like everything is on the line, I can see it clearly, and I can feel it. I know I have them. I always do.
“I’m with Levi,” I say.
Their gazes shift to Levi, then back to me, and I shake my head.
“I mean,” I start, glancing at Levi. “I… I love him.”
Papa’s brow furrows, and Dad just nods slowly.
Of course they know I love him. That’s never been a secret. But this is different now, and I know they’re not hearing what I mean.
“I…” I start again, but the words get stuck in my throat, and I release a frustrated noise. I don’t know how to say this.
Levi steps in beside me, placing his hand on my back as I take a few deep breaths and try to calm myself enough to just say it. The warmth of his touch spreads through me, giving me something solid to hold on to. And the second I latch onto the words, I spit them out.
“He’s my boyfriend.”
Dad’s eyes widen, and Papa’s gaze flicks to Levi.
And then… it’s just silence.
Fuck.
No… oh, no. No.
“I’m sorry,” I say quickly, shaking my head as I pull my hands out of my pockets and curl them into fists as something slams into my chest, sending a jolt of panic through my body.
My mind immediately starts racing with so many thoughts I can’t even hold onto a single one, and a desperate need rises inside of me to hold onto something. Anything. I just need them. I need Levi. I can’t do this. I can’t lose them.
“I’m sorry, I know, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please don’t leave, I promise, I’ll… please, please, don’t—”
“Silas.”
Dad’s hands close around my arms, and I didn’t even realize my eyes were shut.
“Hey, hey,” he says softly, squeezing my arms with firm pressure that keeps me from completely slipping away from my body.
My breaths are fast and uneven as my body buzzes and my mind feels hazy. I feel Winston against my legs, and I focus on the feeling of Dad’s hands on me until I can open my eyes. When I do, I see him looking at me with so much care and concern, tears immediately blur my vision.
“It’s ok,” he says gently. “I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
My gaze shifts to Papa behind him, and he nods, stepping closer.
“It just took me by surprise,” Dad says, glancing at Levi, then back to me as a small smile pulls at his lips. “This is… pretty big.”
I just nod, and Dad and Papa both let out a quiet chuckle.
“I think it’s great.” Dad smiles. “I have a lot of questions,” he adds with another chuckle. “But the most important one is: are you happy?”
His blue eyes hold so much emotion as they stay fixed on me that I know that’s all that matters to him. He wants me safe and happy, and that’s all he’s ever wanted. He’s never once judged me for anything. He’s just always here, always supportive, always present, and always my dad.
I don’t know why I ever thought it could be any different.
I nod. “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
A smile spreads across his face, his eyes turning glassy as his grip on my arms tightens. Then he looks over at Levi.
I follow his gaze, and Levi nods.
“Really fucking happy.”
Dad laughs, and I can’t help but smile as Papa lets out a snort.
Then Dad pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight.
“I love you, Silas,” he says. “Thank you for telling me.”
Tears slip down my cheeks as I hug him back, and I let out a breath that feels like I’ve been holding it for years.
“I love you, too,” I say, and lift my eyes to meet Papa’s.
He steps forward, waving a hand to shoo Dad away. “Alright, let me at him.”
Dad releases me with a pat on the back, and Papa steps in, pulling me into a hug. As I hold him, I watch Dad do the same to Levi, and the sight pulls another smile from me.
It’s true. I’ve never been happier. And I want to hold onto this feeling for the rest of my life. With Levi and my family.
“Ok,” Papa says, stepping back and looking between me and Levi. “We need to hear this story. Come on, Mama’s making supper. You can drive me up in this beast.” He heads around the truck and pulls open the passenger door, and Winston jumps in, settling himself in the middle of the bench seat.
“You two can hop in the back,” Papa adds, pointing at Dad and Levi before gesturing towards the truck bed.
Dad scoffs, and Levi laughs, stepping closer to take my hand and give it a squeeze. And his smile gives me fucking butterflies.
I smile back at him, then turn to Papa. “Is there enough for Levi’s family, too?”
When Levi’s eyes land on me, I just shrug. “We might as well tell everyone.”
“It’s your Mama, Silas,” Papa says. “There’s enough to feed the entire island. Levi, go get them.” Then he slides into the passenger seat.
Levi huffs, and I just chuckle.
Then I pull him in and press a kiss to his lips. Right here in front of Dad and Papa.
Because I’ve never felt safer than I do right now.