Chapter 27
Crew stands, realizing my casual mood has shifted, and the years of our rivalry leading up to this moment have rushed back into my mind.
I swear, he looks around for a moment, contemplating an escape plan in case I attempt to attack him.
Although I’m angry, I can’t help but feel guilty that he perceives me this way.
But what have I done to prove otherwise?
“What just happened?” He tilts his head, and for a second, hurt flashes in his eyes. “We were talking fine, I thought?”
“Nothing,” I snap. “I just think this is all insane, Crew. You don’t care for me, and I’m supposed to hate you. You are a demon.”
“I gave you my fucking blood, Mara, and you think I don’t care?”
“Hm,” I hum. “Pretty much.”
“What is your problem?”
I bite back, raising my voice. “Stop with the bullshit.”
“What bullshit?”
“You. Me,” I shout. “Us.”
“Alright. Back to this, then,” Crew huffs, shaking his head. “You can’t allow yourself to be happy, can you?”
I cross my arms, not budging an inch. His eyes spark a new anger, and I immediately hate myself for starting this—as if I can’t help but cause turmoil.
“Let’s play this game.” His voice echoes around me, deeper than before, and a darkness moves over the air. “And let’s start with your assumptions that I’ve had everything handed to me in my life.”
I step back, feeling the tension in the room build like thick smoke, as if he’s taken note of every horrible thing I’ve thrown his way.
This is what I deserve.
I deserve this Crew.
“How old were you when you first murdered someone, blood slinger?” He tilts his head, and something sinister oozes from him. Memories seem to be flooding back into his mind—memories Crew doesn’t want to replay—but he’s willing to endure them to set me straight.
“Twenty,” I say. “After I joined the Order. My first assignment was to murder a man named Shawn. He was the age I am now.”
He nods slowly, assessing me. “I was fourteen when my father forced me to murder one of my best friends for disobedience. I grabbed a gun and shot him in the heart, Mara, and I was made to start training as an assassin the next day. I had no time to mourn, and I didn’t have a choice.”
Shock flows through me, and I realize with each word that leaves his mouth, a bubbling wrath rises in his chest.
“And since that day, my dad has looked down on me. No matter how hard I work to prove myself, no matter how many lives I take to protect my Order, and no matter how hard I work to please him, it’s not enough.
” He pauses, and I watch anger rattle his very core.
“With everything I am, I think he’d rather kill me than see me take over the Jade Order. ”
I just watch him, and I swear I can see the rage I created in him shimmering off his back.
“And I’ve been doing what I can behind the scenes to ensure that isn’t my fate.”
I don’t respond, but instead my thoughts swirl.
What does he mean?
He steps closer. “How did it feel to kill someone?”
The question startles me, because I’ve never admitted it aloud, but I know he won’t let me avoid this.
“Crew.”
“Speak,” he shouts.
I jolt from the abruptness. “Thrilling.”
He nods, moving inches from my face. “That’s what I thought.”
I keep my hands at my side, still refusing to touch him. “Back up, Crew.”
But he doesn’t.
“So don’t think for a second that I’ve had an easy life filled with unlimited pleasures.
All my father does is take, and one day there won’t be anything left for him, and I want to be there that day.
” A darkness swirls around him, and I swear even the breeze outside pauses to listen to Crew.
“I want to watch him grasp for the nothingness and fall.”
Guilt passes through me like a cold wind, and I remain silent, watching his strong chest heave with fury and thoughts of his father.
My mind goes back to the office with Lowell, picturing the sly grin that spread across Carver’s face when I chose him over his son.
It was another win for the Elder to prove his dominance over his heir, and my stomach rolls with regret.
“What’s next, Mara?” He throws his hands in the air. “What other assumptions do you have of me?”
My back presses against the wall.
“Oh, that I’m a cocky asshole? Such an original thought,” he laughs. “I’ve done everything I can in my life to be where I am now, and I won’t apologize for it. I know I’m strong. I know I’m deadly, and I know for a fact we are no different, blood slinger. You are my deadly counterpart.”
“Crew,” I whisper, realizing that we are the same. Even though I’m an angel—the opposite of him in nearly every way possible—my anger makes me just as dark as he can be.
If not worse.
Crew steps closer, laughing wildly. “Oh, I’m not done with you.”
My entire body trembles as guilt slams into me.
“And I know you thought I killed your father, James. For years, you’ve hated me and fantasized about my death.
You’ve let such anger blacken your soul for nothing.
” His lips move inches from mine. “You’ve hurt me time and time again for sick revenge without knowing the full truth.
Hell, I don’t even know the whole truth. ”
My jaw drops, and tears well in my eyes.
“I don’t know who killed your father, and I’ve tried to figure it out, but that night your father was shot, I heard the commotion.
I was drunk and taking the long way home.
” Crew breaks eye contact for a second. “I found him bleeding on the sidewalk. I tried to save him. I was even willing to give him my fucking blood for some reason, because he was desperate, but I didn’t because I saw the person rush around the corner.
I went for them instead, knowing I couldn’t save him. ”
Tears fall down my cheeks.
“I don’t know who killed him, but I’d recognize that face if I saw it again. I’d remember the angel in a heartbeat, and I’ve regretted letting that man die alone for years.” He tenses up, replaying the events in his mind. “Your dad was targeted. It was an attack, and it wasn’t by any of my people.”
Another blow nearly takes my legs from underneath me.
Angel.
“And I saw you,” he exhales, glaring at me. “I saw your face that night, your pain, and I felt it creep into me like a disease. I know you are in pain, because I’ve felt it from my actions and losses every day as well, and I realized your father’s desperation to live was solely because of you.”
Crew saw me that night, but never said anything. I don’t stop the tears from pooling in my lower lid.
“It’s so interesting how things work out, Mara.
Twelve years later, I’m standing in an apartment with James’s daughter, but unlike him, I gave you my blood.
I let you take something vital to me, even after everything you’ve done and the pain you’ve put me through, because you were desperate.
” His gaze pierces me. “I wanted you to live, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why the fuck I would want that. ”
“I didn’t know,” I whisper. “You didn’t tell me.”
“You didn’t let me.”
I drop my gaze.
“And do you really want to know the hilarious thing?” he shouts.
I let the tears continue to roll down my cheeks, and I feel a new pain settle into my aching body. Crew’s hand reaches forward as his thumb wipes a tear from my cheek.
“I’d do it again. I’d give you my goddamn blood right now if you so much as muttered it.” He turns around, placing his hands in his hair wildly before ripping them down. “I’d let you hurt me again, and I’d still feel drawn to you. I’d still want you around me.”
“Calm down.” I reach for him, but don’t touch him. “Please.”
“The most fucked up thing about this is last night when you were bleeding out in the alleyway, I told myself to walk away.” Crew’s eyes nearly go black as he replays his memories. “Because you don’t deserve my life after how you’ve treated me.”
I push off the wall since he has created some distance, and I walk toward him. He raises his hands for me to stop, and I do. My eyes widen as he confesses all of this to me, and as much as I still don’t understand everything, I’m finally willing to listen.
But it’s too late.
“Crew,” I whisper.
“Maybe I should have left you there to die if you think I’m this horrible.”
And I can tell that everything about the sentence was meant to be kept inside.
I freeze. “Just sit down. You haven’t let me talk.”
He laughs again while walking toward the door. “No, I’m done.”
“Please don’t leave,” I cry. “You said you wouldn’t leave. Let me talk to you.”
He narrows his gaze. “I told you I wouldn’t leave without your knowledge, and you are very aware that I’m walking away right now.”
The air in the room shifts, and darkness clouds over us, causing my skin to crawl. Crew lets out a deep growl and drives his fist into the door frame. I watch in shock as the wood splinters around him. I jolt from the sudden outburst and step back toward the kitchen.
Crew slowly turns, and as before, his silver eyes have entirely faded, leaving only darkness in his gaze. He has reached the point of no return because of me, and his anger and fear are bringing forward his demonic nature.
“Where are you going?” I lunge forward to stop him, uncaring of his terrifying state. “Bannermin, stop.”
A pain surges through my stomach, and I collapse to my knees, letting a whimper merge with a sob that echoes around the room.
He glances down, seeing me on the ground, and quickly turns his head, as if witnessing my pain hurts him. But he doesn’t stop charging forward, away from me.
“I’m not trying to hurt you or deceive you. I want to show you that, after all the years of pent-up rage clouding your mind, there are good people in this miserable world.” He steps closer to the door and farther away from me. “But right now, I don’t think you are one of them.”
“Crew,” I sob.
His eyes are blank, and his voice turns monotone. “Do not leave this apartment.”
“I will follow you,” I snap back, getting to my feet.