Chapter 40
Iquickly lock the door behind me and feel my lungs desperate for air as the walls of my expansive room begin to close in on me.
I swing the windows open, letting the night air fill the room with a summery breeze.
My emotions take over, and I feel myself crumbling.
This is too much, and I can’t do this alone.
I can’t be alone right now.
I need someone.
I need Crew.
My heart races alongside my mind as if they are competing to run me into the ground.
Desperate to feel anything besides paralyzing anxiety, I open the bond between Crew and me, unsure if distance can block our emotions, but it’s worth a try.
The walls break down one at a time, and I focus my energy on him.
I’m stunned as a surge of emotions crashes into my chest, forcing a gasp from my lips.
I glance out the window and unsurprisingly see a dark shadow nearing the building, faster than the human eye could perceive.
I focus all my attention on him, as if I could somehow pull him closer, though I’m unsure how he can see the windows since he isn’t part of the Order.
I open the bond farther, practically screaming for him to find me.
The dark figure approaches in the sky like a storm of chaos, and I scream down the link again, feeling like the golden light between us is about to shatter in desperation. I step back, unable to stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks, overwhelmed by the intensity of our emotions.
I collapse to my knees, resting my head in my hands, and I don’t hold back the sob that escapes my lips.
I’ve kept it all in, and I can’t do that anymore.
I slam my fist into the ground, feeling everything I’ve bottled up for the past week explode into a blinding rage I can’t contain.
Everything surfaces, bubbling out and choking me.
I cry and can’t stop as tears streak my face, as if every mistake, regret, and decision in my life is spilling out all at once.
I start rocking back and forth, trying to calm my body and quiet the deafening noise in my mind.
My wings lie limp on the floor beside me, as if I’m in a brilliant puddle of sorrow, reminding myself of what I truly am.
Hollow.
I am hollow.
I hit the ground again, my knuckles screaming in pain, but it helps ease the ache flooding into my chest as I focus on my bleeding hands. My tears mix with the dripping blood on the floor, creating a thick pool of crimson regret.
The lights in my room flicker, and I lift my head slightly to see a towering figure forcefully burst into my room, resembling the power of a thousand demons.
Shadows part like a smoky curtain and unveil Crew, whose eyes are entirely black, and his teeth are razor-sharp where they protrude from his mouth. He looks frantic, and I gape in shock.
He is beautifully terrifying.
Crew lunges forward, wasting no time getting near me, enveloping me with his arms and wings like a protective shield against the only danger in this room—myself.
“Calm down,” his vicious voice slithers into my ears. “Breathe.”
It doesn’t sound like Crew, but I know it’s him—morphed by rage and fear of me losing control.
I gasp but can’t take a deep breath, as if the perfectly good air is strangling me.
The walls keep closing in on me, and I claw at him for air and space, but he holds me still, preventing me from hurting myself.
“Mara,” Crew’s ancient voice goes deeper, and I bury my head in his chest. “Look at me.”
I tilt my head back and gaze at him, breathing in the scent of deadly nightshade and smoke, like it’s the only thing that can fill my lungs.
My heart pounds, but Crew keeps me steady.
I sob, tears streaming down my cheeks, and even though I feel my emotions spilling into him, his chest rises and falls smoothly like glass.
“I can’t calm down,” I weep. “I can’t… breathe.”
“You can, and you are.” His hand moves around my jaw. “Focus on me.”
Another sob escapes my mouth, and something shifts as Crew presses harder against my body, the bond opening deeper than it has since being sealed by Sam—with both of us in our true forms. A rough groan leaves his lips, and I gasp as the power crashes into our chests.
Together, we create a bright light of gilded rays illuminating the room around us. My chest burns with a mix of pain and pleasure, and I take a deep breath for the first time in minutes, feeling his body so close to mine—because we need each other in this moment.
A desperate, deep need.
I hold onto the feeling as we lock eyes.
Crew’s eyes shift from an unholy black to gold, and I try to step back, but he holds me still.
I see my reflection in his metallic gaze, nearly collapsing at the sight of my bright, shining gold.
I press my hands against his chest, feeling the pulse between us, and his arms loosen around me as we stare at one another.
The air feels lighter, the world appears brighter, and I can sense a power surging through me I’ve never experienced before. It’s not entirely light, but it’s not darkness, either—it’s bliss, unfiltered raw power. I feel unstoppable—capable of the impossible—and a thought enters my mind.
The power.
Our power.
Crew gazes into my eyes, his hands cradling my jaw.
His lips crash against mine, unlike anything I have ever felt.
Both of us are in our powerful, true forms, connecting as one.
For a moment, his kiss becomes frantic, sensing the bond, and I pull him as close as I can, wrapping my arms around his neck.
I move into his lap, straddling him, and let the kiss grow wild between us in our most lethal states. He pulls back, his eyes still golden and teeth still sharp as glass. His chest heaves, and his breath moves out of his mouth rapidly.
His ancient voice growls, “What is this?”
I gently kiss him again, running my hands through his hair and down his neck. I pull back, offering him a soft, reassuring smile, and send another wave down the bond that makes him gasp for air.
“Us.”
An angel and a demon sealed bond.
I crash my lips against his once more, pushing him backward onto the floor of my bedroom. His wings splay out behind him, and I stretch mine wide, letting him truly see me with no filter.
Crew’s eyes go wild, and he lifts his hand toward my body.
I see a claw extend from his nail as he drags it across my shirt, ripping it from my body in one swipe.
My breasts fall on display, and he wastes no time, lifting his torso to place one in his mouth.
His tongue rolls around my nipple, and I tilt my head back in pleasure.
The power between us continues to vibrate, and without even trying, I feel our strengths and weaknesses blending.
A surge of pain hits me as his teeth scrape across my breasts. I glance down to see his eyes, which flicker between gold and pitch black, as he licks the trickle of blood from me. A moan leaves my throat as I watch him, and a hellish expression fills his stare as he flips me onto my back.
My wings curl momentarily as I slam against the ground, landing with Crew on top of me. My blood stains his pouty lips, and I run my thumb over his bottom lip before sticking it in my mouth to taste my own blood. The sweet iron fills my senses, and I smile.
“I’m going to devour you,” his deep demonic voice rasps.
I watch his veins bulge in his neck and forearms as new power surges through him, making him deadlier than before, and I feel proud that we can do this together. Crew raises his claw, making a small cut on his shoulder, and glances back at me.
The black blood begins to run down his arm like an onyx stream, and I gasp, letting the excitement fuel me. I prop on my elbows, taking my time to lick the blood slowly up his arm, never breaking my gaze. A wave of pleasure fills my chest as the smoky blood takes over my senses completely.
“Seeing my blood on your tongue is fucking addicting,” he growls.
Crew leans down, allowing our blood to blend in a coppery twist as our tongues move in perfect unison.
I feel the blood entering my body, as if he’s devouring each cell, and a blinding darkness fills my soul—something I didn’t experience during the other times I tasted Crew’s blood.
It’s overwhelming, and for the first time, I feel as though I can’t handle the waves of pleasure and power surging through me as my back arches off the ground.
The seal.
Crew pauses to watch as I squirm under him, trying to suppress the uncontrollable feeling that he is completely changing my soul.
“Don’t stop it,” he whispers. “Let go.”
His words enter my mind, and I relax, letting his blood mark every inch of my system like a delicious, shadowy stain.
An unstoppable moan escapes my lips, and my back arches again as the power fills me to the brim.
I feel something change. The golden rays don’t stop at my eyes this time, and I gasp as I watch each feather on my wings turn the brightest shade of gold under Crew.
His jaw relaxes, and he moves back an inch, giving me space to adjust.
“Mara,” Crew says, but I can’t speak.
Each feather that changes sends a wave of pleasure through me, and I no longer feel human. I am darkness and light.
The surge begins to fade as the small amount of blood I tasted recedes, and I come down, my chest heaving with each ragged breath. The gold fades from my wings, revealing a bright white, and Crew watches me with wide eyes. The wounds on our bodies begin to knit back together, stopping the bleeding.
“Shit,” he rasps, unable to say anything else.
I pant for air and open my eyes to see his familiar silver stare. Crew hovers above me, his hair falling around his handsome face, and he freezes, as if he’s afraid of what might happen if he moves.
“What the fuck was that?” Crew rasps.
I catch my breath. “That’s how we are going to wipe the Elders off this earth.”
Crew sits back, allowing me to sit up, and we exchange glances for a moment, unsure what to say. That was the most intense feeling I’ve ever experienced, and it all makes sense now, and I know he feels it too.
That’s why bonding is so rare.
It makes sense why it’s seen as dangerous and why people fear it, and it’s clear why the Elders have kept angels and demons separated for so long, assuming this is what could always happen between us.
What we just did demonstrates that we can be powerful and stand on equal ground with the Elders, and it has opened my eyes to everything. I’m not just a hybrid angel—I am a hybrid of another world. An angel and a Reaper.
Combined with Crew’s power, I am unstoppable.
“Are you back?” he asks, hesitating.
I nod. “I’m okay.”
“That was the seal,” Crew says. “I felt it all—every ounce of you. We tapped into one another’s powers—unfiltered—in our true forms.”
I cup his face and gaze into his eyes, wishing I could relive that moment forever.
“That was actually fucking insane.” He breathes heavily.
I laugh.
“Were you in pain?” Crew asks.
“Not at all.”
He props his arms on his knees and sits against the bed, rustling his messy hair. “You were before I got here.”
I stand with my wings folded, grab a nearby shirt, and pull it over my head. I turn back to him and find him watching me intently, waiting for me to talk.
“I broke down. I couldn’t handle it anymore. My emotions—things I’ve spent my whole life burying. The betrayals… My entire life has been a lie, and everything I thought I knew has changed.”
He stays silent.
“And you,” I continue. “You seem just to have it all together. I envy you, Crew. You are strong, authoritative, and unapologetically yourself. You can handle so much without breaking.”
He stands, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before cupping my face. “Oh, we are so much more alike than you think.”
“How?”
“I carry all those feelings, Mara. I carry them as weighted disappointments. But some people don’t talk about it. They hold it in their bodies and souls, keeping it in their silence, even though the thoughts are screaming at them. I wish I could talk more about my past.”
“You can,” I say as I gaze into his eyes. “To me.”
A soft smile curls his lips, and I feel the question rise in my throat before I have the chance to stop it.
“Why does your father hate you?”
I regret the words as soon as they leave my lips, watching his beautiful smile fade. Crew tries to turn away from me, but I force his face to mine.
“I don’t know,” Crew says.
I angle my head. “Now who isn’t talking?"
I let him pull away and sit down on my bed. His shoulders sag, and a heaviness fills his expression that pains me.
“I don’t know, Mara,” he says again.
I walk to the bed, joining him, and offer him my hand. He takes it, squeezes it tightly, then turns his gaze to mine.
“I hate the way he speaks to you,” I say.
Crew lets out a brief laugh. “I can pretty much expect insult after insult when I’m around him.”
“And you just take it?”
“Like you do with Lowell,” he responds.
The words hurt, but it’s true.
“He is enamored with you. My dad,” Crew says. “If he finds out we are bonded, he’ll kill me.”
“You know that won’t happen,” I snap back. “He is a harmless flirt. That’s all.”
Crew’s silver eyes dull. “He is far from harmless.”
Another poor choice of words.
“You know what I mean, Crew.”
He lies back on the bed, placing his arms behind his head and inhaling deeply. “Never thought I’d be in the Lyre Order in bed with… Mara Castten.”
I smile, lying back next to him. “Say it.”
“What?”
“You wanted to say, Hollow Huntress.”
He props himself on his elbows. “No, I didn’t.”
I let the exhaustion wash over me and rub my eyes. “Oh, yes, you did, Bannermin. You can’t lie to me.”
He squeezes my side, and I laugh.
“Fine,” he says. “I thought it. But I stopped myself, because one thing I’ve learned since knowing you is that you are far from that name.”
I look at him quizzically.
“You're kind, Mara—loyal and protective. You're thrilling, exhausting, and about a hundred other things that define you. But one thing you’re not is hollow.”
A warm, sweet emotion envelops my body, flushing my skin, and I nuzzle into the cool bedsheets, feeling sleep creep up my spine like a gentle numbness.
“You know I’m not leaving tonight,” he whispers.
“Good,” I respond, closing my eyes. “Don’t.”
I watch him get out of bed and walk toward the bathroom, flicking off the overhead lights and plunging me into darkness. In my mind, I replay our conversation, convincing myself I’m not crazy, yet I can’t shake the feeling that swirled within me just moments ago as we talked about Carver.
Crew knows why his father hates him, and he didn’t tell me.
Crew lied, and I don’t know why.