Chapter 46
We move down the highway, watching the lights blur past us in a bright haze.
Locke keeps his focus on the road, resisting the urge to glance over his shoulder.
Crew grips the back of the seat so tightly that his knuckles turn white, and his breathing doesn’t slow.
I shift my gaze from his and turn my body to face the back of the car.
Bronwyn’s eyes are wide as she focuses on Damien’s face. His eyes are still darkened with panic, but he gently rubs her head while his other hand applies pressure to her chest. Her dress is ripped away from her shoulder to reveal the wound, and blood stains the fabric he’s using to apply pressure.
“You are going to be alright,” he whispers to her. “The bullet went clean through you. We just need your body to begin to heal itself.”
“Are you sure?” she rasps through the pain. “Don’t lie to me.”
Damien smiles. “Only truth leaves these lips, Bron.”
She nods, and her lips curl softly into a smile, understanding the words despite her system’s panic. Blood stains the car beneath her as Damien continues to whisper words of comfort.
“Why did you do that?” Damien asks. “Why did you put yourself at such risk?”
She winces against the pain as Locke turns sharply.
“Because I hoped he would shoot me.”
“Why?”
“My brother needs to know the real Shaw.”
He leans closer to her. “Oh, you beautiful fool.”
Damien’s gaze meets mine, and worry twists his expression. He nods toward Crew, allowing the past few hours to rush through my mind in pleasurable and painful glimpses. It was going so well until it went terribly wrong.
Carver must know we are working with the Voids, and he came after Crew—as if being his son didn’t matter at all. A father so blinded by power and hate that regard for his own blood is not a factor. It sends a wave of sorrow through me, and I slowly turn back to Crew.
I find his gaze upon me already, and I glare at him.
“Are you alright?” he whispers.
I nod.
“I thought you were going to die,” he says.
I reflect on what Shaw said and his determination to kill Crew before Bronwyn risked her life to save him.
“I thought you were going to die, too,” I reply.
His trembling, blood-soaked hand moves to my thigh and rests on my skin. It’s freezing, and he squeezes.
“I know what he told you,” Crew says. “I felt it. I felt the sorrow, fear, and grief fill your veins like ice.”
I shake my head. “I’m not talking about this right now.”
“Mara,” Crew says. “I’m so sorry.”
I turn my head the other way. “Sorry you got outed, or sorry for keeping it from me?”
“You know the answer to that.”
“Do I?” I cut my gaze back to him. “What, were you just going to fucking die one day and then I would figure it out?”
Hurt flashes in his eyes, and he lowers his head. Regret fills me from the words, but I don’t soften my gaze. He needs to know I’m hurt. He needs to feel the pain he’s caused me.
Crew’s eyes shift from the darkness, and the metallic glow reveals his familiar features. As upset as I am, I can’t talk to him right now with them around. He lied to me. He kept this from me. I look at his hand against my leg and watch it tremble, gripping me as if it slips again, he may lose me.
I glance out the window as his hand slides from my leg, and I immediately feel the emptiness.
“You didn’t deserve that, Mara,” Crew says. “And you don’t deserve the pain I’ll cause you.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up with that,” I hiss.
“I’ll be sorry for the rest of my life for hurting you.”
For the first time, Crew closes the bond between us, and the silence screams in my veins. I don’t look at him—I can’t—but I watch the lights pass us by as we weave in and out of traffic.
“Someone care to tell me what happened?” Locke asks as we make a left turn toward the outskirts of town. “Damien texted me to come party, and instead I show up to a total shit fest.”
Crew clears his throat and clutches the back of the passenger seat, leaning forward.
“They know,” Crew replies. “Carver knows I’ve been working with the Voids.”
Locke sighs, “Fuck, man.”
“And before this, I doubt they knew you were involved,” Crew continues. “This includes all of us, and I’ve roped you all into this shit.”
A sadness hits me like a brick hearing his words. He thinks this is all his fault.
Locke makes another turn and glances over his shoulder. “We were always in this with you, buddy. This isn’t your fault.”
Damien chimes in, “We chose this for ourselves, Crew. And we’ll finish this with you.”
I glance at Crew, and his features soften, yet he doesn’t meet my gaze—as if it’s painful to look at me. He knows he lied, and he understands that what I’ve learned has been a fear of mine since I was a child. He kept something from me that I deserved to know.
I look back to check on Bronwyn and see her chest rising and falling steadily. The bleeding has stopped, and her body is working to stitch the wound back together.
“She’s asleep,” Damien mouths, still rubbing her head.
We continue through the city, making turn after turn to create distance between The Neon Sin and us. A surge of fear travels through me at the thought of who could be following us overhead, but Locke has done an amazing job weaving through traffic, making it easy for anyone to be confused.
“Where are we going?” I finally ask, having had enough of the silence.
“My apartment,” Locke says. “It’s larger than the one in Hilna City, don’t worry.”
I glance around the seat. “You have another apartment?”
Locke shrugs. “You have your hobbies, and I have mine. It just so happens to be real estate.”
I hear Damien from the back say, “We have no clue what Locke does in his spare time.”
“And we’re going to keep it that way,” Locke responds. “Especially Damien. I’m already pissed he’s going to know the location of this apartment.”
They softly chuckle, but Crew’s expression remains stone.
I know his mind is chaotic right now, and his thoughts are just seconds away from the madness ready to consume him.
I realize that while I can let the anger and worry flood me, the last thing he needs at this moment is to be confined in this car.
We turn left into an alleyway, followed by a small metal garage that remains completely shielded from anyone unless they know it’s there. Locke throws the car in park and jumps out, glancing in all directions before unlocking the garage and sliding up the large door.
I watch him race back as he hops in, puts the car back in drive, and slowly maneuvers into the tight space that shelters us from prying eyes.
Locke throws his shoulder over the driver’s seat, facing us all for the first time.
A wave of shock washes over him as he finally takes in our conditions, but he doesn’t hesitate.
“Go up two flights of stairs, and it’s the first door on the right.”
He tosses some keys in Crew’s direction before getting out to close the metal door again.
Damien doesn’t hesitate to open the back hatch, making sure to be easy with Bronwyn as he wraps her in his arms, making sure she remains fast asleep.
Crew opens his door, desperate for the air and space, and slams it behind him, joining Damien to help him make their way to the apartment with Bronwyn.
I sit still in the car, letting the darkness and silence wash over me.
The door to the stairwell opens and closes, and the metal door slides down behind the car, but I don’t move.
Sorrow fills my veins like a crushing weight, and I can’t stop the tear that rolls down my cheek.
My chest aches, and I swear I feel a silent scream coming from the depths of my heart.
He lied.
And I’m hurt.
But it’s his life, not mine. Crew has faced the reality of his fate, and every day he inches closer to death. Each day we have is numbered, and though I want to run to him and wrap my arms around him, I’m angry and unable to see the surface from where I’m drowning.
He will leave me one day. Like everyone else.
The curse of my near immortality.
The tears roll down my cheeks as I bury my head in my hands, letting the grief I will carry for the rest of my life pull me deeper into the seat. He allowed us to bond, knowing that one day he would leave me to remain immortal on this earth. Alone.
He is selfish, but so am I.
As much as this involves me, it’s his mortality to bear. His burden to carry. His finite days. My mind spins, thinking of the what-ifs, the time we have left, and how everything has gone so wrong.
Everyone has left me, and now he will, too.
Tears fall like rain, and my heart races.
My father, my mother, my best friend—each of them has left or betrayed me, and I find myself with no one. I am alone, and I will remain alone until my life comes to an end.
The car door opens, and I jump, my mind snapping back into reality.
Locke stands before me with a twisted expression of sadness on his face. He knows I’m spiraling, and despite not being there, he understands from the brief conversation Crew and I had in the car what this is about.
“The garage will be boiling hot soon," Locke says, extending his hand. “We should go upstairs.”
“I can’t,” I reply, letting another cry burst from my lips.
Locke sighs and leans against the car door. “He lied to us for a few years when he found out.”
I lift my head and look at him.
“He didn’t tell us,” Locke continues. “Damien and I took after our immortal side, and for years, Crew led us to believe he did as well. He didn’t want the stares, the shame, or the looming cloud over his head that one day he would age, and we won’t.”
My chest caves in as my heart sinks.
“He knows his days are limited, Mara. Believe me,” Locke says. “His father reminds him daily. Crew knows he hurt you, and I promise it hurts him more to know that one day he will leave you to walk this fucked up earth alone.”
Another tear stains my cheek.
“Don’t choose now to put up that wall,” he says. “He needs you.”
“I… think I messed up,” I sob.