Chapter 46 #2
“You are a good person, Mara,” Locke says.
“Stop doubting your words and actions and just feel. Stop letting fear be the deciding factor in your life, holding you back. Your heart is pure. I can tell.” He pauses.
“And yeah, it’s painful right now, but Crew is lucky to be bonded to you—no matter how long that lasts. ”
Locke frowns and turns to walk through the stairwell door, leaving me alone in the garage. I sit still for a while longer, letting the night soak in as the reality of everything hits me.
I stare at the spot where Locke stood, letting his words wash over me, mingling with the sadness. I slide out of the car, closing the door behind me, and trail after Locke through the entrance. The stairwell is dimly lit and goes up only five floors.
My steps echo in the space as I make my way up two flights and through the door that leads to a hallway. There are only a few rooms on each side, and I push open the first one on the right, immediately feeling the air conditioning chilling the apartment.
A large open living room and kitchen come into view.
I glance around, seeing a few doors lining the walls—probably bedrooms—and leather furniture filling the space, with no artwork displayed.
Clothes clutter the floor, and it definitely looks like a male lives here.
Damien and Locke sit on the couch with a beer, and the door to the closest bedroom is closed.
I walk into the apartment, and their gazes land on me. They raise their beer as I approach, Crew nowhere to be seen.
“Bronwyn is just in there,” Damien says as he points. “She’s sleeping, but her body is healing well. She should be alright after a few hours.”
They take a drink of beer, and Locke’s stare bores into mine.
“He’s on the roof,” he says. “Needed some air.”
I sigh.
“You should go talk to him,” Damien says. “He’s fucked up over this. You both are.”
“What do I even say?” I ask.
Damien opens his mouth to speak, but Locke quiets him with a wave of his hand. “You’re the only one who decides that.”
I stare at them, unable to wrap my mind around how I ended up here, but something within me shifts, and I feel thankful for their friendship when I probably never deserved it.
“Go all the way down the hallway and three flights up,” Locke says, pointing toward the door. “Bronwyn will be fine, and we aren’t going anywhere. Come get us if you need us.”
“Thank you both,” I say, and they angle their heads in question. “For being kind.”
A soft smile spreads across each of their faces.
“We’re the good guys, Mara,” Locke says. “And so is Crew.”
“And the hot ones,” Damien chimes in.
Locke cuts his gaze to Damien, rolling his eyes, and I grin.
I turn on my heels and burst through the door, racing down the hallway as quickly as my feet can carry me. I need to talk to him, because if our days are indeed numbered more than I thought, then every second must be cherished.
What good does it do if the time we’ve been given is not valued?
I race up the stairs, feeling the burn in my thighs, but press harder. I slam against the roof door, revealing the dark sky above. The cool night air wraps around me—blowing my hair in all directions—as I race forward in search of Crew.
The stars above twinkle while the bustling city lies miles away, and I take in the view. No towering buildings obstruct the sight, and it’s silent—peaceful under any other circumstances.
I spin, searching for him, and pause when I notice a shadow on the opposite side of the roof, perfectly tucked away to remain hidden if someone comes flying over.
“Crew?”
My heart races, and I feel my hands grow clammy, but I walk forward, keeping my steps as steady as my wobbly legs allow.
Crew leans over the roof's edge, using the door as a shield, gazing out over the distant fields. I exhale a shaky breath and lean against the thick concrete next to him. Dried blood still covers his shirt, leaving a heavy stain.
He glances at me, and I look into his eyes reflecting the moon above. His face is stone, but I can sense he’s seconds away from crumbling.
“I was twenty when I felt the shift. Earlier than most,” Crew says in barely a whisper. “It hit me like a blow to the chest, and I found myself gasping for air, as if I knew from that moment that my breath was limited.”
I stare at him, feeling all the sorrow that leaks from his body.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I finally ask. “How dare you keep me in the dark regarding that?”
He gazes across the golden fields and sighs. “To avoid the way you’re looking at me right now.”
I don’t hold back the tears that threaten to roll down my cheeks. I grab his shoulder, forcing him to meet my gaze. Shock hits me when I notice the tears sitting heavy in his lower lid.
“I deserved to know.” I cup his face. “I didn’t deserve to find out that way, Crew.”
He leans into my touch, as if he thought he’d never feel it again.
“I hate how you found out,” he says. “And I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. I shouldn’t have kept something like that from you. It wasn’t fair.”
A single tear falls from his eye, but I don’t let it linger. I quickly wipe it from his cheekbone and nudge his face to keep his gaze fixed.
“There are things in life that we should regret,” I say. “But I don’t ever want to be the cause of a single one, Crew. We will find a way to fix this. Maybe Theo knows more.”
He stares into my eyes and moves his hands to grasp my waist, hesitating as if he doesn’t deserve to touch me.
“Do you know how it feels, Mara?” he asks, keeping his hands to himself. “Do you understand how it feels to carry this weight, knowing that one day I’ll be torn from my life, my friends, and you? I’ll be ripped from the person who has become my everything.”
I shake my head.
He forcefully pulls his face from my touch, and I jerk my hand away, letting the rejection hit me directly in the heart.
“Maybe you don’t deserve this,” he says, stepping away from me. “You deserve to be with someone who can protect you for the rest of your life.”
“Don’t say that, Crew.” I step after him, desperate to have him near again. “You are mine, and I am yours. We are bonded.”
“Yes, but,” he whispers, “bonds can be broken.
A sob leaves my lips. He knows he’s hurting me, and he’s doing it on purpose to push me away. He wants me to feel his pain, and the channel opens wide, allowing just that.
He grips the edge of the roof so tightly I worry the concrete will crack beneath his hold. Crew looks back at me over his shoulder, and sorrow floods my veins from the devastation that sits behind his eyes. He bounds toward me, and his face nears mine.
“I can’t stand the fact that one day I will be just a memory to you, nothing more. And one day my memory will outweigh the time we ever spent together.”
He pauses, and I feel the air leave my lungs as if someone presses against my chest, but Crew doesn’t stop.
“One day, Mara, that once precious memory will fade, distorted by time—replaced by new ones—and I’ll be forgotten. Just a faint whisper of a time when you once had me, and I loved you.”
My lip quivers as the tears fall like rain.
“I am bound to you, Mara, body and soul, but I feel my heart has been since the fucking beginning. I let myself chase you because time didn’t matter.
The truth of the matter didn’t sink in because my need for you blinded me.
” His voice rises as anger sets in. “But doing this to you is something that I’ll live with until my last breath.
I regret this. I regret forcing you to be bonded to me. ”
“You didn’t force me.” I step forward and touch his hand. “You don’t mean that.”
He withdraws, and another sob escapes my throat. I open the channel between us, allowing all my emotions to flow into him, and he grimaces, feeling the devastation that pours from my heart.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he says. “But from the beginning, all there’s been is pain, and in the end, all there will be is sorrow.”
His black wings spread, and I move closer to him, letting the panic of his departure swirl in my chest like a violent storm.
“Do not leave right now, Crew Bannermin,” I beg, letting fear fumble my words. “Do not leave me standing here alone like this.”
He glances over his shoulder, and I watch another tear roll down his cheek. “All I’ll do is leave, my angel, whether it’s today, a month from now, or sixty years. I’ll leave you.”
“We can fight this,” I plead. “We can figure something out, Crew. It doesn’t matter. Stop running.”
A heavy sob escapes my throat as I extend my hand toward him. He watches me as if his decisions are causing him physical pain.
“We can’t fight death, Mara.”
“Crew. Stop!” I scream, allowing my voice to rattle the stars above. “I can.”
His fists tighten along with his jaw. He bounds toward me, the suddenness taking my breath away as his lips crash against mine. It’s Crew—only him—but I can taste the sorrow on his lips. We stay in this moment, and his hands wrap tightly around my head as he pulls me even closer.
“Don’t leave,” I whisper against his lips.
“I will regret this for as long as I live.”
His hands leave my jaw, and with a single movement, his black wings propel him into the night sky while my heart shatters like glass. I fall to my knees, letting the devastation consume me entirely as I sink into a pit of hopelessness.
I watch as Crew fades into the vastness of the night, taking my heart and soul with him.
Into the darkness.
And the distance between us grows as he leaves me, just like he said he would.
I scream, letting the vibrations rattle my throat until it feels raw. This is my fault. I reacted poorly, letting my emotions get the better of me, as always. I send a zap down the bond to feel anything in return, but nothing comes.
I gaze into the darkness, desperate to believe he’s coming back for something he left behind.
Me.
But the darkness lingers, the peaceful night moving slowly as the stars dance in the shadowy sky. Crew is gone, and I can’t help but think of that night at the apartment when he left. He’s always left, but it’s always been to help me. Or so he thought.
And I know where he is going.
I’ve hurt him like salt on a constant wound, and he ran. Crew ran to escape the harsh reality I was forcing him to face.
And even if he may leave me, I won’t leave him.
I’ll find a way to fix this.
I’ll fight death—even if I have to become it.