Chapter One #3
And then I saw the child.
He really was a child, too. I had imagined a boy of ten or eleven. Still a child but big enough to be a threat. But this boy could not have been older than four. He was so small, lying under that shelf, his pudgy arms reaching through the wooden slats to try and get to me.
To kill me.
Eat me.
My breath hitched as I took him in. His round face was marred by dark streaks, clearly identifiable as red vein virus.
I looked back at his grasping arms and saw the protruding veins there too.
It was too dark for me to see how mottled the skin might be, but I imagined he was very close to turning.
He might even turn while I stood here, gawking at him.
Clearly, he was already in the throes of the desire to bite, to kill, to feed on my flesh.
I hefted my skullcrusher higher and moved toward him.
I’d do it now, before the change could become complete.
I’d do it fast so he wouldn’t suffer any longer.
One well-placed strike and he’d be gone.
This would be over. I stood above him, just out of reach of his short little arms and chubby, baby fingers, and looked down.
His head was between two slats. I had a good shot at his temple.
I’d drive the sharp point of my weapon into it, watch his body go limp, and Finnrey and I could go.
I took a breath, raised the weapon for the killing blow, and all the air in my lungs whooshed out of me.
The child suddenly went quiet, and his eyes met mine.
Just for an instant, I saw something human in them.
And the human part of him, what little was left, was frightened and crying out for help.
No matter that in the next instant he began thrashing and opening and closing his stubby fingers, trying desperately to claw at me.
There was still something of the little boy in him.
How was I supposed to drive my skullcrusher into a little boy?
I could imagine his parents thrusting him into the safe room as they fought off the Hollows. He would have had to listen while his parents and his sibling were eaten. He would have been frightened to death at the sounds of the monsters above. The Hollows might have lingered and fed for hours.
And then when all had gone quiet...had he called for his mama and papa? Had he cried in the silence? Did he know one of the Hollows bit him or scratched him and his fate was sealed? Had he known what was happening to him when he began to feel feverish, when the illness came upon him?
“Mara?” Finnrey called. “Everything alright?”
I closed my eyes and swallowed. “Yes. Almost done.”
“Are you sure you can—”
“Yes!” My voice was curt and harsh. I swallowed and softened it. “I’ll be up in a moment.”
I looked down at the little face one last time. He bared his baby teeth at me.
“May the gods forgive me,” I whispered. Because I never would.
And then I slammed the skullcrusher down.
***
“YOU DID WHAT?” GAZ all but yelled an hour later when we met with him and Nize at the twisted tree. We were late, and Gaz had been halfway through his lecture about being on time when Finnrey told him I’d killed a Hollow.
I guess she didn’t want to hear him go on with his lecture any longer. Neither did I, but I would have preferred that to the way he was yelling now.
“That’s not the protocol!” Gaz said, stepping closer to me.
Normally, I didn’t mind Gaz moving closer to me.
I was tall, and Gaz was one of the few people the same height as me.
He was muscular as well and had lovely dark brown eyes unmarred by flecks or other impurities, like my brown-gold eyes.
Gaz had a straight nose and a high forehead, and he wore his dark hair cropped and his beard neatly trimmed, which only served to emphasize his full lips.
But I wasn’t fantasizing about kissing those lips now.
Not when he was using them to scold me. “It was one of them, a boy, who hadn’t fully turned,” I said.
“Finnrey had already immobilized him. I really wasn’t in any danger.
” My voice sounded so calm, so aloof. I sounded as though I was talking about what I ate for supper last night or the temperature of the stew.
I didn’t want Finnrey—or anyone—to know that inside my head a voice screamed, you killed him. You killed that baby!
“If he was immobilized then there was no reason you couldn’t have met Nize and me here and we all could have gone back.”
“Don’t be a dusthead, Gaz,” I said, wincing inwardly at the way his eyes widened in anger. “What was I supposed to do? Wait until he turned and became even stronger? We had to act when we did.”
“Fine. Then you can explain it to Morll. You’d better hope he doesn’t decide to punish you by sending you to the Barrier.
” This was a common threat. Even though Earsleh prided itself on treating everyone with honor and equality, in reality, royalty and courtiers were rarely sent to the Barrier.
We protected the kingdom by patrolling the farms and small settlements in the outerlands.
We didn’t have to face the daily threat of death on the border.
“Morll will be furious with you. Both of you,” Gaz added.
Morll was the leader of our squad. Finnrey, Gaz, Nize, myself, and most of the others lived either inside the castle gates or near its secure fortifications.
We had protection duty twice a year, but Morll and his men were always on patrol or at the Barrier.
That was their job. I didn’t envy them. I couldn’t stop hearing the sound the skullcrusher had made when it entered that boy’s flesh.
The squelch and crack made my belly roil even now.
I must have swayed because Gaz reached out and grasped my arm. “Are you well? You seem unsteady.” The anger left his voice, replaced by concern.
“I’m fine,” I said, snatching my arm away, even if escaping his touch was the last thing I wanted to do. My skin felt warm where he’d held it. He’d been touching me more often lately. I thought I’d been imagining his more frequent affections, but perhaps not.
“Anyone else and I’d say she was upset at killing a kid,” Nize said. “But I didn’t think Mara had feelings.”
I gave him a tight smile. “I don’t, Nize. But you might feel something when I ram my foot up your ass.”
Nize laughed and Gaz smiled and nodded, looking relieved that I seemed to be showing signs of my old self again.
“We should do a search for the Hollows that killed the family,” Finnrey said. “They’re still out there.”
Gaz looked at the sky, and I followed his gaze. The sun was low on the horizon and night would be fast upon us. Unless we were in danger, Morll wanted us all back at camp before dark.
“Let’s go back and talk to Morll,” Gaz said. “We’ll see if a few of us can go after them. But if the kid was close to turning, the Hollows must have come through hours ago. It might even have been last night, which means it won’t be easy to track them down.”
“I guess I know what we’ll be doing for the last days before our tour is done,” Nize said.
Finnrey started back toward camp, and we all followed.
Was I wrong to hope that we didn’t find the Hollows before I returned to the castle?
Probably. If we didn’t kill them then one of my friends or relatives would have to.
I didn’t want anything to happen to them—unless it was my half-sister Broga.
I didn’t think I’d mind too much if she never returned from a tour of duty.
“Mara,” Gaz said.
I blinked and looked over at him. I’d been so deep in thought, staring at my boots as they trekked over the dusty ground, that I hadn’t noticed he’d fallen back and walked beside me.
“Are you sure you’re well?”
No, no I wasn’t sure of that at all, but I wasn’t about to admit how I felt to Gaz.
He was the last person I wanted to be vulnerable with.
Gaz was strong and honorable. I didn’t want him to think me weak or pity me because I was upset that I crushed the head of a little boy.
We all had to do horrible things out here.
It was the only way our kingdom could survive. Other kingdoms hadn’t.
“Never better,” I said. “Did you and Nize see anything after we split up?”
“No. We visited two farms, and the people told us all was quiet.”
“We’d better go back tomorrow and warn them,” I said, thinking mayhap I’d try and volunteer for that job rather than tracking down Hollows who’d made their way into Earsleh.
“I don’t like that you killed that Hollow on your own,” Gaz said. I glanced at him sharply.
“You don’t think I’m capable?” Even though women fought alongside with men now, most people privately thought women warriors inferior to their male counterparts. My mother said old beliefs were like honey—sticky and hard to wash off.
“I know you’re capable, but I don’t like you taking chances.”
“We all have to take chances,” I said, keeping my tone neutral.
But my heart—oh, my heart—sped up. I had tried for years to bury my feelings for Gaz.
But ever since I’d been about fourteen and he seventeen, I’d felt a funny flutter in my belly whenever I saw him.
I hadn’t paid much attention to him before that, but then everything changed.
For some reason, I’d been in the castle courtyard when his patrol had returned home.
By that time, I’d been on patrol two or three times myself.
Mayhap that was why I was interested in witnessing the team’s return.
I wanted to hear if they’d seen any Hollows or killed any.
The gods forbid they might have lost a team member.
I remember standing in the courtyard near the fountain with the statue of King Wollem II and seeing the enormous wooden gates open to admit the team back.
These were the second set of gates. The team would have been inspected in the yard between the two sets to make sure no one showed any signs of being bitten or infected.