Chapter Ten #4
I felt my face heat. “A partner?
He moved closer again. “You are thinking about our marriage. Or perhaps the marriage bed.”
I was thinking about that, but I wouldn’t admit it.
“I do look forward to that aspect of our marriage,” he said. I refused to step back, though I suddenly felt too warm and couldn’t take a deep breath. “But that is not all I need in a partner. You showed me you have what I need.”
“What is it you need?” My voice sounded hoarse and raspy.
“You will see in time.”
I wasn’t certain whether to take that statement as a promise or a threat.
Tension crackled between us, and I stared out at the grasslands before us, trying to catch my breath.
Taio didn’t move away or look away from me.
I was afraid he might try and touch me or kiss me. I was afraid of how I might react.
“I can see why you wouldn’t want to take Broga to bed,” I said, my voice sounding lighter but still strained.
“Seeing her naked would be enough to make anyone ill.” The joke was the sort of thing Broga and I would have hurled at each other, and I almost missed her in that moment because she would have retorted with something worse about me.
“All of your sisters are lovely,” Taio said, taking my quip seriously.
“But you are the only one I felt...” He trailed off, and I glanced at him.
He was looking at me. I couldn’t see those blue-green eyes of his, but I could feel his gaze on mine.
“You are the only one I felt this with.” He gestured between us, somehow making the tension between us seem palpable.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.
“Yes, you do.”
Yes, I did. Since the first time I’d seen him, I’d felt a pull toward him.
In school our teacher had once demonstrated which of the Earslehen metals had magnetic properties (peneldium: yes; tertanium: no).
She’d placed small samples of metals in a row and passed a magnet before them.
Some had no reaction, like the tertanium.
Some moved slightly toward the magnet. The peneldium made us all exclaim because as soon as the magnet neared it, the peneldium sample seemed to fly up and latch on to the magnet.
It took considerable force for the teacher to dislodge it.
I’d felt like peneldium to Taio’s magnet from the start. I could admit, if only to myself, that was one of the reasons I hated him. I did not want to be attracted to him. It seemed traitorous to want to touch him.
“We are supposed to be on watch,” I said, fastening my gaze on the landscape. “I take that very seriously.”
“As do I.” He folded his arms and looked out over the plains. “We won’t see any of the Twilight Men,” he said. “Not tonight.”
“You can’t be sure of that.”
“Which is why I stand here and watch.”
On the pretense of keeping an eye on the area to my left, I moved away from him and walked a half circle around the camp.
Everything was quiet and still. The breeze had died down, and the grasses no longer waved.
Even the outpost was silent now. The night had grown very dark, but my eyes had adjusted to the starlight.
Taio came to stand beside me again. “You’re shivering,” he said.
Before I could reply that I was used to it, that I’d shivered many days and nights out on patrol during the dry season, he whisked off his coat and dropped it over my shoulders.
The gesture stunned me almost as much as the scent that enveloped me.
I suddenly felt as if Taio had put his arms about me.
I caught the faintest whiff of lemon from the soap at the castle, but stronger than that was another scent.
It was dark and exotic, foreign to me. I imagined it must be what Zulen smelled like.
It was intoxicating, like a savory dish one was not allowed to sample.
But I didn’t want his coat or his kindness. I began to slide it off. “You wear it. You’ll be cold.” I gestured to his thin, long-sleeve shirt.
“I’m fine.” He moved away, leaving me the option of keeping the coat or chasing after him and arguing for him to take it.
I settled for keeping the coat because now that I had it draped over me, I realized I had been cold.
I would just take shallow breaths so I didn’t think of Taio every single second.
The watch dragged on—not because I was bored, as I usually was during a watch.
I felt so awkward. I didn’t know whether to stand close to Taio or further away.
I didn’t know what to do when we were close or what to say.
When I started wishing I’d spot a Hollow just to have something to do other than shuffle my feet, I realized I was behaving like a complete dusthead.
“Let’s go to bed,” Taio said.
“What?” Had I imagined him saying that?
“It’s Omira’s watch,” he said, and I did not imagine the laughter in his voice. “I’ll wake her, and we can sleep.”
“Oh. Of course.”
He moved toward his sister and shook her lightly.
She said something then rose and pulled on her coat.
As she moved to take our position, I passed her on the way to my bedroll.
She stopped and reached out, touching the sleeve of my coat—Taio’s coat.
She blew out an annoyed breath and stomped off.
At least I always knew where I stood with her.
I removed Taio’s coat and laid it on his bedroll then moved to mine.
It was uncomfortably close to his, so I moved it further inside the circle of sleeping Zulenii men and slid inside.
It would take a few minutes for my body heat to warm the bedroll, so I shivered while I tried to find a position that didn’t make my ass hurt.
“Try your belly,” a voice said near my ear. I inhaled sharply as I realized Taio had moved his bedroll closer to mine.
“Go back where you were,” I hissed. “I like my space.”
“Accustom yourself to my presence.”
I knew what this was. He still didn’t trust me. He thought I’d try and run away in the night. Where would I have gone? “I will not try to escape when you’re sleeping.”
“I never said you would. Lie on your belly.”
“I can’t sleep on my stomach.”
“Stop arguing and try.”
I twisted until I lay on my stomach with my head turned away from him.
He was right that this position alleviated the pain in my tailbone and the back of my head.
It didn’t feel quite as comfortable as sleeping on my side did, but I could always turn over.
Something heavy and warm dropped over me, and I reared up.
Taio was right beside me, and he’d lain his coat over both of us. “Why are you so close?” I hissed.
“I’m cold,” he said. “Go to sleep.”
I blew out a breath and put my head down again.
I would not be able to sleep with him so close.
I would stay awake and when I heard his breathing grow regular, I would move away again.
Except the next thing I knew Taio was shaking his bedroll nearby, and I was blinking in the morning light.
I still lay on my stomach, and I must have slept like a rock because I hadn’t even heard the others stirring. I was, again, the only one still abed.
I scrambled up, pushing my hair out of my face. Odd. It had been plaited when I went to sleep, and now it was loose. The herbal tea I drank must have made me drowsy again. I didn’t know why it hadn’t affected Taio, but perhaps he hadn’t drunk as much as I had.
I packed up my bedroll and washed my face with the little water we’d saved from the night before. My body ached less than it had and, as I plaited my hair again, I swallowed, testing my throat. It wasn’t as swollen. I pinned the hair to the nape of my neck and touched my throat. Not as tender.
I stood and shouldered my pack. The horizon was still a dark blue with streaks of orange fading into a deep pink.
The one thing I’d always appreciated about being in the outerlands was the clear view of the stars and the sunrises and sunsets.
I wondered how the sky would look in Zulen.
Would the stars be the same? What about the color of the sky at dawn?
The creak of the gate drew my attention to the outpost. The tall doors of the outer gate swung open, and Finnrey, Gaz, and Nize stood with two guards I hadn’t seen before.
Gaz said something to them and nodded, but Finnrey all but ran toward me.
She embraced me then pulled back. “I was so worried about you.”
“Why?”
She huffed in exasperation. “Why do you think? Did you sleep well?”
I had slept better than I had in a long while, but I could sense Taio was nearby and I didn’t want him to know that. He might think sleeping beside me with his coat over us was to be a nightly occurrence. “Fine. You?”
“Not as well as I would have if you had been inside. I tried to convince them to allow you all inside.”
Gaz and Nize made their way over now, their gazes shifting to the Zulenii warily. Behind them, the gate to the outpost was already closing again.
“He should have let you come inside with us,” Gaz said, jerking his head toward Taio.
“Really?” I said, the anger I had kept tamped down since yesterday afternoon bubbling up in me. “Because I was thinking you should have stayed out here with us. You agreed to come along to protect me, but the first chance you get, you sleep in safety and leave me outside.”
“I intended for you to come inside as well, Mara,” Gaz said. “I can’t force you to make wise choices.”
“Listen, you two—” Nize began.
“You told me to stay inside,” Gaz accused me, ignoring Nize’s attempt at peacemaking.
“I told you to keep Finnrey inside.”
“You don’t need to protect me,” Finnrey cut in.
But I did. I hadn’t thought this through at all.
What would I do if Finnrey was injured or worse on this journey?
I’d never forgive myself. “I want all three of you to turn around and go back to Highcastle,” I said.
“I should have never suggested you come along. If you leave now, you can make it by nightfall.”
“Don’t be a dusthead,” Gaz said. “The most dangerous part of the journey is ahead of us. We won’t be staying in any other outposts. We’ll pass the last one midday.”
I stepped forward, itching to grab him by the shoulders and shake sense into him. “I am not a dusthead. I don’t want you here any longer, Gaz of Westower. Go back.”
“No,” Gaz said.
Of course he’d refused. He hadn’t done what he’d set out to do yet.
I hadn’t wanted to believe anyone from Earsleh would act so dishonorably, but after the way Taio and the other Zulenii had been treated last night, I couldn’t pretend anymore.
“I know why you’re really here, Gaz, and you’re endangering all of us. ”
“Mara, what does that mean?” Nize asked. “He’s here to protect you and all of us.”
I stared at Gaz. Taio was making me question everything.
I wanted Gaz to reassure me. Instead, Gaz’s handsome face turned hard.
“What did he do to you with those ugly light eyes of his?” He gestured to Taio.
“Did he put you in some sort of trance? The Mara I knew would be loath to leave Earsleh. You seem in a hurry to get away.”
I inhaled sharply, furious that Gaz wouldn’t deny a plot to hurt Taio.
Furious that he was making everything I’d believed about our people seem like a na?ve illusion.
“I lost the rite!” I yelled at Gaz. “How many times do I have to say it? I cannot help it if you have no honor and do not understand—”
“I have honor, Mara! I have more honor—”
Suddenly Taio was between us. I didn’t realize how close Gaz and I were, practically nose-to-nose. Taio put a warm hand on my shoulder and drew me away.
“That’s right!” Gaz yelled. “Go off with your Zulenii.” He said the last like it was a curse.
He was shouting, and I realized I had been too.
Gods, our carelessness would result in all our deaths.
I heard Finnrey speaking to Gaz, telling him to lower his voice.
Taio said nothing, just walked with me. I needed to walk in that moment. I was furious and needed to move.
“He thinks he has honor,” I muttered. “He doesn’t know the first thing about it.” I glanced at Taio. “I think he really does want to kill you.”
“I know.”
Of course he knew. He’d been trying to tell me that since almost the beginning. “I can’t figure out if it’s his plan or something proposed by my mother or another courtier.”
“Does it matter?”
“It does to me.” I turned and began to walk back. Nize had an arm around Gaz’s shoulders now, and Gaz seemed calmer. I felt calmer too.
“If he tries, I will kill him,” Taio said flatly.
I cut my gaze sharply to Taio. His hand had come to rest on the hammer-like weapon hooked on a loop of his belt.
I’d fought Taio, and I’d fought Gaz in training.
If it came down to a battle between the two of them, Taio would win.
But Gaz wouldn’t necessarily follow rules.
I didn’t know his orders or who had given them.
I worried that completing his objective outweighed any rules of combat or honor.
“I won’t let that happen,” I said. I wasn’t exactly sure if I meant I wouldn’t let Taio kill Gaz or I wouldn’t allow Gaz to kill Taio, but I knew I had to keep the two of them apart and safe. That was if I could survive a treacherous journey across Earsleh and into Zulen.
Kintle said something, and Taio turned to me. “He wants to know if we can begin walking.”
I had the feeling he hadn’t said it quite that politely.
“I’m ready if you are. Finnrey, are you ready to depart?”
She looked at Gaz and Nize. “We’re ready.”
I didn’t wait for them. I started walking west, Taio at my side.