Chapter Eleven #4
I wasn’t asleep when he came back to his bedroll.
I was dozing but very aware when he lay down beside me.
As always, he moved like a cat, and if I had been asleep, I would not have been roused.
Now I lay very still, wondering what he would do next.
Would he pull me against him, turn his back to me, something else?
“Why are you not sleeping?” he murmured, his voice low so as not to wake the others.
I was facing away from him, and I opened my eyes and spotted Finnrey moving about the far side of our clearing.
Gaz was on that side as well, settling under his own bedroll.
Taking a breath, I turned over so I faced Taio.
I pulled the coat up slightly to hide our heads so Gaz and Finnrey wouldn’t be able to see us talking.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I whispered, very aware of how close my face was to his. I only had to move slightly to touch noses. He didn’t seem to mind as he didn’t move further back.
“We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Go to sleep, Mara.”
“I will,” I said, and closed my eyes. But I was not tired in the least. My body was too aware of how close he was, the heat of him, the movement of his chest when he took a breath. “I’m cold,” I said after a few moments of silence.
He said nothing, probably wondering why I was lying. Surely, he could feel my body heat and the warmth of the cocoon I’d made for us under his coat. I held my breath, wondering if he would answer me at all or let my comment pass.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he said, “Come here.” He lifted an arm, tenting the coat slightly, and I scooted closer until my body was flush with his.
I hadn’t thought I was cold, but now that I was pressed against him, I was much, much warmer.
He’d been out in the cold just a few minutes before, but already I was sinking into his heat.
He lowered his arm, draping it over my waist and settling a hand on my back.
My head was tucked under his chin and against his chest. I could hear his heart beating.
I knew I didn’t imagine it beat as fast as mine. He was not unaffected by my closeness.
Oh, gods. Omira had been right!
“One of the many things I do not understand about your people,” he murmured, his voice rumbling seductively against my cheek, “is why you do not ask for what you want.”
I tilted my head up toward him. “What do you mean?”
“You want to be close to me, but you do not say this. You say I am cold.”
I couldn’t argue. I had done exactly that. I thought for a long moment about why I’d done that, why that was the way of my people. “I suppose it’s to make it easier for you to refuse me. And to give me a way to save face.”
“Save face?” His hand touched my cheek, the opposite cheek Gaz had touched. His fingers sent a pleasant sensation through me as the calluses rasped against my flesh. I closed my eyes momentarily, resisting the urge to rub my cheek against his hand.
“Save face means to keep from being embarrassed.”
“I will not embarrass you,” he said, sounding insulted. “Nor will I refuse you. But you must ask for what you want, Mara. I won’t force myself on you.”
I took a shuddering breath, knowing exactly what I wanted in that moment.
Indeed, I knew what I’d wanted from him the first time I saw him, even if I hadn’t wanted to admit it.
But here in the dark, with the coat pulled up to hide our faces, and only the chirping sounds of insects and someone’s quiet snores to break the silence, I felt as though it was just the two of us.
I could reveal something about myself that I wouldn’t have in the daylight.
“I want you to kiss me,” I murmured.
“I thought you would never ask.” He didn’t say the phrase in the offhand way people usually did.
He said it as though he really thought I would never ask.
I had to admit I hadn’t expected to ask him to kiss me either.
But here I was, holding my breath, my heart pounding in anticipation of his mouth on mine.
His hand on my cheek slid to cup the back of my neck and pull me slightly closer to him. I began trembling as his nose brushed mine lightly, playfully. “You are shaking,” he whispered, his breath feathering over me. “Still cold?”
This time I wouldn’t lie. “No. I’m nervous.
” Very well...I wouldn’t lie much. I was nervous, but I thought the main reason I shook was from how much I desperately wanted him.
He moved his hand from my neck to my back again, his palm tracing slow circles as though to calm me.
The heavy weight of his touch quelled my trembling slightly.
..until his mouth brushed lightly over mine.
I stilled completely, my breath catching in my throat. But his lips were gone too soon. The kiss—if one could call it that—was so brief. I wanted more and made a sound of impatience or annoyance. He brushed his mouth over mine again, leaving me once again unsatisfied.
“Taio,” I whispered.
“Yes?” His lips brushed mine again, and I could feel his smile.
“Stop teasing me.”
His hand on my back stopped its calming strokes, and I felt his fingers fist in my tunic.
Then, very slowly, his mouth met mine. His lips were surprisingly soft, and his breath smelled of the mint we often chewed after meals.
He wasn’t tentative. He was controlled and deliberate in the way his lips slid over mine, the way his mouth claimed mine.
I don’t know if I kissed him back. Later I’d fervently hope that I had returned the kiss because if I’d simply lay there stunned, I’d be mortified. But all I could remember was the way I’d felt.
As soon as his mouth took mine, a heat like I’d never known shot from my chest to my arms, my legs, my belly, and lower.
The pulse of desire between my legs I’d felt earlier tripled into an insistent throbbing.
I had to tamp down the compulsion to rock my hips into him and seek friction to relieve the rising arousal.
His hand slid up my back, and his fingers speared into my hair, which was still tightly plaited.
Now he made a sound of frustration and lightly bit my bottom lip, sucking after and pulling back to look down at me.
I was breathing shallowly, my breath coming in quick pants.
I lifted my arms and put them around his neck, pulling him back down.
He caught himself, saving me from the bulk of his weight, but I wanted that weight.
I wanted to feel him pressing into me, feel his leg part my thighs and press upward where the need for his touch made me all but writhe.
He kissed me again, stopping short of delving between my lips and tasting me, though I desperately wanted to see if his tongue tasted of mint.
The world seemed to tilt as everything around me disappeared.
There was only Taio, only the feel of him, the thudding of his heart against my breasts, the gentle pressure of his mouth on mine, the mingling of our breaths as his lips taunted and teased and took.
He broke the kiss, making me moan with frustration, and he put a finger over my lips. “Shh,” he whispered.
I tugged at his neck with my hands again, but he resisted. “Taio,” I murmured.
“Go to sleep,” he said, his voice low and gravelly. The sound of it made my belly do a slow flip flop.
“I’m not tired.”
“Mara.” He said my name with a slight roll on the R. I liked the way he said it. I’d never heard it said that way. He lay back on his side, untangling his hand from my hair, and placing it on my waist, keeping me in place. “I must stop.”
“Why?” I hadn’t meant to say that. I sounded like a petulant child.
“Because I want you too much, and I refuse to take you on the ground, fumbling about to keep quiet so as not to wake the others surrounding us.”
I felt as though he’d turned on a spigot.
The world suddenly rushed in again, and I heard Finnrey and Yung murmur “all clear” as they passed each other and continued their circuit.
I heard Nize’s snores. I’d heard them many nights when on patrol and recognized them.
I heard the first notes of birdsong and knew dawn wasn’t far off.
Heat rose in my cheeks at what I’d been thinking and wanting.
If he hadn’t stopped us, I don’t know what might have happened.
He was right. This was no place for our first time—my first time.
“I’m sorry.” I lowered my arms from his neck, but he caught them and kissed my hands.
“Don’t apologize. I want you just as much, more than you want me.”
I might have argued, but I had my wits back. And I was realizing that I had at most another hour before I’d have to be up and walking all day, possibly fighting to stay alive. “You’re right. We should sleep.”
Just to make sure I actually did sleep and wasn’t tempted to start kissing him again, I moved away and turned my back to him.
I put my arm under my head and closed my eyes.
My heart still pounded and little zings of pleasure and desire zipped through my body, but I tried to ignore them.
I shifted again, trying to get comfortable.
Taio’s arm came down over my ribs, and he pulled me into his warmth.
The hardness of his chest pressed against my back did nothing to reduce my desire.
I bit my lip and tried to pretend he was just a wall at my back—a very solid, very warm, very male wall. ..
I heard a huff across the clearing and opened my eyes.
Though it was still dark, it was the dove gray darkness that comes at twilight and just before dawn.
In that charcoal light, I saw Gaz’s eyes.
They were open and fixed on me. I couldn’t see the expression on his face, but I had no doubt he’d been aware of what Taio and I were doing.
If the hard stare he gave me was any indication, he hadn’t liked it.
Gaz turned away, giving me his back, and I watched it for a moment before the warmth and comfort of Taio’s body against mine lulled me into sleep.