Epilogue
Ithought I’d feel more nervous. I really did. But instead, everything seems to have fallen into place.
The party we had for our anniversary was actually nice, and Cade kept his promise about not making me the center of attention.
It wasn’t deliberate, but the timing of it made the party feel like some sort of test of how much progress we’ve made.
It’s only been a couple of months since Cade’s accident, so it would have been easy for nothing to really have changed and for us to both be stuck in we’ll get to it mode.
That was definitely my biggest fear after things fell apart and promises were made.
Cade would put off therapy and we’d both put off talking about stuff, and everything would get swept under the rug.
But I was totally wrong. Cade launched himself into attacking the problem the same way he used to launch himself into what he thought was taking care of me, and it didn’t take long to feel the effects.
He hates therapy, obviously. He was always going to. But he goes and he tries and I do believe it’s helped him. And we stopped circling around each other nervously without saying anything, which seems to have helped most of all.
And his dad has stayed the fuck out of town, which hasn’t hurt.
So, when it came to the party last night–something well and truly out of my comfort zone–everything going well seemed like confirmation that we were doing the right thing.
Cade had a few drinks but didn’t lose control of himself.
I didn’t struggle with the food as much as I used to, because I realized that was more of a side effect of feeling stressed and out of control, rather than the root of the problem.
We hung out with our friends and no one made a big deal about anything, but Tristan and a couple other people quietly said something about how happy they were to see us happy, and it felt like finally coming down the other side of a massive hill.
I think I’ve lived my entire life walking at an incline, and I never realized how easy things could be until we got here.
Last night was the party, but tonight we’re addressing the final thing that has been weird between us–sex.
There were so many half-fights and unsaid fears before.
We were both nervous after Cade’s accident, and between the emotional load and all his fucking injuries, we went back into sex with so much fucking restraint, it didn’t feel like us.
It was still nice, obviously. But it felt weird. All disjointed and like we were both afraid to upset the other person. I never really knew if all the rough, desperate sex we had was healthy or part of a bigger problem, and after a while we both had to admit that we needed to address it.
There were conversations during therapy. There was more research. Cade even asked Wish some kink-related questions–I don’t want to know how that conversation started–and he ended up joining a fucking BDSM educational Discord.
I took one look at the interface for that and gave it a hard pass, but he seems to like it.
It was freeing to know that there were so many people who also like to have weird, kind of brutal sex, but maintain healthy relationships.
I’d read about it before, but there was so much more to consider than I ever realized.
And so much to talk about. It was actually exhausting, but if we can get back to normal–or a new normal where maybe the sex is even weirder but we both stop being weird about it–all the awkward conversations will be worth it.
I’m not nervous. We’ve never done something this… structured before. But it’s still just me and Cade, at the end of the day. And I want to make him feel the way he seems to need, without putting either of us at risk.
I’ve been waiting outside the bedroom for long enough I know he must be freaking out.
We talked about all the different things we could do and this is what we agreed on, so I know he’s into the concept, but it still feels weird to be out here while he’s in there, simmering in his own desperation and arousal.
I finally open the door, and he doesn’t move–just like he’s supposed to–but I can see the way his body sags a little in relief.
Before I left him, he stripped down, got on his knees, let me loosely tie his hands behind his back, blindfold him, get him achingly hard and then put a cock ring on him.
I thought leaving him for so long would make his erection go down, but apparently I underestimated how much this dynamic is doing it for him.
Or maybe how well the cock ring was going to work.
He’s rock hard, and glistening in the low light thanks to how much fluid has been leaking from his tip. When I take a step toward him, Cade sucks in a breath and his entire length flexes in the air. It feels like he’s reaching for me, which is ridiculous but also makes me thrum with arousal.
“Did you miss me?” I ask.
“Yes.”
The word comes out in a rushed exhalation, and he already sounds wrecked. I fucking love it.
Cade sways a little in my direction, so I get closer to him before crouching down. I’m inches away from him, but not quite touching him, and seeing how affected he is already makes my head spin.
“Are you doing okay?”
We talked about safe words and decided what we want to do doesn’t require anything super complicated.
Cade already babbles a lot during sex, I’m used to him saying yes and no and please in random, nonsensical orders, but anytime he genuinely wants to stop, he’s never had a problem saying something to me that’s clear enough to communicate.
Just stop is enough for me, because it’s not one of his preferred babble-phrases.
But I like the structure of checking in. I never thought about it in this way before, but making a point to ask him if it’s all good several times really eases up on my tendency to catastrophize and spin out.
“Yes,” he says again, still breathy. “Please touch me.”
I hum, because I love to tease him when he’s compliant for me like this.
“Touch you where?” I whisper, leaning in so he can feel my breath on his cheek.
“Anywhere.”
I can practically taste the desperation rolling off him.
His pink, swollen cock is too inviting like this, all trussed up in silicone, and I can’t resist. I run my fingertip along the underside, from base to tip, with the slightest pressure I can possibly manage.
The air between us is so electric now that just that bare contact makes Cade groan and fluid pearl at the tip of his cock. He flexes for me again, and his entire body shivers.
“What a good boy,” I tell him, because I know it hits him somewhere deep inside. “So beautiful for me. So needy.”
“Yes,” he says, still leaning like he’s trying to find me.
“Bend over for me. Forehead on the floor.”
Cade hesitates, because his hands are bound behind his back. But I know he can do it.
I use the excuse of helping him to get my hands on him, pushing his thighs further apart to steady him, then placing my hand between his shoulderblades and gently guiding him forward.
“Slowly. Careful. Use your core, I know you can do this. Forehead resting on the floor for me.”
By the time he’s done, Cade has his forehead on the floor and his ass in the air, chest held between his knees.
I clearly haven’t been taking advantage of how flexible he is. How rude of me.
I can still see his cock bobbing as it points to the floor, but that’s not what’s getting attention right now.
When I first got Cade all worked up and ready to go, I opened him up as well.
There’s still a smear of lube running down his crack, shining at me.
I apply some more and then pull out the vibrating plug that we’ve had for a while but don’t use nearly enough.
Cade takes it easily, letting me work it in and out of him a few times before it sits into place.
He sighs again as his body settles around the intrusion, getting more comfortable in his awkward position.
I don’t say anything for a minute and don’t touch him, waiting for him to relax as much as he can.
And then I turn on the vibrations.
A choked noise escapes him, because I turn it to maximum power without warning. He’s in a difficult position to move in, but he does arch his back and do a weird shimmy as he adjusts to the toy pulsing deep inside him.
“Silas,” he gasps, but doesn’t follow it up with anything.
“Mm?”
There’s sweat beading on his forehead, and I can’t resist the urge to reach out and push his hair out of his eyes, even though they’re covered by the blindfold. It’s a movement I’ve done hundreds of times in the last year, and I hope I get to do it thousands more.
“Does that feel good?” I ask.
Cade nods, his mouth hanging open, his lower lip swollen and shiny where he’s been chewing at it.
“Do you think you can come just like this?”
He hesitates, and then nods.
It’s what I want to hear, but he’s not coming anytime soon even if he can do it hands free.
“That’s what I thought. So, so needy.”
I stroke his hair again, because gravity is pulling it back down, and then kneel beside him. Cade is tense with arousal, but still pliant when I get my hands on him and pull his body towards me.
It’s easy to rearrange him on my lap. I get him sprawled over it–face on the floor on one side, legs splayed out on the other side, and his pert, vibrating ass right over my thighs. His hard cock drags against me, making him moan with every new moment of friction, but I continue to ignore it.
“It’s very important that you don’t come, Cade. Remember that. You’re not allowed to come. I know you can be good for me.”
Cade shudders again, but nods his face against the carpet as he makes a noise that sounds like agreement.