Chapter 67
Remy
After Stella left, I paced my room because it was the only thing that felt right to do. Ripley was sprawled out on my bed, licking her giant paws, looking more content than she had in a long time.
She missed Stella, Boden, Fae, and Edie. So did I. I’d known we would when we left the Barbarabelle, but I thought it was the right thing to do.
It didn’t matter if we loved them. It didn’t matter that seeing them all again made my heart feel like it was going to explode in my chest.
There was a gentle knock at my door, followed by Edie saying, “Remy? Are you in there?”
“Yeah.” I took a deep breath and opened the door, and there was Edie, standing with a sleepy Fae in her arms. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I thought you might want to spend a little time with Fae,” Edie said with a smile.
My niece smiled at me, but it was shy, uncertain, and I wondered how much she even remembered me after all this time. That hurt, of course, but it would be easier for her if she didn’t miss me the way I missed her.
“I, uh…” I tried stammering out a way to deflect when Fae suddenly leaned forward and reached her arms out toward me.
“Emmy!” she squealed, dropping the difficult first letter of my name.
And I couldn’t deny that, so I gingerly took her from Edie’s arms, and Fae giggled as she looked up at me.
“I can’t believe you actually remember me,” I admitted.
“We talk about Auntie Remy a lot back on the boat, and the other people who aren’t with us anymore,” Edie said.
“Any Emmy, Any Lo, Any Edie, Unka Bobo, Dada, Mama, Lipley,” Fae recited rather proudly, and I gathered those were her toddler pronunciations for Auntie Remy, Auntie Harlow, Auntie Edie, Uncle Boden as well as her mom and dad and Ripley.
“You’ve got a lot of people to remember.” I brushed back her soft curls from her forehead. “Good thing you’re such a smart cookie.”
“Cookie?” Fae echoed excitedly.
“I don’t have any cookies, but I did recently trade for some drawing pastels and paper,” I said. It helped ease the long nights if I had something I could do by candlelight on my own.
I sat on the floor with Fae, grabbing my drawing pad and tin of pastels from the nightstand. Her eyes widened at the spread of colors. Soon she was lying on her stomach, back legs wiggling with delight as she used my soft pastels to swirl and smudge across the pages.
“How have things been back on the Barbarabelle?” I asked Edie.
She was sitting on the bed, watching the two of us. “Not great, honestly There were two breaches back-to-back in June, and we lost five people. That was finally what made Stella decide to bring Fae with her when she and Boden went after you.”
“There were two breaches?” I asked, horrified. “On the Barbarabelle? That’s insanity.”
“They’ve put in new protocols to prevent that kind of thing from happening again, but nobody feels that safe there anymore,” Edie said. “Harlow and Kimber are living in New Emberwood, and the lot of us came out here to see what else the world had to offer.”
“And what did the world have to offer you so far?” I asked.
“Not much that I would want a second helping of,” Edie admitted grimly. “Glacier Valley seems nice, though. The little I’ve seen of it, anyway.”
“How have Stella and Boden been? Actually?” I asked.
“Stella’s resilient, and she’s determined to provide a good life for Fae, and I think that really helps her get through the hardships that come her way,” Edie said. “Boden… he’s held it together for Stella and Fae, but I won’t lie. He hasn’t been the same since you left.”
I looked away and chewed the inside of my cheek. “I was afraid of that.”
“Why… why did you leave the way you did?” Edie asked. “I know you love them, so why did you do it?”
“The truth is that I just couldn’t watch anyone else die,” I said.
“Life is fleeting, even in the best of circumstances, but that doesn’t make it not worth living,” Edie rationalized. “It only means that we have to appreciate what we have while we have it. Running from pain doesn’t make life better, it only makes it emptier.”
A tear slid down my cheek, and I wiped it roughly with the palm of my hand. “I know you’re right, and I fucked up big time.”
She gave me a soft, understanding smile. “Not too big that it can’t be forgiven.”
“Thank you, Edie. Not just for this, but all you’ve done for all of us.”
“We’re a community, Remy. A family. We look after our own.” Her voice hung in the quiet between us. “So what was the plan? Why are you and Ripley here?”
“I’m still trying to get someone from Cold Shore to meet with me, but they keep putting me off until this specific person gets back from the main base at the end of summer. Right now, I don’t have any plan beyond that.”
“But what about Ripley?” Edie pressed. “Are you meaning to bring a lioness with you?”
“I don’t know. I thought maybe if my help was valuable enough to Cold Shore, I’d be able to keep her with me.
She sleeps so much anyway, especially in the winter.
Or maybe if I had to, I thought I could find someone else to take care of her.
” I shook my head. “I don’t know that I had a clear plan for all of it.
I knew that I had to get out of there, and Ripley would go with me, the way she’d always gone with me. So that’s what happened.”
Edie nodded, her expression thoughtful. “We’re all together again, so we’ll figure it out, like we always do.”
“I trust that you can speak for yourself, and even Stella and Fae to a degree, but I don’t think Boden is going to be quite so eager to forgive me.”
“Well, have you tried apologizing?” Edie asked pointedly. “Like an honest, soul bearing, apology? Because that usually goes a long way.”
“I have not,” I admitted.
“He’s walking around town, if you want to go find him,” Edie said. “Since you know this place, and you know him, you’ll likely have a good idea where to look.”
I didn’t answer her, just letting the words settle, and helped Fae with her drawing. But even later on, after Edie and Fae had gone back to their room, her words echoed in my head. I took a fortifying breath and set off to find Boden, so I could make things right.