22. The Comfort
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
THE COMFORT
Sophie
The warm water feels lush against my skin, and I stay in the shower for a few minutes longer than normal. After Julian and I finished half an hour ago, I started cramping and spotting—a sure sign that my period is coming a couple of days early. And now, as the water cascades down my sore lower abdomen, I know it’s inevitable, and before long, I’ll be doubled over with cramps.
Just as I turn the tap off, Julian lightly knocks on the bathroom door.
“I’m done, darling,” I call out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself.
He steps inside, still wearing his navy trousers and white Oxford shirt from earlier. “Kai is coming over.”
I stop mid-step, my eyes going wide. “What? Now ?”
He shrugs and holds his hands up. “Yes. It wasn’t my intention to invite him over, but it just sort of… happened.”
I shift my weight to the other foot and grab another towel for my hair. “Awful timing. I just started my period.”
Julian shrugs. “That’s okay, pet. We can just hang out and watch a movie.”
I frown. “Do you think he’ll be disappointed?” I ask, scrunching my hair to get all of the water out.
“If he is, fuck him,” Julian says, reaching into the bathroom drawer and handing me a tampon as he kisses my temple.
Marriage.
“I just don’t really feel like getting dressed up,” I admit, the gnawing sensation inside of me getting worse by the minute.
“Soph, tonight doesn’t have to be anything we don’t want it to be. You set the tone, okay?”
I nod, not bothering to close the door when I walk to the toilet and insert my tampon. Julian has seen me at my absolute worst, so putting a tampon in while he watches is nothing. When I’m finished, I wash my hands and walk into the bedroom. Julian follows me, and I see him grabbing my favorite period clothes—loose joggers and a baggy T-shirt.
I don’t bother with a bra.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Julian discard his clothes—in the laundry hamper, surprisingly—before grabbing a pair of loose shorts and a crewneck jumper.
Once we’re both done changing, he goes into the bathroom and grabs my hairbrush. It doesn’t happen every time I shower, but when I’m not feeling well, he loves to brush my hair and take care of me. I give him a shy smile as I sit on the edge of the bed, and he takes his time brushing through my wet hair.
“Do you need your medicine?” he asks, referring to the spliffs I keep in the cigarette case.
I nod, lying back on the bed when he’s done.
Just as he lights one for me, taking a drag before handing it to me, our phones buzz with the doorbell notification.
“I’ll go,” Julian says, giving me a once-over as he hesitates by the door. “I can send him home if you’d rather not have company.”
I shake my head. “It’s okay. This should help, and I want to see him.”
His eyes bore into mine. “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive, babe. Go let him in. Maybe lower his expectations for the night, too, while you’re at it.”
He huffs a laugh. “Any man who doesn’t want to spend quality time with your sexy arse—period or not—isn’t worth our time.”
Something warm cracks open in my chest. “I love you.”
“Love you too, pet.”
“Now go let our guest in before he thinks we’re standing him up.”
He nods once before leaving me alone in the bedroom. I continue taking drags of my spliff, wishing for the pain to lessen just once.
I let myself sink deeper into the mattress. This wasn’t how tonight—or this weekend—was supposed to go, but the flare-ups always did tend to screw up my plans. Exhaling slowly, the spliff begins to soothe the sharpest edges of the pain, but it doesn’t ease the disappointment snaking through me. I’m not sure what I hoped this weekend would bring, perhaps a chance for all three of us to be together after everything happened today between me and Kai. Instead, I’m stuck in bed, with my body betraying me yet again.
As I close my eyes and attempt to ride out the pain, I can’t help but think back on how far I’ve come. For a long time, I hated my body for what happened every month, in the days before and after my period. I missed opportunities, had important plans canceled, and even had some hopes shattered. It all made me feel so utterly broken. Back when Julian and I were trying for a baby, I pushed myself through endless tests and treatments. I was convinced I could will my body into compliance. I had control issues, and this was the first time something was entirely out of my control. It was absolutely terrifying. But even after the diagnosis of endometriosis, even after knowing why nothing was working, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was failing.
At being a wife, a mother, a woman.
It took time and a lot of reflection, but I’m in a much better place now. Both Julian and I have let go of the pressure to conceive, and with it, so much of our stress has disappeared. I’ve stopped fighting my body. Some days, like today, are harder than others. But somehow, I’ve made peace with what I can’t control. We plan on adopting children one day, far in the future, when things have settled down, and I’ve had the surgery I need. But for now, I’m grateful for the life Julian and I share.
Especially now that we live here—now that we’ve finally let ourselves be happy, and found happiness away from the place that felt stifling for so long.
The bedroom door creaks open, pulling me from my thoughts. I open my eyes to see Kai and Julian stepping inside. Kai looks worried, like he rushed up here the moment Julian finished explaining.
“Hey.” His voice is soft and kind. He’s standing in the doorway with his hands shoved into his pockets, and my husband is lingering behind him.
“Hi,” I manage, my voice quieter than I intend.
Glancing between them, I wonder what Julian told Kai. For a second, I think about apologizing, but then I stop myself. I don’t need to apologize for this—Kai has already shown me he’s the kind of person who understands. He made that very clear last month when he laid down in bed with me—platonically, of course—until I fell asleep.
“Are you okay?” Kai asks, tentatively stepping forward. I nod, even though I’m not really okay, and something in his expression softens. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything tonight. Maybe we can watch a movie or something?” he asks, looking at the TV Julian set up in here last weekend.
“I’ll make popcorn,” Julian says, clapping Kai on the shoulder.
Something passes between them—understanding, or solidarity—I can’t quite place it. But it catches me off guard, and I feel a wave of gratitude for these men. They’re here, and they’re not making me feel like a burden.
That alone is a comfort.
Julian leaves Kai and me alone, and Kai steps closer, his movements careful. It reminds me of the last time he was here, how tentative he was, especially since I was naked in a bath. I almost laugh when I think of the look on his face when I stood up… the lazy way his eyes drank me in.
“Want me to sit with you for a bit?” he asks.
I nod again, unable to speak as another wave of pain works through me, radiating to my lower back. Closing my eyes, I attempt to breathe through it, but as always, it’s relentless. The mattress shifts as Kai sits on the edge of it.
“I don’t know what this feels like, but I can see how tough you are,” he tells me, taking the old spliff and discarding it. His warm, calloused hand envelops mine, and his thumb swipes across the top of my palm.
I let out a shaky breath, his words sinking in despite the pain. “It doesn’t feel like I’m tough right now,” I say, wincing.
“You are,” he says firmly. His hand around mine is grounding, and a second later, the pain starts to subside.
It never truly goes away, but the cramps come and go in waves, so I know I have a little bit of a reprieve.
“It’s okay to feel like crap. We’ll take care of you.”
His reassurance settles whatever leftover doubt was left in me, and I feel myself sinking farther into the mattress. Closing my eyes, I squeeze Kai’s hand when the next wave comes, and I come out of the haze of pain.
Julian reappears minutes later with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and, of course, a half-eaten Snickers bar in the other. He breaks off a piece, popping it into his mouth with the same reverence he’d give to caviar.
“Seriously? Snickers and popcorn?” Kai smirks as Julian flops onto the bed.
Julian shrugs. “It’s the perfect combo. Gas station chocolate hits different, and if I can’t have Cadbury…” He trails off, winking.
I laugh softly. The pain dulls just enough to let me appreciate how perfectly Julian straddles the line between decadence and simplicity.
“Julian might care about appearances but he lives like a slob at home,” I tell Kai.
Julian snorts. “It’s true. I have piles hidden all over the house. Perhaps one day I can show you.”
“Never touch the piles,” I warn Kai, smirking.
Kai laughs. “He’s full of contradictions, isn’t he? Splurging on expensive gym memberships but prefers to eat gas station snacks. I always said he was a menace.”
Julian smirks, stretching out beside me with all the smugness of a man who knows exactly how ridiculous and adorable he is. Something knowing passes between the two of them at that word, though.
“I’m all about the high-low life, mate,” he adds, reaching for another handful of popcorn. “Exclusive gym, but I’ll drive two miles out of my way for a ninety-nine-cent hot dog.”
Kai raises an eyebrow. “That’s impressive. Living like royalty by day and a raccoon by night.”
Julian grins. “Balance, Kai. It’s the cornerstone of health and happiness.”
I nudge him with my elbow, resting my head against his shoulder. “He says that, but you should’ve seen the meltdown when the gym juice bar was out of dragon fruit puree last week. The man practically rioted.”
Kai chuckles, shaking his head. “Gas station chocolate and dragon fruit smoothies. You really are an enigma.”
Julian winks at him, tossing a kernel of popcorn in the air and catching it in his mouth. “Keeps you guessing, doesn’t it?”
Julian and Kai figure out what we’re going to watch, and I curl up as a deep, relentless ache coils low in my abdomen, like barbed wire tightening with every breath, sharp and dull all at once.
Without another word, Julian hops off the bed and comes back with another spliff—passing it to Kai first. I watch as Kai takes a drag, passing it to me between his fingers.
“Here. This will help.”
I take a slow drag, the smoke curling into my lungs as I close my eyes. The pain doesn’t go away completely, but with Kai’s hand holding mine and Julian close by, it feels a bit more bearable.
When I’m finished smoking a minute later, Kai takes the last drag and discards it.
“ Scream ?” Kai asks, flipping through the available channels. “Or Scream 2 ?”
I feel Julian gently moving me to the middle of the California king bed, and a few seconds later, Kai scoots into my left side while Julian takes my right side. I’m small, but they’re two large, hulking men—and I’m sure it’s not exactly comfortable for them.
“Relax,” Julian says, adjusting me so that I’m on my left side. His body curls around mine, and as the horror movie starts playing, I feel Julian place the popcorn behind my bent knees so that Kai can access the bowl. When I look up, Kai is still lying on his back, but he turns and faces me.
As the opening scene of Scream flickers on the screen, I feel the warmth of their bodies anchoring me to the bed, like a protective cocoon against the ache in my abdomen. Julian’s steady breath against the back of my neck soothes me, his arm draped over my waist just like he does every night, and Kai’s presence on my other side feels surprisingly natural.
Like he belongs here.
He slips an arm beneath my jumper, laying it against my lower back. His palm is warm as he applies just enough pressure to ease the tension. His movements are quiet, fluid, like he’s done this a hundred times before. The pain doesn’t vanish, but the weight of his hand anchors me, dulling the sharpest edges.
Julian nudges him with the popcorn bowl, smirking. “For someone who broods like it’s a full-time job, you’ve got the bedside manner of a spa therapist.”
Kai snorts softly but doesn’t stop the slow, steady circles he’s tracing against my spine. “I’m just efficient,” he murmurs, as if this is no big deal.
But it feels like a big deal. The heat from his palm sinks deeper, grounding me in a way that’s intimate but not overwhelming. I exhale, letting the tension unravel just a little more, grateful for the quiet comfort he offers without making a fuss.
“This is honestly rude, and quite frankly, unfair,” I grumble from between them, pulling the blanket tighter around my waist. “You two get to lie here unbothered while I feel like my uterus is trying to murder me.”
“Oh, believe me, pet. Watching you in pain is absolute torture. We’re suffering, too.”
“Nice try,” I deadpan, tilting my head toward Kai. “And you? No snide comment?”
Kai smirks. “I know better than to argue with a woman’s uterus.”
“Smart man,” Julian mutters through a mouthful of popcorn.
Kai reaches for the popcorn behind my knees, popping a kernel into his mouth with a quiet crunch before setting the bowl back. When he catches me watching him, he gives me a small, lopsided smile, his eyes soft in the dim light.
“You good?” he whispers, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb Julian.
I nod, unable to find the words to express what I feel in this moment. It’s not just comfort, though that’s part of it. It’s the strange but welcome realization that this dynamic—the three of us tangled together on this oversized bed—feels like it’s becoming us . Like maybe it’s not just an experiment or a fleeting phase but something solid. Something real.
A few minutes go by, and the pain eases slightly, both from being high, and being warm and cozy between them.
“Oi, you’re hogging the blanket,” Julian mutters, tugging at the fabric draped over Kai’s shoulder.
“It’s not my fault you didn’t grab a second one.”
I snort, burying my face into Kai’s chest. “I’m literally right here. Can we share, please?”
Julian tugs the blanket up dramatically, cocooning me so tightly that Kai’s left out in the cold. Kai groans in protest, and Julian grins against my hair.
“Guess it’s survival of the fittest, mate.”
I muffle my laughter as Kai leans over, tossing half the blanket back over himself without missing a beat.
“I’m not above stealing from you,” Kai says, smirking. “Share custody or I’m claiming the popcorn.”
Their banter is familiar now, and it comforts me. For so long, I could tell Julian still held a grudge toward Kai for what happened between them. But now, they seem to have settled back into being friends. It came so easily, and a small part of me wonders what it would’ve been like to know them back then.
The thought of it makes my eyes begin to droop, and my breathing becomes more even as I feel more drowsy by the minute.
“Try to sleep, little dove,” Kai says, his voice a gentle murmur. “We’ll be here all night if you need us.”
I close my eyes, letting his words settle over me like a blanket. The pain still lingers, but it doesn’t feel as overwhelming anymore now. Not with Julian’s steady heartbeat against my back and Kai’s warm gaze holding me steady.
For the first time in a long time, I feel a quiet sense of belonging, as if this—being here with them—might just be everything I’ll ever need in this life.