23. The Beginning
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
THE BEGINNING
Julian
I wake up feeling warm, and as I slowly come back into my body, I can feel Sophie’s back against my chest. Sighing contentedly, I reach around and wrap my arm around her—but it settles on top of another arm.
My eyes fly open, and I sit up quickly as I take in the scene before me.
Sophie is still asleep… and Kai is cuddling her front side.
Rubbing my eyes, last night comes back into focus. There was Scream. And then Scream 2 and Scream 3. Kai and I had laughed and thrown popcorn at the TV a few times when the characters were being bloody pathetic, and we’d even talked long after the third movie had ended—all with Sophie asleep between us. It was nice. It almost felt like old times, with him teasing me about my disorganized habits, and me teasing him about things like naming his fennec fox ‘Willy’. Kai had a pet sitter on call, and once he got Willy sorted, he told me all about the other pets his brothers had.
I learned more about how he’d grown closer to Orion in the past couple of years, and how he’d gone to seminary school, followed by graduate school for religion, just for fun. I’d asked him about his faith, and while he was a bit tight-lipped at first, he’d opened up and admitted that there were aspects of Christianity he didn’t recognize anymore. That he still believed, but he had grown to resent the hatred some people spewed in the name of religion.
All in all, it was enlightening. I found myself mesmerized by the way he spoke so fondly of his students and his family, while also managing to look so damn sexy laying in my bed. When Sophie had whimpered in her sleep, he’d curled around her body, no questions asked, and had resumed his conversation with me.
Sophie has always been my greatest achievement. I know I’m a lucky fucking bastard because she married me. And while our marriage was premeditated by our parents in a way that only the aristocracy can understand, I couldn’t help but fall for her at first sight. I treasure her, and I know the bond we share is rare. I know that no matter what, she and I were always destined to be together forever.
And now?
Now, I’m sitting here watching Kai—beautiful, magnetic, infuriating Kai—hold Sophie with a tenderness I didn’t think anyone besides me was capable of. My mind twists around the idea of them, instinctively resisting, like a knee-jerk reaction I can’t control. Because letting someone else into this sacred space— our space—shouldn’t feel like this.
It shouldn’t feel right .
But it does.
Besides their breathing, the room is quiet, the kind of quiet that feels earned after a good night’s rest. Sophie is tucked between Kai and me, her body relaxed in the deep, unguarded way she only ever achieves when she feels truly safe.
From where I lie, I can see the way the early morning sunlight plays across their features. Sophie’s hair fans out across the pillow, and Kai’s cheek rests against it like he’s drawn to her scent, even in his sleep. I see his arm tighten around her just slightly, as if to reassure himself she’s still in his arms.
I sling my arm over her shoulder, but my focus is fixed on Kai.
Any ordinary man should hate the way he’s holding her. I should feel threatened, jealous, something. Right? But instead, there’s only a strange sense of calm settling over me as I watch them. His face shifts, pressing closer to Sophie’s hair, and the corner of my mouth quirks up into a smile despite myself. I’ve never known anyone besides me who could hold her like that, like she’s something fragile and infinite all at once.
It hits me, suddenly, how much I trust him. Not entirely, not yet, but enough. Enough to let him in, enough to let him stay.
I never thought I’d see this. Never thought I’d want to.
Least of all with the man who once broke my heart.
The thought twists in my chest, unfamiliar and unnerving, but it’s there.
Sophie stirs between us, shifting slightly until her hand lands on Kai’s chest, her fingers curling there as if to anchor herself to him. I watch the way his body instinctively adjusts, his breathing syncing with hers in a way I know well from years of holding her in my sleep.
And then, his eyes blink open.
It takes him a second to focus, to realize where he is. When his gaze meets mine over Sophie’s head, he freezes for a fraction of a second. But there’s no tension, no awkward scramble to explain himself. Recognition, and perhaps acceptance, flash over his expression. He lifts his head slightly, keeping his hand steady on her waist.
“You okay?” he asks, his voice scratchy with sleep.
The question is simple enough, but there’s a weight behind it that I can’t quite articulate, a genuine concern that catches me off guard for a second. I realize then that until last night, I’ve been giving him a pretty hard time with everything—between what happened seventeen years ago, to the stunt I pulled at the gym last weekend. And despite telling him that we were open to things with him, it must feel strange to enter an established marriage.
Especially because he’s still technically in the closet.
I’m not an arsehole, but I can be petty.
And because of that, I decide that I’m the one who’s going to need to make the next move here.
“Yeah. You?”
Kai nods, and his hand twitches on Sophie’s side. “Me too.”
His gaze moves to her, his expression softening in a way that makes everything inside of me tighten. He’s looking at her like he can’t quite believe he’s allowed to touch her outside of a scene. In fact, the only time I’ve seen him not gentle was during the scene with her.
I observe the way he rubs her lower back in small circles, like it’s second nature. He’s quiet about it, not fishing for praise. He’s just… doing it.
He cares about her.
I suppose I could resent him for that… but instead, I’m reminded that I’m not the only one who can cherish her the way she deserves. And maybe that’s not a bad thing.
“You’re careful with her,” I tell him, the words coming out gruffer than I intend them to.
Kai pauses for a few seconds before answering. “Of course I am. She deserves that.”
Looking down at Sophie, I can see how she’s still clutching his shirt. Her face is serene in her sleep.
“She does,” I agree, my voice barely above a whisper.
Kai doesn’t say anything else. His eyes find mine once more, and in that quiet exchange, I feel the first tentative threads of understanding begin to take shape.
I sigh, settling back against my pillow. Adjusting my arm, my fingers brush lightly against Kai’s, and he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he watches me with something akin to amusement, or perhaps something else.
“Never in a million years did I think…” he starts, swallowing before looking down at Sophie. “This is all still really new to me. I’ve never…”
“You never experimented with a guy?” I ask.
His eyes glint with mirthfulness. “Not until very recently.”
It feels like a punch to the gut, and as my jaw hardens, I can’t help but narrow my eyes. “Oh? Do tell.”
He huffs a laugh. “You sound jealous.”
“I am.”
Kai’s gray eyes bore into mine, and it feels like someone’s sucked all the air out of my lungs. His teasing smile turns quieter, more vulnerable.
“You don’t need to be jealous. It wasn’t like… this,” he adds, looking back down at Sophie.
“Like what?” I ask. My pulse is beating erratically, and my chest feels tight. I see him shrug.
“Like… this. Like it matters. This matters to me. Or it’s beginning to, at least.”
The words land heavy and warm, tangling with the jealousy still bubbling beneath the surface of my skin. For the first time in a long time, I don’t know what to say, so I just hold eye contact as he sighs, gearing up to continue speaking. Looking away, he opens his mouth.
“I’m sort of figuring all this out as I go. And it doesn’t help that every time you look at me, it’s as if you want to kiss me and strangle me at the same time. It’s fucking unnerving,” he adds, his smile faint but unmistakably happy.
I laugh, and Sophie begins to stir. “Well, you are infuriating sometimes.”
His eyes narrow ever so slightly. “And yet… you’re still here.”
I swallow as the silence stretches between us, and everything between us feels taut and electric. Sophie mumbles something unintelligible, breaking the spell. Kai looks away first, his hand brushing against mine again, deliberately this time.
“We’ve got time to figure it out, I guess,” I murmur softly.
“Figure what out?” Sophie asks, stirring as she opens her eyes and looks right at me.
“How are you feeling?” Kai asks, and she turns to face him.
“Better. Much better.” She slowly extricates herself and stretches, yawning as she scoots to the edge of the bed. “Be right back. I desperately need a wee.”
Kai laughs as she walks to the en suite, and suddenly it’s just the two of us laying together in bed.
My mind is spinning as I scramble for what to say.
It’s not like he’s obligated to stay, but he did, and now I sort of feel like I should make him breakfast or something.
“How are your baking skills?” I ask him, positioning myself on my side with my face propped in my hand.
Kai’s lips twitch, and I can’t help but let my eyes flick over his face unabashedly.
“They’re decent,” he answers, eyes bright as he smiles.
I can’t help but smile back. “All right. Let’s go make some cinnamon rolls.”
“Cinnamon rolls?” he asks, and we both climb out of bed on opposite ends.
I don’t miss the way he has to adjust himself—I have to do the same.
“They’re Sophie’s favorite,” I explain. “In fact, I should probably give you a list of things she loves—English breakfast tea with a splash of milk and two sugars. She’s rarely in a bad mood, but when she is, a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits,” I start, making a kissing sound with my lips. We both walk down the stairs together. “Cinnamon rolls, as previously stated. She’ll always order the steak at a restaurant, but she’ll also want to try what you order, so be prepared for that. Proper chips—you call them fries here—are the cure-all for every one of her ailments. You can take the Brit out of England, but you can’t take England out of the Brit, I’m afraid.”
Kai laughs as we walk into the kitchen. “I appreciate the notes.”
As I head to the refrigerator, I notice him lingering behind the island, his hands braced against the counter like he’s grounding himself. His eyes track me, quiet but thoughtful, the way they used to when we were kids and he wasn’t sure how to step into my world.
“What are you doing? Grab a bowl. It’s not like you don’t know where everything is,” I say over my shoulder.
Kai had spent the better part of a day helping Sophie and me unpack our kitchen things. He’d been so good-natured about her indecisiveness, and at the time, I saw his adoration of her as good humor.
Now I know better.
However, the way he stays put makes me pause.
Kai shifts his weight, gaze flicking to mine. “I get the feeling I’ll need to know a lot about Sophie… but what about you?”
The question throws me off, but I school my expression quickly, shrugging lightly as I pull out the butter and eggs. “Me?”
He shrugs, offering a small smile. “Yeah. I used to know everything about you, Julian. But now… I don’t know. Feels like there’s a lot I missed.”
The weight of that hits me harder than I expect. He’s right. He did know me—back when things were simpler, before seventeen years of silence settled between us. It’s strange how much can change, how much can stay the same.
I crack the eggs into the bowl, the sound sharp in the quiet. “I guess I’ve grown up a little.”
Kai snorts softly. “A little. But you’re still you, right?”
I glance up at him, one brow arching. “What exactly does that mean?”
His smile widens, but there’s something softer in his eyes. “Loud. Confident. Everyone’s favorite person at the party.” He pauses, gaze dipping for a second. “I was always a little jealous of that.”
I let out a low laugh, shaking my head. “You didn’t need to be. I would’ve traded half those parties to sit in that tiny dorm room, listening to terrible music and pretending we had life figured out.”
Kai’s eyes flick up, surprised, like he didn’t expect me to remember things that small. But I do. I always have.
“You still haven’t answered the question, though,” he points out, leaning against the counter.
I sigh, stirring the eggs. “Fine. Art is a big thing for me. I consult now, as you know, but I collect too. I like nice things—good wine, tailored suits. Keeps me grounded… or distracts me. Depends on the day.” I shoot him a wry grin. “Cooking’s been a more recent thing. It helps quiet my brain. I’ve tried a hundred different hobbies over the years, but nothing ever sticks for long. The ADHD hasn’t changed much.”
Kai chuckles. “I remember that. You dragged me through half of your weird hobbies.”
“Lucky you.” I smirk.
“Do you remember that book binding class you made me take with you? It was fucking horrible,” he chimes in.
I laugh. “I do.”
“What else?”
I cock my head. “Working out helps too. Drinking. Partying. Causing trouble when I’m bored—some things never change.”
Kai’s gaze softens, and for a moment, we’re not standing in my kitchen now—we’re seventeen again, and he’s looking at me the same way he used to, like he’s memorizing me all over again.
“I missed this,” he says quietly.
My chest tightens, but I force a grin to break the tension. “Careful, Kai. You might start to like me again.”
“Too late,” he mutters, grabbing a bowl and stepping beside me. His hand brushes softly against my lower back.
The moment lingers, familiar but heavy with something new, and this time, there’s no hesitation as he moves closer to me—like he belongs there, even after all this time. We work in silence with the dough, and Kai is a fantastic sous-chef. I can tell my messy enthusiasm irritates him, though, because he trails behind me and wipes up the various messes I seem to create everywhere.
He also takes the towel slung over my shoulder and folds it perfectly, setting it down next to the bowl on the counter without even realizing he’s doing it.
Twenty minutes into letting the dough rise, Sophie comes down the stairs wearing leggings and a cropped sweatshirt. Her hair is still damp—she must’ve taken a shower—and she looks fresh-faced and rested.
I open my arms instinctively, pulling her into a tight hug as I close my eyes and inhale the fresh citrusy smell of her shampoo. My eyes snap up to find Kai watching us with trepidation.
I know he still feels like an outsider, and I don’t know how to fix that.
“You okay?” he asks her, both hands flat on the island as he looks at her with a furrowed brow.
“I’m good,” she says, pulling away from me and walking over to him. She places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes once.
“Absolutely famished, though.” Peeking over at the rising dough, she shoots me a furtive look. “Is that what I think it is?”
“It is. Kai helped me.”
She looks over at him and gives him a shy smile. “Thanks for staying the night. I don’t think I’ve slept that well in… years.”
Kai looks at me, as if he’s making sure her words aren’t affecting me negatively. But I can’t deny that I slept like a baby, too.
“Same,” I say quickly, walking over to Sophie and placing an arm around her waist. If he’s feeling like an outsider, I’m going to need to make more of an effort to include him. And that means not hiding my feelings, not shying away from saying what I’m thinking. “What are your plans today?”
Kai looks at Sophie, who looks at me. I smile down at her, and her eyes glitter with amusement.
“I don’t have plans. I can let Willy’s sitter know I’ll be home later.”
“Willy’s more spoiled than I am. I didn’t know that was possible,” I say offhand, smirking.
Sophie snorts as she shifts her weight, putting one hand on her hip as she looks at Kai. “Well, now you do have plans. With us.”
Kai looks between us again, nodding once before crossing his arms. “Okay. And what would these plans entail?”
Smirking, I look down at Sophie. “Well, usually we just hang out and watch movies, in case she gets another flare, so it won’t be terribly exciting or anything?—”
“Count me in,” he says, walking over to the kettle. “Tea?”