Chapter 14 IN FOR A PENNY, IN FOR A POUNDING
IN FOR A PENNY, IN FOR A POUNDING
Sally was done with space travel.
She’d tried doing yoga with one of the other women on the ship and had nearly gnawed her own arm off during the silent meditation period. But at least the ship’s rec room had given her space for Judo practice.
As the ship touched down and her stomach rebelled against the difference in gravity, Sally couldn’t tell if it was because of the leftover vertigo from her translation implant, or if she was still hungover from trying questionable alien booze.
Maybe a little of both.
Hurling her guts out in the surprisingly spacious ship’s bathroom, Sally marveled once again at what she was calling the ‘three seashells’ lined up along the inside of the stall.
She still hadn’t figured out what the second and third shells were for, but the first one played a variety of tunes, warmed your seat, and, if you hit the right glyph, rinsed your tush with a nice jet of warm water.
Hitting the wrong glyph, however, resulted in icy water being jettisoned with force straight up your butthole.
Sally had made that mistake exactly once during the flight.
Her surprised shout and sudden pants-around-the-ankles escape out of the stall had given at least two other girls a look at the goods, but hells if she’d been sticking around to find out what sort of alien gadgetry had just attacked her backside.
She’d seen that movie.
No thank you.
The shuttle rocked slightly as it settled into the docking clamps and Sally steadied herself on the stall wall, waiting for her body to calm down. Motion sickness wasn’t something she had much experience with and she had already decided it could go die in a fire.
One of the other girls was in the bathroom changing clothes when Sally finally crept from the stall.
“You ok?” Juliette asked, looking concerned.
Sally grimaced, but waved her off, “Just peachy. Motion sickness.”
“Oh, yeah that sucks. Sorry!” The woman struggled for a moment with her outfit before huffing and turning to Sally. “Would you mind zipping me up?”
Sally finished washing her hands before helping.
“Is this a weddin’ dress?” she asked in consternation, finally taking in what the other girl had on.
“Wedding pantsuit, but yes!” She clapped her hands, eyes tearing up slightly as she looked at Sally nervously. “Is it too much?”
Sally looked her over with a critical eye, fluffed out the train a bit, then nodded sharply.
“You’ll do. And if he doesn’t eat you up with a spoon, you kick him right in whatever constitutes as ‘gnards’ in these parts!”
Juliette grinned before grabbing her recently-made friend in a nervous hug. “Thanks, Sally! Keep in touch? Please?”
Sally smiled widely as they separated. “You know it! I expect to meet that fish man of yours!”
Juliette rolled her eyes, but grinned again as she scooted around Sally and out the door.
Sally looked at herself in the mirror.
“Bout that time, I guess,” she told her reflection in a dull voice, fluffing her hair half-heartedly.
Her stomach steadied slowly as she headed back to her room to collect her gear. Juliette’s pantsuit had made her feel mildly self-conscious, so she decided to make An Entrance.
She changed into her Texas Rose show chaps, put on the boots Tracy had painted for her, stuck on her biggest Lone Star belt buckle, then topped it off with the matching Stetson. She even added a hint of eyeshadow and a mild lip gloss.
Eat yer heart out, Xenoth! she thought, checking herself out in the mirror.
“ALL PASSENGERS, PLEASE REPORT TO DOCKING BAY FOR DEPARTURE.”
“Okey dokey!” Sally told the announcement cheerfully as she threw her duster over her arm and hefted her duffle.
She’d packed light, essentials only. Everything else was in the shipping container provided by H.E.L.P.
Llewellyn had been outraged on her behalf that they’d had no way to ship Sally’s horse planet side. Sally assured her he was going to be much more comfortable staying with Lou on Earth, and not having to deal with however many G’s of force the space shuttle went through as it left Earth’s gravity.
Lou had pouted, but conceded the point.
Sally smiled a little sadly, thinking about their bittersweet parting. Lou had at least promised not to set a date for the wedding until Sally’s situation was more nailed down.
Sally was distracted from her reminiscence as Captain Gargilla did a headcount before opening the hatch for them to disembark.
Sally wasn’t entirely sure the headcount was necessary since everyone was very ready to leave the ship (except maybe Paisley, who was glued to Gargilla’s side), but the literal giant teddy bear was extremely officious in all capacities, and Sally could appreciate a well-run operation.
The door seal made a hissing noise as the oxygen levels evened out and then swung open.
Sally took her first steps out onto her new home. Her new planet. She looked around excitedly.
…It looked like an airport terminal. Complete with weird alien elevator music.
She tried not to feel disappointed as she followed the crowd through the hallways and into what she supposed was a waiting room.
“Are those possum motivational posters??” someone in the group asked in consternation.
Sally snorted, seeing ‘We’re imPOSSUMbly glad you’re here!’ and ‘Anything’s POSSUMble!’ scrawled in cheerful text above pictures of Earth’s infamous screaming marsupials.
“Well that ain’t weird at all,” she muttered to herself as she looked around.
Her alien support group, as she had called them on the flight over, was rapidly disbursing with many chaotic hugs and comments as the various long-awaited males appeared to gather their companions.
Xenoth was nowhere to be found.
Her hand tightened on her bag and she started looking for an exit.
She needed to be outside. Now.
Her long legs carried her rapidly down nondescript hallways, all of which had lots of signage…in an alien language. She huffed in annoyance, trying to find any door that led out.
Finally, she found something that looked exit-ish, complete with a neon glyph above the doorway, and shouldered her way through it.
It did indeed lead out. Very out.
She was at the back of the building, staring at a vast scenery of…
parked space shuttles. She sighed, then shivered and shrugged into her duster with its custom-made pocket for her bullwhip.
Which she had packed, because what self-respectin’ female would go to an alien planet without some sort of self defense handy?
She also had a taser. A yellow one, with rhinestones, courtesy of Tracy.
As the door shut behind her, Sally realized there was no handle on this side for her to get back in.
Squinting a little in the light of a strange sun, she hefted her bag and started walking. She’d have to come around to the front of the building soon enough.
Turning a corner, she found not the front of the building as she had hoped, but trouble of the bird-legged variety.
A…she supposed it must be a dumpster…stood in the crook of a building, and something large, furry, and hissing was being harassed by a small gang of two-legged turkey vultures. At least, that’s what they looked like to Sally.
Is this a doggone biker gang IN SPACE?!
Sally’s mouth parted in mild astonishment at seeing something so…
so…mundane and yet ultimately otherworldly.
It was like wandering around at the Houston renaissance faire.
The place was huge and full of insane method actors.
She knew; she’d ridden there several times, though jousting was not her forté.
It took a moment for them to notice her, what with being too busy tormenting whatever critter was trapped behind the dumpster. When they did, they nudged one another and fell silent as she approached.
“Hi there!” she said brightly, all confidence and Southern Charm. “I don’t suppose you fine gentlemen would be willing to show me around to the front entrance? I seem to have come out the wrong way.”
One of the bird men cocked his head sharply, eyes narrowing above his gnarly-looking beak. He squawked something that finally translated in her ear as, “You absolutely did, little morsel.”
His tongue flicked out licking at his beak and he stood slowly off his ‘bike’, a hovering vehicle that looked fun to ride, when it wasn’t being occupied by an avian asshole.
He took his time, rising to his full height, which, Sally realized with a nervous little swallow, was significantly taller than her own.
Taloned feet crunched into the dirt as he approached her slowly, a low, laughing sound escaping his craw as his head twitched this way and that looking at her. The rest of his crew fanned out on either side of him, not surrounding, but definitely penning her in.
Oh no. Sally’s heart started thudding wildly, her senses all warning her of impending danger.
She drew herself up and put on her best no-nonsense voice.
“Now boys, I know you ain’t thinkin’ about doin’ something stupid. That just wouldn’t be good manners for someone newly arrived to the planet, now, would it?” She didn’t wait for them to reply. “If you can just show me to the front of the building, I’ll be on my way.”
The lead vulture-man’s laughter picked up in volume and he stalked a little closer, his feathered arms crossing over the ripped, sleeveless jumpsuit he wore.
“Been a loooooong time since I’ve seen a female of any variety,” he said, moving even closer to her. “Maybe I should remind myself what all the fuss is about. What do you say, boys? Should we have ourselves a little ‘welcoming party’?”
Creepy bird noises mixed with more human-sounding hoots and hollers as the three of them fanned out around her.
Sally calmly put her bag and her hat down and shifted so the dumpster was behind her. Her hands slid into her pockets, casually pulling her bullwhip out in one hand, the taser in the other, though she kept both close to her body so as not to be obvious to her assailants.
Sally tipped her chin up, meeting the leader’s eyes dead-on.