Chapter 58
Jake
She loves me. This gorgeous, sexy, tenacious, smart, funny, capable woman loves me.
I wake up this morning and I’m blessed with the image of Scarlett sleeping next to me.
Her face is peaceful as she’s sound asleep, her mouth parted ever so slightly.
I feel a flutter in my chest as I look at her.
Without a doubt, this is not how I saw things progressing with us when she first moved in here.
After I came over here like a raging lunatic I didn’t see anything at all progressing between us, let alone this. This beautiful, peaceful, contentment.
Careful not to wake her I slip from the bed and carry my clothes out to the living room to get dressed.
After I’ve donned yesterday’s clothes, I inspect Scarlett’s kitchen for what to make her for breakfast. I gather the eggs, maple link sausages and then I hunt down some bread that Scarlett made yesterday for some toast. Just as the finished toast pops out of the toaster Scarlett moseys into the kitchen.
Her hair is unbrushed, her pajama bottoms slightly twisted and she’s tying the closure on her robe as she mumbles one word, “Coffee.”
I’ve already learned that Scarlett isn’t morning's biggest fan. Once we had a few sleepovers under our belts I paid attention to how she took her coffee. I fix it that way for her now while she plops into a chair at the table.
She smiles a sleepy smile when I bring her a plate and her coffee. “Oh my God, I love you,” she says.
“Oh, so once it’s out of the box it’s a free for all huh?” I ask.
“Get used to it buddy boy. The love flood gates are open and I plan on saying it all the time now.” She blows over the top of her coffee with her beautiful pink lips and I have to tell myself to chill before I pounce on her at breakfast.
“Well, I love you too sweetheart.” I give her a wink as I walk back into the kitchen to get my plate and coffee.
“This is delicious, thank you,” Scarlett says with a mouthful of egg. A tiny bit of yolk is on her bottom lip and I wipe it away with a napkin.
Before I can say anything else Scarlett’s phone rings.
It’s face up on the table and I see a picture of Scarlett pressing her cheek up against the cheek of a woman I’ve never met before.
The name Amber is on the screen and I search my memory for anything we’ve talked about where Scarlett mentioned an Amber.
I know that isn’t her mom’s name, plus you’d think she would just program her in as “Mom” even if it was.
She’s an only child so she isn't a sister. She has mentioned a friend group multiple times and while I can’t recall any of their names yet, I really don’t feel like Amber was one of them.
While I’m still studying the picture on the screen Scarlett chews to swallow her bite quickly and then picks up the phone and answers.
“Hey bitch,” she says. She chuckles to whatever the response is on the other side of the line.
“What?” Her expression changes from jovial to something akin to shock.
“No freaking way.” She begins shaking her head, as if the person on the other end of the phone can see her.
“That’s incredible, I’m so happy for you.
” Her words confused me since her expression and tone don’t exactly convey that it’s something good.
“Oh man, well this is a lot to process.”
She reaches her hand up to her mouth and begins to chew absentmindedly on her thumb nail.
Then she looks up at me with an expression I’m unfamiliar with.
She looks hesitant, nervous, maybe even bordering on scared?
I instantly don’t like it. A chill runs up my spin and my own stomach begins to twist in knots.
What is this person I’ve never heard of talking about with Scarlett that makes her look at me with fear?
“Yeah, thanks for the call. I appreciate it, um, I’ll call you back later.” She hangs up the phone and lays it on the table, her hand still on top of it, seemingly processing whatever news she just received.
“You okay?” I want to ask so many other things. Who was that, what did they say, why did it change the entire mood in this room now? There’s a tension between us that wasn’t there before and it’s as tight as a highwire.
Her gaze focuses back on me and I see her snap back to the moment we’re in. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a weird phone call to have before I’ve finished my coffee.” She takes a sip of her coffee and holds the mug in both hands while she gazes back out the window.
One thing I’ve learned about Scarlett is that nine times out of ten she’ll tell me what she’s thinking if I just give her time. This time though, I’m dying to get the information about that phone call out of her. I don’t know why something so small as a two minute phone call has me so rattled.
“That was Amber,” she says. I don’t mention that I knew that part already.
“She was my favorite co-worker back at the magazine. She said that Valerie has been fired and that she wasn’t supposed to tell me but her boss, Bob, is going to call and ask me to take Valerie’s place.
” She says it all while looking out the window and I feel the pit in my stomach open up into a deep wide chasm.
“Oh,” is all I manage to get out. Scarlett resumes eating her breakfast and I get now why she had that face.
This job offer would be a promotion. A pretty big one.
In the field where she went to school. A field she didn’t leave all that long ago.
We just said I love you last night, and now she’s about to be offered a huge opportunity. One that takes her away from me again.
We eat in silence until the plates are clean and I can’t take it anymore. “Well, I better go check in on Henrietta. Amelia and Cami are coming over later, do you want to join us for dinner?”
She’s distracted again and it takes her a second to answer. “Um, actually I’m going to skip tonight if that’s alright?” She’s grimacing, waiting for that to upset me, which it does but I try my best not to show it.
Admittedly, it hurts to have her pass on the dinner with Amelia and Cami.
She’s come to the last three weekly dinners with them and each time she says how grateful she is that she gets to have these family dinners.
She’s never been close with hers and I think she’s sort of adopted mine for the time being.
But, I slap a smile on my face and say, “no worries, I’ll see you tomorrow?
” She nods her head and leans in for a kiss.
After that, I’m on my way back to my place with an ever growing terrible feeling.
“Who pissed in your cocoa puffs?” Amelia says later when she walks inside the house.
“It’s cheerios,” I say. My mood has tanked since I left Scarlett’s.
I went from giving myself a pep talk that this job offer didn’t mean anything, that Scarlett was so happy last night with where life has taken her.
The way she made love to me last night, it couldn’t have meant nothing.
It couldn’t have meant that she could just leave me and waltz right back to her life that she ran away from.
But by the time Amelia walks in I’ve completely convinced myself that Scarlett is moving on.
I was her whirlwind romance, a farmer fantasy, like in one of her books.
Actually, I don’t know that she’s ever read a book with a farmer fantasy in it but I wouldn’t doubt it.
“What?”
“The saying is who pissed in your cheerios,” I say, my mood not improving.
“I know it is but cheerios are gross so I choose to say cocoa puffs,” she says shrugging her shoulders. She lays her dessert on the table and puts her hand on her hip while she stares me down.
“It’s all gross. You just traded one highly processed sugary cereal for another highly processed even more sugary cereal.”
“Wow, you are really missing the point.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” I say. I’m not an idiot, I hear the tone in my voice. I know I’m acting like an asshole right now but I can’t stop it.
“Okay big guy, whatever you say,” Amelia says in a sing-song-y voice.
“You know I hate it when you call me big guy.”
“You’re right, I do know. And that’s why I do it,” she sticks her tongue out at me. Very mature.
“Why are you so chipper anyway?” I ask.
“First of all, I had a great week at work. Second of all, I’m excited to show Scarlett this new book a friend of mine recommended. I want to see if she’s read it. It’s nice to have dinner with her since you’re boring and she’s fun.”
I turn my back to her and face the stove where I’m making spaghetti. After the mental spiral I’ve had all day I didn’t have the energy to make anything fancy. “She’s not coming,” I say.
“Oooooh, now I understand. What happened?”
“Nothing, she’s just busy today.”
“Did you ruin things with her?”
“No,” I say as I turn around, the scalding hot pot in my hands. “I did not ruin things with her. She’s just busy.”
“But this being busy is bothering you? Or is being busy code for being in a fight?”
“We’re not in a fight, okay? She got a call from an old coworker about how she is going to be offered a huge promotion at the magazine she used to work for and she’s been distracted ever since she got the call.
When I asked if she was still coming for dinner, she said she was going to skip tonight. End of story.”
“It’s all coming together now,” Amelia said, a smug look on her face. It makes my blood boil and I take off the flannel I have on because suddenly it’s stifling in here.
“What is coming together?” I huff out while my hand gets stuck inside the flannel sleeve.
I pull and I pull but the buttons won’t give any room for the fist I’m forming to come out of the sleeve.
Finally I take a breath, pull one more time and the button on the sleeve goes flying across the room into the plate of spaghetti I just fixed. I let out a frustrated sigh.
“That one’s yours,” Amelia says pointing disgustedly at the plate with my little white button sinking into the spaghetti dish like quick sand.
“You think she’s going to be like Mom,” Amelia blurts out.
“You think that you and your farm aren’t going to be good enough for her since she’s getting this job offer.
” I feel like I’ve been slapped. I feel like Amelia just handed me a grenade, pulled the pin and said, don’t let go.
“That’s,” I pause, trying to find my words. I shake my head. “That’s not it.” That’s the best argument I can come up with.
“Listen, it’s completely normal for you to think that way. The one woman who was supposed to love us unconditionally left us. For years, I blamed Dad and the farm too. But after you went off to college Dad told me the truth. Mom had a serious addiction problem.”
“What? No she didn’t, she was a great mom.” Even as I say it I know it isn’t true. Not entirely. I remember great moments with my mom but if I try hard enough, I remember some really awful ones too.
“Until she wasn’t.” Amelia came over and touched my shoulder.
“Dad said that half the reason for buying the farm was to get Mom away from her resources. Remember how she got into a car accident a few years after I was born?” I nod and she continues.
“She got pretty messed up after that. The doctor prescribed her opioids and then when he wouldn’t refill them she found some on the street.
For a while she kept it under control but then when she started getting out of hand and using up all the money we had to buy drugs off the street Dad moved us here.
Sure, he wanted to have a farm and give us a good simple life for a kid but he also moved mom away from her dealer and kept a closer eye on her.
Apparently her detoxing was atrocious and eventually she couldn’t stand it anymore and she left.
Dad was never the problem, the farm was never the problem.
I know she used to yell and scream about Dad bringing her out here to the boonies but it was because he took her from her drugs. ”
I don’t say anything. Instead, I just stare at the helpless white button in the spaghetti sauce, turning pink.
“Scarlett, isn’t mom. I can tell she’s crazy about you. And even if she does go back to the city and take that job, it’s not like she’s moving to Alaska. You guys can still have a relationship.”
“That sounds awful,” I say. My voice is softer now but I still feel the lines in between my brows there. If Scarlett were here she would touch them, try to wipe them away with her soft gentle touch.
“It won’t be easy, that’s for sure. But if you love her, really love her, then don’t hold her back. Just figure out a way to meet her in the middle.”