HOLY FUCK
15
Jack : Are you guys lost?
Nate : Maybe we were having sex.
Nate : In the backseat of my car.
Jack : Ah. Ah.
Jack : Hilarious.
Nate : What is?
Jack : You, thinking I believe you.
Jack : If it were true, you wouldn’t be advertising it this way.
Nate : Why not?
Jack : Even back then you had respect for the girls you were sleeping with.
Jack : You never talked about them and what happened.
Jack : If I wasn’t sharing a room with you, I wouldn’t know as much as I did.
Nate : You keep forgetting that I had most of my sexual activities in their rooms and not ours.
Jack : Hm…
Jack : True. I’m not even sure you brought anyone to our room the whole fourth year.
Jack : Why?
Nate : Maybe my mind was somewhere else.
Nate : We just parked, we’ll be there soon.
JACK
I stuff my phone back in my pocket and pick up the drink that Evie is handing me. She keeps casting glances towards Ikram, who’s weirdly silent on the couch next to me, our thighs brushing each others. My wheelchair is folded next to him, waiting for me if needed.
I still can’t believe I’ve been walking a little. Even if it’s just from the dining table to the fridge, or ten minutes between benches in the park. And I’ve managed to keep it a secret from Prue. I want her to be surprised. To see that I’m getting better, and we can do more things that we couldn’t before. Like maybe just take a stroll to the park and play the storytelling game on passersby. Go to a cafe or a restaurant and it wouldn’t matter if there is a ramp or not.
With all that, I’m almost not upset about Dr. Patel denying my request.
Life is getting better. And for the first time in a long time, I’m excited to see what’s next.
Even if Nate is trying to play with my head.
I know they’re not really together. Grumpy Raph was an exception, but Prue is not into casual relationships. And maybe that’s my fault. Because of how I acted for a long time, she never really got the chance to date, to meet people and just have fun. No matter that I’ve changed my mind about all this now, and I’m all for her having the fun she deserves, I know she’s afraid. Maybe because of me. Or just because she’s a romantic, and she fears her storytelling brain embellishing a relationship into something that it’s not.
And Nate has always been a casual sex kind of guy. From the moment I met him until the very end, he did not do serious and commitment.
I tense a little as I see them enter the bar. He’s walking right behind her. Close. Like, his front is touching her back. I narrow my eyes to watch them move through the crowd towards the bar.
Right, they need to get their wristband if they want to have their single’s discount.
But why are they so close?
Am I missing something? Nate was not—
Right. Was. He was not. I should have assumed that he could change in over 9 years. Maybe he’s the commitment type now. Maybe they were, indeed, having sex in his car just then.
I release a deep breath. Am I okay with that? I’ve changed. Prue is a grown up, and I don’t have a say to who she is dating—or not dating. I want her to be happy. To find love. To be surrounded by people who care.
Why not Nate?
No. Not Nate. He’s messing with me, he’s not really—
“Are you alright?” I snap my head to the side towards Ikram who’s looking at me with concern, and force myself to relax.
“Sure! I’m really happy to be here with you guys.”
“You look a little worried,” Evie adds softly.
“It’s nothing. Probably. I’m—” I pause, taking another deep breath. “How long have you known Nate?” I ask them.
Both their eyebrows rise in surprise and they exchange a look.
“About four years,” Evie says, leaning forward to set her drink on the table between us. “Why?”
“It’s just… We had a fight a long time ago. Because I was a stupid paranoid ass and—”
“Oh, we know. He told us,” Ikram says with a shrug.
“Don’t tell me you’re worried about Nate hurting Prue?” Evie asks, rolling her eyes.
“Is it bad that I am? Just a little?”
They exchange another look before Ikram leans back on the couch, clearing his throat. What the hell is happening? They’ve glanced at each other a few times already, and it always looks like they share a secret.
“You shouldn’t worry. As a matter of fact, he’s still a little bit hung up on a girl he met in college,” Evie says with a smirk, and I catch Ikram shaking his head in disbelief. “Every time he gets drunk, he talks about her. I’m not even sure he remembers telling us.”
I frown. I don’t remember him ever being hung up over a girl back in college. Was it during the last week left of college when we weren’t talking anymore?
“You’re telling me he hasn’t been with anyone else from college to—”
“Oh no, he has,” she scoffs. “But you shouldn’t worry about your sister. He’d never see her like… that. A hook up, or whatever.”
She clears her throat, and my eyes dart back and forth from her to Ikram a couple of times. I look back towards where Nate and Prue are waiting at the bar and gasp when I see the twin red paper bands on their respective wrists.
Wait, back the fuck up for a second.
“What the hell,” I breathe.
Ikram lifts his head, following my gaze, and curses softly under his breath.
Something doesn’t add up. She looks annoyed, staring at the red paper circling her wrist. But he only stares at her, darting his eyes every time she looks up. ‘ He’s still a little bit hung up on a girl he met in college ’.
Wait, wait, wait…
“Hold on a second, is—”
“For fuck’s sake, Evie, you should learn to stop talking and let people figure things out on their own,” Ikram groans, burying his head in his hands.
“It’s obvious to someone who can look, Ikram!” Evie hissed, crossing her arms. “I mean, he never told us her name, but it was obvious!”
“He did mention her brother, so of course it was obvious!”
“Oh, come on, you were dying to tell him. To tell her for the whole of last month.”
“But I didn’t! As far as we know, he had another disabled roommate with a sister, I didn’t want to—”
“Really? Are you listening to yourself?”
They’re throwing their argument around like a tennis ball, and I’m stuck on the side, gaping at them both. They’ve clearly forgotten about me, talking to each other, confirming my sudden suspicions and adding missing puzzle pieces to the mix.
Nate didn’t have another disabled college roommate.
Nate didn’t have sex with anyone in our room during our fourth year. And he slept there often, if not every night.
Because he had a crush on Prue. Like a real one, not the “I want to fuck her once and be done with it” one.
That’s why he was so eager to push the guys away from her. That’s why he didn’t really defend himself when I went berserk on his ass, except promising he had no intention to hurt her and swearing they didn’t have sex.
Maybe that’s why he was avoiding me a little in our fourth year. Maybe he was feeling guilty about this. About having a crush on Prue. My sister.
“Holy fuck.”
Both Evie and Ikram suddenly stop bickering and turn their faces towards me. And I’m just an idiot. A blind idiot. Because they’re right. There were signs, and it was obvious to the attentive eye.
He asked me if Prudence was coming when he showed me the house. He rushed to step in when she needed someone to pick her up. For a whole month he’s played cab, not letting her take an Uber or a ride from someone else. He was upset to learn that she ended up dating Jerkwood when we both left college. He—
I could go on and on. Obvious . How am I so fucking blind? Are they together? Are they hiding it from me? Is—
“Relax. I can see smoke coming out of your ears,” Ikram says, leaning to talk in my ear. “They aren’t together, and she has no fucking clue. As clueless as you. Actually, I’d say even worse.’’ I turn my head to face him and our faces are just a few inches apart. His eyes widen and a slight blush creeps up his cheeks. “But he cares. Don’t go crazy on him. It already broke him to lose you 9 years ago, even though he never acted on his feelings for her.”
I freeze, remembering our conversation the day he showed me the house. ‘ It never mattered if I wanted her or not because I never would have acted on it .’ I let out a frustrated groan. He told me. I would have understood if I wasn’t so blind or dumb or deaf. Or all the above.
“I’m such a shitty friend,” I sigh. “For fuck’s sake, it was obvious! Are there shards in my fucking eyes that are making me blind? A whole ball of yarn in both my ears? Uuuugh.”
Ikram’s hand comes to rest on my shoulder while Evie leans forward to rub my knee gently.
“Now, what do you want to do? Are you going to talk to him, or…”
She pauses, waiting for me. What do I want to do? It changes things. Back then I thought he wanted to fuck her. I didn’t know how he felt. I still don’t, technically. I lift my gaze and see Prue, texting on her phone. Nate, watching her. He always looks at her, even if it’s just a glance. I never picked up on it before, but he always did.
And she’s clueless. And maybe he’s been toying with me, but I feel like deep down, maybe he’s testing the waters.
Maybe I should be the one to play with him now.
“I won’t,” I answer finally. “Not yet. He played with my head, and now it’s my turn to have a little fun too.”
“Oh, come on… Don’t be mean, don’t you think he’s been through enough?”
“He has,” I nod.
And now, it’s time I fix what I broke, and make sure Prue lives happily ever after at the same time. But I can still have a little fun doing that.