I WON’T BE AN UNCLE SOON?
16
Nuri : So, how was that first month?
Nuri : Did you help make an arrest?
Prudence : So far I’ve done 18 sketches
Prudence : 12 of them actually useful
Prudence : And I’d rather forget about the last one.
Nuri : Oh, was the witness one of those high people who are sure the person stealing their car had purple skin and green hair?
Prudence : I’m not sure she was on drugs.
Prudence : We know what type of shoes he was wearing, but not his actual hair color or style.
Nuri : Ah… One of those.
Nuri : Anyway, I have good news!
Nuri : I can come by next week-end. Kids and husband away, just me, you, and Jack for forty eight hours.
Prudence : Awesome, I’m in! I’ll tell Jack.
Nuri : Can’t wait.
Nuri : Oh, and if Jack and that cute Ikram guy get together, he’s welcome to join.
Nuri : Also, your new friend Evie.
Nuri : And we can’t forget Nate.
Prudence : No, please, not Nate.
Nuri : It will be just like in college when we were going to the bar and you couldn’t drink, except this time you can!
PRUDENCE
I stare at my wrist—or the red paper band circling it—with a frown. This plan is dumb. And we can kiss goodbye to our cocktail discount. How is everyone not wearing green? Even the couples? Just pretend you’re single for the cheap booze, for fuck sake!
“We should go to the table and wait for the waitress to take our order there,” I groan when my fourth attempt to catch the barman’s attention fails.
“They probably already have their drinks, so the waitresses won’t go over there for a while.”
I sigh, turning my head so I can look everywhere but at him.
I can still feel his gaze on me, and I’m overwhelmed by the intensity of it.
I’m upset. I don’t know if it’s because of him and how he acted at the precinct, or at me because his plan is actually not too bad. Even though I keep telling myself it’s dumb. It is . Definitely . Dumb, but he has a point. I don’t want Raph to talk to me. And I don’t want to be on his wife’s—ex-wife or whatever, let’s just call her by her name, Meredith’s —radar. Especially if I’m going to see her at work. There’s no way I’m going to let this guy ruin my work because he can’t understand how uncomfortable it is for me. I already hate having to work with him, let’s not add a jealous Meredith to the mix.
“They’re here,” he whispers in my ear, leaning closer, invading my space.
His breath is warm against my neck, and I close my eyes as the goosebumps spread from my ear to my hand. My head spins a little and I realize I’ve been holding my breath. I gasp, allowing my lungs to inhale sharply, and I fight the urge to stop breathing again when my mind is transported back to that first time he came into my room to pose for me, and wiped graphite off my nose with his tee-shirt.
The same perfume. The same one I smelled on his sweater at the restaurant as well. The same that clings to him and even the inside of his car.
Oh god, does this man smell good. A mixture of soap and wood, with a hint of the ocean in the morning. And I realize I’ve been holding my breath every time he’s near. Why? I’m not sure. But it takes me back to that day, his shirt rubbing on my nose and his scent overwhelming me.
“Prue, are you all right?”
Our gaze finally meets and I’m surprised to see concern darkening his azur eyes.
“What?”
“Are you alright? You’re breathing all… Wrong. Are you panicking?”
My eyes widen. Real smooth, Prue. Can’t even breathe like a normal human being .
“I’m fine! Sorry, I—”
“No apologies.”
“Right,” I roll my eyes. “What is your pro—”
“Hey guys! It’s good to see you again,” Matthew interrupts me, placing his hand on Nate’s shoulder. “It’s packed tonight, I was afraid you guys would go somewhere else.”
Nate turns to face him with a tight smile, and I take them all in. Matthew is here, holding a kind looking blond woman’s hand. Three other detectives are right behind him—Jacinda, Oliver and… Was it Tom?—with a couple of people I’ve never seen—maybe the other sketch artists—and finally Raph and Meredith .
Wait, how does Nate know her name? Are Raph and him friends of some sort? Or is it only because he goes to the precinct to treat some of them that they met?
“We’re meeting friends, so no bailing for us,” Nate says, pulling my stool close to his so we’re flushed against each other.
I tense when I’m surrounded by his perfume and warmth before I can even think to stop breathing. What’s wrong with me ?
“So, Nate,” Raph says sternly, and I can’t help but lean a little more against him. “I didn’t know you and Prue… Knew each other.”
I feel Meredith’s gaze burning a hole on my cheek and I fight the urge to flinch.
But then, Nate’s hand slips over mine, interlacing our fingers, and I snap my head towards his in surprise, forgetting all about the people surrounding us.
His eyes are boring into mine and his smile is warm. My stool is so close to his that I’m nearly on his lap, and my heart is just a few beats away from bursting out of my chest. What’s shining in his gaze is obviously mischief from duping everyone here. My skin is burning from everywhere our clothes and skin touch. Our legs, hips, arms, and hands.
“We met in college,” he says, not breaking eye contact with me, a smile on his lips. “Lost touch for about nine years and found each other again a few weeks ago.”
All true. I hadn’t met him before I started college myself during his fourth year, even though Jack was talking about him a lot. Then Jack freaked out in May, just a week before they both finished their last year, and he disappeared until we arrived here.
“Nice story,” Matthew says in a kind voice, but I don’t turn, still enraptured in Nate’s gaze. Why won’t he look away? He’s talking to them. Why is he staring at me? “I met my wife in college too. You remember Daze? I was like a lovesick puppy, following her around and she didn’t notice me for ages,” he laughs.
“And are you guys dating?” Raph asks, ignoring his friend.
Nate finally breaks our connection to stare at him, and I feel like my lungs can finally welcome air again. His thumb is rubbing circles on the side of my hand. Why does this appease me?
“If you’re asking whether or not you’re going to see me hanging around the precinct more outside of consultations, the answer is yes.”
I turn my face, and catch Raph glaring at Nate, his eyes darting between him and me. Meredith looks a little less tense next to him, but is still studying us with watchful eyes.
“That wasn’t really the question, Reed,” he says, cocking a brow.
Nate frowns slightly, but gives him a cocky grin. “Why do you ask, Detective Ortega?”
He flinches. It’s subtle but I see it. And Meredith probably noticed it too, as she crosses her arms and turns her focus to him.
“I’m glad to see you back with the crew, Meredith,” Nate adds before Raph has the time to explain anything, but his tone couldn’t be flatter. “No matter how… Ugly, things got.”
Ugly? Raph said he was divorced, but never told me why and how it happened. If she’s a lawyer, things probably got bad for him when it was settled.
“We’ve worked things out,” Raph says quickly, giving Meredith’s hand a squeeze. “And I’m only asking because she works with us now, and we like to know our people,” he shrugs, but it looks forced.
Nate nods slowly, still glaring at him.
Alright, I’m sensing obvious tension here. I’ll have to ask what the hell happened between them for their interaction to be so… Hostile. However, Nate’s still not answering the question, and I’m wondering if he’s avoiding talking for me, like I asked him to. But their staring contest is obviously making everyone uncomfortable. Me included.
Fuck it.
“We’re dating, yes,” I finally say, fidgeting on my stool. “It’s new, so we’re trying not to advertise it too much outside of our close circle. I’d appreciate it if we don’t talk about it anymore.”
I’m avoiding Raph’s gaze, focusing instead on Matthew and his wife’s kind smile, returning one of my own. The others are all too happy to ignore our weird exchange and talk between themselves.
“Ignore Raphael,” she says, taking a step closer to us, handing her hand to shake. “He’s obviously lost his manners during his rough year, but he means well. I’m Daisy, Matthew’s wife,” she says, and I shake her hand with my free one. “And that’s Meredith. Raphael’s… Hum, girlfriend. We’d love you to join us for lunch sometime.”
Not happening . “Sure, maybe in a couple of weeks, when I’m more settled.” Or never.
She seems nice. But I’d rather not be stuck with Meredith, even for an hour. This weird exchange is enough for me, even though she didn’t say a word.
“Hey guys, sorry for the wait,” the barman says, stopping at our level, and I could kiss him for saving us. “What can I get you?”
I release a deep sigh as we both turn on our stools. Finally, we can get our drinks, and join the others to escape this awkward encounter.
“What do you want, baby?” I try not to cringe at the murmured sweet tone of Nate’s voice. And the pet name that I asked him not to use but still makes butterflies erupt in my belly.
I cast a quick glance towards Raph who’s glaring at our backs, and roll my eyes. The nerves on that man… “A Scotch, please. Neat.”
I smile at the Barman, ignoring Raph’s drilling gaze on my back.
“I’ll get the same,” Nate says, and I shiver when I feel his nose rubbing softly on my shoulder.
The barman doesn’t react, and takes a look at our wrists before taking off to take care of our orders.
“He’s mad,” Nate whispers in my ear. “He’s trying to hide it so Meredith won’t pick up on it, but she’s not stupid. I think he’ll leave you alone, even just so she doesn’t ask too much about you.”
“Uh uh,” I nod, distracted by his closeness.
Why is he so close? Right. To make it ‘believable’. Still, it’s confusing all my senses. My skin feels too hot, and my head is spinning a little from his intoxicating perfume. Should I rub my nose in graphite so he can wipe it again with his shirt? Or—
Oh no. No, no, no. What the fuck is wrong with me? Not going there. I can’t blame the alcohol, so let’s go with the brain issues again.
Facts: He’s Jack’s friend. Jack freaked out because he thought we were having sex behind his back. I don’t care that he changed, I’m not going there again. Get the memo stupid hormones. I won’t be responsible for a failure in Jack’s plan. He wants to reconnect, and he shall succeed. I don’t care that Nate’s hot. And confusing me with this weird act. Because that’s what it is. An act . You get it, damn brain? An. Act .
“Has anyone told you how pretty you look today?” He breathes against the skin of my neck, and I nearly choke on air. If he pretends to hit on me, he should at least say it loud enough for people to hear.
“No. And what is wrong with you?” I whisper-yell, turning my face towards him, blushing when my cheek brushes his nose.
His chin is resting on my shoulder and a smug smile illuminates his face.
Ugh, stop being so damn handsome. Just turn it off. Bury your head in the mud or something.
He shrugs. “Nothing’s wrong with me. I just wanted to make sure you knew how beautiful you are.”
If I was drinking, I would probably have spit it through my nose all over the counter. Have I stepped into another universe?
“Seriously. You’re scaring me.”
Both his eyebrows lift up in surprise. “Why?”
I’m dreaming. There’s no way he just asked why he’s scaring me.
“Why?” I repeat slowly.
“Why am I scaring you?” He asks again, confused.
“Because you’re acting weird. Why the hell would you tell me I look beautiful?”
“Because you do,” he answers, insisting on the last word. “Why are you surprised by me admitting it?”
“Because I’m—”
Because I’m not . An old bookshelf, remember? And he’s not moving, his face resting comfortably on my shoulder, his stool slightly behind mine, and his hand still gripping mine and stroking it softly.
“I’m—” I pause, confused by the same confusion I see in his eyes. “I’m not.”
He rears back then, his brows pulling down in a frown. “What?”
“I’m not!”
“Why the hell would you think that?”
Why the —Is he kidding me? “Because of you, you stupid assface!” I whisper-yell, low enough so bystanders can’t hear, but the words make him flinch all the same. “I’ve just learned that the reason I got stood up so much in college was because of you and not because I was an ugly troll. It takes time to rebuild the kind of confidence I lost. So no, I don’t think I’m particularly beautiful, even though I know now that I’m not an actual monster. But you don’t get to come and tell me this kind of thing after you sneakily broke my mind for a whole year.” His lips are parted in shock, understanding flashing in his—damn him—beautiful azur eyes. “It hurts, doesn’t it? To realize your actions have consequences.”
“There you go. That’ll be $17, please.”
We both stand up from our stools, the motion bringing us chest to chest. I’m trying my best to control my breathing, succeeding, but poorly. My heart is still beating a little too fast, and my chest rises quickly and irregularly.
I release an annoyed sigh and start searching my purse for my credit card, but he stops me by grabbing my wrist, and our eyes clash again. He gives his card to the barman with his free hand, letting it rest on the counter afterwards, effectively caging me in, his gaze not leaving mine making my breath hitch.
“I didn’t mean to,” he says softly. “To hurt your self confidence. But I’m not sorry for what I did. Call me a selfish asshole if you want, but I heard some of them speak about you. Their intentions were clear and I couldn’t see you hurt. But you should have understood that you were never the problem. They were. For being lying assholes who were willing to do anything just to fuck you, even pretending they cared. You’re perfect. Your soul is beautiful. Your talent is a gift. There’s nothing wrong with you. And I don’t care if I have to tell you how incredible you are everyday of my goddamn life, you will wrap your head around it. I’m sorry for hurting you. But never for what I did back then. And I’ll kick Jack’s ass for not telling you how beautiful you are and letting you think for one moment that all that happened because there was something wrong with you.”
I’m going to faint, right here and now. Because my lungs can’t get any fucking air and I’m frozen in place, staring at the mixture of anger, worry, and confusion swirling in his eyes. I’m not sure when and how, but his hand is not circling my wrist anymore, his fingers are interlacing mine.
Is there something I’ve been missing? He’s been speaking too low for all this to be an act for others. I’m not even sure they’re paying attention to us anymore, as I can’t seem to look away from Nate.
Nate who says I’m beautiful. Just wearing my work clothes and barely any make-up.
Jack never said I was ugly, but he never said that I was beautiful outright. Sometimes, when I dress up, yes, but never on a regular day. And I don’t blame him. We were raised in a family that never said these kinds of things.
Nuri did smack me on the back of the head every time I talked myself down. But she was living far away, and I’ve just learned to not say what I was thinking about myself in front of her.
The curse of being raised in a large family who never really cared about one another. You learn to hide how you really feel and never talk about it, bottling things up until you’re just a mess of unchecked emotions. So you don’t become a problem to others. And those emotions become a problem for the future you.
And now I’m an emotional mess, unable to regulate and understand how I feel most of the time. If a feeling hits me too strongly, my first reaction is to try and lock it down. Harder to do with each year. Now, when it happens, there’s a 75% chance that I just end up bursting out. Uncontrollable tears, my body shaking, or getting downright depressed for a few days.
And right now, my mind is all over the place. I’m not sure what to do between laughing hysterically or crying at the realization that no one has actually ever told me that I’m beautiful.
And no, my exes’ “You’re so hot” sex confessions don’t count.
That’s another sad realization.
“There you go,” the barman says, interrupting my freaked out overthinking brain.
Nate finally turns his face away from me to grab his card, pocketing it in his back pocket before getting both our drinks from the counter, handing me one, just as our eyes meet again.
“Let’s join our friends,” Nate says in a low voice, sliding a hand in the small of my back to lead me away from the bar.
I feel gazes on the back of my head. Probably Raph’s and the others that I almost forgot were here the whole time. Did they hear us? Did they listen when I snapped at him? Will they realize that our little play was all a scam?
My thoughts are interrupted when I meet Jack’s eyes, and I gasp, my own eyes going wide.
What—
“What are you doing out of your chair?” I ask, freezing on the spot, Nate bumping into me from the sudden stop, his hands finding my waist to stabilize us.
Jack beams, leaning to the side to grab the armrest of the small couch, and push himself up, standing to his full height.
Oh. My. God.
I haven’t seen him standing on his own for—well fuck, I don’t even know how long.
“Surprise,” he says with a kind smile, spreading his arms in front of him.
I take a few hesitant steps forward, and I’m engulfed in a tight hug the second I’m in his reach. Jack. Standing. And hugging me. It’s been so long since he’s actually hugged me like this.
“How?” I ask, because I can’t think of anything else.
“Let’s say, Nate here is a mean but efficient one and couldn’t be satisfied with just helping me with the pain. He said he would put everything out of my reach in the house if I didn’t try to walk a little. We started after the downpour was over, and it got a little better every day,” he pauses, pulling back just enough to look at my face with a smile. “Maybe you could join us for a walk tomorrow?”
“A walk? Hell yeah, I will!” I’m trying my hardest to hold the happy tears from falling down my face.
My brother. So lonely and in so much pain just over a month ago, now surrounded by people and actually getting better enough to walk and smile sincerely.
If I wasn’t so confused about Nate right now, I could just hug him.
“Alright, now let’s celebrate that first week of work,” he says, sitting back down next to Ikram, and I can’t help but notice the way he looks at my brother. His eyes shining with admiration and longing.
I didn’t have the opportunity to talk to him about it. He’s been pretty adamant about not dating for a while, too scared to get hurt again and worried he can’t find someone with the patience to deal with him and support his disease.
But Ikram is ready for all that. I’ve noticed the subtle touches and looks they exchange, and I think Jack should give it a chance.
“We were saving you a chair, but you guys took so long to order that it got stolen,” Evie sighs in her glass, looking around her in search of a potential free seat. “There’s just one spot next to Jack, if he can scoop a little closer to Ikram, but maybe we can look for another—”
“We’ll be fine,” Nate says, squeezing my waist. I don’t see his face as he’s standing right behind me, but I can hear the smug smile in his voice. “Won’t we, baby ?”
“What are you doing?” I ask, through gritted teeth, turning my face just enough to see him smirk at me over my shoulder.
“The seat is facing the bar,” he whispers in my ear, and I notice Jack’s gaze narrow from the corner of my eyes. “Perfect to give Raph a show. There’re no other seats, you could sit on my lap.”
My throat bobs.
Oh god, what the hell have I launched myself into?
“There’s no need for you to call me baby ,” I grit out.
“Poking your brother one last time, remember?” He chuckles, his nose brushing my temple and the warm puffs of hair burning my cheeks. My eyes meet Jack’s narrowed ones and I force a smile.
“Fine,” I mutter, stepping away from him to let him sit next to Jack who scoots closer to Ikram.
I don’t have the time to think about it, that Nate’s arm circles my waist and pulls me down on his lap. However, despite my best efforts to stay on the edge of his knees, avoiding all unnecessary contact, my back quickly becomes tired, and I struggle to focus on the conversation they’re all having.
After about ten minutes of me fighting with myself, oblivious to the world surrounding me, Nate lifts his knees slightly, making me fall backward and land right against his chest with a gasp.
“You looked like you were trying to find a solution to reach world peace,” he whispers in my ear, tightening his arm around me so I can’t even try to go back to the uncomfortable spot at the edge of his knees. “Relax. We’ll get you a chair as soon as we can, since I’m not comfortable enough for you,” he chuckles.
I roll my eyes and let out a frustrated sigh but don’t object and don’t try to move away. My back is actually thanking me for his hard chest now supporting it.
“Care to explain why you guys are wearing matching red wristbands?” Jack finally asks, tilting his head towards our hands. Nate’s resting on the top of my thigh and mine, fisted awkwardly next to it.
“Raph’s here,” I mutter through my teeth. “With his ex-wife turned girlfriend. And he’s been trying to talk to me, despite asking me to quit a month ago.”
“Still doesn’t explain this,” Jack says, arching a brow. “Do you guys have something to share with the group?”
I frown, confused, but Nate’s chest rumbles in my back and his breathy chuckle warms the side of my face. Again.
“Nate’s only trying to help. In his… own weird way. Raph will probably leave me alone if he believes I’m with someone…” I pause, turning a little to see him, narrowing my eyes. “What the hell happened between you too? That whole exchange was hostile, and it sure as fuck wasn’t because of me.”
He winces when I move but grumbles, after clearing his throat. “That’s a story for another day.”
“So you’re telling me that I won’t be an uncle soon?” Jack adds playfully. “Shame. I was hoping I’d be one before I—”
“Oh no, don’t you dare finish that sentence,” I cut him off with a glare but he just grins at me.
“I didn’t know you wanted to be an uncle,” Nate adds, and his fingers start rubbing distractedly on my thigh. “That can be arranged, right baby ?”
I groan in frustration, but turn back to face forward, feeling him tensing again behind me, his hand gripping suddenly on my thigh. I realize then, his wallet, or keys are pressing against my ass. Me moving around probably hurts him. “Do you need me to stand up so you can put your wallet away?”
I lean forward to stand but he grabs my hips quickly pulling me back down before my ass ever leaves his lap, muttering a curse as he rests his forehead against the back of my head. “Not my wallet,” he rasps. “Please don’t stand up, and stop moving around.”