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50
2 WEEKS LATER
Matthew : We’ve heard about your brother, we’re sorry for your loss.
Matthew : Nate looks miserable, so I can’t even imagine how you must feel.
Matthew : I hope he’s taking care of you at home.
Matthew : Take care, and we can’t wait to see you again at the precinct
Matthew : Ps; Raph has been transferred to another precinct during the harassment investigation.
Matthew : I’ve got your back. We all do.
Nuri : We’re all getting worried, Prue… Where are you?
Nuri : I know It’s hard. But you’re not alone in this.
Nuri : Please, let us help.
Ikram : Please come back.
Ikram : Or at least tell us you’re okay.
Ikram : You don’t have to go through this alone.
Evie : Hey Girl, I hope you’re okay.
Evie : You’re lucky I know you’re alive through “find your friend”.
Evie : Unless someone stole your phone…
Evie : Nate’s parents pressured him into emptying the house.
Evie : Don’t worry, I helped him put all of Jack’s and your stuff into his house.
Evie : We’re all waiting and praying for your safe return.
Nate : Come home please…
Nate : You asked me once to be your rock. Let me.
Nate : Just… Come home.
PRUDENCE
I stand on the grass, my feet bare and my sandals dangling from my hand, a lone tear rolling down my cheek.
“I don’t know why I’m here, because you never listen to me anyway,” I say, looking at his smiling face, the large sunflower I hold in my hand partially hiding it. “But you need to know that I am mad. Mad about all those things you haven’t said to me. Mad about everything you hid and lied about. Mad that I had to learn about all of this in letters, when you could have told me in person, before all this happened.
“Did you think I would not understand? Did you believe I would not support you?” I ask, but get no answers. “Because I love you and I would have, no matter how painful it would’ve been.”
A strangled sob breaches my throat and I close my eyes. My heart is waiting for him to talk back. To explain. To apologize, anything.
He doesn’t.
The wind is picking up and the sound of my flowy baby blue dress flapping around my calves and knees is the only thing I can hear.
“But I forgive you. No matter how broken my soul is, I forgive you, and I love you.”
I take a few steps and kneel on the freshly turned soil, moving a few vases aside on the stone a few inches.
In Loving memory of
Jack Willow,
“Despite knowing they won’t be here for long, they still choose to live their brightest lives—sunflowers.” – Rupi Kaur.
“I’m lost, Jack. I’ve been driving for two weeks, and I don’t know what to do. I fucked up. I freaked out and left Nate and our friends behind. They’ll never forgive me. Ikram will not forgive me for leaving while he was also grieving you.”
A soft hand lands on my shoulder and more tears fall down my cheeks.
“You can’t—you can’t be gone. Not now that we’ve found a new family, one we chose. One that chose us. Not now that we’re—That we’re…” I sob, my whole body shaking, my face buried in my hands.
“Prudence,” Ikram’s voice calls me softly. “Prue, look at me.”
But I can’t. My head feels too heavy, my throat is too tight and I can’t breathe.
I feel him shift behind me before he wraps me in his arms, choking on a sob.
I’m not sure how long we stay here, holding each other and crying for the home we lost. Because he’s been my home for twenty-eight years, but he’s become Ikram’s too. Ikram, who knew Jack’s days were numbered, but still threw himself heart and soul into his arms.
“I—I can’t find my way back…”
“You already did, Prudence,” Ikram says against my temple. He’s kneeling on the ground next to me. “You’re back. It’s where you belong, here, with all of us. Here, close to where Jack is resting.” He pauses, rubbing his hands on my naked arms, warming me from the cool wind. “I come here everyday, you know?” I didn’t. “Mostly because I love your brother and I miss him so much that I struggle to breathe and eat and drink most of the time. But also because everyday, I hope to find you here. To tell you that even if my heart feels broken, I don’t regret anything. I don’t regret our month together, I don’t regret falling in love with him. I don’t even mind that he lied, and hid things. Because, thanks to you, and me, and all of us, he changed his mind in the end. He wanted to live, and was happy to live. I just wish we had more time.”
Another sob wrecks my body, and his hold tightens around me. I grip his hands with mine, trying to get a hold on myself, on my overflowing emotions.
After what felt like hours but was probably minutes, my sobs have stopped and I’m just sitting on the ground, surrounded by an appeasing Ikram, just silent tears falling down the sides of my face.
“I know now is probably not the right time, but since I’m not sure you’re not a flight risk anymore, I’ll tell you anyway,” he says calmly, not letting go of his hold. “While you were away, a Private Investigator came by the house. We only saw him because we were there moving Jack’s and your stuff to Nate’s, and he didn’t know Jack passed away. But he came here to tell us that he found what Jack asked him to. Apparently, Jack also told him that if he was not around, he was allowed to give the information to one of us. Your biological parents are alive and well. The file with all their information is waiting for you at Nate’s to do whatever you want with it.”
He holds me tighter, pressing his lips on my temple kindly, and I think I’m in shock, because I don’t register him letting go and standing up.
“Whatever you do, you know how to reach us. We’re here for you. Always.”
I don’t register him walking away either. One moment he’s here, and the next he’s gone and I feel cold again.
I stare at the picture of Jack on the stone in silence. His smile, frozen in time.
“You didn’t want to know your story, but I did. I was going to wait a few month before bringing it up, to tell you what happened before you got adopted in our fucked up family,” I pause, like he could still stop me, like he could still object to knowing the truth. But he doesn’t. “You were born in Sweden, but you already know that. Your mother was thirty five years old, and it was an accidental pregnancy. She actually learned she was pregnant the moment she went into labor. But she decided to keep you, even though she did not say who your father was. She thought she couldn’t have children and after the initial shock, she was excited to start this new life with you. But she died of a cardiac arrest in the hospital two days after you were born. She might have had an undiagnosed Steinert Disease, as it’s a genetic condition…”
I pause, inhaling a deep breath to hold the tears back.
“You were handed over to the orphanage that shipped you to Aspen at three months old, after you were explicitly requested by our family. Probably because of those scores or whatever.”
I stare at his green eyes, shining in the picture. A simple shot that I took with my phone that afternoon we were all at the beach. Happiness frozen in time.
“Anyway, that’s your story. You were not given up. In a way, your real family was stolen away from you. If your mother did not die, maybe you would have lived a happy life with her. Maybe you would even have met your dad, eventually. Maybe they would have taken you to Pride Parades and loved you the way you deserved to be loved. You wouldn’t have been my home, and I wouldn’t have been yours, but you never would have known the heartbreak of being rejected by your family.
“And you know, I think it helps me storytelling this to you,” I chuckle with a choked sob. “Because I’m picturing you reunited with your mom. The one who was so surprised and happy to give birth to you. The one who was ready to turn her life upside down to find a place for you. Now, whatever there is after all this, you can be with her. I’m sure she has been waiting for you all this time.”
I inhale deeply through the tears.
He’s not suffering anymore. I don’t know what comes after, but I know the wheelchair, the drugs, and the pain did not follow him there.
“You’ll always be my home,” I whisper, reaching for the sunflower, holding the stem in my hand. “Do you think Nate will forgive me for running away? Will I still be his home after all that? Or did I mess it—”
I jolt, hearing a car door slam behind me, followed by footsteps, running towards me.
“Prudence!” I hear Nate call, and I sob again, turning and standing up slowly.
Our eyes meet one second before he collides against me, wrapping his strong arms around me. And I’m crying again, hugging him, holding him as close to me as I possibly can. And I think he’s crying too, his heart beating a thousand miles an hour.
“Prudence…” He whispers in my hair, cupping the back of my head with both hands.
“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I’m sorry I ran, I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls, your texts, I’m—”
“Don’t apologize.” He lifts my head and crushes his lips to mine, our kiss salty with tears. “I’ve loved you for ten years even when you were away. No matter where you are in the world, you still live in my head and my heart. I was just worried sick.”
I grip at his shirt, the sunflower still in my hand, our face and clothes becoming wetter, not only from our tears but from the rain that had started to pour too.
“I’m scared, Nate.”
“I know, sweetness. I know.”
“I couldn’t read the letters. It took me one week to open them and then I was too far away to come back immediately. But he’s gone, and I don’t know what to do—”
“It’s alright,” he whispers, kissing my forehead. “I’m your rock, remember? Whatever comes next, we’ll do it together. If you want to travel and find your birth parents, we’ll go. If you want to go back to work, I’ll drive you. If you want to go and see Nuri, I’ll come with you. Because you’re my home. And wherever you are is where I belong. I just hope you don’t want to be away from me, because I don’t think I can survive it now, not after everything…”
I cup his face with my free hand and he places his palm over it. We’re both soaked from the rain. Dark circles darken his face, but his ocean eyes shine with relief and hope.
And I see it.
I see the home I’ve started to build with him before the grief overwhelmed me. I see the home Jack told me not to be scared of, not to push away.
I kiss him softly.
“Take me home, Nate.”