Chapter 14 #2
“Please don’t. The last thing I need is your pity.
I’m a poor little rich girl who has daddy issues.
There is nothing original or extraordinary about me.
My job was a handout from my brother. I live in my fiancé’s apartment, which doubles as a storage unit for his accolades and is the place where he rests his head a handful of nights each month.
My college degree, the one I’m not even using, was paid for by my absentee father.
“All I have that is truly mine are my choices. And as dumb as they may seem to all of you, they are still mine. And if I’m making a huge mistake, well, I guess that’s my mistake to own.”
“Daisy—”
“We don’t—”
“You shouldn’t—”
The chill at my back signals that Luke has returned and likely heard every word I said. I feel him at my side before he even speaks.
“You don’t love him, Daisy.” Luke’s words silence us all.
I cross my arms in defiance, but the harsh tone in my voice has all but disappeared. “How would you know? You won’t even RSVP for my wedding.”
He leans closer, hands resting on the top of his vacant chair. “You really want me there, D?”
I jut my chin out and nod after a few beats.
The chair creaks under his hands. “Then I’ll be there.” He grabs his coat and tears out of the restaurant.
The secret pathway of the thoughts I harbored in my heart, kept far from my brain, clears as I finally answer Luke honestly.
“I—I think I loved the idea of what our lives could have been together. The bits and pieces he promised me along with the gaps I knew I’d have to fill.
The same way I learned to do with my relationship with my father.
” I release a deep breath. “I wanted a family. A husband and kids. To create the home I never had growing up. Knowing that even though he wasn’t the perfect man, I’d be able to experience motherhood and get to be the mom I wasn’t able to have.
Offer children the warmth I wasn’t freely given, the safety in secure arms. The support I needed while I was alone at boarding school.
” I shake my head. “But honestly, Luke. No. I don’t think I really loved him.
And before you go off and judge me, it’s probably because I was struggling to love myself too, okay? ”
I think back to that night a few months ago, when Luke flat-out told me in front of our friends that I didn’t love Damien. I was furious at him for the very first time in our friendship.
Because he was right. And I hated that of all people, he was the only person bold enough to say it to my face.
The truth, while freeing, also has me feeling like I’m sinking farther into myself.
The parts that aren’t shiny and perfect.
The ones that would make it easy for the people in my life to walk away if they really knew how close I was to losing my mind while living the life that felt like a true and utter lie.
I expect him to give me his version of tough love. To tell me I’m wrong for convincing myself of so many untruths.
Instead, his face softens. “I get it. I’ve been in your shoes before. It’s why I hid from the spotlight for so many years before deciding to join the Monarchs team last year. It’s—it’s why I ran.”
I try to hide my shock. Luke’s never talked about his tragic past with me. Or anyone else on the team from what I’ve overheard.
It feels grimy to know something about a person based on the articles written about them instead of hearing it straight from them.
Yet there was no way to look up Luke online without being faced with the devastating headlines that seem forever synonymous with his name.
But I still won’t pry or ask for details. That’ll all have to come from him.
I place my hand on top of his on the island, and he turns his over, intertwining our fingers. My soft, small hand, in his rough calloused one feels oddly familiar, as if we’ve done this countless times before.
“Thank you for telling me, Luke. I know you don’t like to talk about the past.”
He stares at our hands, studying them for so long that I think he’s about to change the subject altogether when he finally speaks.
“You know what, Daze? I think it’s time I start shedding some of my past and try to start living a little.
” His eyes lift to meet mine. “Because something tells me if I don’t take advantage of the opportunity presented before me, I might live to regret it. ”
“What do you mean?”
His head bows slightly and his closed eyelids twitch softly.
I almost convince myself that I can hear as he counts in his head.
When his head raises and eyes meet mine, they seem clear, lighter than moments before.
“Before we get into me and my demons, how about we figure out how to put yours to bed?”
“Nothing’s happening in my bed,” I quip before I’m able to reel it in. And then I remember something he said—or rather stopped himself from saying. “When I told you I never slept with Damien and that we had separate bedrooms, you started to say something but never finished.”
His eyes narrow slightly. “You sure you want me to answer that, Daisy girl?”
There it is again. That slow drawl that lacks innocence.
I lift my chin. “I asked, didn’t I?”
He leans in closer, his attention floating between my eyes and my lips.
“I was going to say that had it been me”—his voice drops even lower, taking on a gravelly tone—“there wouldn’t be an inch of your body that hadn’t been marked by me.
You’d never have to wonder what it felt like to come completely undone.
And trust me, Daze, you’d have to beg me for mercy to stop the onslaught of orgasms I’d give you.
” A slow smirk appears under his beard. “That’s what I was going to say. ”
“Oh.” I drop my eyes as a deep blush creeps up my neck.
Am I breathing? I think I am. But I can’t be quite sure.
Because that was… whoa. Not what I was expecting him to say. And now that he has, I want to dare him to do it. I want to see if he’s actually telling the truth or saying it for the sake of my tattered self-esteem.
I want him to put his hands on me. I want to feel the power that he so easily wielded with that axe earlier. See if it can break the spell my body has been under and actually allow me to feel pure and unrestrained pleasure by hands that are not my own.
To know firsthand if what my friends and romance books speak of actually exists. Because if it does, I have a feeling only someone like Luke would know how to crack my code. And the longer I look at him, the less he’s starting to look like a friend.
A part of me wants to solely focus on this sexual attraction, but I won’t even bother lying about the feelings that are fluttering around my chest. And how lovely it might feel to not have to force or fake them.
And I know that our time alone here is limited.
Hell, it’s barely begun. But I can see myself feeling greedy for his attention.
Especially now when his free hand cups my cheek, forcing me to look him in the eye as he speaks.
“You’re going to get everything you want out of this life. That I can promise you.”
I attempt to clear my throat, as if his words haven’t set my world on fire. “Oh yeah? How can you be so sure?”
He speaks cautiously, his words measured. “Because I’ll be the one to give it to you if you let me.”
Is he saying what I think he’s saying?
In my defense, it’s much too hard to focus on words when his hands are on me and I’m enveloped in his dizzying pine and sandalwood scent.
Before I can make sense of his words, he points at the stool I was sitting in before I decided to spill all my secrets.
“But we’ve got time, Daisy. So for now, we’ll watch another movie, one that you’ll hopefully stay awake long enough for me to mock you for choosing.
And I’ll bring you a bowl of cereal to snack on even though you say you’re full, and I’ll…
” He trails off, biting his tongue it seems.
“And you’ll what, Luke? No bullshitting, remember?” I snark, playfully throwing back his words.
“And for the time being, I’ll pretend like I don’t know that you’ve never come on a cock or with a head buried between your legs.
” I gasp, my thighs clenching at the vision he’s put in my mind.
“Remember, you asked for it.” He releases me, nudging me back toward my seat.
“Now sit back down and finish your food before you go putting any more ideas in my head.”
He walks away, but not before I hear him mutter, “At least not until you’re ready for me to act on them.”