Chapter Twenty-Nine #2
Then a miracle happened. Mack turned away from Skye and looked back at Kayla.
There wasn’t anger in her gaze anymore. There was hurt, absolutely, but there was also a glimmer of the old Mack.
The one who looked at Kayla like she was special.
Like she was ridiculous, sure, but like she was Mack’s kind of ridiculous.
That simple meeting of eyes sent a pang of longing through Kayla like she had never known.
What she wouldn’t give to see that look every day.
For those eyes to be the first ones she saw every morning and the last ones she saw every night.
The tenderness in those pale green eyes was what made her world continue to spin.
Kayla’s feet were stuck on the beach like it was quicksand, but she forced herself to take a few steps forward.
Mack was quicker. She walked down the stairs leading to the beach and to Kayla.
She didn’t exactly move with enthusiasm, but at least with conviction.
From the corner of her eye, Kayla saw Skye and Amy each throw her a thumbs up before they walked off into the darkness hand-in-hand.
When this was all over, Kayla owed them big time.
Mack stopped a few steps away, her hands in the pockets of her linen pants, and the breeze whipping the end of her ponytail around.
Now that it was time to perform, Kayla found her strength. She took a deep breath and said, “Hey there. Thanks for—”
The waiter appeared out of nowhere at her side. “Are we ready for dinner?”
Kayla jumped at the sound of his voice. She’d forgotten he was there. She’d forgotten that anything else in the world was there. Mack’s presence had that effect on her. “Um, yes, sorry. We’ll be right there.”
“There are glasses of champagne before the first course. Shall I pour those for you now?”
“Um, sure.”
She’d hoped it would take him some time to open the bottle and pour some glasses, but apparently he wasn’t done yet. “Can you remind me if either of you has any allergies?”
“No allergies. We’ll be right over, just a moment.”
“Of course, ma’am.” He turned to Mack and asked, “Any allergies for you, ma’am?”
Mack shook her head, and he finally walked back to his tray near the stairs. Kayla took a deep breath and forced a smile. She could do this. All she had to do was speak from her heart. Turning her full attention back to Mack, she said, “As I was saying, thanks for coming. I’m sure you—”
“Your champagne.”
Kayla jumped again. How had he poured these glasses so fast? “Oh. Thanks.” Mack didn’t move to take her glass and Kayla had no interest in adding any alcohol to this situation. “You can put them on the table. We’ll be right there.”
“Of course, ma’am.”
Kayla pushed back her shoulders and started again. “Thanks for coming. I—”
“The first course will be prawns poached in white wine and butter sauce over—”
Kayla’s patience snapped, but she managed to speak through a very fake smile. “You know. I think we’d like to serve ourselves. Could you put the food on the table? That’s all we need. Thank you.”
The waiter blinked several times in confusion. “But there are several courses, ma’am.”
Was this guy really so dense? Kayla pulled the very last of her cash out of her bra and shoved it into his hand. “It’s fine. We’ll be fine. Thank you for your time.”
He took the money and turned back to his tray. Kayla took another deep breath, determined to get a complete sentence out this time. “Hi. Sorry. Let me start again.”
“I’ll just leave the dessert on the tray by the stairs,” the waiter said. “And the bottle of red wine for your third course.”
Kayla’s voice definitely held a note of sharpness to it this time. “Thank you very much. Good night.”
The waiter straightened his tie in a distinctly ruffled way, but he finally turned to leave. Kayla watched him get all the way to the stairs and start to climb them before she dared to turn back to Mack and try again.
Darkness had truly fallen, but they were standing inside the circle of torchlight.
It was just enough to see Mack’s wide smile and her eyes sparkling.
Given the charged atmosphere, Kayla did a double-take.
Was Mack laughing? She totally was. It was suppressed laughter that made her shoulders shake like that.
Mack lifted her hand to cover her lips and said, “You should see your face. I thought you were gonna deck that guy.”
The tension in Kayla’s chest snapped, and suddenly she was laughing, too. “I seriously considered it.”
Mack let herself go, and a burst of laughter cut through the night.
Kayla’s laughter became almost hysterical.
Well out of proportion for the ridiculousness of the waiter’s interference.
It just felt so good to be laughing with Mack again.
Not quite as good as it felt to kiss her, but it felt like old times.
She was still terrified. Still certain that losing Mack forever was a real possibility, but at least they were on the same side for a moment.
Much sooner than she would have wished, their laughter melted away, and Mack was again looking at her with wary disappointment. Kayla’s stomach soured, and she took another deep breath, steeling herself for the fight of her life.
Mack didn’t wait for Kayla to collect herself or get out an explanation. She looked right into Kayla’s eyes and said, “You were an asshole this morning, and not just to Skye and Amy.”
All the fears she’d been carrying all day flooded her at once.
Normally, that would have been the kick she needed to pull out all the stops.
She’d always been great at playing from behind.
But her life had changed too much in the last week as Mack snuck into different corners of her heart.
Rather than energizing her the fear made her more tired than she had ever felt in her life.
It was an effort just to hold herself upright, but she couldn’t crumble now.
She couldn’t make this about herself. “I know. I’m so sorry. I hurt you and I don’t have an excuse.”
Mack watched her silently for a moment. The inspection was so intense that it made Kayla’s skin tingle. Finally, she said, “How about an explanation instead?”
Hope trickled in through the cracks of Kayla’s fear.
At least Mack was willing to hear her out.
That was something, wasn’t it? “I panicked. I had this whole game plan, and my whole life I’ve been taught to stick to the plan.
I had worked Skye into the position I’d been aiming for all week, so I took my shot, even though I realized I didn’t even want to anymore. ”
Mack nodded but kept her stony silence. Inside, Kayla smiled.
Mack had never let her off easy. It was one of the things she loved most about their friendship.
Mack never let her get away with the bullshit everyone else let her get away with.
With Mack, she had to be completely honest. She allowed herself a microsecond to wonder if it would be the thing she loved most about their relationship if they ever started one for real.
Kayla said, “It wasn’t just that panic, though.”
“What else was it?”
Tears threatened to pour out of her, but she kept them back. They gummed up her voice, though. “I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of losing another future.” Mack gave her a puzzled look, so she explained the thing she’d been afraid to even tell her therapist. “If you asked me ten years ago what my future would look like, I would have said that I would be a professional soccer player and a World Cup winner. If you’d asked me five years ago, I’d have said that I would be a high-powered financial planner making half a million a year and closing deals that would make even you blink.
If you’d asked me two years ago, I’d have said that I was going to be married to a hot adrenaline junkie and probably have a kid on the way. ”
Mack dropped her gaze to the sand. Did she understand? Could she? Mack hadn’t lost everything time and time again. She didn’t know what it felt like to go from world-class winner to world-class loser every time she tried something new.
Kayla said, “The idea of starting all over again was too much. I clung to Skye not because I loved her, but because I loved the future she represented. I just couldn’t lose everything again.”
“So, you asked her to marry you anyway. Even though you and I shared…whatever we shared the night before. What if she’d said yes?”
Kayla had never stopped to consider that. Instead of processing the thought inside, she shared what she felt with Mack, and it felt good to let her in. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just know I’ve never been more relieved in my life than when she turned me down.”
Mack scowled, and the look did not settle easily onto her kind face or onto Kayla’s frayed nerves. “I have trouble believing that.”
“I know. I’ve given you every reason in the world to doubt me. But I hope you can believe me when I tell you that I’ve learned a lot about myself today. I’ve learned a lot about why I do the things I do, and I want to change. I can change.”
Mack’s quiet laugh held no mirth, only bitterness. “You can’t control everything in life, though, LaLa. What happens the next time things don’t go your way?”
Kayla’s confidence was returning a little more with each word. Each moment that Mack didn’t run away was another moment she had to fight for what she really wanted. “I’ll be able to handle it better next time.”
“Why’s that?”
Kayla took a tentative step forward, and Mack didn’t back away. That meant something, right? “Because I’ll remember this time, when I did the one thing I never wanted to do. I hurt the person I care most about in the world.”
Mack stared silently at her, but there was a glimmer of something in her eye. It came to Kayla all of a sudden. She wasn’t angry. She was scared. Kayla hurt her, and she wanted to believe she wouldn’t do it again, but she was too scared to let go just yet. Kayla owed her more.