Chapter Twenty-Nine #3
Kayla took another step forward, close enough now to feel the warmth radiating off of Mack’s body. She reached out and slipped her hand into Mack’s. She didn’t squeeze Kayla’s hand back, but she didn’t let go.
Kayla said, “I looked for you everywhere today.”
“I didn’t really want to be found.”
“I understand. I’m just happy you didn’t leave. I was worried you’d change your flight and fly home without talking to me first.”
“I thought about it. In fact, I went to check on flights.”
Kayla’s heart dropped. If bad flight schedules were the only thing that kept Mack here, she’d take it. “But you didn’t book one?”
Mack glanced into her eyes, then away again. It was long enough to see the steel in the pale green. “It didn’t feel fair. I was pissed, but if I’d left, you wouldn’t know where I was, and you’d worry. That felt cruel.”
Kayla’s heart clenched. How could she ever deserve this woman? Mack had stayed because she didn’t want to make Kayla worry, even though Kayla had been a complete ass. “Thank you for that. It was a kindness I didn’t earn.”
Mack’s eyes were steel again, and they pinned her to the sand. “You don’t have to earn kindness. That’s not how it works.”
Whether there was annoyance in Mack’s eyes or not, Kayla was happy to just look into them.
Every time she looked at Mack these days, she saw something different.
Or maybe she just finally saw the Mack who had always been there.
She suspected Mack had said something very similar to her in the past, but she hadn’t absorbed it.
Now she heard the words, and she took them in, much like she had with Dr. Frost earlier.
Yet again, she felt the new, better person emerging from the shell of who she had been.
Kayla said, “You’re right, but I still appreciate it.”
“I didn’t want to run away. I just needed some time alone to think.”
“I know. I’m glad I had the time, too. It gave me time to think. To figure out why it took us so long to share our first kiss.”
Mack’s throat contracted as she swallowed, and her voice was a gravelly whisper. “Why?”
“I’m an idiot.”
Mack laughed, and this time it was the old sound that made Kayla’s heart soar. “No argument here.”
“Hey! Rude.” She took the final step that put her body flush against Mack’s. It felt so right. They were a perfect match in every way. “But it’s true. You know what else is true?”
“What?”
“I’ve been in love with you for years, I’ve just been too thick to realize it wasn’t best friend love.”
“What kind of love was it?”
Kayla didn’t answer with words. She pushed up onto her toes and angled her face. Before their lips could meet, Mack said, “Wait.” Kayla stood back down on her heels, but she didn’t look away. Mack held her gaze, and after a long moment she whispered, “Don’t kiss me unless you mean it.”
Kayla leaned in because she had never meant anything more in her life.
She pressed her lips against Mack’s. She kissed her with all the tenderness she knew Mack needed in that moment.
Even though her body roared with desire, she didn’t deepen the kiss.
She wanted to show Mack how she felt, but there was so much more talking to do.
Much sooner than she would have liked, Mack gently pulled back. It took her eyes a long time to flutter open, but her voice was steady when she spoke. “Wanting to kiss your best friend isn’t a new concept, LaLa.”
“I don’t want to kiss my best friend. I want to spend my life with her.” With difficulty, Kayla stepped out of Mack’s arms so she could explain without the haze of need clouding her mind. “I knew a long time ago that I loved you, but I didn’t think romantic love felt like this.”
“Like what?”
Kayla shrugged. “Good.”
“I’m going to need a little more of an explanation than that.”
“It doesn’t hurt to love you.”
Mack’s eyebrows came together, and her eyes flashed with anger. “Are you saying…did Skye hit you? Because that is definitely not okay.”
“No. No, not at all. That’s not what I meant.
” Kayla took a deep breath. This was harder than she thought it would be to explain.
“You know how there are a million movies and TV shows and books about people who weep and pull out their hair over love? The ones where the couple is always fighting and then making up in bed? Relationships ruled by passion that always seem on the brink of collapse.”
“Sure. You used to lap that stuff up when we were kids. Drove Mom crazy.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I should’ve listened to her because I’ve always thought that’s how love was supposed to be. Love that was so all-consuming it was almost physically painful. That makes your heart ache every day.”
The right side of Mack’s lips twitched up in a bittersweet smile. “I’ve never had a relationship like that.”
“That’s because you don’t love that way.
You are sweet and caring and gentle.” Kayla’s mind reeled back to watching Mack with some of her girlfriends.
The way they always leaned close because they craved being inside the protective circle of her arms. She understood that all too well now, even as she quietly thanked them all for not being right for Mack.
“I’ve never had a relationship like yours.
My heart always ached with Skye because it was bruised, not from her hurting me, but from me wanting so much from her that she couldn’t give.
Almost every night was either a fight or a make-up. ”
“Sounds exhausting.”
“It was, but I thought it was supposed to be.” Kayla looked deep into Mack’s eyes. “It never hurts with you. It’s always felt good—right—to be with you. I thought I just had a crush on my best friend because she’s really hot.”
Mack’s smile turned decidedly cocky. “You always thought I was hot?”
“Yeah, of course I have. I mean, I have eyes. Don’t let it go to your head.”
“Fat chance. I’m celebrating that. I’ll get a T-shirt printed or something.”
They laughed together and it felt really good.
Like old times, but with something new sliding into the air between them.
Kayla couldn’t go another minute without touching Mack.
She reached out, and Mack took her hand, cradling her fingers in her palm as though she was frightened to hold too tight.
To push too hard. Kayla always knew she had to be the one to take the lead, and she was perfectly willing to take that role.
Kayla said, “The truth is I’ve always wanted you as more than a friend. I pushed it aside, though. Time and time again, I pretended it was nothing because thinking about you didn’t hurt. Not like it did with Skye. But the idea of losing you—”
She had to stop there because her throat was too tight.
The air was too heavy. She had spent all day worried about what it would be like to lose Mack, but she hadn’t really let herself feel it.
Now the fear and emptiness came crashing down around her, and it was so much worse than anything she’d ever felt.
Mack must’ve known, because she pulled Kayla to her without hesitation.
Kayla rested her cheek against Mack’s chest and closed her eyes against the fear.
She couldn’t let it take her now. She wouldn’t.
Mack settled her chin on top of Kayla’s head and whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
“This day has been torture,” Kayla said. “I never want to feel that again. I never want to screw up so bad again. I promise I won’t.”
“I know. I shouldn’t have run away. I’m sorry, too.”
“Please don’t apologize when I’ve been so selfish and stupid.” Kayla squeezed closer and said, “You’re my tether. You’re my anchor. You hold me to this life. You’re the one person who makes me feel like me.”
Kayla talked herself into silence. She was wrung out.
Empty. And yet everything felt right when she was here in Mack’s arms. She stood there, listening to the quiet rush of the waves against the sand behind them and the strong, steady pound of Mack’s heart beneath her ear.
She reveled in the warmth of Mack’s body against hers and the strength of her arms.
After a long moment, Kayla realized Mack wasn’t talking either. Now it was time to do the hard part. She took a steadying breath and stepped out of Mack’s arms. She made sure to keep her chin high and her breath even. She could do this. She had to do this.
“I love you, Mack. I’m in love with you, and I want to be with you. But that doesn’t matter if it’s not what you want.” She prepared herself for the worst. “What do you want?”
True to her style, Mack didn’t hesitate. “You. I’ve always wanted you. I guess neither of us really understood how much until now. I definitely didn’t until this morning when I thought I couldn’t have you.”
Relief flooded through Kayla like diving into a pool on a blistering hot day. “Me either.”
Lines cut into Mack’s forehead as she frowned. “I thought you felt the same way. I thought we had a chance. Then you let Skye pull you into another idiotic move, and what was I supposed to think?”
The words hit Kayla like a physical blow. Mostly because they were well-deserved. “I know. It was so stupid. It wasn’t Skye’s fault, though. It was all me.”
“Yeah, well, I’m still pissed at both of you, but maybe I could’ve been more honest about my feelings this week. I should’ve been honest before we even left the room this morning, but I chickened out.”
“You have every right to be pissed with me, and I should’ve been more honest, too. Maybe we can both work on that?”
Mack’s lips twitched up on one side. “Okay. I’ll start. I really want to kiss you.”
Kayla’s stomach fluttered in anticipation. “I want that, too.”
Mack lifted her hand slowly, cupping Kayla’s cheek.
The warmth of Mack’s skin against hers made her knees go weak.
As she leaned in, bringing her lips closer to Kayla’s, the weakness spread until it felt as though she was being held up by Mack’s hand alone.
Then their lips met and, for the first time in so long, Kayla could breathe.