Chapter 13
The door of the bar swings shut with a dull clang as I walk in. Jack Taylor—our old Squad Leader back when my dad had still been alive—had retired and he and his wife, Mae, had taken over running the pub.
Lou, our regular bartender, is off tonight. Violette Taylor, Jack and Mae’s daughter and King’s new lady, is standing behind the bar. Her brother Jacob was on my crew when my dad died, and he’d been best friends with King. Too many of us know what it’s like to lose family to a fire. In the same year that I’d lost Dad, Jacob had died on a fire, too. It was one of the worst years in my life and my career. King had never been the same afterward, and I don’t think Violette ever fully grieved, either.
Fuck, losing Jacob was tough on me, too. My first season as Sup, having lost my dad at the beginning of the season, and then losing him at the end of the season was brutal. Working with Jack, I’d known Jacob and Violette since they were kids. Shit, I had practically watched them grow up. I liked to think that I was the cool uncle figure for both of them. Then I’d had to stand with Jack while he buried his son. My own guilt had eaten at me, but I know it was harder on King. He still blames himself for getting his best friend killed, even if it wasn’t his fault.
When Violette sees me walking across the floor, she pulls a bottle of Pbr out of the cooler, and it’s waiting for me as I fold myself into one of the barstools next to Rowan Kingsley. I nod to her in thanks.
The man is dopey over his lady. She flashes me a smile and I can hear King grumble next to me about ‘get your own woman’. I chuckle just to get on his nerves, but ignore the remark, tipping my beer up to my lips as the door opens again. Cal and Scottie walk in together, and then Cal is sitting to my other side after Scottie takes a seat, too.
Violette already has a bottle of Coors opened and is setting it in front of Cal, then slides over to pour Scottie’s whisky into a highball glass. She may be twenty-eight, but it’s still weird seeing the kid I knew standing behind the bar I’ve been coming to for too many years. She smiles over at Scottie as she slides the whisky over. I know that Violette and Scottie have become friends since Violette started dating King, and that Teddy is friends with Violette, too.
My thoughts drift to the woman I can’t seem to get off my mind, and I glance at the watch on my wrist, wondering briefly if she’s still awake at the townhouse. I haven't seen her since this morning outside the coffee shop, and I’m half tempted to wrap up this excursion and head home early, just on the off chance I’ll run into her.
It’s almost as if Cal can read my damn thoughts as soon as I think them, because he braces his forearms on the ledge of the bar and leans forward so that he can look at me in profile, and says, “So are you staying at the bunkhouse tonight or are you heading home to?—”
I glare over at him over the edge of my beer bottle as I tip it up to my mouth again. He's grinning. The fucker is such a shit-stirrer .
“Yeah, where the hell have you been lately?” King asks, leaning forward, too. “If we’re not out on a fire, you’re never around. You getting tired of us young bucks, old man?”
I roll my eyes at him and try my best to change the subject. “You’ve got a big mouth for someone that still can’t beat my mile time?—”
“He’s not getting tired of us, he’s just found something that makes it more enjoyable to be at home,” Cal mutters across me, not letting me off that easily, his grin widening. Scottie leans forward, too, her strawberry blonde hair pulled back into a messy topknot on the top of her head, a shit eating grin pulling at her lips as she looks at me. I fix Cal with my hardest stare, but it doesn’t deter him in the slightest. “The man damn near fell all over himself today at the coffee shop when he saw?—”
“Dude,” I grumble, throwing myself back in my chair. Everyone thinks teen girls gossip a lot, but they’ve got nothing on grown fucking men, apparently. “Leave her out of this.”
“Oh, there’s a her ?” King asks, his interest piqued, and I groan, rolling my head so that I’m staring up at the wood beamed ceiling. Christ, I should have just gone home. You’d think Cal wouldn’t want this to be broadcasted, since she’s his sister and all.
Guess payback is payback, though. He’s going to milk this for everything he can.
Cal takes a drink of his beer as he slaps me on the back roughly and I groan at his next words. “You think I’m going to take it easy on you just because you’ve got the hots for my sister? You’re in for a rude awakening, sup.”
“Ooohh, I knew it!”
I bring my head back down at the excited gasp. Violette braces her hands on the edge of the bar from the other side and her smile is wide. My eyes narrow. “Knew what?”
Violette’s smile widens. “That you’re sweet on Teddy.”
Scottie leans forward again to brace her elbows on the bar in front of her so she can look around Cal toward me. She winks, grinning, and I roll my eyes. “Oh, without a doubt. He’s got a crush on his best friends’ sister.”
I groan audibly, letting my chin sink forward until it almost touches my chest. Fuck. My. Life. “I do not have a crush on Cal’s sister.” It’s a blatant lie.
Violette taps her nail on the bar top in front of me, bringing my attention back to her. “No, sir. There’s no lying in this bar. House rules.”
From beneath my lowered brows, I glower at her without answering. The guys to either side of me aren’t going to let me live this down. Dammit to hell. I kill the rest of my beer and set the empty bottle down on the bar between us.
“She had her hands full with all three kids?—”
Violette pops the top off another Pbr and sets it in front of me, swiping the empty bottle off the bar, a beaming smile on her face.
“Yeah, because that’s why your tongue was hanging out of the side of your head and you couldn’t tear yourself away from her, because she had her hands full with her kids ,” Cal scoffs, shaking his head, then looks over at me. “You think I never noticed the way you watched her?”
“I hate you all so fucking much,” I growl, wrapping both hands around the bottle of beer in front of me. My fingernail picks at the label, and I keep my eyes down.
Cal’s on a roll, though. Addressing everyone but me, he continues, chuckling. “I’ve never seen a man fall so hard or so fast in my fucking life. Like a damn shot straight between the eyes, he was done for.”
I don’t fall for anyone . Period. As a general rule of thumb for myself, I don’t date. My job is the love of my life, just like it was for my dad, and I refuse to put a girlfriend, or god forbid a wife and kids, through that. And Cal knows it. They’re still cackling together about Xander and Teddy sitting in a tree …
“That’s not what this is,” I mutter, raising the beer to my lips. My tone is harsher than I intend when I continue, muttering darkly, “She’s a widowed mom of three; she’s out here doing everything by herself, the least I can do is make sure your terror of a niece doesn’t end up as roadkill or fish food because she has no sense of self-preservation yet. Besides, you all know; I don’t date single moms.”
I instantly regret the harshness of my words when Violette’s eyes lose some of that sparkle, and that smile disappears. She picks up a hand towel and fidgets with it between her fingers, her mouth tightening into a line. I sense Cal’s shoulders stiffen from beside me, but don’t have the guts to glance over at him.
Shit. I pinch my eyes shut and rub the back of my neck with one hand. “Fuck. That’s not… I don’t mean it like that.”
Violette shrugs, tipping up one shoulder slightly. “Sounds like she’s lucky to have someone watching out for her, even if it’s obligatory.”
Fuuuck . Now I’m sure Cal thinks I’m an asshole that’s just panting after his sister with no intention of any kind of follow through. I mean, he wouldn’t be entirely wrong, because I don’t even know what my intentions are with Teddy at this point. This is not going well. I should have fucking gone home.
Spanning my hands out wide, I mutter, “Wait, that’s not what I said?—”
“Look, she knows she’s a lot to handle,” Violette says, cutting me off. I stay silent, her hazel eyes bouncing between mine. I feel like I’m being scolded by the principal, my chest is tight and I feel shame burning through me. It’s a weird feeling being scolded by her, having known her since she was a kid. I can feel Cal’s eyes on me, burning into the side of my head. I’m too much of a coward to look at him. Violette looks over at Cal almost apologetically and then focuses her gaze back on me. “She sees herself as a hot mess on good days, and lord knows she’s doing the best she can with the shitty life hand she’s been dealt in the last year… but you’d be damn lucky to have someone like Teddy give you any of her time or attention. Just because she’s a single mom doesn’t make her any less?—”
“ I know that ,” I murmur quietly, beseechingly, ending her heated tirade. “And I swear I didn’t mean it like that.” I glance over at Cal before turning back to her. “You know my dad died in a fire, the same year that Jacob did. I don’t date at all. Not just ‘no single moms’. Not at all. Because the thought of putting a wife and a family through what my mom went through isn’t fair. All I know is that I can hear her crying through the walls at night.” Violette’s eyes grow sad at that, and Cal sits straighter in his seat, but I push forward. “And I’d rather be single forever than to hurt someone as amazing as Teddy or put any of them through losing someone like that again. That’s all I can promise anyone; that I will make them worry and probably hurt them in the end. Teddy deserves better than that. And so do those kids.”
“Well, okay then,” she says slowly, nodding, though it’s stiff and stilted. “And just so you’re aware, she’s not interested in dating either, anyway. So I guess you’re safe, huh?”
Right. She doesn’t want to date either, so this is perfect. Cal harrumphs next to me, taking a long swallow of his beer.
That doesn’t stop the ache in my chest from forming, though. I rub at my sternum as if to relieve the pinch of disappointment that tightens my chest. Because even as I said the words out loud… I’m not entirely convinced I meant them. Not to mention the thought of her dating someone else. The burn of jealousy that crashes through me nearly steals my breath.
Teddy might deserve better than some washed up, old ass hotshot firefighter that might not come back, but fuck if I don’t want to try.