Chapter 40
“How is the new job going?”
I puff out a long exhale, trying to blow the strand of hair out of my face as I finish piping the frosting letters onto the sheet cake in front of me. Well, I’m not a professional, that’s for damn sure.
I sigh, glaring down at the D of Dalton’s name that I’ve scraped off and redone three times already.
“It’s good. It’s been an adjustment,” I say, shrugging as I glance over at Violette and Scottie. “I’m only doing two shifts a week for now. Colleen is staying with us two days a week to watch the kids for me. I don’t know if I’d be able to do these hours without her help. This was way easier with Logan on opposite shifts.”
“I can imagine it was,” Scottie says over her shoulder.
She is currently slicing cucumbers and bell peppers for the veggie tray, and Vi is mixing together a dip. The guys are on kid duty again, keeping them all entertained out in the front yard, along with Colleen and Kent, who came for the day to celebrate Dalton’s birthday.
Turning, Scottie waves the knife around a little wildly, making me laugh nervously, as she says, “But you should know, everyone really likes you. I can’t tell you how many times the other paramedics have said they love when you’re on the line. You really know what you’re doing, sis.”
“Thanks,” I mutter, still laughing and eyeballing that knife she’s wielding. “Let’s not have to call for any chopped off fingers tonight, though, yeah?”
She chuckles and turns back to the veggies in front of her. “You never let me have any fun.”
Xander comes in through the front door and stops beside me, dropping a kiss to my temple. “Birthday boy is asking when he can open presents. I told him I’d ask the boss lady.”
Rolling my eyes, I smile up at him. “The birthday boy knows he can’t open presents until after we eat. He’s trying to con you, sir.”
His chest rumbles with a deep laugh and he shakes his head. “Makes sense why he’d ask me and not Cal. Bet he knows the rules.”
The two women behind me laugh at the same time I do. I nod, grinning up at him. He drops a kiss to my lips and I sigh happily. “That he does. Food is just about ready. How’s Bea?”
“Getting hungry.”
I drop my voice and breathe, “And how are you?”
His eyes sparkle as he rakes his gaze over my face, then down my body. Heat rushes up between my legs. Heaven above, will I never get enough of this man?
“Getting hungry,” he repeats, barely making a sound, his gaze returning to mine.
“ Groossss ,” Scottie whines, then looks over her shoulder and winks. “Get a room, you two horndogs.”
Grinning over at her, he grabs me around the waist, making me squeak in surprise as he lifts me. The frosting bag falls from my hands onto the counter, and then his thick, muscular arms wrap around me. He forces my legs to wrap around his waist and I open my mouth to protest, but he just grins at me wolfishly, making me laugh again instead. “That is a great idea, Scottie.”
“ Xander! ” I shriek, laughing, as he carries me down the hall.
His chest is shaking with laughter as he sets me down at the door, but the laughter ends abruptly when his hands capture my face between his palms and he kisses the daylights out of me. Pressing my body up against the doorframe, he leans into the kiss, effectively turning me into an absolute puddle in my panties.
When Xander isn’t off on a fire, he’s with us, just like he said he wanted to. It’s a little terrifying how easily he’s slipped into our normal routine, how well he handles the daily ups and downs of having three kids. He helps Dalton with his homework, puts Penny to bed, spends his evenings with us and eats meals at our place.
He also spends most nights in my bed.
Doing deliciously, wickedly amazing things. With his tongue. His fingers. His cock.
“You’re a beast,” I whisper against his mouth when he releases me from the kiss.
“I couldn’t wait another second to kiss my girl,” he rumbles back, using his thumbs beneath my jaw to tilt my head up further, stretching my neck so he can bury his mouth there. Nipping, kissing, licking.
The man can’t keep his hands off me.
It makes me feel beautiful, desired. Sexy. And cherished, in a way I don’t think I’ve ever felt. Even with Logan. I made the decision to go back to grief counseling, and talking through things with her has been both cathartic and emotionally exhausting.
Whatever this is with Xander… it’s intense and all consuming, but talking it out in therapy makes it a little less terrifying. I haven’t been able to say it out loud yet, but I can admit to myself that I think I’m in love with Xander. It’s helped so that I can en joy the moments we have together without the guilt completely consuming me. I still carry that grief, but it’s not quite as debilitating as it was.
It certainly helps that this man is positively feral for me, and I can’t seem to get enough of him, either. Like now.
I shove at his chest, panting. “Get back outside to watch the kids. I have a cake to finish.”
“Yes, Boss Lady,” he rasps, winking, before leaving me pressed up against the door jamb.
When I make it back out to the kitchen, Vi mimes fanning herself and swooning comically. I blush. Dammit these women are going to torment me endlessly.
“Goddamn, get it momma,” Scottie laughs, piling the veggies on the platter in a colorful array of produce. “Safe to say things are going well?”
“Ohmygod are they ever,” I laugh, returning to the cake. I fix the D on the cake one last time and then give up. It is what it is. It might not look the greatest, but I’m happy to say it tastes just fine, thank you very much. “I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, like there’s no way this is real. Am I allowed to be this happy again? To… to fall —” I whisper the word, biting my lip before continuing, “I’m terrified it’s going to be taken away from me at any second.”
“I think we all feel like that from time to time,” Vi says, placing the dip in the center of the veggies, then dusts her hands off. “But that man is nuts about you, that’s obvious. Pretty sure it would take a Cat-5 hurricane to tear that man from you at this point.”
“Or a wildfire,” I quip dryly, only half joking. I squeeze my eyes shut and berate myself. Don’t do this now. Don’t ruin this. This is Dalton’s day.
Before either of them can say anything, I grab several platters of food and head out the front door. The guys have laid out several queen-size flat sheets on the grass as picnic blankets, and I force a smile onto my face as I get closer. Vi and Scottie exit behind me, both carrying food, too. I avoid their prying gazes as best I can.
We eat, laugh, play, and then sing Dalton a rather loud and off tune rendition of Happy Birthday before allowing Dalton to open his presents. Cal is laying on his side, head propped up in his hand as he leans on his elbow, with Scottie stretched out in front of him. His other hand is idly stroking her side, almost absent mindedly, like it pains him to lose that physical contact with her. Rowan is sitting up, knees raised, with Vi sitting between them with her back to his chest. Hollie and Penny are laying on their bellies on a sheet next to us, and when I look over, they’re playing with a grasshopper that they’ve managed to catch. I grin and roll my eyes.
Kent and Colleen took their leave as soon as presents were done, but Colleen will be back in a few days to watch the kids for me while I work.
I stand, handing Bea over to Vi, who snuggles her close while I gather the discarded wrappings from the gifts and a few of the leftover dinner items. Cal pushes to his feet and picks up several of Dalton’s new gifts, then follows me into the house.
“So… this thing with Xander.”
My brother is awkward as hell sometimes. I blow out a heavy exhale and turn, leaning my hips against the kitchen counter. He’s staring at me, though his expression is guarded, worried almost.
“Are you mad about it?” The words come out hesitantly, so quiet I’m not sure he even heard them.
“No,” he says slowly, shaking his head. “I’m not mad about it. I just… I don’t want to see you get hurt again. I worry about you more than you know I do, Ted. You’re my little sister.”
I smile gently over at him. “I know you do. That’s what makes you the best big brother.”
He shakes his head, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be a sap. ”
“You started it,” I tease, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. Crossing my arms over my stomach, I ask timidly, “Did you know how he felt? Before, I mean?”
He bobbles his head side to side, his mouth pulling up into a sort of half grimace, half smirk. “Yes and no. I didn’t know the extent of how he felt necessarily, but I noticed things. Like the way he always watched you. I didn’t really put it together until recently. He’s pretty crazy about you, Ted.”
My face heats and I drop my gaze to stare at my toes. “I think I really like him, Cal.”
“I know,” he says gently. “That’s what scares me.”
I nod, still staring at my toes. “It scares me, too.”
He crosses the space between us and leans his hips against the counter beside me, draping his arm across my shoulders and tugging me into his side. I slip my arm around his waist, leaning my head against him for a long minute. He squeezes my shoulder. “He might be my boss, but I’ll kick his ass if he hurts you. I’ll take the write-up.”
I bark out a laugh, shaking my head as I look up at him from where we’re standing side by side. “Thanks.”
“Come on, let’s go back out,” he mutters, winking. “That’s enough mushy love shit for one night.”
When we wander back outside, Xander is kneeling in the grass in the middle of the yard with Dalton, working to put together the automatic football throwing machine he’d gotten from his grandparents. It moves side to side and up and down before launching the football into the sky. Dalton runs halfway across the yard, spinning as the ball is launched, and he almost has his hands on it, but misses, rolling into the grass with a laugh.
“This thing is so cool!” Dalton exclaims, throwing the football back to Xander, who gets it ready again. This time, when the ball is launched, Dalton is ready for it, making a spectacular running catch .
He runs up to Xander, who ruffles his hair and holds out his fist. Dalton bumps it, grinning up at him. “Way to go, Champ. That was a great catch!”
“Thanks! Can we do it again?”
Xander glances over at me and winks. “We’ll stay out as late as your mom will let us, Champ.”
Ugh. My heart. I look down at my left hand, the wedding ring I’ve been avoiding taking off, because in a way, it protects me from admitting what I’ve known for a while. At least, that’s what the grief counselor told me at this week’s session. And it makes so much sense…
I twist the ring on my finger and then sigh. It’s time to be brave and take it off. To put it away and turn the page on that wonderful chapter of my life…to start a new one.
With Xander.