Chapter 43
“Everything okay?” Colleen asks as soon as I’m through the door. I set my purse down on the counter and sigh, nodding. I’m exhausted. The last few hours were emotionally taxing, and I’m trying hard not to spiral.
“Xander had an accident out on a fire,” I say quietly, unsure how to organize my thoughts into any kind of semblance of calm.
“Come sit,” Colleen says, pulling out one of the tall bar stools at the kitchen counter.
I do, sinking into it gratefully. She moves around my kitchen, pulling a small pot out of the cupboard and filling it with water. She sets it on the stove to warm, and then plucks a mug out of the cabinet as well as a bag of tea. We’re quiet while she works, and then a few minutes later, she sets a steaming cup of tea in front of me.
“Chamomile,” is all she says, then sits down next to me.
“Thank you,” I whisper before cradling the mug between my fingers, warming them. I hadn’t realized how chilled I’d gotten sitting in the Emergency Department waiting room. The fear, the worry about Xander comes crashing through me all over again, followed by such intense guilt that it seizes my breaths. Tears sting my nose and I blink rapidly to dispel them.
“I always knew you and Logan would end up where you did,” my mother-in-law says into the quiet of the room. “It was like we just knew as soon as he brought you home that first time this was it. There was never going to be anyone else that fit him better than you did. Through every stage of your lives, you two were always constant. Not to say you were both always sunshine and roses,” she smiles, teasing lightly. I smile into my tea, those tears filling my eyes. “But there was just this rightness between you. You made my son the happiest man, Teddy. You gave him a wonderful life and three beautiful children. He loved you with everything he had in him. You always had this warmth, this glow, whenever you looked at him. You loved him so well, sweet girl.”
Grief tightens my throat. I did love Logan. So, so much. And part of me still does. For most of my life, he was my only love. My great love. But now, with Xander…
She reaches out and takes one of my hands in both of hers, squeezing it tightly. I glance up at her, my vision blurry.
“I see that warmth in you now, Teddy. I see the glow coming back to your eyes, whenever you look at Xander. I hated seeing that light leave you after Logan died,” she whispers earnestly, tears shimmering in her own brown eyes. “You already love him.”
I open my mouth to say something, though nothing comes out. I don’t know that I’m ready to admit it, but denying it feels wrong, too. “I don’t want you to be upset with me,” I finally manage to whisper, my voice tearing around the words. “Because Logan was your son.”
“Teddy,” Colleen murmurs, gathering me into her arms for a tight hug. “You are just as much mine as he was. Part of you will always love him, and will always grieve for the love and the life that was stolen from you…just like I will always miss my son. I mi ght meddle more than I should and I might push harder than what is conventional; but I love you and I want to see you happy again. Take this chance. As scary as it is, take it. How could I say that I love you and be upset with you because you’re finding joy again? That’s not what love is,” she whispers so gently, cupping my cheeks, her eyes shining. I’m crying fully now. “I love you enough to want to see you be you again , my sweet girl.”
Who gets this lucky with a mother-in-law? There’s no judgment in her eyes, her tone, her words. Just simple, undiluted, unconditional love.
“I’m so grateful for you,” I whisper, smiling, before leaning in to hug her tightly again. “You are the best bonus Mom I could have asked for.”
“Kent’s mother wasn’t quite as fond of me,” she says, laughing, waving one hand. “I promised that I would never be that way if I was fortunate enough to be blessed with a daughter-in-law. It helps that you’re pretty fantastic.”
I laugh out loud, leaning away to swipe at my eyes. “I love you.”
“As you should,” she teases. I smile gratefully over at her, and she says, “I love you, Teddy. It’s okay to be happy again. I promise.”