Chapter 7
Levi
“Should I be concerned with why you look so happy shoving that thermometer up Mr. Whiskers’ butt?” Abby, one of the other vet techs I work with, asks as she comes into the examination room.
“What?” I blink, giving her an odd look. “What are you talking about?”
She looks down, and I follow her sight, seeing a very angry white cat glaring up at me with a low growl.
“Shit. Sorry, Mr. Whiskers.” I pull the thermometer out and check it. “Sorry about that, buddy.” I put him back in his cage, then write the temperature down on his chart.
“What’s got you so happy?” Abby grins. “Or should I say who?”
“No one,” I lie.
“Mhhmm,” she laughs. “I don’t believe you.”
“Can’t I just be in a good mood?” I raise a brow, gathering the used supplies and tossing them in the trash.
“Anyone else, yes. But you? I don’t think I’ve seen you smile this much in the two years I’ve known you.”
“I smile all the time.”
“Customer service smiles don't count.”
“You’re making it seem like I’m some miserable grump,” I mutter.
“No. You're just a very dedicated worker. Sometimes, I think you're too dedicated.”
“So I like to work.” I shrug. “Money is money.”
“Yes, but is money worth it if all you're doing is spending your life making it? We have our whole lives to work, Levi. The average person is designed to work until they die. Why get a head start on that? You only get so much time to live your life. Why waste it so soon?”
She’s not the first person to point out something like that lately.
Maybe she’s right. Before, I didn't really care about how I spent my free time. I didn’t have many friends, and didn't really have any hobbies. So I’d rather work and make extra money than sit at home doing nothing.
Now, I have Austin, my... not boyfriend?
I don’t even know what we are at this point. Friends who fuck? Only we haven’t actually fucked yet.
I’m not even sure if we’re friends with benefits at this point, more like regular old friends.
Apart from a kiss goodbye here and there when we’re able to catch a few minutes for coffee before going off to our classes, we haven’t touched one another since he showed up at my work.
I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind.
Austin tastes like sin and heartbreak. But fuck, does he ever taste so good.
Seeing him lose himself and the way he fucked my face like he couldn’t control himself... I’ve never felt so alive, so sexy as when he stared down at me like he couldn’t believe I was real.
I’ve been used before; my ex used me all the time. But that was something way different. Brogan used me to get off. Austin acted like he would go insane if he couldn’t have me.
The need for a repeat is strong, and I know Austin said that whenever I wanted a release to call him, but I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it.
I like what we have going on right now. We talk pretty much every day, see each other every morning, even if it’s only for a few minutes.
As much as I want to have sex with Austin, I don’t want it to ruin the friendship we’ve been rebuilding.
I’m stuck between keeping to our deal or just letting it die off and enjoying this new thing we have going.
Also, if I’m being honest with myself, the more time I spend around Austin, the more that crush I had on him back in high school creeps its way back into my life.
Only it’s different now. He’s the same Austin I grew up with, only not. Both versions of him are amazing, but seeing the man Austin has grown up to become is fascinating. He’s smart, funny, kind, and mature.
And way too good at this fake boyfriend thing. Sometimes, I almost forget it’s not real. That he’s just a really good guy playing the part. Even when people aren't around.
It’s almost like he’s showing me how I deserve to be treated when it’s time for me to get back into the dating world.
Honestly, he has me spoiled, and I feel bad for the guy who has to follow in Austin Cade’s footsteps.
Not that I’m looking for that to happen any time soon. I’m content with the minor changes I’ve made in my life. Nothing too crazy that makes me feel out of control.
Still doesn’t help with the fact that my sex drive has skyrocketed since Austin has come into my life. Trust me, I've wanted to call Austin over after every shift these past two weeks since our time in the bathroom.
He says he hasn’t been with many people, but that man exudes sex appeal. And the mouth on him... I don’t think I’ve ever blushed so much in my life then when I’m around him.
“So, back to what I was asking you before. What, or who, has you staring off into space like some lovesick fool?” Abby snaps me back to reality.
“I am not a lovesick fool.” I laugh.
“Pretty damn close.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “Austin Cade. He’s my brother's best friend.”
Her eyes widen. “No fucking way. You managed to get Austin Cade! I’m so fucking jealous. God, I wish I were a man,” she sighs dreamily. “I’d love to have a chance at that fine piece of man meat.”
“Abby,” I chastise with a laugh.
“Sorry.” She grins. “But can you blame me? All the girls in the St. John’s area dreams died when he came out. Honestly, most of Newfoundland did.”
“You all are crazy.” I shake my head.
“Just like you. Over Austin Cade,” she teases. “I’m so jelly. Tell me everything.”
“There’s nothing going on.” Only, there is, isn’t there?
We’ve been letting everyone believe we’re dating.
If I tell Abby there’s nothing going on, then it’s going to draw questions.
I hate lying, but if I’m going to lie, I need to stick to one.
“Okay, there is. But I don’t like making a big deal over things in my life. ”
“So you two are dating? Messing around? What?”
I want to say both, because that’s kind of what we’re doing. “We’re together, but it’s new.”
“Awww,” she gushes. “I knew there was something different about you. You’ve seemed more... happy. Like there's this light about you. Less robotic and more human.”
Damn. Have I really been that bad when it comes to how much I work?
Maybe I do have to make some changes.
“So, when are you going to see him again?”
“Tomorrow, probably. We normally have coffee in the morning."
“And then?”
“Then we do the same thing the next day?” I raise a brow.
She frowns. “Do you ever see him outside of school?”
I think about it for a moment. And no. We haven’t actually hung out, besides coffee.
“I’m going to take that silence as a no. Levi, come on! How can you be dating one of the hottest guys alive and not actually spend any time with him? It’s a waste, you know.”
“We’re both busy. He has school and rugby, I have school and work.”
“You also don’t work tomorrow,” she points out.
I’m not actually supposed to be working at the bar on Mondays, I just always end up taking someone's shift or seeing if they need help. My boss called me this morning and asked if I could fill in for one of the girls, and I said yes.
“I kind of do.” I cringe.
“Levi!” she groans. “Tell me you did not cover someone's shift.”
“Okay. I didn’t?”
“You should call your boss back and tell them to find someone else. Because there’s a rugby game tomorrow. Sea Serpents against the Grizzly Bears. It’s one of their biggest rivals, and I know Austin would love to see you there while they kick their asses.”
“You don’t even know Austin. So how would you know that?” At least I don’t think she does?
“Okay, true, but any good boyfriend or girlfriend would want their partner there to cheer them on. Especially if it’s something important to him.
Rugby is a big part of his life. And so are you now.
What better way to show how much you care for him than by being there for him?
I don’t mean to be the bad guy, but if you're going to spend your relationship never actually seeing each other, then do you even have a relationship?”
Shit. She’s right. Well, kind of. We aren’t actually in a relationship, but thinking about Austin growing sick of our arrangement because we never hang out, and deciding he doesn’t want to do it anymore fills me with anxiety. I’m not ready to go back to a life without Austin in it.
I’m not sure if I’d ever want to go back to that life.
Honestly, the past few years without him sucked, and I’m only seeing just how much now that he’s back
“I don’t know.” My mood grows sour as an unease fills my stomach. “I’ll think about it.”
And I do. For the whole day.
All I can do is think about Austin. If he’s going to get sick of me—or the lack thereof, I should say.
Abby was right. What's the point of being in a relationship, fake or not, if we’re not actually doing anything?
We could get by with the relationship part, because that's only for show and tell in front of other people, not a big deal. But this friends with benefits thing hasn’t really had any benefits.
Not that I’m the only one who hasn’t reached out for something sexual.
Austin hasn’t called me up or texted me to come over.
Maybe he doesn’t want the benefits part?
Oh god. Did I give him a shitty blowjob and now he never wants to touch me again, but he’s too nice of a person to let me down?
I really need to go home and get some sleep. I’m starting to sound like a crazy person.
I make sure all the animals are good before helping Abby and Mike shut down for the night.
I don’t check my phone until I walk into my apartment.
“Hey, baby.” I scoop up Snicklefritz and cuddle him to my chest as I toss my keys onto the counter and pull out my phone. I head into the kitchen to give Snicklefritz his late-night snack before going to bed, and take a moment to check my phone before I also call it a night.
Austin: Heeeey. I know you're at work, but I just wanted to say hi. Thanks for the coffee this morning. My treat tomorrow. Also, I have a game tomorrow. I don’t know if you're working or not, but I wanted to just throw it out there. I would love it if you could come. But if you can’t, I understand.
Me: Hey. Of course. I always enjoy our morning coffees. My day was good. How was yours? As for the game, I don’t think I can make it. I have to work.
As soon as I send the text, I want to take it back.
Guilt hits me. He asked me, he said he wanted me there.
And I turned him down. I might not know anything about rugby, or even like the sport, but part of me wants to go, just to be there for Austin.
We’re friends after all, and friends do that kind of thing, right? Go to their sporting events.
The dots on the message thread dance, and my stomach drops, waiting for him to respond.
Austin: Oh. Well, that sucks. But I understand.
I hope one day you don’t work on one of my game days.
Or maybe you can come by a practice if you don’t have any classes.
My day was good, but it would have been better if I got to see you again.
You know, if you need anything, you can text or message me.
You won’t be inconveniencing me, I promise.
I stare at the message, not sure what to think.
So, I didn’t give him a bad blowjob and scare him off. He’s just been waiting for me... to want to do things?
Wait. What if he’s been wanting to do things but was afraid that he was coming on too strong? Fuck. Damn it. I’m so confused. I don’t know how to handle this.
It doesn’t feel right just slipping over to each other's place for a late-night booty call. It would make me feel weird and dirty. Maybe this friends-with-benefits thing isn’t the right option for us after all.
Or maybe I just need to stop overthinking and actually spend time with the guy. If we’re hanging out, things will happen naturally, right? Then it won’t feel weird because we would already be hanging out together anyways.
I must have taken too long to respond because by the time I managed to pull myself out of my inner freak-out, Austin has texted again.
Austin: Anyways. I’ll leave you be. It’s late and I’m sure you’re tired.
I just wanted to check in. I understand you’re working.
As for coffee tomorrow, I just remembered I have an early practice to get ready for the game, so I’m going to have to miss it.
I’m gonna head to bed now, early start tomorrow.
Have a good night, Levi. Sweet dreams. Xox
My stomach drops as stupid tears come to my eyes. Why do I feel like I want to cry? It’s because I hate disappointing people. And that's all I seem to be doing with Austin. Does he really have practice tomorrow, or is he upset and doesn’t want to go to coffee?
Me: I’m sorry. I hope you have a good game tomorrow. Kick ass. Night xox
Throwing my phone onto the counter, I lean my head against the cool surface and groan. What am I doing with my life?
I can’t keep brushing Austin off. He’s trying, and I’m giving little in return. I need to do better, be a better friend.
“Fuck it.” I snatch my phone off the counter and pull up my boss' number. Thankfully, he should still be at the bar, even if it’s late, so I won't be waking anyone up.
It rings a few times before he picks up.
“Hey, Eddie. About tomorrow's shift. I won’t be able to cover it. Sorry. I have plans.”
The words leave me with this exciting but nervous thrill that makes my heart beat faster.
It’s time I start enjoying my life, and live it before too much time goes by and I have nothing but regrets. I don’t want to look back in ten years and have nothing to show for it, nothing to reminisce about.
I’m going to start living, and that starts tonight. Or should I say tomorrow.