Chapter 20
Austin
Today is the day I tell Levi everything. I’m nervous as fuck. And have been trying not to puke all morning. But I know it’s time.
I’m going to tell Levi I love him. And that I want to be with him for real.
After he told me he loved me the other day, I knew I couldn’t keep going on like this. The guilt of it has been eating me alive.
This is what I wanted, him to fall for me. And now that he has, all I can think about is him leaving me when he finds out I lied. No, it’s not big lies, but it’s still not a way to start a relationship.
And even though I’m freaking the fuck out that he’s going to hate me and cut me out of his life, I know I have to tell him.
Do I regret what I did? No, but I’m not exactly proud of it either. I knew what I wanted, and I went for it. But maybe I should have gone about it another way.
Either way, I can’t change the past, and I can’t go back. So I need to deal with the here and now.
Maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe he won’t be upset. Who knows, he might think my obsession with him is cute?
I mean, I would, but I’m also the kind of guy who suggests to fake date with the guy I’ve been in love with for years instead of being a man and just asking the guy out on a date. I don’t think I’m the best role model for anyone.
Oh. And I also came clean to my therapist. Yeah, she reacted how I thought she would. She, too, is on team ‘tell Levi the truth’. And pointed out that while my plans had good intentions, it wasn’t exactly the best way to go about it.
Now, I’m in my car, a nervous wreck, driving to the beach with Levi in the passenger's seat.
It’s a nice sunny day, just weeks before graduation and the start of summer. A summer before the real world is supposed to start.
A life I have no fucking idea what I’m going to do with.
And honestly, I don’t care. Unless Dad cuts me off, I have his money. And even if he does, I have my inheritance from my grandfather, and it’s more than enough to get me by until I figure out what I want to do with my life. Maybe even go back to school once I do. Who knows.
What I do know is, whatever I do in life, I want Levi by my side.
“Are you okay?” Levi asks as my fingers tap on the steering wheel.
“I’m fine, totally fine.” I laugh. Yeah, no one believed that.
“You’re acting funny.” He narrows his eyes.
“Nah,” I say, pulling up to the parking spot at the coach’s place.
“Where are we?”
“Remember when I said Coach owns the beach we went to?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I thought we could just park at his place and walk down to the beach.”
Levi’s eyes widen. “You mean, we could have avoided all that hiking and just parked here?”
“Oh, come on.” I laugh. “It wasn’t that bad. Hiking is fun.”
“Sure. But not when it’s like three hours!”
“It wasn’t three hours.” I laugh. “It was a half hour from the parking lot of the trail to the beach, and then another half hour back.”
“Sure felt like it.” He mutters.
“You're just out of shape.” I wink. “Don’t worry, I’ve been working you over nice and hard. You will be fit in no time.”
He smiles, shaking his head. “You're such a horn dog, you know.”
Levi has come a long way from the blushing, shy guy when we first found our ways back into one another's lives. Now he’s used to my ways and goes along with it, for the most part. I love it. But still, sometimes I manage to get him to blush, and it’s always a thrill.
“For you, always.” I wink.
We pretty much haven’t been able to keep our hands off one another since the barbecue. It feels like he’s just as addicted to me as I am to him.
“Now, quit your bitching and get that sexy ass out of the car,” I tell him, grinning like a fool, momentarily forgetting about my inner freak out. I want to give him a fun day before everything possibly goes to shit.
“I would. But, you’re not opening my door.” He shrugs. Oh, the sass with this one sometimes. Makes my fucking cock twitch.
“Brat,” I growl, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him in for a kiss, making him moan.
“But you love it,” he breathes against my lips.
I almost say, I love you. But I bite my tongue.
“Mhhm.” I hum. “I also love this cock.” I suck his bottom lip into my mouth as I run my hand over the growing bulge in his jeans.
“Austin,” he whimpers against my lips. “We are not going to have sex in your car, in your coach's driveway.”
“You're no fun.” I pull back with a pout. “He’s not even here.”
“Austin.” He gives me that sexy scowly look that makes my cock twitch.
“Stop.” I sigh heavily.
“What?”
“Being so sexy.” I throw my hands up in the air. “How do you expect me to keep my hands off you?”
And there we go. That blush. Fuck, I love it. I love him. This man. This fucking man owns me.
Please don’t leave me. I don’t think I’ll survive it.
“How about this, the person who finds the prettiest rock or sea glass gets a blow job?” I grin.
Levi bursts out laughing. “Well, that’s a deal I can’t turn down.”
“Fuck yes!” I get out of the car and slam the door shut, and run around to the other side to open Levi’s door and hold out my hand.
He shakes his head like I’m ridiculous, but I can tell he likes the little things I do for him.
I love to spoil him. To take care of him. Making sure he’s fed, that he’s not overworking himself, that he’s getting enough sleep. If he’s stressed, I try to find ways to make him feel better.
Seeing Levi relaxed and happy makes me happy. He’s grown so much over the past few months, and I love seeing him thrive and enjoy his life.
Grabbing the basket out of the back of the car, I join Levi, and we head down to the beach.
“You gonna tell me what you’ve got in there?” he asks when we find a more sandy part.
“I thought we could enjoy a picnic." I grab a blanket from the basket and lay it down.
I frown when the wind makes the corners curl at the end.
Huffing, I walk over and grab a few big rocks and place them down on the corners to hold it down.
“There.” I turn to Levi to find him just staring at me. “What?” My smile falls.
“You made us a picnic?” he asks, voice almost a whisper.
“Well, yeah.” I laugh. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t bring you on a cute ass date doing something we love?” I say it playfully, but Levi looks seconds away from crying.
“What’s wrong?” My brows furrow, gut turning.
“I love you.”
My eyes widen. “What?” I know what he said. But. Holy fuck. Did he really just say that? Oh god. I’m gonna puke. Cry. Scream with joy. Relax Austin. Keep your cool.
“I love you,” he says a little louder. “I’m in love with you.”
“You’re... in love with me?” Yes, dumb ass. That's what he just said!
He takes a deep, shaky breath and nods. “I am. I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time now.
” He laughs nervously. “And I know we started this as just an arrangement, but I’d be lying because to me, it never felt like one.
Sure, we said the words fake dating, and friends with benefits.
But never once when we were together did it ever feel fake.
I know on my end, it didn’t feel that way.
I’ve liked you for a long time, Austin. You’re smart and funny.
You’re kind and caring. When I’m with you, I can be myself.
I don’t feel judged or small. You make me feel alive,” he laughs, tears filling his eyes.
“You make me feel seen,” he whispers. “You’re the highlight of my day.
And when you're not there, all I can think about is when I get to see you again. Everything between us just feels right. Please, please tell me that I’m not the only one who feels this way, that my feelings aren't one-sided.”
I hate the begging tone in his voice. He looks so worried, I won’t feel the same way for him.
I’m shocked, honestly. I wasn’t expecting him to be the one to tell me first. But holy fucking hell. He loves me. He fucking loves me! I mean, he said it when he thought I couldn’t hear him, but he’s telling me to my face.
“Austin?” He says my name with panic when I don’t say anything.
It takes a moment for my brain to click on. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“What?” he looks like I just slapped him. Shit. Shit Austin. What the fuck?
“I mean...” I shake my head, stepping towards him. I cup his face and look into his eyes. “I was supposed to tell you that I love you.”
His eyes widen as he blinks away his tears.
“You love me?”
“Fucking hell yeah, I love you.” I laugh, pulling him into my arms. “I love you so fucking much it’s borderline unhealthy.”
“Really?” he laughs, and fuck me, the smile he gives me has my heart exploding.
“I fucking love you, Levi.” I grin like an idiot. “I love you so fucking much.”
“Thank fuck.” he launches himself at me, his lips crashing into mine. He moans, and I growl as we claw at one another. “I love you, Austin,” he whimpers against my lips before kissing me again.
“I love you too,” I growl, thrusting my tongue into his mouth and tangling it with his. We’re all tongue and teeth, it’s dirty but so fucking hot. I grip his ass and roll my hips.
The feeling of his thick, heavy cock against mine makes me moan. “I want to taste you.” I nip at his bottom lip.
“Please,” he begs.
I kiss him again before shuffling backwards. Grabbing the other blanket from the bag, I throw it over my head and his lower half.
“Really?” he laughs as I work on his jeans. “And you don’t think that it’s obvious what you're doing?”
“Hush.” I laugh back, wrapping my hand around his cock. “Do you want me to suck this perfect cock or not?”
He moans, his body relaxing under me. “Good boy.” I praise him as I wrap my lips around his cock.
This is my man. My fucking man. He loves me. Wants me. However he reacts to the truth, I know I’m not going to stop fighting for him. I’ll do whatever it takes to make him see how sorry I am and that I love him more than anything.
“Austin.” Levi moans, thrusting up, forcing me to take him all the way.