Chapter 20 #2
I groan, sucking hard as I shove his hips back down. He whines, and I grin around his length. Bobbing my head up and down, I suck him slow and deep until he’s a shaking, babbling mess below me.
“I’m so close,” he pants out. “Fuck, your mouth feels so damn good.”
Sucking and licking, I work him over. Reaching up, I cradle his balls in my hand, rolling them and giving them a little squeeze. He lets out a choked sound, thrusting up again.
I know he’s about to cum because his body is shaking, his breathing is erratic, and his fingers are clawing at my hair desperately.
Wanting his cum, I swallow around his length a few times, making him nearly sob. And then he finally lets go, unloading down my throat. I growl in satisfaction as I swallow down every last drop he gives me. When his cock is done twitching, I pull off with a pop and tuck him away.
“Fucking hell, Austin,” he pants heavily. “You really know how to work that mouth.”
“Why, thank you, my love.” I chuckle, pulling the blanket off and lying down next to him. “Wanna see what else I can do with it?” I wiggle my brows, and he smiles, pulling me in for a kiss.
“Show me.”
***
An hour later, we lay on the blanket and stare up at the sky, watching the clouds. Levi is in my arms, right where he belongs.
Everything is right in the world. He loves me. I love him.
And now, I have to potentially fuck it all up. Damn it, Austin. Damn fucking you.
“You know,” Levi says. “We didn’t play your game right.”
“What?” I chuckle, bringing my attention from the sky to his eyes.
He looks up at me and smiles. “I got the blow job, but I didn’t find the prettiest stone or sea glass.”
“No. You didn’t.” I smile, kissing the tip of his nose. “But I did.”
His brows furrow. “Huh?”
“You,” I say like a corny fucker. “You're my prettiest piece of sea glass.”
“Oh my god.” Levi laughs, burying his face into my chest. “You didn’t just say that.”
“Oh, I did.” I chuckle, rolling us over so that he’s on his back and I’m caging him against the ground.
“Be ready for all the cheesy bullshit. Because I’m gonna give it all to you, Levi.
I’m gonna love you so hard. Make sure you’re happy and cared for.
I’m going to spoil the shit out of you. Just wanted to give you a heads up. ”
The pure love in his eyes makes me want to cry. Please, baby, remember how you feel about me after I tell you what I’m about to tell you.
The smile slips from my lips, and Levi notices. “What’s wrong?”
“We need to talk,” I whisper.
His face falls. “I don’t like the sound of that.” He whispers. “Are you really about to break up with me after we just confessed how we feel?”
“Fuck no.” I scoff. “If I had it my way, I’d be dragging you down to the courthouse and putting a ring on your finger.”
His eyes widen. “Really?”
“Too much?” I wince.
“Oddly, no,” he chuckles.
I turn to the side and sit down on the blanket next to him. Levi sits up and mimics my pose.
“I need to come clean.” I bite my lip.
“About what?”
“Everything,” I whisper.
His face falls. “What do you mean?”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Out with it, Austin.
“I’ve been in love with you since we were in high school.”
His eyes widen. “You... what?”
I nod. “I’ve loved you since then. My feelings for you are what made me realize I wasn’t straight. Because all the dirty things I wanted to do to you were far from what a straight man wanted.” I laugh softly.
“W-why didn’t you say anything?” He asks, blinking at me, looking like he can’t believe what I’m saying.
“Because I was young and scared.” I rub my hands nervously on my thighs.
“There was so much on the line. We were friends, and I didn’t want to scare you off or ruin what we had.
I was also still coming to terms with my sexuality, and I don’t think I really fully accepted it until I graduated high school.
The idea of my dad finding out scared me.
Back then, I feared him. What he would say or do.
I was already a disappointment. I didn't want to add to the list.”
“Austin.” Levi’s voice softens, taking my hands in his. I hold him tight, afraid that if I let go, he will run.
“After a while, I realized, fuck him. I was who I was, and I didn’t care what he thought.
But by the time I accepted who I was, you were already with Brogan.
At the time, I thought you were in love and happy.
It hurt to be around you, to see you with another man when I wanted you for myself.
But I didn’t have the right to mess up your life by telling you how I felt.
So when we started to drift apart, I let it happen.
” I close my eyes and shake my head. “Biggest mistake of my life. I wish so fucking much I could go back and tell you how I felt. Tell you to leave that asshole and be with me.”
“I wish you did,” he whispers.
That’s a punch to the gut knowing everything he’s been through with his ex. If I'd just told Levi, would I have saved him from all that hurt and pain, or would he have rejected me and stayed with Brogan? I’ll never know.
“I’ve never stopped wanting you. The feelings I had for you never went away.” Here we go, Austin. Time to lay it all out there. “So, when Cole came to me, telling me he had a friend who needed a date to a wedding, I jumped at the chance to see you again.”
His brows furrow. “Wait.... I thought... I thought you didn’t know who you were being set up with.”
“I lied,” I whisper.
“You lied!?” he blinks, voice growing loud. “So you knew I was your date to the wedding?”
“Yes.”
“But you told me you didn’t have a clue.”
“Yes.”
“You lied.” He whispers, looking away for a moment, then back to me. “So you let me believe you didn’t know you were being set up with me. Why? Why not just tell me you knew? Why let me believe you didn’t?”
“Because I’m stupid.”
“Wait....” he shakes his head. “Was this whole fake dating and friends with benefits thing just a way to get with me?”
“It’s not like that.” I insist.
“Then what was it like, Austin? Why come up with all these things when you could have just asked me out?”
“I didn’t know how you would react, okay? I didn’t know if you would even be interested in me or not.”
“You could have just asked!” he shouts.
“You agreed!" I argue back.
“Yeah. Because... Because....” he looks away.
“Why did you agree?” I push.
“Because I didn’t want to admit to my family, I lied. That I was this sad man who was so obsessed with work that I didn’t have time to date.”
“That’s it? That’s the only reason why you agreed?”
“No,” he admits. “I agreed because you were you. Austin Cade. My brother’s hot best friend, whom I had a crush on in high school. I thought this was my only chance to be with you. So I took you up on your offer.”
“See? It’s not that big of a deal. You felt the same way about me.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I knew who you were before the wedding.
And I’m sorry for coming up with the fake dating thing when I should have just asked you out.
I wanted you to spend time with me, get to know me, and fall for me.
That way, when I did tell you how I felt, you wouldn’t reject me. ”
“Do you know how crazy that sounds, Austin?” he sighs, shaking his head.
“Yes,” I answer. “You could have told me how you felt, too. Why didn’t you?”
“At first, I didn’t see you that way. Sure, I thought you were hot, and yes, I wanted to sleep with you, but at first, to me, it was only an arrangement. Something fun for the moment. I wasn’t looking for anything more. I didn’t have the time for anything more.”
“That’s why I wanted you to get to know me and see that we could be something more.”
He pauses for a moment and thinks. “Alright. So we were both dumb asses.” Levi surprises me by saying.
“What?”
“We both were too stupid to just tell the other person how we felt, in fear of the other one not reciprocating our feelings.”
“I mean. Yeah.”
“We really are stupid, aren't we?” he starts to laugh. “We could have saved ourselves all this time and worry if we just came clean.”
“Yeah.” I rub the back of my head, very fucking happy he’s taking this a lot better than I thought he was going to.
“Is that the only thing you lied about?” he asks me, eyes flicking between mine.
“Ummm.” I laugh awkwardly.
“What did you do?” his face pales.
“Okay, before I tell you, please know everything I did was never with the intention to hurt you. I’m just a big dumb idiot who’s madly in love with you and really wanted you to like me back, and I really wanted to spend more time with you.
I will never manipulate your feelings or lie to you about anything important.
I will never make you feel less than, unwanted, or unloved.
I’m nothing like your ex. You are my world, my everything.
I worship the ground you walk on, Levi,” I say all of this with a serious tone.
“Okay....” he says slowly, color coming back to his face. “Out with it.”
“I, kind of, maybe, sort of wasn’t actually looking for a roommate.” I wince.
“What?” his brows furrow. “Then why did you put up a flyer?"
“Funny story.” I laugh awkwardly. “When I found out you were looking for a place to stay, I made the flyer. Only one. And put it up at your work, knowing you would see it, or someone would have shown it to you. I wanted to ask you to move in, but I didn’t want to freak you out by making you uncomfortable or like it was too much.
So I kind of made it your choice to move in, but set it up to happen. ”
He blinks at me, and blinks at me, and then blinks at me again before he bursts out laughing.
He laughs and laughs so hard there are tears running down his face.
“Ah, are you okay?” I ask because he’s really starting to worry me.
“You’re crazy,” he gasps in breaths, grinning widely. “Like really crazy.”
“I mean, just a little.” I hold up my finger and thumb.
“I should be mad. Weirded out. Running for the hills.” He removes his glasses to wipe at his eyes.
“But you're not?” I ask.
“No. Because I’m clearly just as messed up in the head as you are.”
“You are?” I’m confused. I don’t know what's going on. I really was expecting this to all blow up in my face. But it hasn’t. At least not yet.
“Yes. Because while any normal person would probably be freaked out, I love it.”
“You do?” My head shoots back in shock.
He nods, the smile still on his face as he moves to straddle my lap.
“You wanted me so much that you did all these stupid little things to get me. Not because you wanted to control me. Or trick me. But because you wanted me so badly, you wanted me to want you too. And refused to risk the chance I wouldn’t.
You never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to.
I agreed to fake dating. To friends with benefits.
You told me if I wasn’t comfortable living with you, you would have moved out of your own damn place so I had somewhere to stay. ”
“Of course. I didn’t want you or Snicklefritz to be living in your parents' garage. The idea had me worried. I wanted you safe.”
He cups my face and leans in to kiss me.
“And that, right there, is why I’m not mad.
You only ever showed me how much you cared about me.
You’ve done so much for me. For my cat. Hell, when you saw how upset I was about Peanut, you went out and brought him home.
When you found out about how my ex treated me, you kicked his ass.
You’ve been nothing but kind and patient with me.
Even though we agreed to have a sexual relationship, you’ve never pushed me.
You waited until I came to you. You never once acted like this was fake, and that should have had me clueing in sooner.
” He shakes his head. “God, I really am stupid.”
“Don’t call yourself names,” I growl.
“See!” he throws his head back laughing.
“That right there is why I’m so fucking in love with you, Austin.
You are the best thing to ever happen to me.
You changed my life in all the best ways.
Showed me how I deserved to be treated. That I was worthy of more than just my body.
That my feelings mattered. That I mattered. ”
“Of course you matter.” I cup his face. “You matter so fucking much.”
Tears spill down his cheeks, but he’s still smiling. “Austin.”
“Yes?” I ask, eyes flicking between his.
“Will you be my boyfriend? Not my fake boyfriend, but my real boyfriend?”
A smile slips onto my face as pure joy fills me.
Fucking fireworks burst inside my chest as I nod like an idiot.
“Hell fucking yeah I will!” I kiss him, and he laughs against my lips.
I roll us until he’s on his back and pepper kisses all over his face.
“I love you.” Kiss. “I'll never lie to you again.” Kiss. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know how loved you are.” Kiss, kiss, kiss.
Levi laughs and wraps his arms around my neck. He pulls me in for a kiss on the lips. “I love you too. And I promise to be there for you always. You're my best friend. My lover. Mine.”
“Mine,” I growl.
We make out on the beach for what feels like hours, only leaving when the sun has gone down and the cold has set in. As we drive back to our place, his hand in mine, I can’t help but feel like I’m on top of the world.
This man is mine. And I will do everything in my power to keep it that way.