11. Ashari
*boom, boom, boom, boom*
Jumping out of my sleep, my heart races as I look from left to right, trying to determine whether the noise is coming from somewhere in the townhouse or elsewhere. My eyes are low, and my mind is slow to comprehend what’s going on as the fog of sleep begins drifting away.
*boom, boom, boom, boom*
The banging sounds again, and my face wrinkles from hearing someone at my front door. Looking at my alarm clock on the nightstand, I take note of the time. 1:50 a.m.
“Who the fuck is at my damn door?”
Throwing the blankets off my body, I get out of bed and slip my feet into my slippers while adjusting the blue teddy hugging my ass before stomping out of my room. The urge to cuss out the unannounced and unwanted person at my door settles heavily within me with every step I take. With the gait of Ms. Sophia heading toward Celie in the field, I go down my steps until I’m on the bottom floor. Without looking, I unlock the door and yank it open before speaking.
“What the fuc—Kayshon? Do you know what t?—”
My words are cut off as Kayshon steps forward and kisses me with so much passion and urgency that my breath catches in my throat. Without disconnecting our lips, Kayshon dips and picks me up as my legs automatically wrap around his waist. Backing us into the living room, Kayshon kicks the door closed and grips my ass while moaning into my mouth. Heat invades my body as my pussy instantly moistens as my arousal makes its entrance into the room.
“Mm,” I moan before breaking the contact of our lips as Kayshon stares at me hungrily.
“I refuse to let you remember me that way. I’m fixing not only us but what I fucked up. Lock the door for me, Shari baby,” Kayshon says huskily while moving so I can turn the locks on the door, despite being in his arms.
Once that’s done, Kayshon kisses me again, stealing my breath before moving toward the steps as we ascend to the second floor. My blood pressure spikes as a tinge of fear grips me from the reminder of our first encounter because horrible doesn’t touch the surface of that disaster.
“I can feel your heart beating like I’m about to kill you. This ain’t that. I promise,” Kayshon says as if reading my mind as tension knots my shoulders and stiffens my back the closer we get to my room.
When we enter my room, Kayshon walks to my unmade bed and gingerly lays me down before slowly backing away as he undresses. Something in his movements and the intense eye contact he’s giving me has me biting my lip at the difference in his actions now versus our first time. Once Kayshon’s clothes are folded and resting on the ottoman at the end of my bed, he slowly climbs my body before pressing his lips to mine. Sliding his tongue in my mouth, my eyes close as our tongues begin dancing as my pussy purrs to life.
Damn, Kayshon. Let me find out you actually know how to do more than fuck like a robot.
“Mm. I’m sorry, Shari,” Kayshon says lowly after disconnecting our lips while stroking my face lovingly.
His eyes have a sheen of remorse and an abundance of, dare I say, love as he peers into my eyes. My body is in overdrive as I rub my hands up and down his back, leaning up to kiss him again as I crave the presence of us connecting in this manner. My right hand begins a voyage of exploration, moving to the front and wrapping around his heavy dick, which pulses in my hand.
“Mm. I don’t want to mess this up again. Please teach me how to make love to you, Shari.” Kayshon’s voice is husky and pleading, causing my heart to beat wildly as my chest expands in response.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I guide Kayshon’s dick to the entrance of my pussy, rubbing his precum on my outer lips. Although I’m wearing a nightgown reminiscent of a slip, I’m completely bare underneath.
“Sh-Shari.” Kayshon pants as puffs of air from his mouth hit mine, fueling me to continue as my hand becomes slick from the evidence of his arousal.
Kayshon’s head leans forward, resting on the crest of my neck as he sucks my skin into his mouth.
“Ooh,” I moan before smacking his dick against my pussy as my juices begin flowing.
As warmth enters my body, the need to connect us takes over as I guide Kayshon’s dick into my awaiting center.
“Kayshon,” I call, causing him to release my neck from his mouth and move to stare into my eyes.
Shit! What’s this look about?
The steady eye contact with Kayshon’s pupils appearing larger has me blinking slowly as he watches me with rapt attention.
“Yo-you have to go slow,” I say, trying not to choke over the emotion clogging my throat from staring at Kayshon.
What’s crazy is that although Kayshon’s dick is already invading my walls, he has yet to move his hips. My words must have given him the instruction necessary for us to begin because Kayshon pushes into me slowly. He’s watching me wordlessly while biting his lip, and I’ve never seen a more appealing sight.
“Aah, yes. Just like that, ba—mm,” I say before wrapping my arms around Kayshon’s waist as he thrusts in and out of me, instantly causing me to get wetter.
“Shit, Shari. I’m sorry I cheated you out of this before.” Kayshon’s tone is lower and huskier than before as he closes his eyes and his lids flutter.
“St-stay in the moment with me, Kayshon. L—ooh shit—look at me, baby,” I say before moaning as I meet Kayshon stroke for stroke.
Kayshon opens his eyes, and my chest pinches when I see the moisture glistening within his orbs.
Oh my God. Did I break him?
“You feel so good, Ashari. Oh God,” Kayshon says, groaning.
The eager affection coming off Kayshon’s body is tangible, causing emotion to well up within me. My mouth stretches open as my eyes grow wide from the slow, steady rhythm of Kayshon’s strokes, increasing the pressure on my G-spot. Rocking my hips causes my breath to hitch as a scream explodes from my mouth.
“That’s it, Shari. Cum for me, baby,” Kayshon coaches as my orgasm hits me unexpectedly.
“Aahhhh, Kay. Babyyy,” I moan while panting heavily as Kayshon continues stroking me slowly through my release.
Fatigue is heavy in my limbs as I lie in Kayshon’s arms, and he cuddles me protectively. I lost count of how many times we’ve gone at it or the number of times I’ve had an orgasm. What I can remember and treasure is Kayshon’s actions throughout the entire ordeal, making me wonder if he’d been invaded by body snatchers the first time we had sex. My throat was raw from screaming and moaning after I gave Kayshon permission to increase his strokes into me. Seeing his eyes shift from admiration to lust to longing for love had been the recipe for several orgasms. The heavy breathing from Kayshon’s body and the steady beating of his heart cause my eyes to close as I drift into a peaceful slumber.
“I promise, Mama. I promise I won’t be like him. I promise, please don’t go. Momm—” Hearing Kayshon’s tear-clogged voice snatches me from my sleep at an unknown time later.
My breathing is difficult due to the tight grip Kayshon has on my body. Grabbing his hand, I try to free myself from his clutches as he continues talking in his sleep.
“No. Please don’t cry, Momma. Lance won’t win. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll beg Ashari. Please don’t cry, Momma. Wait… don’t go. Do—I’m gonna fix it with Ashari. Momma. Momma.”
Kayshon’s voice becomes childlike as his pleas drop to a whisper, and I feel moisture hitting my bare shoulder.
“Shit,” I say as Kayshon’s grip on my waist eases enough for me to move while turning over to see his eyes closed.
What tanks my heart while causing a shiver down my spine are the tears falling from his lids as a despondent expression covers his features. Tapping Kayshon’s chest, I attempt to bring him out of the nightmare that seems to be causing him intense torment. Hearing my name in the midst of it has me curious about what’s happening in his unconscious state.
“I know, Momma. I promise I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it. Please don’t leave me again. Pleasseee,” Kayshon cries, breaking my heart and making waking him more urgent.
“Kayshon! Kayshon! Wake up. Wake up!” I shout, shaking Kayshon roughly as tears fall rapidly from my eyes as relief fills me when his eyes slowly open.
“Wh—why are you crying, Ashari? What’s wrong?” Kayshon asks groggily.
An uncontrollable wail exits my mouth, damn near knocking the wind out of me as I yank Kayshon into me while holding him tight.
“Ssh, Shari. Tell me what happened, baby. Talk to me.” Kayshon’s deep voice is void of the heavy emotion from minutes ago, causing me to cry and hold him tighter as his hands rub up and down my back soothingly.
Only the sounds of my crying permeate the air as Kayshon continues rubbing my back, and my mind tortures me with the reminder of his words.
That Sunday…
“Saints, Psalm thirty verse five says that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning,” Papa Ren says with authority in the microphone while his eyes peer out into the congregation.
Heaviness settles within my body because I’m still raw from Kayshon’s nightmare. Kayshon had no recollection of what he said, and I couldn’t regurgitate it. It took Kayshon over thirty minutes to calm me enough to fall asleep, and even then, it hadn’t been restful. According to Kayshon, I spent the whole time jumping and sniffling, which prevented him from getting back to sleep. The joy in knowing that had me feeling ashamed, but it was my truth because I was unsure how I would handle another nightmare from him on the heels of the first one.
“Yet, what about the unbearable, agonizing, and unrelenting pain that’s overwhelming you in the night? I can feel some of you asking. However, the scripture doesn’t change, nor does it falter in letting you know that your weeping will be temporary. The hours between night and morning are short when you compare your sorrow to the joy that is promised to come with the dawning of a new day. The scripture gives you the belief that God’s restoration promise is a guarantee. It's in our darkest pain that produces our brightest light when we entrust it to Him… the creator of light. God’s favor doesn’t change in the presence of your pain, nor does it forfeit the blessing He has for you,” Papa Ren says, snapping me out of my brief thoughts as a dagger penetrates my chest from the impact of his words.
I look around the room to see if the spotlight I feel is shining on me at this moment is resting over anyone else. The congregants are fully in tune with Papa Ren as I squirm slightly when my eyes connect with Masani. A warm smile slips into place as Masani waves before returning to the front.
“Everybody standing, please,” Papa Ren says, causing my body to stiffen before I slowly stand upright. “Today’s message is for the people who are currently walking through a midnight experience. I admonish you to meet me at the altar if that's you. For the individuals saying Pastor Reese, my difficult times outweigh the joy you’re speaking of… meet me at this altar. The altar is open for those of you who need a reminder that God hasn’t left you. For the individuals who need to stand in proxy of someone you know going through a midnight situation… meet me at the altar. God is speaking to you too.”
My chest pinches, and my mouth dries. A heavy feeling settles deep in my stomach, and my eyes become glossy. Before I know what’s happening, I start moving out of my row and head toward the front with my eyes on the floor. My heart is beating wildly, and my pulse is racing, but my feet keep moving. When I reach the church's midway point, I hear the choir begin singing, causing tears to drop from my eyes.
“Ain’t no need to worry what the night is gonna bring. It’ll be all over in the morning.” The choir sings as the congregants join in, making my body heavy with the emotions weighing on me.
Looking up with moisture, which causes my vision to be blurry, I see Papa Ren nod to Evangelist Tolliver, who makes her way to me. A tinge of relief eases from my body at Papa Ren not being the person who will pray for me. He and God have been ganging up on me enough, and I need a little reprieve. A small smile forms as Evangelist Tolliver takes my hands into hers and starts speaking.
“I saw you coming down the aisle, and the heaviness of your spirit hit me before you fully reached this altar. Would you like to share your prayer request with me, or do you want me to pray without your direction?” Evangelist Tolliver asks.
“W-without direction,” I say over the lump in my throat as she nods and bows her head, causing me to follow her lead.
“Father, in the name of Jesus, I come to You on behalf of Your daughter, Ashari. Right now, give her peace in her mind. Let her know that their midnight won’t consume her or him,” Evangelist Tolliver says, causing me to open my eyes slightly as my breathing accelerates.
How in the ? —
“God, let Ashari know that You’re greater than this present storm. Let her know that You have already worked it out for the good. Let her know that she’s able to handle the storm no matter how deep the valley… no matter how great the pain. Whew, thank You, Father. Let her know that her purpose is to remain steadfast and unmovable because this midnight experience doesn’t win. Give her strength to endure it so that she can love him through it.” Evangelist Tolliver continues praying while holding my hands as hers tremble, causing my eyes to continue leaking with rapid water. “We trust You. We believe You. Yes, God.”
When Evangelist Tolliver begins speaking in an unknown tongue, my mind wanders because God has set me up again.
See, God… You don’t play fair. I thought for sure not having Papa Ren pray was my out. Yet, You sent Evangelist Tolliver to drop Your gems concerning me.