15. Kayshon
At the last minute, Ashari changed her mind about accompanying me to my vasectomy consultation, and I’m unsure how to feel about it. Ashari said she didn’t want to pressure me to decide either way and felt her presence would do precisely that. An urgent text to Letitia this morning led to her calling to move my counseling session from tomorrow to today. Now, here I am, walking into the clinic for my appointment with heavy limbs and a wavering heart rate.
“Hello, sir. Do you have an appointment?” a blonde with large breasts and a cheery smile asks. Despite not knowing her from a can of paint, the familiarity of her voice has me taking a step back from the counter.
Why the fuck am I thinking about her ass right now?
“Y-yeah, Kayshon Patton.”
“Oh wow. You look great. I’m Carleen’s daughter,” the girl says, causing me to frown instantly.
The last thing I want to do is remember Carleen’s ho-ass at this time. Rubbing my hand along the back of my neck, I stare at the woman without uttering a word.
“I’ll get you checked in. They’ll be with you soon. Sit wherever you’d like,” the girl says, realizing I’m not up for conversation or a trip down bullshit lane.
With heavy steps, I plop down in a seat where ole girl won’t be able to see me as I hang my head. The song Mama Lo sang to me on my way echoes in my mind as I attempt to calm my nerves.
?
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.
Just to take Him at His word.
?
*bzz*
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I unlock it to see a text from Ms. Aretha, bringing a smile to my lips. My family, thanks to Jawaan’s chit-chatting ass, knows what’s going on today, so I’m not surprised by Mama Lo’s song or this message from Ms. Aretha.
Ms. Aretha:
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of nut snips, I will fear nothing but the absence of babies in my home.
Me:
I’m pretty sure this scripture doesn’t go like this. LOL
Ms. Aretha:
I’m your heathen conscience trying to stop you from this madness. Stop talking so I can do my work.
Me:
What work, woman?
Ms. Aretha:
For thou wants to be with your dumb, irrational ass, but you’re allowing the weapons of your past to make you forget the blessing God has given you in your present. This decision will only make you forfeit your future. Back away from the dick tuck, nigga
Uncontrollable laughter escapes my mouth like diarrhea, causing the waiting occupants to look in my direction. Returning to my phone, I type a response to Ms. Aretha.
Me: I’m gonna revoke your one-on-one time with Jawaan. Keep it up.
Ms. Aretha:
*singing in my Kurt Carr voice* God blocked it…he wouldn’t let it be so.
“Kayshon Patton.” A male voice calls my name as I stand and head toward the open door leading to the back.
Me:
I gotta go. They’re taking me in the back.
Ms. Aretha:
Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Oh Jesus, please slap my baby with a specimen cup so he snaps out of this.
Me:
LOL. I love you.
Ms. Aretha:
*sad face emoji* I love you more
“So, after all of that you’ve been going through lately and earlier, how are you feeling?” Letitia asks.
“Like I’m on the brink of losing my mom all over again.”
“Why is that?”
Tears sit on the edge of my lids as I try to suck them back into my orbs while trying not to succumb to my emotions.
“Whenever I had a bad day, I could always count on my mom to make everything better. The day she left me, I lost the belief that I would do anything to make her proud. I failed to get her help and always wondered what would have happened if I had. Today, I feel like I gave her another reason to be disappointed with me.”
“Let’s put today into perspective, Kayshon. All you did was go for a?—”
“Nah, I made the appointment to have the procedure,” I say, cutting Letitia off, unable to meet her assessing eyes.
The sterile and cold room I had been in not long ago had my mind spinning with a shitload of thoughts. Seeing the black doctor enter the room gave me a false sense of peace that I would have time to sort things out with him. I sat my ass on the flimsy exam table and gave that fuck ass doctor a bunch of nothing for wanting the vasectomy. Instead of him being a professional and attempting to provide me with the pros and cons, he simply gave me a date to perform the deed. There had been no confirmation of my assurance nor efforts to talk me off the proverbial ledge. Somehow, I let the doctor get in my head about my right to choose what happens with my body as it pertains to children. Since I got the reminder card with the date, time, and location, I have been fighting the urge to throw up.
“It doesn’t matter. You still have time to change your mind,” Letitia says, deadpan.
“Do you know I popped up on my mom’s parents before I left for college?” I say, switching to another subject that has been filling my mind today.
“It’s not something we’ve discussed previously. Tell me how that went.”
“On three occasions, the people whose blood runs through my veins dismissed me like I was the shit piled in their front yard. What’s crazy is they let me in their moth ball smelling house, only to tell me how they disowned my mother. According to them, they saw Lance for the devilish man he was from the beginning. My grandfather even went as far as to tell me he saw me becoming exactly him because that kind of evil doesn’t die. My grandmother sat in a rickety rocking chair, her hands folded and a sneer on her wrinkled face. They had me questioning which form of my DNA had been the worst to co-create my existence. My mother was the sweetest and kindest woman I knew, so her parents' actions staggered me. Their vile words and Lance’s despicable actions haunt me more than I let on. I have never told anyone about that encounter with those people; after burying them, they surface today. Why?” I ask as my throat clogs with emotions, and the irritant tears I’ve been fighting off make their way down my cheeks.
*knock, knock*
Knocks at the door sound, yet I’m unable to lift my head or acknowledge the sudden interruption of my session. Letitia stands and walks wordlessly to the door before I hear it open.
“You’re right on time. Come in,” Letitia says.
The atmosphere in the room changes as a looming presence causes me to slowly lift my head to see a man approaching me.
“Thank you for allowing me to hijack your session for a few minutes. I won’t be here long, and no one but the three of us will know. I’m Pastor Lorenzo Reese.” Extending his hand out, I stare into the friendly eyes of Ashari’s godfather and my brother’s new pastor.
Putting my hands in his, I allow him to pull me to my feet and wrap me up in a hug that doesn’t feel predatory or sexual in nature. As if I’m outside of my body, uncontrollable weeping takes over me as Pastor Reese tightens his hold. As it turns out, Letitia Baxter is related to Pastor Reese and asked me if I minded him coming to pray with me after my appointment today. Knowing his association with Ashari and Kyce, I agreed because while I don’t pray often, I can appreciate its power.
“Most Holy and Sovereign King, I come to You now on behalf of Kayshon. His heart is heavy, and his mind is weary. Father, I know You to be a mender and the lifter of heads, so I’m asking that You do both for Kayshon. Give him clarity where he needs it. Give him supernatural strength, oh God, that he can stand through the storms of his life. Even as I embrace now, let an exchange of Your love seep into his pores. No matter what Kayshon faces, oh God, by your word, I call him blessed. I call him free. I call him an overcomer. Thank You in advance for being El Shaddai in Kayshon’s life. All these things I ask in your name. Amen.” With that, Pastor Reese gives me a tighter squeeze before releasing me and walking out the door as if he was never here.
“Thank you,” I say to Letitia. She nods wordlessly, and I resume my seat, feeling lighter than before Pastor Reese’s arrival. “So, you weren’t gonna mention to me that he’s why you suggested I pray not long ago?” I ask, smirking when Letitia picks up her pencil and places her trusty notebook on her lap.
“Although my husband and I attend another church, Pastor Lorenzo Reese is a giant in the kingdom of God. With whom you’re trying to sink your hook for the rest of your life, I figured who would be better suited to interact with you today. Unless, of course, I’ve misinterpreted your future plans with a certain somebody,” she says, winking as a warm feeling spreads throughout my body at the thought of Ashari.
“Nah. You’re spot on. Good looking out.
“You’re a cheater. Remind me of your inability to play fair the next time you want to do this,” Ashari says, laughing.
“Nah, you just don’t know how to drive, Shari.”
Turning my wheel, I prepare to steer my bumper car in another direction, knowing I’ll be ramming into Ashari’s car shortly. Rolling her eyes, Ashari takes off again with one hand on the wheel and the other in the air. It’s precisely why I keep catching up and ramming her. Somehow, Ashari doesn’t understand the purpose of bumper cars, which is not to look cute while driving.
*wham*
“Kayshon!” Ashari shouts, as I throw my head and crack up at her wide eyes coinciding with the jerk of her head when I crash into her again.
“You make this shit too easy, love.”
“I don’t want to drive anymore. You’re gonna give me whiplash,” Ashari says, pouting.
“Awe. I’ll massage every inch of your body to remove any pain.”
Seeing the light twinkle in Ashari’s eyes has my dick jumping, which causes me to subtly adjust so no one can see what she does to me.
“Deal. Can we get something to eat from the concession booth? I need a minute to regroup.”
“Of course. I’m sure the kids are tired of seeing you cry anyway.”
Flicking me off, Ashari drives off toward the guy in charge of the car return as I follow her with a goofy grin I can’t contain. Given my history with women, I’m sure my past jump-offs don’t believe that I’m incapable of not only falling in but being in love with a woman. However, no one has given me a reason to exercise my right to show the love my mother showed me before her untimely death. Love has never been the issue for me… Making love was. Thanks to Ashari, I can finally say that’s a limitation I no longer have.
“What do you want?” I ask Ashari a few minutes later as my pulse races with the warmth from our hand connection.
“Nachos, a personal supreme pizza, a pretzel, and a cherry icee.”
Releasing Ashari’s hand, I give her a sideways look because how on Earth is she about to eat all this shit by herself?
“What?”
“Did you eat today?”
“Yeah, I had a turkey, ham, Swiss panini, two bags of salt and vinegar chips, and three white macadamia nut cookies.”
Damn. Does little baby have a tapeworm?
“What can I get for you two?” the girl behind the plexiglass asks, popping the gum she’s chewing that has a frown upturning my lips as she puts me in the mind of Teyana Taylor in that Tyler Perry movie.
“Someone with manners,” I say as Ashari nudges me while mouthing for me to be nice before placing her order.
“Your total?—”
“Hold up, speedy. Let me get a pepperoni pizza and a medium Pepsi,” I say, cutting the girl off before she can give us the total for Ashari’s order.
“Oh. Well then, your total is twenty-five eleven,” the girl says, popping the gum that falls from her mouth before she picks it up, reinserts it, and resumes chewing it like nothing happened.
“You know what. Cancel that order.” Dropping my wallet back in my pocket, I pull Ashari away from the counter and toward the exit because I’m cool on either of us consuming anything in here.
“Did she really do that?” Ashari asks as we exit the building.
“Fuck yeah. If she didn’t hold back with a piece of gum, what else does her unsanitary ass do when no one is watching? I should call the health department because I’m fucking irritated and disgusted.”
“It probably won’t do anything, but what are we gonna eat? I’m still hungry.”
“How about we get a pizza from somewhere else since that seems to be what you want?”
“I can live with that, but what about the nachos and icee? I want those too.”
Stopping our forward progress, I stare wordlessly at Ashari because I thought for sure she would change her mind once we couldn’t get those things from the concession stand.
“Kayshon,” she whines while giving me a puppy dog look that pulls at my heartstrings, forcing me to give in.
“I’ll go by the movie theater on the way to get the pizza to get them, okay?”
“Okay.” Her whole face lights up as I shake my head and continue to where my vehicle sits in the third spot near the front door.
I’m not sure what’s up with Ashari, but she better be lucky I love her ass and will never deny an opportunity to make her happy.