Chapter Twelve
chapter twelve
KIRA
“Where are we going?”
I’ve never been to Ana’s place, but I can’t imagine they live in the middle of downtown.
“Coffee.” Ryder glances over at me and grins. “You haven’t been over here?”
“Nope. With me not driving and there being no public transportation, we tended to stick to the places near Kingston.”
Ryder nods in understanding. “Well, over there”—he points to the left—“is a nice park. And over there”—he points to the right, just across the street—“is the public library. It’s three stories, and it has an entire floor for children.”
“I wanna go to the library!” Violet squeals. “Can we go?”
“Not today,” I tell her, “but I’m sure we can go one day.”
My little girl loves reading. Before we had to leave our old house, we used to spend a lot of time at the library. We pull up to a cute coffee shop with a pink-and-white awning in the front and the name Coffee Addict written across the top.
“They make the best coffee,” Ryder explains. “Only downside is, they don’t have a drive-through.” He parks and then turns to me and asks, “You want your usual?”
My usual is an iced caramel latte that I make using his Nespresso machine, but since we’re here …
“I want to see what else they have.”
“Can I see too?” Violet asks.
“Me!” Addie adds, making Ryder shake his head.
“Okay,” he says, unbuckling. “I guess we’re all going in.”
“Yay!” Violet exclaims, undoing her seat belt.
I end up ordering an iced salted caramel latte, to which Ryder playfully rolls his eyes. We get the girls each a chocolate milk with whipped cream, and Ryder gets his usual boring coffee—strong with a drop of milk. We’re walking back to the car when Ryder stops short, and I almost run into him.
“You okay?” I ask when I notice he looks like he just saw a ghost.
“Yeah,” he chokes out. “Just thought I saw someone.”
“Who?”
“Nora,” he whispers.
I follow his line of vision, curious to see what Addie’s egg donor looks like, but there’s so many people that I don’t know who he’s referring to.
“I doubt it was her,” he says with a shake of his head. “I was probably just seeing shit.”
The drive to Ana’s is quiet, and I can tell Ryder’s stuck in his own head. I’m not sure if he’s upset that he saw her or if maybe seeing her made him realize he misses her, but I don’t ask, not wanting to open a can of worms in front of the girls. Addie might be too young to understand, but I don’t want to chance upsetting Ryder in front of her.
When we arrive at Julian and Ana’s house, I take in the cozy vibe. Unlike Ryder’s massive house, this home is smaller—still big, but it’s not a mansion—with a softer feel to it.
“What are you thinking?” Ryder asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“I picture you in a house like this,” I say truthfully. “Your house is beautiful, but?—”
“It’s ostentatious,” he finishes for me. “Nora picked it out,” he admits. “And since I was already settled in, after she left, I stayed.”
“Mommy, can we get out?” Violet asks.
“Yep,” I tell her.
She immediately flings off her seat belt and clambers out.
“You grab Addie, and I’ll get the food,” I tell Ryder, who nods, still obviously lost in his own head.
I wish we were alone so we could talk, but since we’re not, I grab the dishes and leave my thoughts and worries in the car for later.
“My God, woman, these smell heavenly.” Ana audibly sniffs the brownies one more time and then sets them on the counter, next to the pan of lasagna. “Thank you.” She smiles warmly at me and then shocks me when she pulls me into a hug.
“You’re welcome,” I choke out, wrapping my arms around her in return, unsure why I’m suddenly so emotional.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been on my own with Violet for the past few months or because, aside from Brian demanding to get laid a few times a week, I’ve essentially been alone, craving the affection one can only get from another person.
Ana backs up slightly but remains close, her glassy eyes meeting mine.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, worried something happened.
“Nothing.” She shakes her head. “I’m just … a bit emotional. Having a baby will do that to you.” She laughs lightly. “And also … why didn’t you tell me you were living out of your car?”
More tears fill her lids, and my heart drops.
“I would’ve helped you,” she mutters. “Every day, you came into work, happy and smiling, all while living in an SUV.”
“It’s okay,” I tell her, placing my hand in hers, knowing she’s reacting this way because, as she mentioned, she gave birth recently and her hormones are all over the place.
“No, it’s not,” she argues, her tears now streaming down her cheeks. “But I’m so glad Ryder found you. Is he being good to you? If not, we have plenty of room here.”
“He’s amazing. I promise, we’re good,” I tell her honestly, my heart swelling with how sweet she is to even offer us a place to stay. “I owe you guys everything.”
Before she can tell me that I don’t, I keep speaking, needing her to know how much I appreciate everything they’ve done for my daughter and me.
“You gave me a chance when I was at my lowest, and then Ryder took us in and not only gave us a roof over our heads, but what he’s paying me …” I shake my head, overcome with emotion. “You guys have given me a sense of security that I haven’t felt in a long time. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay either of you.”
“You don’t owe anyone anything,” Ryder says, appearing out of nowhere.
“Ana.” Julian rushes in and goes straight for his wife. “What’s wrong, Red?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” She half laughs, half cries. “I’m just a little emotional.” She swipes at her eyes. “Sometimes, I just can’t help crying.”
“And apparently, it’s contagious,” I add with a laugh of my own, wiping my tears away.
“Emilia is waking up,” Julian tells her. “Why don’t you go grab her, and I’ll put the food in the fridge?”
“Okay.” She kisses the corner of his mouth. “But the brownies are coming with me.” She grabs the entire pan with one hand and then mine with the other. “Come meet Emilia,” she says with a watery smile. “But be warned. She’s so precious that you might get baby fever.”
“That is not happening,” I say through a laugh. “There’s a reason babies are so cute … to get us through the sleepless nights.”
Ryder chuckles and nods in agreement. “I feel that deep.”
“Mommy, can we go in the pool now?” Violet asks when we walk into the living room.
“In a few minutes, Vi,” I tell her while Ana goes to the bassinet and scoops up her daughter, who’s stretching her arms and legs as she attempts to wake up. “Want to see the new baby?”
“I already saw her. She’s too little to play with us.” Violet pouts, making the adults laugh.
“She is little,” I agree, taking Emilia from Ana so I can hold her.
Her eyes are closed once again, and she’s sucking on her pacifier, curled up like she’s still in the womb.
When I sit down, Violet comes over and leans against me, gently stroking the baby’s hair.
“I remember when you were this little,” I tell her, glancing over at her.
“Was I boring too?” she asks, looking at me seriously.
“Nope,” I say with a laugh. “You hated sleeping, so you kept me very busy.”
“Sleeping is boring,” she mutters.
“It is,” I agree. “But we need it so we can grow. That’s why babies sleep a lot—so they can grow.”
“Can I go in the pool now?” she asks. “Addie and Kingston want to go in the pool too. Right, guys?” She looks over at the toddlers, who are playing in the pretend kitchen and couldn’t care less about going swimming. “Addie! Pool?”
“Poo!” Addie agrees, toddling over and pulling up her cover-up to show off her bathing suit.
“Ugh, fine,” I groan, not wanting to give up the precious baby yet.
“I’ve got them,” Ryder says with a chuckle. “Come out when you’ve had your baby fill.” He winks at me and then says to the girls, “Who wants to go swimming?”
Both girls squeal in delight.
“All right, let’s go.”
Ryder lifts both girls into his strong arms and carries them out the back door with Julian and Kingston following behind.
Once they’re gone, Ana glances at me with wide eyes and whispers, “What was that?”
“What was what?” I ask, leaning in and sniffing the baby’s sweet scent.
God, I miss that smell. It was what got me through the weeks of sleepless nights. I would rock Violet for hours, smelling her scent.
“Um, hello? That!” Ana points in the direction of the pool, but before I can ask her again what the hell she’s talking about, the doorbell rings, and she gets up to get it. A moment later, she returns with another woman.
“Kira, this is Paige,” Ana says, pointing to a beautiful woman with brown hair and blonde highlights that are swept off her neck in a messy bun.
Her blue eyes meet mine, and she smiles warmly.
“It’s nice to meet you,” she says, coming over and sitting next to me. “Oh, and aren’t you just the sweetest little thing?” she coos to Emilia, who’s still sleeping in my arms.
“She must really like you,” Ana says with a smile. “This is the longest she’s gone without eating.”
“Well, the feeling is mutual,” I say, glancing back down at the baby.
There was a time when I imagined having an entire household of little ones running around. Until I became a single mom and then dreaded the thought of getting pregnant by Brian. I’m still young, and I know anything can happen, but at this point, I’ve accepted that Violet might be my only baby.
“Where’s John?” Ana asks Paige.
“He had an emergency at work. I told him if he gets done soon to come by.” Paige looks at me. “John is my workaholic boyfriend.” She rolls her eyes playfully. “He’s trying to prove himself at the company he works at, so he’s become their yes man.”
“Hopefully, once he renews his contract in September, he’ll allow himself to breathe a little bit,” Ana says to Paige. Then, to me, she explains, “John moved here from the UK on a one-year contract. He’s managing the division he works in, and as long as he’s doing well, they’re planning to make it permanent.”
“Oh, are you from the UK?” I ask Paige.
She doesn’t have an accent, but anything’s possible.
“Not originally. My dad is a pilot, so we moved all over. We lived in London for a while and then I moved back after college to get my MBA and stayed when I accepted a job at Benson Liquor. That’s where I met Ana,” she says, smiling at her friend. “Last year, John was offered a promotion, but it meant moving to the States, and since it was in Houston and so close to Ana, I moved with him.”
“She’s our chief marketing officer,” Ana explains. “And one of the best people I know.”
“Damn right I am.” Paige lightheartedly bumps Ana’s shoulder. “Speaking of which, where’s the wine?”
“What does wine have to do with anything?” Ana laughs.
“Um, everything,” Paige deadpans. “Friends don’t let friends stay sober for too long.”
Paige shrugs, and Ana giggles.
“That’s definitely not how the saying goes,” Ana says as Emilia starts to whine.
With one last inhale of her sweet scent, I hand her over to Ana, who grabs a blanket from over the couch and drapes it across her front so she can feed her daughter.
“Kira, white or red?” Paige says, standing.
“Oh, um, none for me, but thanks.”
“Fine,” Paige groans. “Guess I’m going to be solo drinking.”
“You might want a drink,” Ana says to me. “There’s nothing worse than hanging out with a drunk Paige while you’re sober.”
“You’re such a cheeky bitch,” Paige calls out behind her while Ana cackles.
Their close friendship is evident, and it makes me miss my mom. Our relationship isn’t as comfortable and easygoing as theirs, but she’s always been my person. Someone I could talk to and confide in. She’s never judged me, and she’s always had my back.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ana asks as if she can hear my thoughts.
“Nothing. I just …” I take a deep breath, questioning if I’m ready to put myself out there, knowing once I do, there’s no going back. “I recently got out of a relationship where he was … possessive,” I say, giving her a half truth. “He pushed all my friends away … at least the ones I had left after having a baby when the rest of my friends were still in the partying stage of life. Watching and listening to you two reminded me of how much I miss that.”
Ana sobers, then places her hand on my leg. “You’re not alone anymore. You know that, right? You have Ryder and me …”
“And me,” Paige says, sauntering back into the living room, obviously having had heard us. “I got you a drink anyway,” she says. “Figured you could use it.”
“Thanks.” I take a sip of the white wine. It’s crisp and fruity and refreshing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be a downer.”
“By opening up?” Ana shakes her head. “That’s what friends are for. And to be honest, I don’t have many.”
“Same,” Paige agrees. “I moved too much to make any real ties … until I met Ana.”
Ana lifts her daughter onto her chest and burps her, then moves her to the bassinet that’s right next to the couch. She whines for a second and then falls back asleep.
“You know what we need?” Paige says.
“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell us,” Ana deadpans.
“A girls’ night!”
“Um, in case you forgot, I just gave birth.” Ana points from her stomach to the sleeping baby.
“Not at a club,” Paige clarifies. “A stay-at-home girls’ night … like a slumber party! We can watch cheesy rom-coms, eat junk food, gossip about boys, and drink.” Before Ana can argue, Paige adds, “You can pump and dump for one night.”
“Okay. That actually sounds like fun,” Ana says after a moment, her face lighting up. “What do you think?” she asks me. “You up for a girls’ night?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I have Violet and …”
“Julian can watch her,” Ana says. “What’s one more kid?” She laughs.
“Maybe …” It’s not that I don’t want to, but … “It would have to be on the weekend.”
“What would have to be on the weekend?” Ryder asks, strolling into the house in nothing but his board shorts. His hair is wet, and a few droplets of water are lingering on his shoulders and chest as several slide down his muscular torso, disappearing into his?—
A throat clearing breaks me from the thoughts, and when I glance up, I find Ryder smirking and both Ana and Paige grinning.
“Huh?” I ask, having no clue what was said.
The women crack up laughing while Ryder chuckles, and I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something.
“What?” I ask in confusion.
“I asked, what would have to be on the weekend?” Ryder says with a smirk.
“Our girls’ night,” Ana answers for me. “We’re going to have a slumber party.”
“With alcohol, junk food, and lots of gossip,” Paige adds.
“Sounds like fun,” Ryder says with a chuckle. “As long as you’re not discussing this month’s book without me.” He glares teasingly at Ana and Paige.
“We wouldn’t dream of it,” Ana says. “Don’t forget, it’s your turn to pick the book for next month.”
“And it’d better be spicy,” Paige adds, waggling her brows.
“I already know which one I’m picking,” Ryder says, then looks at me. “You should join us since you’re reading the book as well.”
He winks at me, and I swear my panties nearly combust. I don’t know what’s sexier—a man who reads romance or a man who is so unashamed that he’s part of a book club.
“Oh, you’re reading the book?” Ana asks me.
“Yep,” Ryder says, “and she’s loving it.”
“Then, you definitely have to come! We have an online book club, but this month, we’re going to discuss it live with the group.”
“Sounds like fun,” I tell them, not mentioning that I don’t have any social media.
Brian would give me shit about it, to the point that it was easier to just delete it than deal with him.
“Now, what were you saying about your girls’ night?” Ryder asks.
“I was telling Kira that she can bring Violet and Julian can keep an eye on her,” Ana says. “We have plenty of beds …”
“What?” Ryder glances at me in confusion. “Why the hell would Julian need to watch her? She knows me a helluva lot better than him. She can stay with Addie and me and sleep in her own bed.”
“You wouldn’t mind?” I ask despite the fact that he sounded almost offended that I hadn’t asked him to begin with. But I don’t want to assume.
“Why would I mind?” he asks incredulously.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I mean, I work for you. It’s my job to watch your daughter, not the other way around.”
“Are you serious?” he says, stepping closer to me. I’m sitting on the edge of the sofa, so he kneels in front of me, his eyes locking with mine. “You might work for me, but I’d like to think there’s more to us than just that .”
“Like what?” I breathe, the air surrounding us suddenly thick with tension.
“Like … more .”
The word is simple yet confusing at the same time. Because more can mean so many things.
“More … like friends?” I throw out, then hold my breath, waiting for his response, unsure if I want him to agree or tell me what’s happening between us is more than that.
Ryder stares at me for several seconds before he nods once.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Like friends.”
My stomach sinks, and I realize in this moment that I was hoping for a different answer from him. But it doesn’t matter because despite his flirting, he only sees me as a friend. Which is for the best because the last thing I need is anything more anyway.
“Friends,” I parrot, plastering on a smile.
“Friends,” he repeats.
“Well, now that we’ve established we’re all friends ,” Paige says, reminding me that Ryder and I were having this entire conversation in front of an audience, “can you watch Kira’s daughter so we can have a girls’ night?”
“Of course,” Ryder says, standing.
“Awesome. What about the weekend after next?” Paige suggests, looking at her phone. “Next weekend, I’m attempting to pry John away from his job to go to a bed and breakfast, just the two of us.” She looks up and rolls her eyes, but I can hear it in her tone that she’s worried about their relationship, and my heart goes out to her. There’s nothing harder than being the only person in the relationship fighting for it.
“I’m down,” Ana says.
I glance at Ryder, who’s looking at me with an unreadable expression.
“Can you watch Violet?” I ask.
“Absolutely,” he says with a small smile.
“Yay!” Paige exclaims. “Girls’ night!”
Ryder shakes his head and chuckles, and it’s then that it hits me—he’s in here with me without our daughters.
“Are the girls okay?” I ask him.
“Yeah.” He nods. “Julian is keeping an eye on them. I came in here to make sure it’s okay for Violet to have ice cream before lunch.”
“Sure,” I tell him. “If she gets to be too much …”
“We’re good,” he says. “Enjoy your girl time.”
With those words, he heads back out, leaving me staring at the cords of muscle that make up his back.
Once he’s gone, Paige says, “Ho-ly shit. What was that?”
“What was what?” I ask, turning to her in confusion.
“ That ,” Ana says with a smirk, “was two people living in denial.”
Paige laughs. “It is the longest river in Egypt.”
“What are you talking about?” I question.
“You and Ryder,” Ana says.
“Totally having the hots for each other,” Paige finishes.
“Did you not hear him?” I ask. “We’re just friends .”
Paige and Ana both snort out a laugh.
“Okay, keep telling yourself that,” Paige says. “But the heat in his eyes when he looked at you was hot enough to damn near set this room on fire.” She fans herself.
“I think you’re seeing things,” I mutter.
“Sorry, girl,” Paige says with a laugh. “My eyesight is twenty/twenty, and I know exactly what I saw.”
“And what’s that?” I ask, too curious not to take the bait.
“A man,” Paige says with a smirk, “who is falling hard.”
“And what a sight it is,” Ana adds with a smile. “I’ve been worried about Ryder.” She glances at me. “But it seems I no longer have to be.”
“I can’t wait for our girls’ night,” Paige says with a glimmer in her eye. “I’ll bet you’re going to have a lot to share.”
I lift my glass of wine to my lips and down it in one shot as I wonder if what they’re saying could be true. Does Ryder want more with me? And if so, am I capable of giving him that?