Chapter Thirteen
chapter thirteen
RYDER
Friends.
I’ve never despised the word until it slipped past Kira’s pouty lips. Now, I wish it didn’t fucking exist.
Friends.
It’s not that I don’t want to be friends with her. In the short time I’ve known her, I’d like to think we’ve forged a friendship that goes beyond employer and employee. And I’m not ignorant enough to believe that every relationship shouldn’t be based on friendship. Hell, it’s what Nora and I were lacking.
No, what makes me despise the word is the thought that it’s the most we could ever be. That what we have right now is all I’ll ever be lucky enough to have with her. When the truth is, I want more. I want her laughter, her smiles. I want to be the reason that sexy fucking dimple pops out of her right cheek. I want to be the reason she turns an adorable shade of pink when she gets caught eye-fucking me. I want to be the man she turns to when she’s had a good day or bad. I want to be the person she reaches for when she’s had a nightmare. Hell, I want to be the reason she never has another nightmare again.
Friends.
Fuck that shit. I have enough friends. I want more with Kira, and I could’ve read her wrong, but based on the disappointed look she gave me when I agreed that we were friends, I’d say she wants more as well. Now, I just need to figure out how to get her on the same page.
“Thank you for today,” Kira says when I pull into the garage.
“You don’t have to thank me. But I’m glad everyone had a good day.”
I look back at our daughters sleeping soundly in the back seat. They ate, swam, and played the day away. I doubt anything will wake them up until tomorrow morning.
“Good night,” Kira says once we’re inside and about to head in opposite directions, both of us carrying our daughters to bed.
“Sweet dreams,” I say back, hoping she doesn’t have any nightmares even though I selfishly enjoy spending time with her when she comes down after having one. My hope is that, one day, she’ll come down on her own and not just because she can’t sleep.
As I’m putting Addie to bed, I get an alert on my phone from my calendar letting me know that tomorrow is Mother’s Day. Because of my mom not being in my life, and Nora walking away, I haven’t had a reason to pay attention to this holiday, but now I do.
“Hey, you’re still awake?”
I glance up from my laptop I was working on and take in Kira’s sleepy appearance. Her eyes are half lidded, and her hair is up in her signature messy knot. She’s wearing a pair of blue-and-white striped pajama shorts and a thin tank top. She looks sexy without even trying.
“Nightmare?” I ask as she scurries over to where I’m sitting, grabs the blanket from the back, and snuggles up on the couch next to me so she’s close, but not touching me.
“Actually,” she says, shyly looking up at me through her lashes, “I had some stuff on my mind, and I wanted to talk to you.”
“Okay.” I turn so I’m giving her my full attention. “What’s up?”
“Earlier, when you thought you saw Nora, I couldn’t tell if you were upset that you saw her or if you were upset because you miss her. I know it’s not really my business but?—”
“I hate her,” I say, not needing her to finish her thought. “I know I shouldn’t because she means nothing to me. When I told you I never loved her, I meant it. She was someone I was dating, and then she got pregnant, and it all spiraled.
“I tried like hell to convince myself to feel something for her, anything, but I couldn’t. But the day she walked out on Addie for five million dollars, I finally felt something for her … hate. Hate for creating a child she never wanted, just to trap me. Hate for abandoning a baby who will one day wonder where her mother is. Hate because she chose money over the person I love the most in the world.”
I release a harsh breath and then continue, “This morning, when I thought I saw her, I was pissed because she’d agreed to disappear, and I thought maybe she wasn’t holding up her end of the deal. If it wasn’t for Addie, I wouldn’t give a shit where she lives, but the idea of Addie one day running into her makes me feel sick.
“Right now, she’s too young to understand, but just like you, one day, I’m going to have to explain to my little girl that her egg donor didn’t want her. And the only way to protect her is to make sure she never has to see her unless she chooses to.”
Kira nods and edges closer, taking my hand in hers. “You’re such a good dad,” she says softly. “Addie is so blessed to have you, and … I know you’re not Violet’s dad or anything, but I’m glad while we’re living here, my daughter can see what a good man and father looks like.”
“Thank you,” I say, refusing to focus on the part where she mentioned while we’re living here because if I have it my way, she and Violet will never move out.
“Can you read to me?” she asks, thankfully changing the subject.
As much as I don’t mind talking about anything with her, the topic of Nora tends to ruin my mood.
“Of course.” I pull out the book I’ve been reading to her and turn to the page I left off on.
I read for several minutes with her snuggled into my side. She laughs at the funny parts and sniffles when it gets emotional.
“I want a love like this,” she says when the hero confesses his love for the heroine.
Since I’m at the end of a chapter, I bookmark the page and close the book. When she lifts her head off my shoulder, I glance down at her, my eyes tracing her beautiful features—her button nose and the smatter of freckles that goes across the bridge of it and the tops of her cheeks. Her lips are naturally plump and pink, and I often wonder what it would feel like to run my tongue along the seam of them and then suck her bottom lip into my mouth. Would it feel as pillowy soft as it looks?
“Ryder,” Kira whispers after several seconds of me staring at her.
I imagine her saying my name the same way when I stop kissing her as I move my lips to her neck and then to her breasts.
“What are you thinking?” she whispers, her eyes not leaving mine.
“I’m thinking”— that you’ve rocked my world and turned it upside down, made me feel again, and given me hope of a future where I don’t feel quite so alone —“that I don’t want to be just friends with you,” I blurt out.
Her eyes widen. “What does that mean?”
“That means”—I lean in and pinch her chin with my thumb and forefinger—“that I want to kiss you.” My gaze descends to her lips as her tongue slides across them, leaving them glistening wet. “Tell me that you want me to kiss you,” I murmur, meeting her eyes again, begging, pleading, needing for her to tell me yes.
After several long, grueling moments, she nods, but I need more than that.
“Say the words, Kira.”
“Kiss me,” she breathes out, and I do.
With my hands framing her face, I lean in and press my mouth tenderly against hers. I trace my tongue along her top lip and then the bottom, tasting her sweetness, feeling her softness. I’ve fantasized about kissing this woman dozens of times, but not a single fantasy comes anywhere close to the reality.
She exhales softly, her body sinking into mine, and I slide my tongue between her parted lips, coaxing hers. She tastes like everything good in this world, and I know that one kiss won’t be enough. I’ve only just gotten a taste, and I’m already addicted.
Gliding my hand around, I cup the back of her neck and deepen the kiss. Her lips are as soft as I imagined, and her tongue moves in perfect sync with mine, as if we were made for each other.
Kira moans into my mouth, and the sound sets me off. I slide my hands down her backside and, grabbing her ass, lift her into my lap. We continue to kiss, our tongues stroking and caressing one another. It’s like the entire world ceases to exist and all that’s left is Kira and me.
Until a whimper comes through the baby monitor that I have on the end table, reminding us that we’re not alone.
Kira pulls back slightly, breaking the kiss, but neither of us moves, our foreheads resting against each other as we work to catch our breaths.
“Kira …” I begin, but I’m cut off when Addie cries out for me, forcing me to set Kira on the couch so I can go make sure my little girl is okay.
“I’ll be right back,” I murmur against her mouth, wishing I didn’t have to go, but knowing if anyone understands what it’s like to be a single parent, it’s her.
When I come back downstairs from getting Addie back to sleep, Kira has retreated to her room. I’m tempted to go knock on her door, not wanting to leave things unfinished. But if she’s asleep, I don’t want to wake her. And I imagine after that kiss, we both have a lot to think about.
So, instead, I shoot her a text.
To be continued …
I stare at my phone for several seconds, hoping she’ll text back. And I’m about to give up, assuming she’s asleep, when she hearts the text I sent. It’s not much, but it’s enough to give me hope…for more.