Chapter Fourteen
chapter fourteen
KIRA
“Yum! Yum!” Addie shrieks.
“Shh …” Ryder says.
“Mommy’s gonna love this,” Violet adds, attempting and failing to whisper.
As I listen to the voices, wondering what the heck is going on outside my room, I grab my phone and glance at the time, shocked that Violet hasn’t woken me up yet since it’s already eight thirty in the morning.
“Okay, open the door,” Ryder says.
A second later, the door swings open, and Violet runs into my room. “Happy Mommy’s Day!” she squeals, jumping on my bed. She crawls over to me and thrusts a bouquet of purple flowers my way that I immediately recognize as violets.
Addie toddles over to the side and lifts her arms. “Me!” she shrieks. “Pick me up!”
I lift her onto the bed, confused as to what is going on until she pushes a piece of paper my way and I read what must be Ryder’s handwriting.
Happy Mommy’s Day!
“I made you one too!” Violet says, handing me her card. “See? It says, Happy Mommy’s Day. I love you .”
I glance up at Ryder with tears in my eyes. He’s standing off to the side with a tray in his hands.
“Happy Mother’s Day,” he says, walking over and setting the tray across my lap.
“I put the chips in,” Violet tells me, referring to the chocolate chips in the pancakes on my plate.
“You did?” I choke out. “Thank you.” I lean over and kiss Violet’s forehead and then Addie’s. “Thank you so much.”
“Why are you crying?” Violet asks, reaching out and wiping a tear that I didn’t realize had fallen.
“Because I’m so happy,” I tell her honestly.
I look at the cards the girls made—their handprints traced with flowers sprouting out of each finger, obviously done with the help of Ryder—and I cry harder.
I’ve been a mom for four years, and this is the first time it’s ever been celebrated. The first Mother’s Day I became a mom, I went out and bought myself a small cake to celebrate getting through almost a year of being a single mom since my mom isn’t maternal like that, but the years following, I didn’t bother. I always get my mom a card, but I’ve never had the money to do anything more for her.
When I was with Brian, aside from him wishing me a happy Mother’s Day and mentioning, “Hopefully, by this time next year, you’ll be pregnant,” he barely acknowledged the fact that I was already a mom.
I figured it was because Violet wasn’t his. But as I sit here, surrounded by so much love that Ryder is responsible for— despite Addie not being mine and Violet not being his—I can see the difference in the type of men they are.
I mean, I already saw the difference, but this moment right now solidifies what I already knew but was afraid to admit—Ryder is nothing like Brian. And that scares the hell out of me because, now, what reason do I have for keeping my growing feelings for him to myself?
“Eat,” Ryder says, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Thank you,” I tell him, cutting into my pancakes and taking a bite. “Have you guys eaten?”
“I had three pancakes,” Violet says, holding up three fingers.
“Me!” Addie adds, holding her hand up.
While I eat, Violet explains the cards the girls made me in full detail, and once she’s done, she looks at Ryder and says, “Can we give her the gift now?”
“A gift?” I question. “Breakfast and cards and flowers are the best gifts I’ve ever gotten,” I tell her, leaning over and kissing her cheek. “I don’t need anything else.”
“I’ll be right back,” Ryder says, taking the tray from me.
“I want to go!” Violet scrambles off the bed and runs after him, leaving Addie and me.
Since the tray is gone, she climbs onto my lap like the little monkey she is, and I cuddle with her until Violet and Ryder return.
“A gift for you!” Violet drops the wrapped box onto the bed.
“What is it?” I ask in shock and awe.
“You have to open it,” Ryder says with a chuckle, taking Addie from me so I have my hands free.
She squirms to get out of his arms, and once on the floor, she toddles right back over to me.
“Up, up!”
Before Ryder can grab her, I reach down and lift her back onto the bed. She crawls into my lap, and I kiss her forehead, loving how clingy she is.
“Open the gift, Mommy,” Violet insists.
With my arms on either side of Addie, I rip the paper off, exposing an orange-and-blue box with the words Louis Vuitton written across the top.
“Ryder,” I hiss when I open the box and find a gorgeous leather bag. “When did you find the time to do this?” I lift it up and admire it. It’s big enough to be a diaper bag, but it’s way prettier. “This is too much.”
I glance up at him, and he shakes his head.
“You love and care for our daughters every day. You give them every part of you. And even though Addie isn’t your blood, you treat her like she is. Today is about moms, and you’re one of the best damn moms I know. This stuff”—he waves his hand toward the cards and flowers and bag—“is the least of what you deserve. Besides,” he says with a smirk, “that bag you carry around is ready to be retired, no matter how much you love it.”
I glare playfully at him even though he’s not wrong.
“Thank you,” I whisper, wiping the tears from my eyes.
I went to bed, thinking tomorrow would be like any other day, and woke up, feeling more love than I’d ever felt.
“You’re welcome,” Ryder says with a soft smile. “So …” he says slowly. “I was thinking, if you wanted the day to yourself, I could watch Violet for you.”
“I appreciate that,” I tell him, “but Violet and I actually have plans today.”
“Mommy and I are going to the zoo,” Violet tells him.
“That sounds like fun,” he says.
“We go every year. It’s become a tradition.”
I didn’t think it would happen this year since I didn’t even have the money to provide a roof over our heads. But thanks to Ana taking a chance on me and then Ryder hiring me and moving us in, I have more than enough money to take Violet to the zoo.
When Ryder simply nods, I add, “Would you guys want to go?”
“We don’t want to intrude,” he says, reaching over and grabbing Addie.
“You definitely wouldn’t be intruding,” I say as Addie tries to reach for me again. “The girls are practically inseparable.”
And then it hits me. Brian hated going to places like the zoo. Anytime I asked him to join us, he’d say he had work to do.
“But if you don’t want to go, I can take them.”
“Really?” He raises a brow. “And how are you going to get there?”
“By ordering a car.” It will cost a pretty penny, but it will be worth it.
“That’s not happening,” he scoffs. “C’mon, Violet. Let’s give your mom time to get ready. We’re going to the zoo.”
“Yay!” Violet cheers, flying off the bed. “I’m gonna wear my princess dress!”
I shake my head as she runs out, not bothering to argue with her. Some battles aren’t worth taking on.
“Mommy, look at the giant monkey!” Violet runs over to the gorilla exhibit and jumps onto the rocks, smashing her face and hands against the glass.
“Those are gorillas,” I explain. “It says she recently had a baby.”
“Up, pease !” Addie raises her arms, and I lift her up, setting her on the rocks while staying behind her so she won’t fall.
“Oh, look,” Ryder says, coming over next to us. He points toward the corner, where the baby is lying in the grass, playing with his feet.
“That’s the baby!” Violet says. “He’s so cute.”
A moment later, another gigantic gorilla comes around the corner, joining the other two.
“It’s the mommy, daddy, and baby,” I explain to Violet, not realizing my mistake until she glances at me, her eyes curious.
“Where’s my daddy?” she asks.
“Um …”
“Addie has a daddy, and so does Kingston and baby Emilia,” she continues. “The baby gorilla has a daddy. Why don’t I have one?”
She stops talking and waits patiently for me to answer her, as if she were asking about the damn weather, while I try to think of what the hell to say to my daughter.
I always told myself I would never lie to my little girl. And that was easy because she’s always been home with me and, I guess in a way, sheltered. I don’t have a dad, and my mom doesn’t bring any men around. Even when I was with Brian, which wasn’t long, she just called him Brian. But now, she’s older and been exposed to other family dynamics, so it makes sense that she’s curious.
“Everyone’s family is different,” I explain carefully since the zoo isn’t exactly the right place to have this conversation. “Some have mommies and daddies, and some only have a mommy or a daddy.”
She thinks about this for a moment before she says, “Can Ryder be my daddy? He’s a daddy, and we live with him.”
Oh Lord.
“Ryder is Addie’s daddy,” I say through the lump in my throat.
“Well, where’s mine?” she asks, annoyance laced in her tone because she’s not getting an answer.
“You don’t have a daddy,” I tell her truthfully.
Maybe it’d be better to tell her that he’s not here, but then, what if she asks where he is? I hate this for my little girl, but I need to be honest with her—even if it hurts.
“Why not?” she asks.
“Because not every family has a mom and a dad,” I say. “Kingston has a mommy and a daddy, Addie has a daddy, and you have a mommy. I don’t have a daddy either,” I tell her. “But you know what?” I palm her cheek, hating my ex for creating a baby and then walking away. I know it’s for the best because I wouldn’t want him resenting her, but it sucks, having to be the person to explain that the man who was supposed to be her dad didn’t want her. “I love you so much, Violet. More than all the stars in the sky.”
When she was a baby and colicky, I would take her for walks at night around the neighborhood to help her sleep. Sometimes, when I was beyond frustrated, I would hold her close and look up at the starry night, praying for the patience and strength to get through it. Then, I would take a deep breath and tell her I loved her more than all the stars in the sky.
“I love you more than the stars and the moon,” she says back. Then, because she’s hell-bent on getting answers, she looks at Ryder and says, “Do you have a daddy?”
“I do,” he says, “but he’s not very nice. I’d rather have a mom like yours. She makes the best brownies ever.”
He rubs his stomach to emphasize his point, and Violet laughs.
“I love brownies!” She glances back at me. “Can we make brownies?”
“We sure can,” I agree. “Which animal do you want to go see next?”
Violet taps her chin thoughtfully for several seconds and then says, “The panda bears!”
“Holy shit,” Ryder says once she’s out of earshot, running ahead toward the panda exhibit. “That was rough.”
“Tell me about it,” I groan. “I hate it for her … not having a dad. I know exactly how she feels since my dad wasn’t around either. I think that’s why I gave in to moving in with Brian so quickly. I wanted to give her the family I’d never had. Of course, with how shitty he was, we would have been better off alone.”
“I get it,” Ryder says. “Both of my parents are worthless. I stayed with my ex in hopes that we would give Addie the loving family I’d never had.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and tugs me into his side while I push the stroller. “It’s a shitty situation to be in, but you handled her questions well. And I meant what I said.” He looks over at me. “You love that girl enough for ten people. She might not have a dad, but the only person she needs is you.”
“Same,” I say, nodding toward Addie, who’s toddling behind Violet, trying to keep up. “You’re the dad I wish Violet and I had.”
“Oh, yeah?” He smirks. “If you want to call me daddy”—he waggles his brows playfully—“I could be down with that.”
“Oh my God,” I choke out. “Don’t ever say that again.”
“What?” he says with a laugh. “Lots of women like that.”
“Really? You have a lot of women calling you daddy?”
“No.” He laughs. “But they say it a lot in romance books. Especially in bed.”
“Well, I can promise you that I will not be calling you daddy in bed.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I look over at him and find him grinning.
“What?” I ask.
“You said you won’t call me daddy in bed.”
“Okay, so?”
“So, that means you plan to be with me in bed. And who knows?” He smirks devilishly. “Maybe I’ll satisfy you so good, like in those books, that you’ll be calling me daddy.”
“That is not happening.” I choke out a laugh.
“Okay, fine.” He winks. “I’ll settle for you just calling out my name.”
Before I can argue, he takes off after the girls, leaving me visualizing what it would be like to be with Ryder in bed, calling out his name.