Chapter Twenty
chapter twenty
KIRA
“Do you want to grab a coffee on the way?”
I glance over at Ryder and nod absentmindedly, too nervous to speak actual words. After an amazing weekend—between a date night with Ryder and spending the rest of the weekend with our girls in our own little bubble—it’s Monday, and Ryder took the day off to go to the attorney’s office with me to discuss my situation.
Ana offered to keep the girls while we went, so we dropped them off, and now, we’re on our way into the city. I know I need to get a divorce—and believe me, I want one—but it’s like messing with a hornet’s nest. You know it’s there because the hornets are visibly hanging out on it, but unless you mess with it, they’ll leave you alone, so you do what any sane person would do—you leave it the hell alone.
Since I left Brian, my goal has been to stay under the radar—don’t mess with the hornet’s nest. But the moment I file, that’s all going to change. Because once Brian’s nest has been shaken, he’s going to know exactly where to go to come after me.
Ryder swears he’ll make sure we’re protected, and I believe that he’ll try, but he also doesn’t understand what Brian is capable of because on Ryder’s worst day, he could never be as horrible of a human as Brian is.
“Hey,” Ryder says, taking my hand in his and entwining our fingers. “It’s all going to be okay. We’re not doing anything today. We’re just going to talk to the attorney and see what our options are and how we go about it.”
We … our …
It’s when he uses words like that, I’m reminded that I’m not alone. With my mom, I always feel like a burden. She loves me—I know she does—but she can barely handle her own life on a good day. With Raymond, I was nothing more than a good time. Brian wanted to own me. But when Ryder talks to me, it’s as if we’re a team—in this together.
“Thank you,” I tell him, lifting our hands and kissing the tops of his knuckles. “Regardless of what happens, thank you for being here for me.”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
After getting coffee and breakfast, we head to the attorney’s office. Her name is Debra Katzen, and she’s younger than I expected. For a moment, I’m worried that she’s too young and inexperienced to handle my case, but after I explain my situation—that I don’t want anything but to be legally divorced—and she starts speaking, I know I was wrong.
“I have a PI on retainer,” she says. “He’s been investigating Mr. Williams since Ryder and I spoke, and I already have enough on him to have him disbarred. But we’re not done digging, and we won’t stop until we have enough to bury him.”
“Do I even want to know what you have on him?” I ask.
I knew Brian was shady from the conversations I’d overheard, but I tuned it out—ignorance is bliss and all that.
“If you do, I’ll tell you,” she says with a shrug. “But if you don’t, that’s what you’re paying me for. I’m going to make sure that when we file for divorce, he won’t be able to contest it.”
“Is that legal?” I whisper.
Debra glances at Ryder, who places his hand on mine and squeezes and then nods at her.
“Men like Brian don’t play by the same rules,” Debra says. “He’s a high-powered attorney with a lot of connections. He’s done enough shady shit that if it were to come out, it would end his career. In a perfect world, you should be able to file for divorce and get it, but Brian’s in a different world, and in order to get what you want, you’re going to have to play by his rules, which means getting our hands a little dirty.”
I nod in understanding. “I don’t need to know,” I decide. “As long as nothing can be linked back to me, I don’t care what needs to be done to get him to sign those papers. But what I am worried about is, once we file, he’ll know where I live, and he’ll come after us.”
I glance at Ryder and say something I’ve been thinking about, but not wanting to voice. “Maybe Violet and I should move somewhere else.”
“What?” he hisses. “Why?”
“It’s one thing to put myself and Violet at risk. I did this. I married him, and I have to deal with the fallout. But I don’t want to put Addie or you in the line of fire. If something happened to that sweet little girl or you …” I shake my head and sniffle back my emotions. “He’s a monster, Ryder, and he will stop at nothing to come after me once he knows where I am.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” Ryder says. “And that asshole isn’t going to know where you are.”
“How? Don’t we have to put my address on the divorce papers?” I ask, confused.
“Ryder’s purchased a post office box here in Houston,” she explains. “And I’ve put my office address on file in case anything needs to be signed for. He’ll know the state you’re in, but that’s it.”
“And when is all this going to go down?” I ask, already dreading the day Brian receives the divorce papers.
“The PI is still digging,” Ryder answers. “But we’re planning to serve him right before the Fourth of July.”
“Won’t we be …”
And then it hits me. Ryder’s thought of everything. Including making sure that we’re out of town when the papers are served, just in case Brian somehow finds a way to figure out where I’m living.
“While he’s being served, we’ll be on the beach, hours away from Rosemary,” I say out loud.
“Bingo,” Ryder says, setting his hand on my thigh and squeezing. “I promised nothing would happen to you and Violet, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that holds true.”
“If you have any questions, you can call me anytime.” Debra slides her business card across the desk.
I wonder how much Ryder is paying her for her to be available twenty-four/seven. It must be hundreds of dollars an hour.
“Hey,” Ryder says, leaning in. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop. We’re in this together. It’s you and me and our little girls against the world.”
And just like that, I fall a little harder for the man who I wasn’t expecting to turn my life upside down in the best way possible.
“Mommy!”
The moment Violet spots me, she jumps up from the couch, where she was watching a movie, and runs toward me, not stopping until she crashes into my legs.
I’ve only just wrapped my arms around her when a high-pitched voice yells, “Mama!”
I look up and find Addie toddling over. She mimics Violet by wrapping her tiny arms around my legs, and I stand there, frozen in place, shocked by her word choice.
“Mommy, I had so much fun,” Violet says without missing a beat.
“Mama!” Addie repeats, lifting her arms so I’ll pick her up.
Without thought, I do so, and the moment her face is near mine, she slobbers kisses on my cheek.
“Hey, Monkey,” I say, giving her a kiss on the tip of her nose.
“Mommy!” Violet repeats, only for Addie to copy her again.
“Mama!”
“It seems somebody has become a parrot,” I say with a laugh, trying to make light of it even though my heart is pounding behind my rib cage at the thought of this sweet little girl thinking I’m her mother.
I bend down slightly to give Violet my attention, and Addie clings to me like the monkey she is. “Yes, sweetie?”
“Can we go swimming when we get home? I haven’t been in the pool in forever!”
“You were in the pool yesterday,” I point out.
“That was so long ago,” she whines.
“We’ll see. Go clean up any mess you made so we can get going.”
Violet runs off, and I turn to Ana, refusing to look at Ryder. “How were they?”
“Angels,” Ana says. “Neither has had a nap though, so they’ll probably pass out in the car. How did your appointment go?”
“It was informative,” I answer, not wanting to get into the details in front of Violet.
“You’ll have to tell me all about it this weekend.” She glances at Ryder. “You’re still good with watching the girls, right?”
“Of course,” Ryder says, snaking an arm across my shoulders. “And it’s not watching when I’m taking care of our kids. It’s called parenting.”
“Good answer.” Ana smirks while my heart damn near leaps out of my chest. “Be here at six,” she says to me. “We’re ordering in food, so come hungry.”
“Sounds good.”
Violet comes back, declaring her mess is clean, and then we head out. The ride is quiet since the girls did just as Ana had predicted and passed out before we made it out of the driveway.
After the girls are lying down and I don’t spot Ryder anywhere, I head downstairs to make myself a cup of coffee. While the espresso is dripping, my phone dings with a text, but before I can check it, strong arms wrap around me from behind. I drop my phone and turn around, looking up at Ryder.
“Hey,” he murmurs, lifting me onto the counter and then leaning in and pressing a tender kiss to my lips.
“Hey.” I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. “About earlier …”
“I wish you were Addie’s mom.”
“What?”
“I was never in a rush to settle down, but like anyone, when I went on a date, I’d try to imagine what it would be like to be with the woman long-term. Could I see myself waking up next to her for the rest of my life? Coming home and discussing my day with her? Could I see her as the mother of my children?
“After the first date, I knew Nora wasn’t someone I could see myself settling down with. She was self-centered from the beginning, and the only reason I continued to date her was because I was having a moment of loneliness and she pushed. And then she got pregnant.”
Ryder sighs and drops his head to my chest, and I drag my fingers through his hair. He’s still in need of a haircut, but I like the way his silky strands feel between my fingers.
“I couldn’t see Nora as a mother, and the truth is, she wasn’t meant to be one.
“But when Addie called you mama …” He looks up and locks eyes with me. “I could see it. The way you love and care for her. You’re patient and nurturing and everything I’ve ever wanted for my daughter.”
He palms my cheek, and I nuzzle his hand.
“But it’s more than that,” he continues. “I see us. Raising our kids together, having more babies, taking family trips, sneaking to get moments alone.”
He waggles his brows, and I choke out a laugh through the lump in my throat.
“When I look at you, I see everything.”
He uses his thumb to swipe away a fallen tear and then kisses the spot where it was. “Are those good or bad tears?”
“Good,” I tell him. “I know part of the reason she said it is because that’s what Violet calls me. But the second the word came from her lips, I felt like it was meant to be. I love her the way I love Violet, and I don’t give a shit that she’s not mine. If it were up to me, she would be.”
“Fuck, I love you,” Ryder says, pressing his forehead against mine. “I can’t wait until you’re divorced so I can make you and Violet mine.”
“Violet?” I ask, confused.
Ryder lifts his head and looks at me. “The way you love Addie is the same way I love Violet. I don’t just want you, Kira. I want you both. I want us to be a family, and when the time comes and if Violet and you are okay with it, I would love nothing more than to be her dad.”
My heart swells at his words. All I’ve ever wanted was for Violet and me to be part of a real family.
I palm his cheeks and press my lips to his. “I want that too,” I murmur against his mouth. “I want to be a family.”
He kisses me back, and I get lost in our promises for the future until my phone vibrates against the counter, bringing us out of the moment. It’s a reminder for the text I got earlier, but didn’t check.
I tap the screen, and Marie’s name appears, along with a text.
Marie
Hey! Haven’t heard from you in a while. Want to do coffee?
“You should go,” Ryder says.
“Huh?” I glance up from my phone.
“Go have coffee with her.”
“Oh.” I didn’t realize he had seen her text. “The girls aren’t up yet …”
“I mean, by yourself,” he says with a chuckle. “I can handle them when they wake up. You deserve to have some alone time. You do so much for us.”
“I’m going to have a girls’ night this weekend,” I point out.
“One has nothing to do with the other,” he says. “Go meet your friend for coffee, tell her all about our night the way women do.”
He smirks, and I roll my eyes.
“Maybe then she’ll realize how serious we are about each other and she won’t be so negative.”
“You really don’t mind?”
Brian hated me having girlfriends, and Raymond never got along with my friends in college.
“Would you care if I were going to meet Julian for lunch?”
“No.”
“Exactly.” He grips my hips and sets me on the floor, then tips my chin and kisses me.
“But you also don’t work for me,” I say. “I’m on the clock right now.”
“I’m done with the fucking clock,” he murmurs. “You’re fired.”
I gasp, and he chuckles.
“Let me ask you a question, and be honest.”
“Okay.”
“If you could do anything, money no object, what would you do?”
I think about that for a moment. I went to school to be a teacher, and when it was just Violet and me, that was what I wanted to do. And I still do, but now, with Addie in the picture …
“I want to be your nanny. I love being with Addie and Violet. I know in August, Violet will start school, and I always thought I’d get a job teaching, but that would mean putting Addie in day care, and I want to be the one to take care of her, not someone else.”
I shrug, and Ryder’s face splits into a smile.
“Are you Violet’s nanny?”
“What?” I laugh. “No. I’m her mom …”
But the second I say the words, I know where he’s going with this.
“Then, you’re not Addie’s nanny either.” Ryder pulls me into his arms. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking away your choices the way your ex did. I don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck or you can’t leave. So, for now, I’m going to continue to pay you, but you’re no longer Addie’s nanny. You’re mine, and I’m yours, and if at any time you no longer want to be home with the girls, you say the word, and we’ll handle it together . If you want to go have coffee with your friend without the girls and I’m available, I want you to go. Understand?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” He gives me a quick kiss. “Now, go have coffee with your friend, and when you get home, we’ll figure out dinner.”
Twenty minutes later, I arrive at the coffee shop to meet Marie. She’s not there yet, so I order us both a coffee and something to eat and have a seat. A few minutes into drinking my iced latte, I see her strolling in.
“Hey, I ordered you a coffee and a muffin.” I point to her drink and food as she sits.
“Thanks.” She glances around. “Where’s Adeline?”
“Who?” I ask in confusion because nobody calls Addie by her real name.
“Addie,” she clarifies. “Sorry. I know someone else with the same name. I just assumed that was her real name.”
I nod in understanding. “She’s with her father. Both girls are at home with him. They were napping when I left.”
“Are you sure that’s wise?” she asks, taking a sip of her coffee.
When I raise a questioning brow, she clarifies, “Leaving your daughter with a man she barely knows.”
“She knows Ryder very well, and I trust him.” I think back to the past few days, and I can’t help but smile when I add, “He told me he loves me.”
Marie’s eyes go wide. “Already? That seems kind of soon, doesn’t it?”
“I know you’re worried about me, and I appreciate it, especially since both of us have been through some tough times with men, but Ryder’s different. He’s even hired an attorney to help me divorce Brian.”
Marie nods, but doesn’t say anything for several minutes, and I wonder if she’s lost in thought, thinking about what she’s been through. I don’t know the extent of what happened to her, and I don’t want to push, but maybe talking to someone will help. And that’s when an idea comes to me.
“My friend Ana is throwing a girls’ night this weekend. You should come. Her friend Paige will be there. We’re going to drink and eat and let loose.”
“Oh, no, I can’t …”
She shakes her head, but I’m not accepting no for an answer. She needs other women in her life. Isolating yourself is never the answer.
“Yes,” I insist. “It will be a great time, and if you don’t want to spend the night, you don’t have to. When’s the last time you had a girls’ night? C’mon. Say yes, please.”
I playfully give her the same puppy-dog eyes Violet gives me when she wants something, and Marie gives in.
“Okay, okay, I’ll go. Text me the address, and I’ll meet you there.”
“Yay! It’s going to be so much fun!”
We spend the next few minutes chatting until Marie checks her phone and says she forgot she has an appointment she needs to get to. With the promise of seeing each other this weekend, we say goodbye, and I head back home to my family.
When I walk in the door, the place is quiet, so I check the back and find Ryder throwing Violet into the pool and Addie cheering him on from the steps.
After quickly changing into my swimsuit, I head out back to join them.
The moment Addie catches sight of me, she yells, “Mama!” as she toddles out of the pool and over to me.
I scoop her into my arms and then bring her into the pool with me as Ryder throws Violet again and she comes up, giggling.
I snuggle into his side, and he kisses me tenderly.
“Did you have a good time?” he asks.
“Yeah, the break was great, but truthfully, I’d rather be here. I used to feel trapped within the walls of my home, but here, with you and our girls, it feels like it’s where I’m meant to be.”
Ryder grins and nods in understanding. “Yeah, I feel the same way.”