Chapter Twenty-One
chapter twenty-one
KIRA
“Oh my God, I am stuffed.”
I throw myself back onto the couch and clutch my stomach, sure I’ve eaten my weight in sushi and junk food. Ana wasn’t lying when she said she’d handle the food for our girls’ night.
“Same,” Paige says with a groan. “We should order from this place for our book club discussion.”
“Oh, yes,” I agree. “Ryder loves sushi.”
“Did you ever hear back from your friend?” Ana asks.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and find a text from Marie.
Marie
I’m so sorry! An emergency came up, and I can’t make it. Rain check?
“She had an emergency come up.”
I send her a text back, asking if everything’s okay, and then repocket my phone.
“Oh, that’s a bummer,” Paige says. “Everything alright?”
“I think she’s been through a lot.” I shrug. “I get it. It’s hard to let people in, especially strangers.”
“Maybe next time,” Ana says with a smile. “Because there will be a next time.”
“Should we watch a movie?” Paige asks with a yawn.
We’ve spent the past several hours eating, drinking, and gossiping.
Paige and her boyfriend are having a bit of trouble because he’s been told that when his contract is up in September, they have a job for him back in London, but Paige doesn’t want to move again, and he promised this was the last move.
Ana and Julian have decided they’re done having babies, and Ana is going to stay home until their daughter turns one, and then she’d like to go back to work full-time.
When I mentioned that even though I love being home with Violet and Addie, I feel like it’s wrong for Ryder to pay me, Ana said she gets it because she’s no longer working and doesn’t feel like she’s contributing to the household.
But then Julian overheard and said she and I were contributing more than any job we could have outside the home. We’re taking care of the most important people in our lives, and that’s worth more than any job we could have. I never thought about it like that, but I get it, and I can see where Ryder is coming from.
“A movie sounds good,” Ana says, “but if I fall asleep halfway through it, it’s not my fault.”
Paige finds a cute old-school romantic comedy on the television and clicks play, and within thirty minutes, both women are passed out.
I should be as well, but I’m nervous about sleeping at someone else’s house. I never know when my nightmares are going to strike, and the last thing I want is to wake up the entire house with my screams. So, instead of going to sleep, I continue to watch the movie despite how tired I am.
As if Ryder can sense my inner struggle, he sends me a text.
Ryder
Are you asleep yet?
Me
I’m scared…
The phone rings immediately, so I get up and go to the guest room, closing the door behind me, and then call him back. Since it’s a video call, his handsome face fills the screen.
“Hey,” he says, his features etched with concern. “What are you scared about?”
Just seeing him and hearing his voice already has me feeling slightly better.
“Having a nightmare and waking everyone up.”
“Ahh. Well, when you sleep with me, you don’t seem to have any.”
The past several nights, I’ve slept with Ryder in his bed. Ever since we spent the night together, he’s insisted on me sleeping in his room, saying now that he knows what it’s like for me to sleep with him, I can’t take it away.
We always wake up before the girls, so it’s not a big deal, but even if they did wake up first, we’ve made it clear we’re dating and we love each other, and Violet is okay with it.
With Addie calling me Mommy, Ryder’s mentioned wanting to give Violet the option to call him Dad since she brought it up before, but I think it’s best to wait. Whereas Addie is young and doesn’t really understand the term, aside from the fact that it’s what she hears Violet calling me, my daughter fully understands, and I don’t want to confuse her if things don’t work out with Ryder and me. I know Ryder is serious about us, but my past has me needing to give him more time to make sure he doesn’t change his mind because I’m not sure my heart—or Violet’s—would be able to handle him walking away, especially if he told her he’d love to be her dad.
“Kira, are you okay?” Ryder asks, shaking me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, sorry. I just…I think my nightmares have lessened because I feel safe with you.”
I lie on the bed since I’m already in my pajamas and sigh in exhaustion. “I hate that even though Brian’s nowhere near me, he still appears in my nightmares and affects my life. I feel so weak.”
“You’re the strongest woman I know,” Ryder says, conviction laced in his words. “Having nightmares doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.”
I nod even though I don’t feel very strong right now. I’m a grown adult who should be able to sleep in someone’s guest room, yet all I want is to be home.
“Baby,” Ryder says after a few minutes, “you want to come home?”
My eyes fill with liquid, and I nod quickly. “Yes,” I choke out. “I really do.”
Twenty minutes later, I’m pulling up to our house, thanks to Ryder calling a private car service for me.
The second I get out, the front door opens, and Ryder appears. I run toward him, dropping my bag on the ground. My legs wrap around his torso, and I bury my face into his neck, inhaling his masculine scent.
He kicks the door closed and carries me through the house as I brush kisses along his neck and collarbone. He’s shirtless, so I move to his shoulder and then back up to his jawline, wanting to feel him everywhere I can. He smells like the perfect mix of comfort and home.
When we get to his room, I lean back slightly and then pull him toward me for a kiss. I was only at Ana’s for less than six hours, yet I’m ravenous for this man. It feels like I haven’t touched him in days rather than hours.
“I need you inside me,” I murmur against his mouth, “now.”
Within seconds, my cotton shorts and underwear have been pushed to the side, and Ryder’s thrusting into me as my back hits the wall and his mouth devours mine.
He continues to slam into me from the bottom, hitting me in the perfect spot that all too quickly sends me over the edge, taking him with me.
“Fuck,” he breathes into my mouth. “I need this—you and me forever. Tell me you’re mine, Kira. Tell me you’re mine forever.”
“I’m yours,” I tell him without thought. “Forever.”
His mouth is on mine once again, kissing me like I’m his lifeline. He walks us to the bathroom and sets me on the counter. Once he’s turned the shower water on, he pulls my shorts and underwear down my legs, drops them onto the floor, and then spreads my thighs. When his cum starts to drip out, I try to close them, but he shakes his head as he runs his fingertip along my seam and then thrusts a couple of digits into me. They make a squishing sound, and my cheeks and neck turn hot.
“Once you’re divorced, will you get rid of your birth control?” He glances up at me, his face deadly serious.
“What?” I whisper, confused by his question because there’s only one reason someone gets off birth control.
“I want to fill you with my baby.”
His fingers start to move in and out of me while his thumb finds my sensitive clit, and I find myself moaning in pleasure.
“Would you want that?” he asks, his eyes not leaving mine as he finger-fucks me faster … harder. “For me to fuck you over and over again until you’re carrying my baby inside of you?”
His words shouldn’t be such a turn-on, but, holy shit, they are.
“I want everything with you, Kira,” he says, sounding the most vulnerable I’ve ever heard him. “I want the ups and downs, the highs, the lows. I want to raise our babies together and make more. Since you moved in, you’ve slowly morphed this house into a home, and I can’t imagine going back to the way it was before you.”
He brushes his lips against mine as he increases the pressure against my clit, and that’s all it takes for pleasure to rush through me.
I moan into his mouth, and he kisses me harder, scooping his hands underneath me and carrying me into the shower. It’s a good thing since my legs are trembling from the two orgasms that he’s given me.
Setting me down, he quickly disposes of his clothes and then goes about washing my hair and then my body. I’ve never had a man take care of me after sex the way Ryder does, and it has me falling even harder for him.
Once we’re both clean, he wraps a warm towel around me, and I pad through his room so I can get pajamas from my bedroom.
When I return, he’s already lying in bed with the blanket folded over, waiting for me to join him. I climb into his bed and snuggle into his chest, and he runs his fingers up and down my back.
“I meant everything I said earlier,” he murmurs. “I want everything with you…starting with you moving your stuff into my room.”
I snap my head up because that sounds a whole lot like …
“Are you asking me to move in with you?”
“You already live here.” He chuckles. “But I am asking you to move into my room. I love you, baby. I’ve been hooked on you since the moment we met, and I don’t want you here as my nanny. I want you here as my girlfriend and, soon, my fiancée and then wife.”
I swallow thickly, suddenly overwhelmed.
“Talk to me,” he says, using this thumb and forefinger to lift my chin.
“It’s not that I don’t want the same things as you. I do,” I tell him. “But I guess a part of me always assumed that, eventually, Violet and I would move out. I never thought this would be our permanent home.”
“It can be whatever you want it to be,” he says softly. “I don’t want to pressure you, so just think about it. There’s no rush.”
I nod in understanding and rest my head back on his chest. “Thank you, Ryder,” I whisper as my eyelids start to become heavy. “I’ve never truly felt safe until now.”
“You’ll always be safe with me,” he promises just before my eyes close, and I fall into a nightmare-free sleep.