Chapter 19
Cassidy
20 weeks pregnant
Weight: Who cares
Cravings: pumpkin cream cheese muffins
Heartburn out of control.
Finally felt you kick. Made me cry.
Dad’s emotions: Still haven’t told him about you. I know I should have by now since we’re halfway there, but I just can’t find the right thing to say to him.
I snap my pregnancy journal shut as I sit on the front porch of my parents’ home. Annoyed. That’s the current mood I’ve been living in for the past month since I decided to visit my parents in Ketchum.
Two months. It’s been two months since the Pucks and Fucks Podcast aired Channing’s interview revealing that he was indeed not becoming a father to some money-hungry puck bunny. I was so happy, I peed myself. Literally. One of the perks of pregnancy bladder.
My phone beeps from the wicker table as I reflect on the past month. I told Hayley I needed time and took an extended leave, making her promise to not tell Channing where I had gone.
My parents were shocked yet ecstatic they were going to become grandparents. Not how they had envisioned it, but they were excited, nonetheless.
Hayley: Channing asked about you again today. Wants to know when you’re coming back.
Channing had called and texted what felt like a million times when the news broke that Natasha was a snake. I didn’t know what to say to him though. ‘I’m happy you’re not going to be the father of Natasha’s baby, but congrats, I’m pregnant, so you’re still going to be a dad.’
Yeah, not exactly how you start over.
Does he even want to start over? But what if he does want to start over? Will telling him about the baby make him think otherwise?
I know I shouldn’t think like that, but it’s crossed my mind several times. This isn’t how I expected having a baby to go. Sure, it wasn’t expected to begin with, but I never thought I would actually be doing it alone because I’m scared to tell Channing it’s his.
Hayley must not like my avoidance because not even two minutes after she sent her text, my phone rings. “Please tell me you’re not avoiding me now.”
“I’m not,” I say, slowly rubbing my hand over my small bump. “Just a lot on my mind is all.”
“You’re sure about that? You’ve been gone for a month. And as much as I’m happy you’re spending time with your parents, I want my best friend and assistant back. Margie is just not cutting it. Yesterday, she double booked me and then gave me the wrong paperwork. I almost put Campbell on injured reserve because she gave me Denizen’s file.”
“I’ll be back in another week or two,” I say, knowing that she’s not exaggerating. Margie is her father’s secretary who is way past her prime. She should have been forced to retire the moment she sent Mr. Richards to Mexico, not New Mexico where his meeting was. “Plus, I have a doctor’s appointment, so I have to come back.”
“Oh, thank God, I haven’t lost you to Ketchum. Not gonna lie, I thought I was gonna have to fly to Idaho and drag your ass back here.”
I can’t help but smile at her over-exaggeration. It’s not like I’m going to leave Seattle. At least not yet. But once the baby comes, I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do. Especially if I end up as a single mom.
“There will be no ass dragging, thank you. You’re just not my type.”
She laughs before saying, “Well, I do know someone who is your type and completely available.”
“How is he?” I asked instantly, regretting it.
“He’s okay. His stats are all off. Granted, I think it’s because he’s slightly distracted, but
you should call him, Cass.”
“And say what?”
She releases a sad sigh. “I don’t know. Keep it casual. Just put him out of his misery, Cass.”
“I’ll see you in a week.”
“Oh, Cass. I didn’t mean to upset you. I—” She starts to say before I cut her off.
“It’s fine, Hayley. I’m just feeling a little nauseous right now. I should eat something.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you later,” she says, before I disconnect the call.
She’s right, I need to talk to him. Maybe starting with the baby.
I walk into my parents’ house in search of some saltines, hoping they will settle my flipping stomach, but I find myself stopped in the entryway, looking at my parents. Mom is standing in front of the kitchen sink, while Dad’s arms are wrapped protectively around her waist. Mom’s head rests on Dad’s shoulder as they both sway to soft melody of a Frank Sinatra song.
Even though this isn’t the house I grew up in, I can tell just by looking at my parents now, dancing in the kitchen, that it’s filled with as much as their home back in Seattle. It’s what I hope to give this little one when they arrive. A vision of Channing and me dancing to music in the kitchen, as the little life we made runs around us, dancing to the beat of their own drum, plays in my head.
“Hey, baby,” Mom says as she walks to me, placing both hands on my growing bump. “Everything okay? You seem sad.”
“Yeah, Mama. I’m good. Just thinking about things,” I say, taking a seat at the kitchen island.
“Bout that Halloway boy, I’m guessing,” Daddy says, clearing his voice. “Have to say I don’t know if I like him much more than that Burch fella.”
“Daddy.”
“No, pumpkin, you listen here. That boy should be here. Helping you. Showing your love. Not doing God knows what,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest in an unapproving matter.
I didn’t tell my parents that Channing doesn’t know. I also didn’t tell them why I never told him. It would be way too complicated for them to understand that he was supposed to be having a baby with another woman, but it ended up being a scheme.
“What type of man runs away from his responsibilities?”
“The type of man who doesn’t know he had them to begin with,” I say, frustrated. “He doesn’t know because I never told him.”
Mom stares at me with heartbreak as if she’s completely gutted by this revelation. “Cassidy… what do you mean he doesn’t know?”
“I never told him.”
“But why?”
“Because he was having a baby with someone else,” I say, under my breath as tears well in my eyes. “Well, he was having a baby with someone else. That was until we all found out she was lying.”
“Oh, sweetie,” my mom says, wrapping her arm around me. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“How could I? You both were shocked when I told you I was expecting to begin with. Dad thought it was Vince’s and threatened to castrate him. I didn’t want you to look at Channing that way.”
Dad stares at me, showing no expression on his face as Mom silently wipes her tears. “You have to tell him,” Dad says as he comes to sit next to me. “He has a right to know no matter whether he wants you or not. He has a real obligation here.”
“Is that how you view my baby? An obligation?”
“Oh, dear God. No, not at all, sweetheart. We’re so excited to be grandparents. I just want you to have the kind of love we have. You deserve that, and Channing deserves to have the choice to be a part of it regardless,” Mom says, squeezing my hand tightly. “As much as I enjoyed having you here, I think it’s time for you to go home.”
I give her a smile as I get up from my spot on the island and make my way to my bedroom. My parents are right. Hayley’s right. It’s time to tell Channing regardless of what he wants.
Shit, I’m nervous.
I was distracted the entire flight home from Ketchum. I tried like hell to compose what I wanted to say the moment I saw Channing, yet I couldn’t string along a sentence that made sense which is why I spent the last part of the flight binge watching episodes of Friends.
Now, I’m just out of time and still nervous as hell.
I make my way to baggage claim, retrieving my luggage before walking to the arrivals area to wait for Hayley. She and Brooks were set to pick me up before we head to the Skipjacks holiday party.
Yup, the holiday party where the cat will most definitely now be out of the bag that I’m pregnant.
“Cassidy!” Hayley screams as she runs toward me. “I’ve missed you so, so, so much. Oh my God, look at that little bump. You’re glowing. Isn’t she glowing, Brooks?”
She lets go of me as Brooks comes into view, wrapping me in a side hug. “You look beautiful, Cass. Welcome home.”
“Thanks, guys,” I say, as we slowly move toward their car. “You sure it’s okay that I go to the holiday party tonight?”
“Um, of course it’s all right that you go tonight. You have been a part of the Skipjacks organization for years,” Hayley says as she gets into the front seat while I settle in the back. “But please tell me you’re not wearing that?”
We walk into the Skipjacks holiday mixer an hour later. My hands instinctively pull down the hem of my dress. I chose to wear a beige body con dress that lands about mid-thigh, but with my now prominent bump, it continues to ride up with every step I take. I hand off my oversized coat and purse to the concierge and make my way into the party.
A few staffers stop me on my way to the bar. Each one is excited as they discover I’m pregnant and didn’t just gain a million pounds overnight. Once at the bar, I order a ginger whiskey mocktail, which let’s face it is just ginger ale. I slowly sip my drink as my eyes roam the party, looking for one person in particular.
When I don’t find him, I’m half-tempted to throw in the towel and go home. Sulk in my bed for a few more days before returning to the office, but that’s when I see him standing across the room in a pair of dark-wash jeans and navy-blue button up. His sleeves are rolled to showcase his lick-worthy forearms that are covered in tattoos.
Sucking down the last of many drink, I adjust the hem of my dress and walk toward him. It’s time. It’s now or never. I let out a deep breath as I slowly approach a very heated discussion about football playoffs. Sparrows insisting that Baltimore is going to win the Super Bowl, while Channing fully believes Kansas City has a chance once again. His back is to me as I approach slowly, waiting for his conversation to end, but the not-so-subtle jester for Sparrows lets me know I’ve been fully compromised and the time I thought I had to compose myself is now over.
Channing turns around, one hand in his pocket, while the other clutches a whiskey on the rocks. His sandy-blond hair has grown out to almost shoulder length, and he has a little more scruff on his face then usual, yet he still looks sexy.
“H-hey,” I start to say as I move in for an awkward hug.
“Hey,” he says, as he wraps his arm around my waist, instantly pulling back though at the intrusion of my protruding belly. His gaze goes to my round stomach, his hands retreating quickly as if he’s been burnt.
“Uh, um… do you think we can talk for a minute?” I say, looking down to where my hands are instinctively holding my belly protectively.
He averts his gaze as he shoots back the last of his whiskey. “Sure.”
We walk toward the terrace where most of the crowd seems to be avoiding. I can’t say I blame them; it’s colder than a witch’s titty out here tonight. I rub my arms, trying to fight off some of the cold as Channing leans against the railing. The tension between us is thick.
I go to say something just as Channing says, “I guess congratulations are in order. I guess Misty was right about one thing. You and Vince obviously worked it out.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I say, dumbfounded. “Channing… no. Vince and I aren’t back together and never will be. I obviously have been avoiding you since the whole Natasha debacle, but… um.” I freeze with the words on the tip of my tongue.
Just say it.
“I’m pregnant, Channing,” I say, looking into his blue eyes, filled with so many questions. “And it’s yours.”
Oh, God. I feel like I’m going to puke.
Channing doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t even move as he stares at me, his lips pressed into a tight line as he just stares at me.
“Please say something,” I say, wrapping my arms tightly around myself. It’s cold out here, but the cold shoulder I’m receiving from Channing right now is even colder.
He clears his throat for a moment before his eyes connect with me. His gaze is cold as he looks at me, almost as if he’s seeing right through me. This is what I was afraid of. The fear that all of this will be for nothing. He doesn’t want me; he doesn’t want this baby. I see that as I wait with bated breath for him to say something. Anything. “Excuse me,” he says, turning his back to me and walking back into the party.
Biggest fear confirmed.
Fighting back tears, I walk into the party, avoiding anyone who tries to talk to me. I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have told him about the baby. I should have just stayed with my parents in Ketchum, had them help me raise the little life inside me.
“Cass.” I hear Hayley call out to me as I rush out the door, yet I don’t stop. “Cassidy. Wait, where are you going?”
Sobs wreck my body as I reach the taxi stand outside the hotel. “Away from here. He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t want this baby,” I say, turning to look at her, tears streaking down my cheeks. “You should have seen his face when I told him.”
She wraps me in her arms as a taxi pulls up to the curb. Helping me into the backseat, she climbs in beside me, rambling off my address as the driver pulls away from the curb. I lay my head down on Hayley’s lap as I listen to her talk to Brooks on the phone, telling him what happened.
I walk into my house and immediately turn off my phone before plopping down on the couch. I don’t want to be bothered by anyone. Going tonight was a mistake. Telling Channing was a mistake. Heck, right about now, coming back to Seattle was a mistake. Hayley, being the best person I know, brings me a cup of tea before helping me out of my heels.
“Brooks is handling Channing,” she says, taking a seat next to me. “So, what exactly did Channing say?”
“Before or after he accused me of being back with Vince.”
“What?”
“He saw my bump and thought I was back with Vince like that stupid woman from the puck bunny podcast said. Then, when I told him the baby was his, he just looked at me. Stared right through me as if I weren’t there. Then he just excused himself and left.”
“I’m going to murder him if Brooks hasn’t already,” Hayley says, tightening her hold around me. “So, now what?”
I guess I should give him a few days to process everything. I mean, he did just find out he was being lied to, so I can see how this might fuck with his head. But I have to be realistic here. I have to prepare myself that he might never come to terms, and I could very well be doing this all on my own.
“I guess I’m going to give him a day or two. What other option do I have?” I say, wiping the tears that have fallen onto my cheeks.
Hayley hangs out for a little while longer before leaving to meet Brooks and Camden. After locking my front door, I change into a pair of oversized sweats before settling on my bed. Turning on my phone, I check it to see if I have any messages. I’m about to put my phone on do not disturb when it pings with a message from Channing.
Channing: Are you up?
I should ignore it. Turn it on do not disturb like I planned and go to sleep, but before I can process anything I’m doing, a message is sent.
Cassidy: NO.
Not even a minute passes after I send the message before my phone rings. Channing’s name flashes across the home screen, as my hand instantly swipes to answer.