Chapter 25
Chapter
Twenty-Five
IT’S NOT OVER YET
Neve
“Baby, please listen to Mummy. You are still beautiful.” I try my best to reassure Hope.
Near enough all her hair is gone now, we shaved off the last few pieces and now she has shut herself in the bathroom.
I can hear her little sobs through the door.
“Hope, remember what Auntie Bella said; you are a strong, and beautiful young lady. Beauty shines within and yours is brighter than the sun.”
“No one is pretty looking like me.” She cries.
My heart hurts for her. Jack walks in at that moment from work. “Hey, what’s the matter?” he asks.
“Hair loss is hitting her hard,” I inform him.
He knocks on the door. “Hope, angel. Open the door,” he pleads.
“No, go away!” she yells back.
“Well then, you leave me no choice,” he yells through the door.
“Wait, what are you doing? You’re not going to break the door down, are you?” I ask concerned.
“No,” he states walking away.
“Hope honey, please come out. I think Jack is losing his mind,” I tell her through the door.
He comes back with his clippers, plugs them in and starts cutting his hair. “Oh my god!” I screech. “Hope! Look.” I say astounded.
Jack winks at me and continues to shave his hair off. Hope opens the bathroom door and sees Jack. “Jack!” she giggles. He smiles at her.
“Now, you’re not alone. You have no hair, I have no hair. I am still of course devastatingly handsome and you are still the most beautiful princess in the universe. Now help cut the back for me,” he states, handing her the clippers and crouching down for her to reach.
“Uh, you’re letting a four year old cut your hair,” I state.
He laughs. “I want it all gone. I’m sure Hope can manage that.”
Hope giggles as she hacks away at his hair.
Ilet out a long breath anxiety swirling my stomach as we wait for the meeting with the doctor.
She has her results of how the first round of chemo went.
I’m hoping that it went well and they can operate to remove this tumour.
Jack grips my hand in his, his thumb stroking over the back of my hand.
He sat with me most of the night, just holding me and listening to my ramblings of all my thoughts and worries.
We talked through every possible scenario of what the results would say today.
I cried, he held me. I got angry, he held me.
And when I went quiet he made me laugh. So as much as I feel anxious now waiting, I am prepared for whatever they are about to say.
“Hope,” the doctor calls out.
We stand and follow the doctor into her office, taking a seat opposite her desk. “So how have you been Hope?” she asks.
“I haven’t been sick in weeks!” Hope says excitedly.
The doctor smiles kindly at her. “That is amazing news. I have new toys over there, would you like to test them out for me?” she asks Hope.
Hope doesn’t even answer. She is off my lap and runs to the corner to play with the new toys.
“So, let’s get down to the results. I’m sure it’s something you’re wanting to know and get out of the way.” The doctor smiles opening up her file.
“It appears that the tumour has shrunk, but very little. Speaking with my colleagues, we have decided the next best step would be more chemo, this time though it would be once a week instead of every fortnight. This will hit her hard and I would like to admit Hope while she receives this treatment. I want to have medical help around her should she need it. If she cannot keep food down we can administer a drip and vital supplements as well as strong pain relief.”
My heart sinks. Even though I knew this would be a possibility, I guess I just hoped too much.
I nod, gripping Jack’s hand for support. “Would I be able to stay with her?” I ask because I can’t be away from her.
“Of course, I have the forms here for you to sign and I would like to start treatment next week. This four week break has given Hope’s body the time to rebuild, and being a stage 3 tumour I would rather act swiftly than wait around.
” The doctor places the forms on her desk and hands me a pen. I sign the forms, my hand shaking.
“Okay, now all I have to do is try my best to prepare Hope.” I sigh, feeling deflated. This is nowhere near over.
Jack squeezes my hand. “We can prepare Hope together,” he assures me.
God I love this man, any other guy would have ran when they had the chance. Not him he stuck around. Unlike Hope’s father when she was a tiny helpless baby he couldn’t even stick around.
I sign the forms, then Jack and I decide to get Hope’s favourite lunch takeout and tell her about what’s going to happen, well as best we can. She takes it well, but she’s four. It’s a bit hard to ask her to comprehend what will happen.
“So you may feel really poorly because the medicine will be really strong but Mummy will be with you the entire time,” I tell her.
She nods, shovelling a chicken nugget in her mouth while watching the TV. It was good to see her appetite back. “Will I get jelly?” she asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Rebecca said when her sister was in hospital she got jelly for pudding every day,” Hope states.
“Well, we shall see,” I say because I’m not really sure what else to say. I can’t say there’s a chance you won’t want to eat at all because you’ll be feeling dreadful.
“How about we make a list later of what you want to take into the hospital with you?” I suggest.
“Okay.” Hope shrugs.
The door opens and Bella walks in with Doctor Phil. “I’m going to hospital!” Hope says before even greeting them.
Bella looks straight at me and I nod to the kitchen area to talk there. “Hey Doctor Phil,” I greet. He waves and sits down. “You know I always check that he isn’t sending me an SOS cry for help. He is the polar opposite to you. I’m concerned for the man,” I tell Bella.
“Well believe me, he isn’t quiet in the bedroom. He is all man, a very controlling man.” She winks. “So come on then, what happened at the appointment?” she whispers.
I update her on everything. I can see the worry in her face, the same worry mirrored in my own. She pours wine in two glasses, handing me one. “It’s 3 pm,” I protest.
“Your daughter is going into hospital,” she argues back.
“Fair point,” I agree and sip my wine.
“So, she’s a strong girl, she will smash it. You’ll be there with her every step of the way and I will visit every day. I will even bring Pearl, between us all we will keep her strong. We will keep her going,” she says with conviction. “Also I need to tell you something,” she adds.
“Sure what?” I ask.
“I saw your mum in the supermarket.” She pauses.
“Do not tell me what I think you’re about to say,” I warn her.
“I’m sorry, okay? I was just so angry at how your parents have treated you. I snapped.” She at least has the decency to look like she’s sorry. “Anyway, I stormed out of the supermarket and she chased after me. She wants to meet Hope.”
“Absolutely not, no way. Not happening,” I hiss, feeling my temper rise.
“I know they’ve not been there for you, but you could just give them the chance. They might surprise you. Maybe if you met with them without Hope, took Jack with you for support. Suss them out first,” she suggests.
“Why are you pushing this just days before Hope goes into hospital? You’ve always despised my parents,” I point out.
“Because I am your best friend and if it means more people around you and Hope offering support, then I will give anything a go. I swear, if they are still uptight arseholes, then I promise you will hear no more from me,” Bella pleads.
“Fine, you free tomorrow to watch Hope? I will pay them a visit. I’m giving them just one hour. They don’t deserve more than that,” I huff.
Bella smiles. “Feels weird when you take my advice. I feel all grown up and shit.”