Chapter 31
Chapter
Thirty-One
Neve
Hope is sat in her hospital gown waiting for them to come and take her down for surgery. I’ve bitten my nails down to near nothing and I can’t stop tapping my leg with nerves. “Mummy stop that,” Hope chastises me.
“Sorry baby. You know that you will be okay and I will be waiting right here for you when you wake up,” I tell her.
She folds her arms across her chest and lets out a huff. “I know, I’m 5 now.”
I smile and kiss her head. “Okay Hope, we are all ready for you,” a nurse in surgical scrubs says smiling as the porters come in to get her. “Mum, you can come down and be with Hope until it’s time. Sorry Dad, if you could wait here,” the nurse adds.
Jack leans over and hugs Hope and her little arms wrap around his neck. “See you when you wake up,” Jack promises.
The porters start to wheel Hope out. “See you later Dad!” she shouts. I turn back wide-eyed to Jack who looks like he’s just been handed the world. It’s the first time she’s called him Dad.
We make our way down to the theatre. “Right Mum, this is as far as you can go I’m afraid. Give your mum a hug Hope and you’ll see her real soon, okay?” the nurse asks, trying to reassure her.
“I know, she will still cry.” Hope laughs, pointing at me. She’s right, of course. I laugh with tears streaming down my face.
I wrap her in my arms. “I love you my baby girl. So much.”
“Love you Mummy,” Hope whispers in my ear before she lets go, laying down.
They place a mask over her face and soon she’s asleep. I make my way back up to her room where Jack is waiting. He pulls me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. “She will be okay.”
Eight hours later they come to find us and I jump to my feet. “Where is she?” I question.
“Please take a seat,” the surgeon gestures.
My heart sinks. “No, no I’m good standing. Please just tell me where my daughter is,” I demand.
“She is currently in the ICU. She is fine. There was just a slight complication in her surgery.”
“Slight complication?” I question. Jack tries to grab my hand but I brush him off. The surgeon sighs. “Answer me! What kind of complication?!” I screech.
“Babe, calm down. Let the doctor speak,” Jack tries to soothe.
“No, I will not calm the fuck down. Tell me what went wrong,” I demand.
“We have manged to successfully remove 80% of the tumour. The slight complication is that while removing the tumour, she had a bleed on the brain and it caused some swelling which isn’t uncommon and your daughter’s heart stopped.”
I feel my knees give out and I collapse to the floor. “Miss Smith, we restarted her heart, her vitals are good.”
Jack crouches next to me, holding me in his arms. “But?” he asks.
“But she is still sedated we don’t know if there will be any long-term damage if she wakes up,” the surgeon says so matter of factly.
“IF?! IF?!” I cry. Jack holds me tight in his arms.
“I’m sorry. I can’t give you any more news than that at this time.” the surgeon says before leaving.
Jack doesn’t let me go. He sits with me on the floor of Hope’s hospital room while my heart breaks.
Isit by her hospital bed, holding her little hand.
There are so many tubes and wires going everywhere, she looks so tiny.
Jack has been amazing contacting my parents, Bella and Pearl.
She hasn’t woken up yet. It’s been three days since her operation and they have said about doing a brain function test to check for brain activity.
I have avoided signing off on that, too terrified at what they will discover or not as the case may be.
At the moment she is sleeping, she is healing; she will be okay.
She will wake up and all will be okay. We will go to Disneyland like I promised her and she will grow up and go to college and university because she’s brighter than me and she will travel the world and live her life.
I have to keep believing she will wake up. I have to.
Three days turned into four, then four into five.
Eventually I agreed for them to do their brain activity assessment.
I stand with Jack waiting for what felt like an eternity but in fact it was over fairly quickly.
Her neurologist who we first met walks in smiling.
“You’re smiling. That’s good, right?” I ask.
“While things can never be a hundred percent, it’s looking good for Hope.
Her swelling and the bleeding has stopped.
It is now just a waiting game as to when her body is ready to wake up.
We will continue the meds so she isn’t in any pain.
I think she will wake up and apart from being tired and groggy, the signs are looking good.
” She smiles and I hug her, relief soaring through me.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Jack thanks her too before picking me up in his arms. I wrap my arms and legs around him tightly. “She’s going to be okay, she’s going to be okay.” I sob.
Jack rests his head in the crook of my neck and I know he’s fighting with his emotions too.
I lift his head up, his red eyes looking back at me.
I smile brightly. “She will be okay,” I breathe.
Jack smiles and kisses me before placing me back on my feet.
He takes my hand and leads me back to Hope’s bed.
Two days later Hope woke up and the first words from her lips were, “When are we going to Disneyland?”
Jack being Jack didn’t want to waste any time.
As soon as we got the all clear from the hospital that she could come home and she was fit to fly, Jack booked our trip to Disneyland.
We know that her cancer will never be fully gone, she will never have that life that every child deserves.
She will still live an amazing life because Jack and I will always make sure of that.
She is loved, by us and her family. Her dysfunctional, yet loving and loyal family.
All we can do is enjoy the precious time we have with her, until the sprout returns.