Chapter 13
R odric shook his head as Celina settled her new furry patient in a saddle blanket near the fire. Once they had gotten to high ground, she had refused to let go of the osa, claiming she needed to make sure it survived through the night before releasing it. Something told him it wouldn’t be leaving with the dawn.
“Alright, the osa is fine, and you’ve tended to Dahlia. Will you please sit and let me bandage your wounds now?” he asked, exasperated.
It was a miracle that neither she nor her horse had suffered any broken bones. Thankfully only one of Dahlia’s surface wounds required stitching. Celina had coaxed the mare to lay down and then had put her under a magic induced sleep so they could safely clean, stitch, and apply healing cream to her. She was still sleeping deeply under Zora’s watchful eye.
“Yes, alright,” Celina consented.
Moving away from the animals, she sank to the ground near the fire. Thanks to the map, they’d been able to find a large rock overhang that was almost enclosed enough to call a full cave. He’d found enough dry wood before the rain began to build them a decent fire. A pained groan escaped as Celina tried to bend her legs to sit cross-legged and failed.
He pulled out bandages and brought over the antiseptic sap and healing cream they’d used on Dahlia. Though most of Celina’s scrapes were minor, there were two that needed serious attention. He examined the deep gash on her upper arm.
“This needs stitches, Celina.”
“No, it doesn’t. Just bandage it like you would a lesser wound.”
“I thought you weren’t that type of healer—you can’t mend things.” He rested her hand on his knee and began to do as she advised.
“True, but I can boost my body’s natural ability to heal, like I did for the animals. A day or so and it will close on its own. I used to do it for Connor all the time when he was in warrior training.”
She watched him work quietly as he finished bandaging her arm.
“Rodric…” Her voice was overly gentle as she looked at him through veiled lashes.
“Yes, Healer Celina?”
Her lips tugged into a smile briefly before concern descended again. His gut flipped in response to what he knew was coming.
“Will you allow me to check you?”
“No.” Maybe if she weren’t pale and exhausted from using magic and her body wasn’t a mass of bruises from the river. Maybe.
The map and the stones were tools, physical things he could handle. Her giving nature, exhausted and still trying to pour her lifeforce into him and the animals? The idea of her bright glow fading as she healed someone took over his mind and choked the explanation she deserved in his throat.
He wasn’t strong enough to tell her about Avery. Not tonight. “I’m sore, bruised, and have swallowed too much water. Otherwise, all I need is sleep.”
Her back stiffened as she pulled away from him with a nod.
Kavesh. After nearly losing her in the flood his emotions were shredded, and he was letting his fears reign. He caught her hand as she stood, begging her understanding as he looked at her. “I’m not ready for you to use your magic on me yet. Especially not with you injured.”
“Alright. I’ll respect your wishes.” Her eyes heated with intensity as she met his gaze and her fingers shifted slightly to shackle his wrist. “But Rodric, you should know that if it’s ever a life-or-death situation, I’ll do whatever I think is necessary.”
He went rigid, chaotic emotions pounding through his veins as she voiced his worst nightmare. “I won’t have you give your life for mine. That is not acceptable. I want your word that you won’t ever do that.”
“You’d really rather me let you die? How can you ask that of me?” Hurt radiated from her.
“I can’t let you… couldn’t live with that. It’s akin to me taking your life. Don’t ask me to, please.”
Without waiting for a response, he lurched to his feet and ducked out into the night, his need for space and air choking him. He escaped as far as he could within shouting distance, refusing to leave her defenseless when she was in such a weak state.
Breathing deep, he tried to settle his roiling stomach. Did all healers have a death wish? Morgan’s words came back to him. “Celina’s as tenacious as they come. Best kind of woman, but good luck with that.”
Leaning against the rocks on the far side of their shelter, he let the rain soak through him. The cold hitting his skin shocked him a little, jolting his mind away from the panicked thinking and calming him slightly.
He knew he had to make peace with magic if he was ever to be whole. Ironically, it was the gentlest of magic—healing—that he couldn’t stomach. He’d actually been doing okay discussing other types with her. He just couldn’t disassociate healing magic from pain.
“Is running away a habit of yours? If so, we might need to talk about that.” Celina's shoulder pressed against his where she leaned against the rock wall.
Startled into a laugh, his tension eased. “Seems so, yes. I’m working on my issues with magic, Celina, I really am, but…”
“I know you are. But if you keep to the shallows, you’re never going to get past this.” Her quiet voice eased into the night beside him as her long hair moved along his arm. “You don’t have to respond, but hear me out, alright? Then we won’t talk about it again until you’re ready.”
“Alright.”
“Your first words to me about magic were accurate, from a certain standpoint. Magic can be dangerous… especially when linked to trauma. All those children you saw at the orphanage? Every single one of them is required to go through therapy sessions with a healer before they’re cleared to leave the Refugee Center. Trauma lingers and has huge effects on magic—from blocking it completely to making it erratic and uncontrollable. Some people, like Sam, struggle indefinitely, especially if they have too much power to contend with.
“You don’t respond to the concept of magic like someone who is morally opposed or has unbased fears. You respond like someone who has experienced trauma—fear mingled with deep pain. It’s in your eyes when you observe magic, in the way you tense and guard yourself. Even though you don’t have magic for it to affect, it has obviously still made a very deep impact.
“Emotional healing can’t be rushed, but you have a hard timeline. Brenna is going to need your support—your very vocal support—to move forward. I’ll help you, Rodric, but I can’t do that with you avoiding the hard parts.”
A heavy sigh escaped him, and he stared into the night, clean water falling into his eyes from the sky above. Logically, he knew she was right. Time was one thing he didn’t have a lot of.
L ightning cracked, illuminating the scattered contents of the pack Rodric was reorganizing. The storm they’d tried to outrun when crossing the river had proven to be severe. Trapped inside until it mellowed out enough for them to travel safely, they were taking a day of mending for themselves as well as the animals and their gear.
Beside him, Celina sat with the osa in her lap, petting the creature with rhythmic movements. A dozen or so herbs lay before her, but she hadn’t made much progress since the furry thing had ambled over to join her. He was very much enjoying her attention, making soft, contented sounds as she petted him.
“Brenna always wanted an osa,” Rodric said.
“I did too. So much so, my mother used to call me her osaletta.”
Little osa. He could easily imagine a young Celina trying to coax a little white snow osa into becoming her pet. The thought made him smile.
“It’s hard to remember they’re wild the way that one is curled in your lap.”
The osa’s tail swished, as if he knew they were discussing him. Wiggling, he turned to rub his head against Celina’s leg with a chortling sound. Little bits of white fur marked his cheeks, nose, and ears since he wasn’t using his camouflage ability. The rest of his fur was a marbled red and brown that darkened down his legs and belly. Even without shifting his fur color, he would naturally blend quite well with the Eldrin forest.
A particularly vibrant rumble of thunder made Celina flinch again. Closing up the pack he’d been working on, Rodric moved to sit beside her. He pressed his leg alongside hers and wrapped an arm around her.
“Come here, love,” he murmured.
Celina dropped her head to his shoulder and leaned into him with a grateful sigh.
The movement disturbed the osa enough that he made an annoyed sound and hopped out of her lap, trotting to the entrance of the cavern to peer out into the rain. Deciding it wasn’t worth getting wet, he climbed up the protruding rocks on the wall opposite them until he made it to a ledge. Nestling into the crevice, he curled up and wound his tail over his eyes. His fur shimmered and darkened until it blended with the shadows. The only visual indication he was still there came from tiny flickers of movement.
“I think he has the right idea,” Celina said with a chuckle.
“Mmm.”
Much as he would love to progress their relationship to spending the day curled up in bed together, he had a promise to fulfill first. The weight of it had burdened his mind and heart through the stormy night.
While Celina had immediately collapsed into her bedroll in an exhausted sleep, he’d sat awake watching her and sorting through his emotions. One realization in particular had reverberated through him as he’d listened to her make soft, pained sounds as she accidentally put pressure on one of her wounds.
She could have died . Not from her magic, but from the perfectly natural occurrence. Life could be taken in an instant—magic or no. That truth had settled deep in his gut and wrestled some of his fears under control.
For the first time, he was able to admit to himself that he was tired of running. From the pain, fear, and tarnished memories. He wanted true freedom, and he was finally ready to reach for it.
The fire roaring close by coaxed their space into a cocoon of warmth, protected from the rain that continued to fall. Rodric let the waves of heat wash over him. The rhythmic crackle of the fire soothed his nerves, the familiar sound giving him the strength to voice his fears.
Keeping his head resting against Celina’s, he spoke quietly into her hair. “I’m not ready to talk about certain things, but others… I’d like to try.”
He was in no way ready to talk about Avery yet—her magic, how she died—but he could start with something less traumatic and work up in sharing his painful history. His sister’s story would have to wait until his soul was less burdened.
“I’m right here, Rodric. Start wherever you’d like.”
“I think…” He swallowed hard. “I think I’d like to start with Damien.”
She twined her hand with his free one. “You don’t have to begin by delving into the pain. Tell me a good memory.”
The memorable day at the seashore Sam had evoked flitted into his mind. He recounted part of the day to Celina, describing how fun his friend had been. They’d made tiny sailboats to race in the ocean, except Damien kept cheating, using his magic with the air to push his boat past Rodric’s. At long last, he gave in to their complaints and stopped trying to win, turning his attention to Avery’s boat instead. She’d giggled incessantly as he’d helped her take the lead, smiling adoringly at him. Eventually, Rodric and the Zafar siblings had tackled him, forcing him to give up the antics.
“He did just about anything to make my sister laugh. I finally realized they were sweet on each other that day.”
“Did they get much time together before he died?”
“A year, maybe.”
Part of the wall he’d built around his heart fell with the admission. The shattering feeling escaped from the hole in a rush to flood him with feelings he’d locked away. He tightened his arm around Celina.
“They died together. Both of them in my arms that day, after the fire.” He couldn’t stomach sharing details, but he could tell her that much.
“Rodric, I’m sorry.”
Quiet blanketed them, broken only by the crackling of the fire, as Celina gently stroked his arm in soothing movements. Just like he had after the nightmare, he focused on the feel of her hand on his skin, letting the feeling wash over him until he calmed.
“Thank you for coming after me last night.”
Shifting, she turned slightly so that she could look him in the eyes. “I’ll always come after you when you need me… wherever you run.”
His fingers grazed her face with a soft touch. Leaning in, she kissed him gently. Her hand settled over his heart on his chest. Careful of her injuries, his hand swept over her back as he brought her closer. Keeping his desire banked, he kissed her softly. Leaving the invitation of more open, letting her decide if she wanted to move the boundary line she’d set.
Arching slightly, she deepened the kiss. Thunder boomed loudly, echoing around them. Elation soared through him when she didn’t flinch, but instead snaked her hand around his neck to pull him close.