Chapter 3
HAYLEY
It was the annual back-to-school carnival in Fort Worth, and everyone from our small town was there to celebrate the end of summer. Usually, I avoided this fair like the plague, but Joshua was insistent on us going and wasn’t taking no for an answer. Since that night on the lake two months ago, we’d spent almost every day together when I wasn’t with David.
I could immediately tell that Joshua didn’t like our friendship, not that I could blame him. We were best friends, and with all the rumors about us, I knew he had concerns but hadn’t mentioned them yet. I was aware it was coming, though.
Joshua and I were getting closer, and the more time I spent with David, the harsher his tone would become when he’d call me to hang out. The second I said I was with David, it was like night and day with his voice. He was biting his tongue, biding his time to bring it up, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t doing the same when it came down to asking him what we were doing and where this was going.
This was the first time I had these deep, intense feelings for a guy. Don’t get me wrong, I loved David, but it wasn’t like that between us. It was like a sister loved a brother, and the feeling was mutual. But you wouldn’t think that with the way Joshua and David treated one another.
David was as protective over me as Joshua was. He’d already warned me about Joshua, saying he was going to hurt me. Joshua had the worst reputation with girls, and everyone knew it.
He was a huge player, and David was simply being a good friend, wanting me to steer clear of him. As much as I was worried that he would hurt me, I couldn’t stay away from him. There was something about the way Joshua looked at me, talked to me, made me feel that I couldn’t ignore or push away.
He made me happy, triggering butterflies in my stomach every time we were together. I never wanted our time to come to an end. It was getting harder to hide my real feelings about him, and a huge part of me knew he was aware of the effect he was having on me.
Once I stepped out of Joshua’s truck at the fair, he waited for me by the hitch of his truck, extending his hand when I got close to him. I cocked my head to the side, raising an eyebrow. He was going to hold my hand in public, and since we always hung out alone, I was a little caught off guard by his gesture. This only confused me further as to where our relationship was going. The more time we spent together, the more I realized how much of a romantic he truly was.
“Let’s go show off my girl, huh?”
He grinned while I grabbed his hand.
I tried to keep my amused expression to myself as he tugged me toward him. We walked hand-in-hand into the carnival, strolling past all the rides until we were by the water. The fair was next to Eagle Mountain Marina, and he led us down to the docks.
Joshua loved the boats. He was always talking about them, saying how much he wanted to own a yacht one day. When we reached the end of the boat slip, he stepped over the railing onto a gorgeous yacht.
“Whoa. I’m not down for breaking and entering.”
He grinned again. “Don’t you trust me?”
“Not if we get arrested for trespassing.”
He laughed, nodding to the front of the boat. It was only then that I noticed there was a blanket spread out on the bow. He winked, pulling me onto the yacht.
“Wow,”
was all I could manage to say as I slowly turned in a circle, taking in my surroundings.
The sun had just set, and every star shined bright above the water. I took in the blanket and picnic basket that was perfectly placed in the center of the bow.
“Is this another one of your moves? Do you bring all your girls here? I can see why you get laid as much as you do.”
I chuckled to no avail, taking in his stern expression. “What?”
“Sweetness, let’s get one thing straight, alright?”
He placed his finger under my chin to get me to look up at him, and I did, anxiously waiting for what he was going to say.
“Anytime we do things together, it’s the first time for me too.”
I shyly smiled, his words warming my heart. Making me feel like shit for what I’d said before.
“If there’s anything important you need to know about me, it’s that I don’t do anything I don’t want to. But with you … I don’t know how to explain it, Hayley. I was drawn to you from the first day you walked into my science class in sixth grade.”
“What?”
I jerked back. “You remember that?”
He smiled. “The girl with the turquoise backpack.”
My eyes widened. “Turquoise is my favorite color.”
“It’s mine too.”
“I didn’t know you even knew who I was back then.”
“Of course, I knew. I was going to ask you to be my lab partner, but your best friend beat me to it.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? Is that all you can say?”
“Depends. Are you going to say something mean about David?”
I blurted, unable to hold back.
He cocked an eyebrow. “So you’ve noticed that I don’t care for him?”
“I mean, anytime I say I’m with him, your tone immediately turns sour.”
I shrugged. “Do you not like him?”
“I’ll answer that question after you tell me what he thinks about us hanging out.”
I swallowed hard.
“I think you have your own answer built in your question, Hayley.”
“We’re best friends.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“He’s just trying to protect me. You don’t have the best reputation, Joshua.”
“David needs to mind his own fucking business before I do it for him.”
“Whoa.”
I raised my hands. “Where did that come from?”
I lowered my eyebrows, confused by the turn of events. Instinctively, I peered down at the makeshift picnic he had made for us …
For me.
“I don’t want to fight. Especially after you planned this beautiful picnic. I still don’t know if we’re going to get arrested, but you know, it’s the thought that counts.”
He laughed, throwing his head back, and I took the opportunity to ease his mind.
“You have nothing to worry about when it comes to David. I promise. But if you wanted to get to know me back in sixth grade, why wait till now?”
“You’re always with David.”
“So?”
“I don’t like to share.”
“Then why now?”
“Honestly … I don’t fucking know. I saw you at the bonfire party, and you looked upset walking into the woods by yourself. I followed you before I even realized what I was doing. It’s the effect you have on me. I lose all sense of control when it comes to you.”
I smiled, and my chest seized. He’d often express the sweetest things. Still, I couldn’t just open my mouth and be sincere with him, tell him what I felt, because every last insecurity that was buried deep within my bones would consume me, bordering on the point of pain.
The truth was I was falling for him. I was only sixteen but felt much older. Mature beyond my years. It had always been that way for me, having to grow up fast and mostly alone. You don’t realize how much of your childhood affects the person you become, the person you are. How memories shape your life, your feelings, and most importantly your love.
“Do you mean that?”
I asked, my heart beating fast.
“Here’s another thing you need to know about me, Hayley. I don’t say anything I don’t mean. Since we started hanging out, I find myself doing all sorts of shit I’ve never done before, and I don’t want it to end.”
“You don’t?”
“Do you?”
I shook my head.
“Words, sweetness. I need to hear you say it.”
I took a deep breath, admitting, “I like being with you too, Joshua. Although I can’t say I noticed you in science class in sixth grade. I was a mess back then. I didn’t notice a lot of things. It’s why David is my best friend. He’s the first person to ever want to get to know me, and I learned a lot about myself through our friendship.”
“What’s that?”
“I have a hard time letting people in, and when push comes to shove, I do the pushing and shoving. I guess it’s how I survived my mother. You know?”
“I know.”
He was weighing his words. I could tell by the expression on his face.
“Just ask me, Joshua.”
“Alright. Well, what about me? You want to push me away too?”
“Yes … no … I don’t know. I don’t want to get hurt, and I know you definitely break hearts, but at the same time, I like being around you. These last two months have been fun, and I like you. A lot.”
He smiled wide. “I like you a lot too.”
Hearing him say those six words meant everything to me. I could feel my guard coming down more and more with him, and for someone who had suffered so much abuse as I had, it was a hard pill to swallow.
“How about I promise you I won’t hurt you, if you promise me that you and David won’t have sleepovers anymore. Deal?”
“You’ve heard about that?”
“Amongst other things.”
“I can assure you that most are made-up lies. We’ve never kissed, we’ve never even held hands. Sure, we’ve had sleepovers, but he stays on his side of the bed, and I do the same. We don’t cuddle if that’s what you’re imagining. It’s not like that between us. I don’t feel for David what I feel for you when we’re together. The love I have for him is just brotherly.”
My heart dropped when he jerked back, and the expression on his face quickly turned somber, then he bit out …
“You love him?”