Chapter 4
JOSHUA
I eyed her skeptically.
“You know there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with them, right? I love David, but I’m not in love with him, Joshua.”
It’d been three months since Hayley turned my world upside down and two months since we’d started hanging out.
I held her hand.
I kissed her lips.
I listened to everything that came out of her mouth as if she was telling me the world’s biggest secrets.
I didn’t so much as try to get her to make out with me. Being around her was enough. It was all I wanted. To be with someone, to really be with them on a level other than physical, was something I’d never experienced before. Something I never had, and I didn’t want it.
The bullshit.
The emotions.
The ups and downs.
After our first talk in the woods, I’d hung out with a couple of girls, trying to forget about Hayley to no avail. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and anytime a girl attempted to kiss me, I instantly turned my face. Feeling like I was cheating on Hayley which didn’t make any sense.
At that point, we’d had one conversation, but it felt like the deepest connection I’d ever had with anyone in all my life. I didn’t understand any of it. The need to be around this girl was throwing me off-kilter. I thought about her constantly—the next time I would see her, talk to her, hold her …
The list was endless.
Our connection was easy, we didn’t have to work at it. It wasn’t a burden or a struggle to be with her like it sometimes was with other chicks. I used to get bored the minute the sex stopped, moving on to the next.
Not with Hayley, though. I wanted more. Our dynamic flowed seamlessly, our conversations, our chemistry, our friendship. Another thing that was new to me was being friends with a girl I was hanging out with. I never cared to get to know them. They were a means to an end.
It was simple.
Now I was in a dynamic I couldn’t get enough of. One of the things I adored the most about her was the subtle looks she would give me when she didn’t think I was looking.
She came into my life like a breath of fresh air, and I breathed her in like a man who was suddenly on death row. Unable to fight against her pull. Every time I was with her I was lost in us. I never expected to fall for her. I wasn’t even looking for anyone, but there she was, this girl with such a force, such a drive. It was so powerful that I never stood a chance.
“Did you hear what I said, Joshua?”
she questioned, bringing me back to the present. When she’d just told me she loved another guy.
“I heard you.”
“Do you believe me?”
“You haven’t given me a reason not to. I don’t want to talk about David anymore.”
“Good.”
She smiled, and it lit up her entire face. “I’m starving.”
For the next hour, we ate dinner on the bow and talked about nothing in particular.
I watched the way her lips moved.
The way her hair blew in the wind, framing her face.
The way she laughed with her whole body, feeling it deep in my bones.
I especially watched the way she looked at me as I swept her hair away from her face. She didn’t say a word, but her eyes spoke for her. The way she affected my mind and heart was terrifying, but it was so real.
So consuming.
She felt it too. That much I knew.
Breaking the strong connection that held both of us captive, I cleared my throat and stood up, bringing her right along with me. Something came over my senses, and I reached for my phone in my pocket to hit my playlist. Once I found the song I wanted, I set it down on the ground next to our makeshift picnic, which I’d made just for her.
With the music, the boat rocking softly, and the bright moon shining above our heads, I spun her into my arms before holding her close to my chest. Taking one of her hands, I placed it on my shoulder then intertwined the other with mine, placing it near my heart.
Her face conveyed so many emotions in a matter of seconds, and I paid attention to each and every one. She placed the side of her face on my chest, and I knew what she was trying to do, but it didn’t matter because I already felt everything she was trying to hide.
“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone,”
she uttered out of nowhere.
I thought about it for a second. “I want to be a doctor.”
“What?”
She gazed up at me. “Really?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Wow. You’re just full of surprises, huh?”
I peered deep into her eyes. “Sweetness, you have no idea.”
HAYLEY
After we cleaned up the boat which I learned was actually his parents’, Joshua grabbed my hand and led us back to the fair where it felt as though all our classmates were in attendance. Girls were looking at us, more like glaring everywhere we went. I was at the fair with Joshua Co, and it was a big deal in and of itself.
There we were, holding hands throughout the carnival, and he didn’t do this. He wasn’t this guy who was winning stuffed animals and kissing my lips every chance he had.
It was as much of a shock to me as it was to our classmates, the open affection he was showing me. He wasn’t trying to hide the fact that we were hanging out.
When my eyes shifted to the photo booth by the trees, Joshua didn’t hesitate to take me over there.
I smiled, knowing he was doing this for me.
“Come here,”
he ordered, sitting me on his lap once the curtain was closed and no one could see us. We were both facing the camera in front of us.
“You feel good on top of me, sweetness.”
“I thought you didn’t like taking pictures?”
I asked, trying to calm my racing heart.
“I don’t,”
he whispered in my ear from behind me. “I’m doing this for you.”
I smiled wide, my stomach fluttering.
We took five pictures in different positions. The first was with us facing the camera. His arms were around my waist, and his face was nuzzled in my neck. I could feel his breath on my skin, igniting tingles to stir down my spine.
The next one he started tickling me, both of us laughing like fools as the camera clicked for another photo. The third picture was a funny one, where we were both sticking out our tongues. The fourth photo caught me by surprise, as Joshua spun me around so that we were now facing each other.
I gasped when I realized I was straddling his waist, making him grin. Pulling back my hair, he kissed my lips, and the next two images were just of us kissing.
He rasped against my lips, “I’m going to like taking pictures with you.”
Everything was perfect.
He was perfect.
“Come on.”
He stood us up. “Let’s go on the Ferris wheel. It’s my favorite ride. You get to see the whole town from the sky, and there isn’t anything like it.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I didn’t have to wait long until he kissed my lips. His mouth felt different this time. It was soft, tender, caring. I didn’t know how long we kissed. All I knew was that my reckless thoughts were fading into the background, and I was consumed by the way he was able to bring me peace.