Chapter 5 #2
I never shied away from difficult conversations because I believed they were essential to iron out issues and avoid misunderstandings but Ingrid was the sort of person who didn’t have an actual conversation.
If there was a problem, she never discussed it calmly.
Instead, she approached it with all guns blazing.
She shouted, swore, accused and never listened.
It was exhausting and unnecessarily stressful for everyone involved.
Releasing a heavy sigh, I stopped just beyond the drive, pulled on the handbrake, wound the passenger window down and switched off the ignition.
‘Hi, Ingrid,’ I said in a polite tone as she bent down by the window.
‘Don’t you hi, Ingrid me!’
I nearly laughed out loud at that. If I’d said nothing, I’d have been accused of ignoring her. I couldn’t win when she was riled up like this.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ she demanded. ‘What part of he’s not your son and you have no place in his life don’t you understand? Have I not been clear enough?’
I’d heard those words or similar so many times in the early days when I fought for access to my son and every time it had felt like a punch in the stomach. The passing years hadn’t diminished the blow.
I reluctantly opened the car door and stepped out onto the road, looking across the top of the car at Ingrid as I fought to keep my voice low and steady. ‘You’ve been brutally clear on that point.’
‘Good. So what the hell were you thinking, inviting him to your dad’s birthday like that?’
My eyebrows shot up. ‘He wasn’t invited. I didn’t even know he was in the country.’
‘Yeah, right, likely story. Stay away from him. I mean it, Jed! He’s my son, not yours!’ Each sentence increased in volume and, with a withering look, she stormed off down the drive.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. It didn’t have to be like this between us.
I really didn’t understand why Ingrid was so angry with me all the time.
I hadn’t dragged my family to the other side of the world to secretly be with my ex, I hadn’t had an affair throughout our marriage, I hadn’t had a child with someone else and lied about it.
If I was willing to keep it amicable when I was the person who’d been deceived and betrayed, why couldn’t she?
‘Dad!’ Lucy rushed up to me, dropped some bags of gifts on the road, and launched herself at me. ‘Are you okay?’
‘It was just words.’
‘Yeah and we heard them – I think half the village did.’ She squeezed me. ‘I’m sorry.’
I’d been aware of Erin opening the boot, presumably to put her gifts inside. She hugged me too after Lucy stepped away and murmured, ‘You didn’t deserve any of that.’
I thanked her but I didn’t say anything. Even though I knew Ingrid took every opportunity to diss me in front of the girls, I’d promised myself I’d never do the same. Not that words were needed in this case. If they’d heard the dressing down, they’d have reached their own conclusions.
Lucy picked up her bags and put them in the boot as Pam approached me, her eyes glistening with tears.
‘I’m sorry, Jed,’ she said, putting her arms out.
I accepted her hug. ‘It’s not your fault. Keep remembering that.’
It was so sad that Pam and Billy felt the need to repeatedly apologise for their daughter’s behaviour.
They’d done it for most of our marriage and we’d had a couple of heart to hearts since the summer.
They blamed themselves, thinking they’d indulged her too much when she was little which had paved the way to her being a selfish adult.
They had spoilt her – there was no getting away from that – but they couldn’t be held accountable for her behaviour as a grown-up.
And I’d played my part too. I’d been so in love with her, so in awe that somebody so beautiful would want to be with me, that I’d rolled over and given in to every one of her whims. I hadn’t wanted her parents to buy Ferguson’s from mine because I hadn’t wanted to manage it but Ingrid had decided that managing the café would provide our family with job security.
Because I hadn’t been able to suggest an alternative career, I’d let it happen, trapping myself in a job I didn’t love.
And I hadn’t ever wanted to move to the other side of the world but I’d let her convince me it would be right for our family.
Ingrid would turn forty in March and there was no way her parents could keep shouldering the guilt for how she was.
She was in control of her own decisions and actions.
Pam hugged the girls goodbye and we set off back to my parents’ place. I glanced across at Erin in the front seat and caught Lucy’s eye in the rear-view mirror.
‘Dare I ask how it went?’
‘Urgh!’ Lucy responded. ‘And when Aaron turned up in a strop, it was even more urgh!’
‘It wasn’t that bad before Aaron arrived,’ Erin said. ‘Mum was on pretty good form but Lucy’s right about the urgh when Aaron appeared. He stormed up to his room without even saying hello.’
‘He was so rude,’ Lucy cried. ‘He even blanked Grandma.’
Guilt enveloped me and I winced as I asked, ‘Did he say it was because he’d seen me?’
The last thing I’d wanted to do was cause an issue on their day of celebration, but it wasn’t as though I’d intentionally caused problems.
‘We don’t know for sure,’ Erin said. ‘He never came back down – even had his lunch upstairs – but Mum went up to see him and—’
‘She’d turned into a fire-breathing dragon by the time she came down,’ Lucy finished.
I expected Erin to say something about Lucy being overly dramatic but her silence told me how bad it had really been.
‘I’m sorry it’s affecting you two,’ I said. ‘We were standing metres from your grandad so I couldn’t really ignore him. Aaron joined us, questioned why I was there and when I congratulated him on his rescue, he didn’t want to hear it. Did your grandad tell you what he did?’
Both girls muttered a ‘yes’ but clearly Aaron’s behaviour had overshadowed any act of heroism in their minds and I wasn’t going to push it so I told them about the fancy dress costumes instead and a punch-up during the raft race when one of the crews who were clearly taking the race more seriously than the others didn’t respond well to another crew’s sabotage attempts.
I soon had Erin and Lucy laughing and was glad I could lighten the mood. I just wished I didn’t have to.