Chapter 6
TARA
I glanced across the cobbles towards Yorkshire’s Best. Jed’s assistant, Anastasia, was serving someone at the till and there were a couple of other customers in the gallery, but I couldn’t see Jed.
The first-floor lights were on so he was either making a brew in the kitchenette or he was getting creative, the first floor currently being used as his art studio.
It had been lovely spending so much time with Jed over Christmas but it was back to normal now with my only day off being a Sunday when my assistant manager, Maria, managed the café.
That one day had previously given me enough time to recharge my batteries and catch up on my crafting and admin, but would it be enough now that I was seeing Jed?
‘That’s a big frown,’ Maria said, joining me from the kitchen. ‘Everything all right?’
I smiled at her. ‘Just thinking. Ever since I moved here, I’ve been single and had no family or partner to think about so the life and routine I’ve created has been about what works for me. I’ve never had to factor anyone else into it and I’ve just realised that’s going to have to change now.’
‘Does that worry you?’
‘No, but it does mean thinking about my week differently. I’m likely to spend most Sundays with Jed or my parents so I might need another day off during the week to catch up on everything I’d normally do on a Sunday.’
‘You more than deserve it. I’ve never known how you manage to squeeze everything in as it is.’
‘An insatiable need to keep busy,’ I admitted. I wasn’t great at doing nothing, although not all my activities required brain power. I did plenty of things which helped me relax such as swimming, Pilates and crafting.
‘If you want to start taking a weekday off, I’m happy to step up.’
Maria had done that on several occasions last year after I launched a programme called Project Hercules, working with students at Whitsborough Bay TEC and the sixth form college.
I’d enlisted other entrepreneurs from Bay Trade, a business club I was in, to provide mentoring to students who might be interested in running their own business, even if that was just in a small capacity like selling some artwork or crafts.
We’d extended it into providing life-skills coaching so I often needed time away from the café to run sessions.
‘Appreciate that. Let me see how January pans out and I’ll come back to you.’
I didn’t need to add that I’d pay her more for any days she stepped up as manager because I’d done that all along. I expected a lot from my team but I gave a lot in return.
The door opened and we both looked up expectantly, but it wasn’t customers – it was my foster parents.
‘I wasn’t expecting to see you two today,’ I said, coming out from behind the counter to hug them both.
‘We were missing you,’ Mum said. ‘We had a good relax yesterday and this morning but we were going stir crazy in the cottage so we thought we’d catch you before you close.’
Maria told me she had everything under control and I should sit down and have a drink with them so we settled at one of the tables near the back of the café. After Maria brought drinks over, I told them about Boxing Day on the seafront, finishing up with the encounter with Aaron.
‘Is Jed all right?’ Mum asked.
‘Putting on a brave face. He knows there’s not much he can do but seeing Aaron again has stirred up all sorts of emotions and I completely get it. I know first-hand how hard it is having to walk away from people you love.’
I’d fled from London to Whitsborough Bay – cutting myself off from my former life – after discovering the truth about what my husband, Garth, and my foster sister, Leanne, had done to me and why.
That had included severing contact with my foster parents – devastating but essential for moving on with my life – and changing my name so I couldn’t be found.
Mum placed her hand over mine. ‘But we’re back in your life now and hopefully Jed’s ex will see a way to let Aaron back into his.’
‘Speaking of estranged family members,’ Dad said, his shoulders slumping, ‘I picked up a message from Leanne yesterday.’
My stomach lurched and goose bumps broke out across my arms.
‘What did she want?’ I asked, trying to keep my voice light even though I felt suddenly cloaked by darkness.
‘To wish us a happy Christmas,’ Mum said, ‘and to tell us that she’d found it strange not seeing us.’
‘She wants to meet us to talk,’ Dad added.
‘Oh!’ My stomach lurched once more. ‘Are you going to?’
They both shook their heads vigorously.
‘I’m not strong enough to deal with the drama and the manipulation at the moment,’ Mum said.
‘And I can’t forgive her for her don’t-care attitude when she learned about your mum’s cancer.’ Dad sighed heavily. ‘I’m not going to return her call.’
Dodging her calls was one thing but would they have the same conviction if she turned up in person?
‘Do you think she knows where you are?’ I asked, praying they’d give a categoric no.
‘Hopefully not,’ Dad said, ‘but she has contacts so she could find out if she really wants to.’
He glanced at Mum who shrugged and added, ‘Which she probably does if she’s determined to try and get some money out of us again.’
I counted to three in my head to help gather my emotions together.
‘I know how hurt you are about what she did to me as well as what she did to you, but I do understand that she’s your daughter and severing ties with family is hard.
If you do decide you want to speak to her or even see her, don’t let reconnecting with me stop you. ’
‘That’s very understanding of you,’ Mum said, ‘but, like your dad says, we won’t be calling her back.’
‘But if you change your mind at any point down the line – when you’re feeling better, after time passes and the hurt maybe fades a little – I do get it.
Obviously I never want to see or speak to her again but I do understand if you do.
All I’d ask is for you to keep me in the loop. I don’t want to be blindsided.’
‘Leanne’s burned her bridges,’ Dad said. ‘She can leave as many messages as she wants, but she’s never coming back into our lives.’
He glanced at Mum, presumably seeking her affirmation, but she cast her eyes down as she sipped her drink and it was clear to me how difficult this was for her.
Leanne wasn’t even a part of our lives anymore and yet she was still causing pain.
Selfishly, I hoped Mum and Dad could stay strong and keep those ties severed – for their sake as much as for mine – but I wasn’t convinced they’d be able to and I needed to prepare myself for the day when they let Leanne, albeit begrudgingly, back in.
I meant what I’d said, though. I wanted nothing to do with her.
I’d been invited to Jed’s parents’ house for tea tonight – a final opportunity to gather as a family before everyone did their own thing for New Year.
Erin and Zack would be flying out to Portugal tomorrow to spend New Year with Zack’s family and Jed’s parents were heading off on a mystery coach trip with their good friends, Peter and Joyce, who’d been regular customers at The Chocolate Pot for years.
I’d never heard of a mystery coach trip before but I liked the idea of getting on board with no idea where you’d end up – just like it had been for me when I’d left London seeking out a new life.
I didn’t need to be there until seven so I had time to cuddle Hercules before showering and changing. We sat on the sofa together and I stroked his long ears back.
‘I think Mum and Dad’ll cave and call Leanne,’ I said. ‘I told them I’ll understand if they do, but understanding isn’t the same as accepting. I don’t know what I’ll do if they make up with her.’
The thought of it made me feel queasy. What she’d done to me could easily have destroyed me and I’d never forgive her for it.
I’d been ten and Leanne was seventeen when the Sandersons opened up their home to foster me.
From the day I arrived, she acted like the big sister I’d always longed for, telling me how delighted she was to have me there and spending so much time with me but acted was the key word.
It turned out that Leanne hated sharing her home with a succession of pathetic snivelling orphans.
She interpreted it as Mum and Dad thinking she wasn’t enough and had decided to take her escalating feelings of resentment out on me.
On the day I completed my final GCSE exam, I arrived home to find Leanne waiting for me, excited about a congratulations-on-finishing-your-exams gift she’d got me.
As she blindfolded me and led me into my bedroom, I expected to find a typically Leanne gift like a handbag or a pair of shoes but what I found was an exceptionally attractive man sitting on my bed.
My experience with the opposite sex had been non-existent.
It was difficult to meet boys when attending an all-girls school where I hadn’t made any friends because I was different to the others.
Leanne managed to convince me that I’d never secure myself a boyfriend if I didn’t even know how to kiss and that’s what Isaac was for.
She made it all seem so normal and I genuinely thought she had my best interests at heart.
Looking back now, there were so many red flags but I was too na?ve, too easily led, too captivated by my sister to see any of them so I went along with it.
It was only a lesson in kissing, after all. What harm could it do?
Isaac was the first of three ‘playmates’ Leanne introduced me to over the next two and a half years, each taking a role in my life education but never breaking the one vital rule Leanne had set: no sex.
Because, unbeknown to me, Leanne was grooming me to become Garth’s wife and that part was reserved for him.
Shuddering at the memories, I pulled Hercules a little closer to me, seeking out comfort from his warm body.
‘I’m not the only one she hurt,’ I said to him. ‘She messed up their lives too.’
Leanne had been the manager of the Chelsea branch of Vanilla Pod where I’d also worked.
Three years after I left, a customer caught her sniffing cocaine at work and reported it to the papers, creating a scandal which nearly ruined the chain.
When Mum stepped in to manage the branch, she discovered a significant sum of money missing and further delving revealed that, over the years, Leanne had defrauded the company of a significant six-figure sum to help pay for her drugs habit and extravagant lifestyle.
When stories also emerged of Leanne bullying staff and regularly being drunk or high at work, my parents realised that tough love was going to be needed so they cut her off with the caveat that they would pay for rehab if and when she was ready to get her life back on track.
And so began a pattern of Leanne going to rehab and being clean for a short time before getting back into drugs, alcohol and bad boyfriends.
My parents had described the stints in rehab as Leanne’s annual holiday, saying she treated rehab as though it was some sort of luxury retreat.
Nevertheless, they continued to support her until she turned up a few weeks after Mum’s breast cancer diagnosis, high as a kite, demanding to be taken to the clinic.
Dad had said they were off to the hospital and she’d need to wait but, when she persisted with her demands, they told her about the cancer.
‘Can you believe her response?’ I asked Hercules. ‘She told them it was karma for what they’d put her through – by which she meant having foster kids like me in their home – and she hoped it was incurable. I know she was on something but that’s no excuse for saying something so cruel.’
It had been the straw that broke the camel’s back and they cut her off for good at that point.
But now she was back and no matter what Mum said about not being strong enough to deal with the drama and the manipulation, she was the kindest woman I’d ever known and pushing away her daughter would be breaking her heart.
I could just imagine the thoughts in her head – What if she has changed?
What if she’s finally clean for good? What if she’s genuinely sorry this time?
The problem was, I knew what Leanne was capable of and Mum and Dad didn’t.
They knew that Leanne had set me up with Garth and that the marriage had been one of convenience rather than love, although I’d believed it to be genuine.
They also knew about Leanne and Garth’s dubious lifestyle choices.
But they knew nothing about the congratulations-on-passing-your-exams gift.
Would they feel differently towards Leanne if I told them about Isaac and the others grooming me?
But telling them would open up old wounds and I wasn’t sure if I could face it.