Chapter 26
JED
‘Two mornings in a row waking up next to you,’ Tara said, smiling at me the following morning. ‘I could get used to this.’
‘Me too. Good morning!’
I wished we could start every day like this.
I was conscious we needed to discuss living arrangements at some point but there was something I wanted to do first and I needed a little more time for it.
Besides, last night’s conversation about babies was serious enough for one weekend and I couldn’t imagine Tara would want another deep conversation today.
‘We’d better think about getting up and sorted,’ Tara said. ‘Don’t let me forget to pick up the flowers from Seaside Blooms.’
We’d been invited for Sunday lunch with Tara’s parents in their new rental property.
In early December, they’d taken a lease on a holiday cottage in a village south of Whitby but the owner had a longstanding booking from a regular visitor for the February half-term so they’d needed to move out.
Fortunately she’d just finished refurbishing another property in the same village so they’d moved into that on a month-by-month rental.
‘I wonder if my parents will also be able to read me like a book,’ Tara said.
‘As long as they don’t produce a box of condoms with a Post-it note on, I think we’ll be fine. Still can’t believe Lucy did that.’
‘You’re looking well, Mum,’ Tara said as Kirsten arranged the flowers in a vase in the kitchen.
‘I’m feeling great. I had a couple of tired days after we moved, but I swear the sea air has done wonders for my recovery.’ She cocked her head to one side. ‘You’re looking remarkably well too. There’s a glow about you.’
Tara glanced at me and we both laughed.
‘Am I missing something?’ Kirsten asked.
‘I’ll tell you later,’ Tara said. ‘How about Dad gives us a tour while you finish with those?’
The house was really nice – nineteenth century and packed full of character – and, by the time Tim had finished showing us round, Kirsten had a pot of tea ready.
‘We have a question for you, Tara,’ she said, once we all had a drink poured.
‘We love this area. The pace of life is much better after the buzz and stress of living and working in London and, as I said earlier, the sea air has been so good for me but it doesn’t make sense paying rent when we could buy a place of our own.
How would you feel about us settling here permanently? ’
Tara gasped. ‘You’re serious? That would be fantastic.’
‘We hoped you’d feel that way,’ Tim said, ‘especially as we’ve found a house we love but it’s closer to you than this place is. We viewed it yesterday but we wouldn’t consider putting an offer in unless we knew you were definitely comfortable with us settling here.’
‘I’d be delighted to have you settle here. Whereabouts?’
‘Little Sandby,’ Kirsten said. ‘I believe that’s close to your parents, Jed?’
‘It’s the next village along. My colleague, Anastasia, lives there. It’s a really nice village.’
Tim passed us an iPad showing the property listing.
‘I know that house! It’s got an unusual name – Whispering Breezes or something like that.’
‘Whispering Winds,’ Kirsten said.
‘That’s it! I went there once as a kid – can’t remember why. It’s got a stunning sea view but I think it’s been empty for a good few years.’
Tim nodded. ‘The owner died and there was a family dispute over the estate but it finally got resolved last year. It needs a major refurb but we can sit tight here while that gets done.’
‘The view’s what sold it to me,’ Kirsten said. ‘I stood by the window in the master bedroom looking out at the sea and I forgave the orange kitchen and avocado bathroom because that view made my heart sing.’
‘I can see the potential,’ Tara said as we scrolled through the photographs and checked out the floor plan. ‘And I think that view would have sold it to me too. Get that offer in first thing tomorrow with my blessing.’
She passed me her mug so she could hug her parents. When she sat back down beside me, I could see the tears glistening in her eyes and I knew how much it meant to her to have them settling nearby and even better that they’d chosen a house on the outskirts of Whitsborough Bay rather than Whitby.
The conversation around what Kirsten and Tim were thinking of doing to the house continued over lunch.
Discussing her parents’ potential new home could well escalate a conversation about our own living arrangements but if things happened out of order, so be it.
It didn’t mean I had to rush my other plans.
After we’d eaten, Tim said he’d make coffees so the rest of us moved into the lounge.
‘I hate to put a dampener on things,’ Tim said after he’d handed out the drinks a little later, ‘but I’m afraid it’s a good news, bad news day. Before you panic, Tara, your mum’s fine and so am I.’
Beside me, Tara tensed. ‘I’m guessing the bad news is Leanne-shaped.’
Tim nodded. ‘She keeps ringing and we haven’t answered but she’s left several messages. She wants to meet up with us – claims she’s a changed person ready to make amends but the key word there is claims. We’ve heard it all before so we’ve messaged her with a no, although…’ He glanced at Kirsten.
‘I’m struggling with that decision,’ she admitted. ‘She sounds so sincere and I can’t help wondering if us cutting her off completely has been the wake-up call she needed and she has finally got her act together.’
‘Which I understand,’ Tim said, ‘and I want to believe that’s the case but we’ve been down this road so many times and it only ends in heartbreak.’
Kirsten sighed heavily and it was clear looking from one troubled face to the other how great a toll this was taking on them – not ideal when they’d just been saying how much they were enjoying the stress-free life away from London.
‘A no is so hard,’ she said, ‘but I know deep down that it’s the right thing to do and I have to stay strong.’
I placed my hand over Tara’s and she entwined her fingers with mine, squeezing tightly as she spoke.
‘I’ll reiterate what I said to you both before.
She is your daughter so I do understand how hard this is for you and I promise I won’t judge you or push you away if you do decide to meet with her and let her back into your lives.
But I cannot emphasise enough that I want nothing to do with her ever again.
I’m not asking you to choose between us.
You can have us both in your lives if that’s what you want but she’s not worming her way back into mine.
I know it sounds harsh but there are some things so despicable that they can never be forgiven. ’
Tara’s words were calm and considered but I could feel her shaking. I wished I could gather her in my arms and tell her it would be all right, but I didn’t want to draw attention to how hard she was evidently finding this. And I knew why because I knew the full story and Kirsten and Tim didn’t.
‘We’d never expect you to, sweetheart,’ Kirsten said. ‘To be completely transparent, the thought of letting her back into our lives makes me feel sick to the stomach.’
There’s your answer, then. Trust your gut and never let that scheming, selfish, depraved little liar have another second of your time and, instead, focus all your love and attention on the person who’s kind, thoughtful, selfless and honest. But I didn’t feel it was my place to barge in and share my opinion on such a delicate family matter.
Tara had only just let her parents back into her life and there was no way I was going to say or do anything to jeopardise that relationship.
‘I’m a great believer in trusting your gut,’ Tara said, and I could have cheered. ‘I think you’ve made the right decision, but…’ She shook her head. ‘Just let me know if you change your mind at any point. Like I said before, I don’t want to be blindsided.’
The subject changed after that. Tara told them about our plans for the first meeting of The Friendship Pod next week and, although she smiled and laughed, there was an undercurrent of sadness.
I could feel it and hoped that Kirsten and Tim were sufficiently attuned to Tara’s feelings to know how much letting Leanne back in would hurt her.
An hour later, Kirsten was looking sleepy and several yawns gave Tara the excuse to say it was time we headed off so her mum could rest.
I’d offered to drive so that Tara could have a couple of glasses of wine over lunch. We waved her parents goodbye and left the village but I pulled over into a layby soon after and turned in my seat.
‘How’re you holding up?’
She shook her head. ‘They’re going to let her back in. I know they will. Either Kirsten will cave or Leanne will find a way to bulldoze her way back in and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.’
‘I could feel you shaking.’
‘I felt sick, Jed. I know she’s their daughter and I know they thought the sun shone out her backside because I felt the same way.
I was in awe of my big sister. She was so beautiful and composed and sophisticated and she took me under her wing and I remember thinking how lucky I was to have landed on my feet.
I longed to be like her. She was my role model and I loved her so much that I was willing to do anything she said because it surely had to be in my best interests. ’
A tear trickled down her cheek and she swiped at it angrily.
‘I’m not going to shed any more tears over her.
I refuse to be her victim. I’m a survivor.
What she did to me was sick and what she did to my parents was disgusting too and I don’t want them to have anything to do with her again – for their sake as much as mine – but I know they will because my mum’s the kindest woman I know and she goes out of her way to see the good in everyone.
I hope Leanne doesn’t shaft them again but I’m convinced she will.
She’s the sort of leopard who doesn’t change its spots – she just covers them with make-up, bats her eyelashes and turns on the charm. ’
I leaned across the gear box and hugged her as best as I could. ‘You are a survivor and, if your parents do let her back in, I’m here beside you every step of the way.’