Chapter 46
JED
Ingrid’s recovery was much slower than we’d all hoped but I was invited to her parents’ house after work on Thursday evening.
Aaron was away overnight on a school trip and my parents had taken Piper and Savannah for a sleepover at theirs so that Ingrid, Pam, Billy and I could have an uninterrupted conversation.
It had been incredibly frustrating waiting for so long and it wasn’t fair on Aaron.
When he’d left on his trip, he’d been worried about coming back to find his bags packed and Ingrid demanding he move back in with her.
I’d assured him it wouldn’t happen that quickly but I couldn’t give him the assurance he really wanted – that it wouldn’t happen at all.
As I drove across town and out towards Cranton, anger burned inside me.
Ingrid had arrived home on Friday. A few days to recover from jetlag was fair enough but how dare she make Aaron and me wait almost a week?
Did she even have the slightest inkling how difficult this was for us both?
Pam greeted me at the door and took me into the dining room where four places had been set out with a cup and saucer, glass, notepad and pen, which all seemed very official.
A pot of tea and a jug of water were on a placemat in the middle of the table.
I’d just sat down when Billy and Ingrid joined us.
I’d expected to see Ingrid back to her usual form of immaculate make-up and perfectly styled hair so it was a shock to see her bare-faced with messy hair, wearing jogging pants and a stained T-shirt.
I glanced at Pam and she gave me an almost imperceptible shake of the head and a widening of the eyes.
I got the message clearly – don’t say a word!
‘Thanks for coming tonight, Jed,’ Pam said as she poured the tea. ‘We appreciate your patience.’
I shouldn’t have had to be this patient but I knew it wasn’t Pam’s fault so I nodded, filled my glass with water, then focused my gaze on Ingrid who was sitting opposite me.
‘I guess I should start,’ she said, her voice weary. ‘I believe Mum and Dad have already told you what happened with Declan so I’d rather not repeat that humiliating experience. Bet you think it’s karma.’
‘Ingrid!’ Pam hissed. ‘You know Jed’s not like that.’
While I was grateful to Pam for jumping to my defence, guilt nudged at me. Karma had crossed my mind when I heard what had happened. How could it not?
‘I’m sorry you’ve been hurt,’ I said, keeping my eyes fixed on Ingrid, ‘but what the hell were you thinking?’
She stared at me defiantly and I steeled myself for a mouthful of abuse, but then her shoulders drooped and she shook her head. ‘I think the point is I wasn’t thinking – not properly anyway.’
Her voice lacked the usual strength and I was sure I detected a wobble in it.
‘I owe you so many apologies. You said no to looking after the kids but I dropped that responsibility on you anyway.’
That wasn’t an apology. That was twisting what had happened and I wasn’t going to stand for it.
‘You didn’t just ask me to look after the kids as in a spot of babysitting.
You asked me to raise them. Completely different!
And, more specifically, you asked me to raise them with you.
’ I was aware of my voice getting louder so I lowered it to continue.
‘My no was to getting back together with you, Ingrid – not to being part of their lives.’
She looked down into her cup and nodded slowly.
‘You’re right, and I’m sorry. I should never have suggested that.
It’s just that…’ She sighed heavily and looked up.
‘I didn’t know what to do. I was scared of losing Declan, of turning forty and being on my own for the first time in over twenty years, of the mess my life had become. ’
‘You could have just been honest with everyone and said I’m struggling and I need your help.’
‘Like it’s easy to admit that.’
‘I never said it was easy. Have you any idea how lucky you are to be surrounded by people who care about you and the children? We could all have helped you if you’d let us in.
We’d even have supported you going back to Aus without the kids and made arrangements for that to work.
What you did instead was the most selfish, inconsiderate, hurtful thing possible, dropping everyone in it and causing no end of stress and worry. ’
‘Jed,’ Pam said, gently. ‘She knows she messed up. You don’t need to labour the point.’
‘It’s okay, Mum,’ Ingrid said. ‘He deserves the chance to get it off his chest. Continue.’
I wasn’t used to Ingrid being so understanding and compliant and it threw me. I nearly didn’t respond but I wanted us all to be able to put this sorry episode behind us and the only way I’d be able to do that was if I said what I was thinking rather than let it fester.
‘You have an incredible family – wonderfully supportive parents and five amazing kids – and I just cannot get my head around why you’d hurt them all like that, especially when your dad’s ill.
You deceived everyone and for what? To chase after someone who couldn’t care less about his kids or about you. ’
‘Jed!’ Billy cried. ‘That’s enough!’
‘No, he’s right,’ Ingrid said. ‘That’s exactly what happened and there’s no need for anyone to sugar coat it.
I’ve already said sorry to Mum and Dad and I’ll be speaking to your parents and all the kids too.
What I did was appalling and I know it’ll have lasting repercussions.
I’ve got a lot of making up to do with Erin and Lucy but I know the person I’ve hurt the most is Aaron and I don’t know if that damage can ever be repaired. Did he tell you he rang me?’
‘No. When?’
After Ingrid arrived home, Aaron and I had talked about him getting in touch with her but he’d been so angry that we’d agreed it would be best to wait until he was feeling calmer and the conversation could be less emotional.
He’d evidently decided to call her anyway and presumably he hadn’t told me because it hadn’t gone well.
‘On Sunday,’ Ingrid said. ‘It wasn’t much of a conversation – more of a rant on his part. He made it clear that he doesn’t like, trust or respect me and does not under any circumstances ever want to live with me again.’
Her voice cracked as she reached the end of that sentence and, as tears clouded her eyes, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for her.
It would break my heart to have one of my children say that to me.
I wished Aaron had told me about the phone call although I could understand why he hadn’t.
We were only just getting to know each other again and he wouldn’t have known how I’d react if he went against my wishes so that was something we’d need to address.
I wanted him to know that he could talk to me about anything and, if it was bad, we’d work through it together.
Although whether we continued to have a relationship was in Ingrid’s hands, which made me feel incredibly nervous.
I couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to see him again and I dreaded to think what that would do to Aaron and the rest of my family.
‘Got to admit, that was hard to hear,’ Ingrid continued, ‘but it’s nothing I didn’t deserve.
I broke Aaron’s trust a long time ago, made mistakes, handled things so badly…
’ She broke off and took a gulp of tea. ‘I do want to try and rebuild some sort of relationship with him but I know there’ll be no chance of that if I demand he moves back in with me.
I think the only hope for us is if he stays with you. ’
I stared at her, my head spinning. ‘For how long?’
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I think the damage might be irreparable.’
My mouth felt very dry and I grabbed for my water, trying to process what she was saying.
‘Are you asking me to have Aaron with me permanently?’
‘I know it’s what he wants. What about you? Would you be willing to do that?’
‘You already know I still think of him as my son so of course it’s a yes, but having him live with me is the easy part. Would I be resuming the role of dad?’
‘If that’s what you want.’
‘Of course it is, but how would that work for you and me? Being a parent is about making decisions every day – some minor, some huge – and the last thing Aaron needs is us battling over what we both think’s best for him.’
‘If he’s living with you, I wouldn’t interfere. That wouldn’t be fair.’
‘But you’re still his mother. And what if you change your mind in a few months’ time? What if Declan objects?’
‘He won’t. The divorce is happening and Declan’s out of the picture for good.
’ Ingrid’s voice cracked and tears spilled down her cheeks.
She took a deep breath and her voice shook as she continued.
‘His solicitor will be sending me some paperwork relinquishing his claim on all three kids, giving me full custody and the right to make all decisions regarding their future without involving or informing him.’
I gasped. What sort of man relinquished himself of all his responsibilities just like that?
He was divorcing Ingrid but he was effectively divorcing his children too.
And to think how hard he’d battled to keep me away from Aaron, only to toss him aside six years later.
I’d never understand what Ingrid saw in Declan but clearly she’d loved him and was heartbroken at this turn of events.
There was no point me hurting her further by vocalising how disgusted I was with him.
There were more important things to discuss.
‘Did you mention this to Aaron when you spoke to him?’
‘I didn’t get a chance to say much and it was only fair to speak to you first anyway. Didn’t want to get his hopes up in case you said no and he was stuck with me.’ She gave a weak smile through her tears. ‘What do you think?’