Chapter 46 #2
‘In theory it’s a yes but this is huge. I think we should take a couple of days to think through the practicalities and then agree a way forward that works for everyone. We need Aaron’s input too and it’s vital he knows that him living with me isn’t about you rejecting him.’
‘You think he’d see it as rejection?’
I nodded. ‘Wouldn’t you in his shoes? He sees rejection as a recurring theme thanks to what you and Declan told him about me.’
She hung her head again. ‘We should never have done that. It was Declan who…’ She paused and looked up. ‘No, I need to take accountability. Declan didn’t want you in Aaron’s life but I went along with it and I’m sorry for the pain that caused you.’
‘And Aaron, and the girls and my parents. It’s like ripples on a pond.’
Ingrid nodded but she didn’t say anything. Nobody did and I wondered if the conversation was over, but then Ingrid cleared her throat and looked pointedly at Billy.
‘Actually, Jed, we wondered if it would be best to speak to a solicitor specialising in family law,’ Billy said. ‘Maybe make it more official.’
‘You mean a shared custody arrangement?’ I frowned as I looked from one to the other. ‘I’m confused. You just said you think he should live with me and now you think he should split his time between us?’
Ingrid shook her head. ‘I don’t want to mess him or you about. By official, we mean adoption.’
My heart pounded. ‘Are you serious?’
‘He needs some stability. You’d give him that.’
‘But adoption… Is that even possible? Can you just decide you want someone else to raise your child?’
‘We don’t know,’ Billy said. ‘But we know Aaron’s had the rough end of the stick and this might be the best way to set things right.’
‘But is it really what you want?’ I asked Ingrid.
‘I thought it was what you wanted.’
‘I want to bite your hand off, I really do. If you had a solicitor here right now, my heart would be telling me to sign on the dotted line, but this is your son we’re talking about and, even though things are bad between you, you still love him, don’t you?’
‘Of course I do.’
‘Then this can’t be the right way forward for you.
I had no choice in letting go of Aaron and it destroyed me but you do have a choice and I don’t want you to regret making the wrong one.
I don’t want to be Aaron’s dad at the expense of you being his mum.
Yes, absolutely, he can live with me permanently but I’m sure we can find a way of working things so that we both get to be the parents. ’
‘You really think so?’ Ingrid wiped at her cheeks once more. ‘I’d like that.’
‘Good. So are we agreed that we’ll take a couple of days to think about what that might look like and meet again to talk?’
I looked round the table and all three nodded.
‘And can I tell everyone else what’s going on?’
They all murmured their agreement and my heart leapt at the thought of breaking the news to Aaron that he could stay with me. I looked from Billy to Pam. ‘Thank you.’
‘It wasn’t us,’ Pam said. ‘This was Ingrid’s idea. We’re heartbroken by how fractured Ingrid and Aaron’s relationship is and we wish it hadn’t come to this, but we think this is the best solution for everyone.’
Pam was clearly on the verge of tears so it was time for me to leave them in peace. Ingrid walked me to the door.
‘I wasn’t expecting the conversation to go like that,’ I said.
‘Did you think I was going to stop you from seeing him?’
‘It was a strong possibility.’
‘The pair of you have already proved I can’t keep you apart, not that I want to anymore.
You’ll be good for him. If anyone can undo the mess I’ve created, it’s you.
You always did have the parenting thing sussed.
I thought I would. I’m a nurse, for God’s sake.
Caring for people is what I do but somehow, when it came to my own kids… ’
‘You’re being too harsh on yourself,’ I said. ‘You’re making out like you didn’t care when I know you did.’ I chose not to add the words deep down. There was no need to kick her when she was already down.
‘I guess I had a funny way of showing it, eh?’ She shrugged.
‘Right, off you go and we’ll meet again soon but, don’t worry, I’m not going to change my mind about Aaron staying with you.
I know it’ll have driven you mad having to wait nearly a week to talk to me.
I wasn’t feeling well but the main reason for the delay is that I wanted to be 100 per cent sure about this and I am.
And you know how determined I can be when I set my mind to something. ’
We exchanged smiles.
‘I’m not going to mention adoption to Aaron,’ I said. ‘It’s something we might want to explore down the line but I don’t think it would help fix things between you both right now. It might have the opposite effect – send a message that you’re giving him away and giving up on him.’
‘I hadn’t thought about that. See! You’re so much better at this than me.’
‘What about the twins?’
‘My chance to finally get it right,’ she said. ‘I was surprised by how much I missed them – all my kids, actually – so maybe I’m not the heartless cow my son thinks I am after all.’
I winced at a term like that coming from Aaron, although I understood the deep hurt that had triggered it.
‘You don’t need to pull him up on it,’ she said. ‘I deserve it. The twins will stay with me and we’ll find a place of our own – in Whitsborough Bay, of course – and I’ll be both mum and dad to them from now on, not that they’ll notice much difference. Declan wasn’t much of a dad.’
‘You don’t have to do it all on your own, you know. They’ve captured a lot of hearts while you’ve been away.’
‘Just a shame they didn’t capture their dad’s.’ She sighed. ‘Thanks, Jed. See you soon.’
She headed back inside and I got into my car.
I’d seen a different side to Ingrid tonight – a softer, vulnerable side which had occasionally surfaced during our time together but which I’d feared had disappeared under Declan’s influence.
I hoped she tapped more into it as I was fairly sure Aaron, Erin and Lucy would respond to it well.
I was bursting with excitement as I pulled away in the car. I couldn’t wait to tell Aaron that he could stay with me indefinitely. This was the best possible outcome but one neither of us had dared to hope for.
There was somebody else I couldn’t wait to tell too.
I’d asked Tara how she’d feel if Ingrid did let Aaron stay with me because it would change our family dynamic.
Erin was officially an adult and Lucy would be next year but Aaron hadn’t hit his teens yet so we’d be raising a child together despite having agreed not to have children.
‘Having a baby might not feel right for me,’ she’d said, ‘but having a family does and I say the more the merrier. I’ll be right by your side whatever the outcome is.’