7. FOUR
FOUR
C aitlin couldn’t keep her eyes off Jordan as they traveled in his truck to New Hope, the larger town where most Hope Lake citizens did their shopping. Jordan insisted on driving them, inviting Miller to join them in the truck, but Miller grumbled about him impeding his job and drove his own car right behind them.
This morning still left Caitlin in shock as she tried to wrap her mind around Jordan’s new demeanor with kids. He had always been the fun-loving uncle type, but not one to engage with the dirtier parts of raising kids…like making breakfast together.
Isabelle hadn’t stopped talking the moment he set her in the truck. He had tried to get the car seat in, but backed out of the backseat, running his fingers through his hair, asking why they made those new-fangled things so complicated.
Caitlin had laughed and clipped the belts where they needed to go, but Jordan insisted on her showing him how.
Now as she watched him at least pretending to listen to her non-stop chatting daughter, she wondered if this was a show and how long it might last. Would he run the moment Isabelle started a meltdown? What if she got carsick in his new truck?
It was one thing to play along for the happy moments and a short time. Real life included real messes beyond flour and fun. What would he do when those situations hit?
He turned to her, his smile widening when he met her eyes before putting his back on the road.
The smile he gave her was one she hadn’t seen for years…even before she had left. He hadn’t shown her that smile, the one meant only for her, for longer than she could remember…maybe even since before Tabby’s death.
Her heart raced, sending tendrils of hope through her, and as much as she feared the growing hope, it anchored itself as she settled in for the ride.
“And that when we leave to come here,” Isabelle finished, and Caitlin realized she hadn’t been paying attention to her daughter’s chatter. What had she told Jordan?
“That’s quite the journey you’ve been on, sugar cakes.” Jordan glanced in the rear-view mirror. “So you like adventures?”
“Oh, yes,” she said with a yawn. “I like horsies, too.”
“I have an idea about that…” Jordan glanced at Caitlin before returning his attention to the road and pulling off the highway into New Hope.
“Uh-oh, I know your ideas,” Caitlin teased.
“Hey, I have great ideas.”
“Mmhmm, like hiking up to the top of the mountain to ski back down on a sheet of ice. Or taking the horses backpacking during a thunderstorm. Or maybe like the mountain biking trip on a trail that had never been completed?”
Jordan’s lips twitched into that endearing smile that had made her fall for him over and over again. “Yeah, well…so you remember those?”
“I remember every one of our adventures, Jordan,” she said, her voice turning breathy. She cleared her throat and looked out the window to hide the burn in her cheeks.
“Mommy, you rode skis on snow? And horsies? And bikes?”
Caitlin turned back to her daughter. “Yes, sweetie. Mommy used to do a lot of things.”
“She was the most adventurous girl I had ever met. One of many reasons I fell in love with her.”
“I advent-tor-us,” Isabelle said the word carefully.
“That I don’t doubt,” Jordan said.
“You still do all those crazy things?” Caitlin asked, watching the way his eyes lit up while he talked with them.
“Not near as much, no one to do them with anymore,” he said, his voice dropping, and he gave her a quick glance before they pulled into the parking lot of a toy store.
“I’m sorry,” Caitlin murmured, guilt filling her.
“Hey,” Jordan said after he parked the behemoth truck like a professional. He turned toward her, laid his massive hand on hers, and met her eyes. “It’s me who needs to seek forgiveness.”
Caitlin’s mouth fell open. Her eyes burned as she closed her mouth, trying to form words, but he didn’t wait for them. He squeezed her hand and slid out of the truck, opening the back door to unbuckle Isabelle and pull her out.
Caitlin met them on that side, shock still reeling her speechless, until she realized what store they were walking toward. “What’s this? Why are we here?”
“To get toys, of course.” Jordan’s mischievous glance stalled her steps.
“We have toys. You even brought a few yesterday…”
“Toys!” Isabelle cheered from Jordan’s arms, clapping her hands.
“That’s right. We need to get lots more toys, inside toys, outside toys, games.”
“Jordan.” Caitlin reached out, wrapping her fingers around a bicep that had grown in the last four years, her train of thought derailed as she felt it flex under her hand.
“Yes?” he asked, raising an amused eyebrow and glancing at her hand feeling his muscle.
She dropped her hand, but not before the burn reached her cheeks again. “I…I don’t think we need this. We don’t know how long we will have to stay…”
“Have to or want to?” He stopped at the door, holding her gaze, the intensity making her toes tingle.
“I…there’s more you need to know.” She bit her lip, glancing back at Miller who followed them but at a distance, his eyes constantly scanning the surrounding area.
“And you can tell me anything. It won’t change what I want.” Jordan held her gaze, imploring, for once serious.
“You don’t know what that entails…having a child…” She glanced at Isabelle who watched her with a furrowed brow. “It’s a joy.”
Isabelle smiled and clapped. “Let’s go!”
“Okay, okay. Come on.” Jordan opened the door for Caitlin, then stepped in behind her, still holding a squirming Isabelle.
“You can set her down.” Caitlin took her from him and set her on the ground, looking into her eyes. “How do we act in a store?”
“I hold a hand. No grabbing. No begging.”
“Good.” Caitlin reached out her hand. Isabelle took it and then took Jordan’s.
“Where to first?” Jordan asked.
“Horsies!” Isabelle pulled them to the aisle full of horses, dolls, and a myriad of other little girl toys.
While Isabelle lost herself looking at all the toys, Caitlin stepped closer to Jordan, ignoring Miller’s glare. “We need to talk.”
“We have time,” Jordan said, then squatted. “I like that one too. Is that the one you want?”
“I can have it? It bootiful.” She pet the blonde mane and held it to her.
“Yes, you can have it. Is there another one you would like?” Jordan asked.
“I want all them!”
“Isabelle, we can’t get everything you want,” Caitlin said gently.
“This is my treat,” Jordan said, smiling.
“You’ll spoil her,” Caitlin muttered and shifted her feet.
“And what’s wrong with that?” Jordan laughed. “How about we get the one with the spots? That’s your mama’s favorite kind of horse, and we know she’ll want to play with you.”
“Yay!” Isabelle cheered as she reached out to pick up the other horse, then smiled up at Caitlin as if it were Christmas Day.
Caitlin smiled at her daughter, smoothing her hair, but inside her mind whirled. How did he remember so much, and why was he doing this? The Jordan she knew wouldn’t have simply let her walk back into his life…especially with a child in tow.
“Should we look at some outside toys now?” Jordan asked.
“Yes!” Isabelle reached for his hand.
By the time they had made it out of the toy store, they had a cart, and along with Isabelle, it was also full of balls, bubbles, beanbags, and more. He stopped at the furniture aisle and turned toward Caitlin.
“Should we get her a bed?”
Caitlin shook her head, overwhelmed with how fast things were moving and feeling the need to be forthright; but Miller glared at her and Isabelle stared adoringly up at Jordan…now was not the time.
“Okay. I’ll stop for now. How about we go buy these toys?” Jordan raced her daughter in the cart, and Caitlin numbly followed her squealing child.
As they continued their day of shopping, Caitlin wished she could forget how the last several years had played out. She wished she could play house right along with him. Yet the truth stopped her. Not only the truth of what would happen when real life hit and Jordan balked at the reality of raising a child, but the truth that Jordan didn’t know.
Miller approached them as they exited the clothing store to pick up a few warmer clothes and other things that Caitlin had forgotten in their rush to leave.
“Want some lunch?” Jordan asked, nodding to Miller.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Miller closed in on Jordan, but Jordan didn’t back down. “They’ve been out enough in public. I don’t think any of this is a good idea.”
“Take out then?” Jordan shrugged. “We could take it to the park.”
Miller glared.
“Fine, take out in the truck. Joe’s Burgers has a great Western Cheeseburger. Does that sound good to you?” He playfully smacked Miller’s solid stomach. “Maybe two for you?”
“I…you don’t need to buy me lunch.” Miller stood rigid, but his belly growled.
Jordan laughed. “You fly. I buy. How’s that?” He turned to Caitlin. “You want to call it in? You remember what I like, right?”
Caitlin opened her mouth, closed it, swallowed, and tried again. “Actually, I do. Do you want the western cheeseburger, Miller?”
Miller eyed Jordan, then gave her a brief nod. “Sounds good.”
“I want chimpkin nuggets, Mommy.” Isabelle stood up on her tippy toes in a bounce.
Jordan picked her up. “The chipmunk and I will take the bags to the truck, then get started at the grocery store while you call.” He nodded to the store next to them and handed her his phone. “Meet you in there.” He leaned over like he was going to give her a quick peck but stopped himself, blinking in a panicked sort of way as he straightened. Clearing his throat and glancing at Miller, he took Isabelle and the bags toward the truck.
“Sure he’s an ex?” Miller raised his brow, folding his arms over his chest.
“I haven’t seen him in four years,” she said half to herself.
“Seems like he never gave up hope,” Miller grunted. “What could have been so bad you left?”
“He didn’t want kids.” The words tumbled from her mouth before she covered her lips.
Miller grunted again. “Could have fooled me.”
Caitlin didn’t respond. Instead, she swiped Jordan’s phone on, gasping when she saw a picture of the two of them standing on a mountain with only the sky behind them. How could he have looked at this everyday?
She had to hide all the photos of them, because every time she saw them, she would bawl. Glancing up, she saw Jordan glance at her as he shut the truck door and set Isabelle on his shoulders. Though he smiled, even in the distance, she could see a seriousness in his gaze, and her heart clutched at the thought of the conversation ahead.
Once she made the lunch order and Miller had checked the area enough, he felt safe running to the end of the parking lot to pick up the burgers. Caitlin met Jordan and her daughter in the store. The basket was full of sugary cereal, Isabelle’s favorite granola bars, and other snacks.
“Hmm…” Caitlin said as she closed in on them. “I see what happens when I leave you two to do the shopping.”
“Bars!” Isabelle, who sat in the big part of the basket, cheered, holding up a box.
“I see that. How about we get some bananas and carrots and healthy food, too?”
“Eh, who needs healthy food?” Jordan shrugged conspiratorially.
Caitlin glared at him. “That’s going too far, Jordan. Do you know how much work it takes to keep this one eating healthy?” She folded her arms, feeling her indignation prickle.
“Just kidding. Healthy food is yummy! Isn’t that right, sugar cakes?”
“I like carrots.” Isabelle gave him a nod.
“See?” Jordan looked at her in innocence.
“Hmm,” she said, taking off toward the produce aisle, glancing back to ensure they followed her.
When they finished shopping, the cashier smiled at them, looking from Isabelle to each of them. After ringing them up, she leaned toward Isabelle with a sucker. “Would you like this? You’ll have to ask your mommy and daddy if it’s okay.”
Isabelle’s brow furrowed as she looked at Caitlin in question. “Daddy?”
Caitlin’s heart clutched, and her body felt on fire as she took the sucker from the lady. “What do you say, sweetie?”
“Thank you,” Isabelle said automatically, reaching for the sucker in Caitlin’s hand.
“You can eat it after lunch,” Caitlin said, avoiding Jordan’s searching glance.
“You two are very lucky.” The cashier said, helping Jordan bag up the rest of the groceries. “She’s adorable and such a great combination of you both.”
Caitlin choked, falling into a coughing fit.
“Mommy okay?” Isabelle reached over and patted her back.
Caitlin caught her breath. “I’m fine, sweetie. Just swallowed the wrong way, I guess.” She reached for Isabelle. “Here, I’ll hold you so there’s room for all the groceries.”
Her face burned, and her heart pounded. Jordan stared at her, his brow furrowing in concentration, but she avoided eye contact, knowing she couldn’t look him in the eye and the truth not spill out. And the grocery store checkout line was definitely not the place to tell him the truth.
Jordan watched as Miller argued with Caitlin, biting his tongue and focusing on Isabelle so he didn’t step in. Isabelle sat in her car seat playing with her new horse, seeming completely oblivious to anything else. He glanced back as Miller handed Caitlin a nondescript phone and stormed back to his SUV.
“Guess he’s in a bad mood,” Jordan said as Caitlin climbed into the truck.
“He thinks he has to be by my side all the time and make the decisions. I can’t live like that.” Caitlin glanced back at Isabelle, checking her buckles before pulling on her seatbelt.
“You don’t have to tell me. Think I don’t remember? No one could tell you what to do…well, except for your daddy.”
Caitlin growled, the sound making him laugh.
“You do animal sounds, Mommy? You sound like bear.” Isabelle growled back.
“You do that very well, sugar cakes.”
“Horsie not like it,” Isabelle said before turning her attention back to her horse.
“So, are we okay to go?” Jordan asked. “Should we eat in the parking lot or while we drive?” He nodded at the bag that had been making his mouth water for the last ten minutes while watching them argue.
“Can you eat while you drive?” Caitlin asked.
“Might be messy, but I can manage.” Jordan shrugged, then looked back at the little girl in his backseat. “What about you, sugar cakes?”
“You saw how she cooked,” Caitlin said, biting her lip.
“It’ll be fine.” Jordan took out the container with chicken nuggets and turned in his seat. “Okay, sugar cakes, time to put horsie down for a nap so you can eat.”
Caitlin watched him with a wary expression as he set her daughter up with the food and napkins tucked in everywhere. When he turned back around, he eyed her before handing her a burger and taking one for himself.
“What?” he asked right after taking a bite, then swallowed. “Sorry.”
She shook her head. So with a glance back at Miller, who ate his burgers while glaring at them, he started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.
“We need to talk,” Caitlin said. “Miller doesn’t think I should tell you…but, you need to know.”
“Glad to hear you choose me over Mr. T.” Jordan chuckled, but something inside of him started vibrating and whirring, making his burger not taste as wonderful as he remembered.
Caitlin rolled her eyes. “There are things you need to know. I should have made you listen before you bought all of this…before I came to your house.”
“Our house,” he reminded her, but the sickening feeling had him setting his burger back in its wrapper as he pulled out on the highway. “Maybe we should wait until we get back home. Not sure hearing bad news would be safe while driving.” He tried to joke, but the words fell flat.
“We could put it off forever with excuses.” Caitlin bit her lip, turning to look at Isabelle. “I’ve been trying to wait until we didn’t have little ears.”
“Tonight then,” Jordan said, pushing a smile to his lips.
“Now,” Caitlin said.
“You’re so stubborn,” Jordan said with a sigh.
“And you avoid seriousness like the plague.”
“It is the plague,” he said.
“Ugh,” Caitlin flopped back in her seat, only staring at her lunch.
“Fine,” Jordan said. “Just get it over with.”
Caitlin nodded, drew in a deep breath, then twisted in her seat to look at him. “There are things you need to know, things that might change how you feel about me.”
Jordan raised an eyebrow. “I love you. That’s all I need to know.”
Caitlin sucked in a breath and blinked rapidly, but Jordan had to pull his eyes away so he could safely drive them.
“Should I pull over?” Jordan asked. “I can’t…I should have been able to look you in the eyes when I said that. I should have been able to pull you into my arms. This is terrible timing, Caitlin.”
“What timing?” Isabelle asked, glancing at them with ketchup smeared all over her face.
“Nothing, sweetie.” Caitlin sighed, then took a deep breath in, turning to her daughter with a smile. “Are those chicken nuggets good?”
“Yummy in my tummy,” Isabelle said.
Jordan laughed. “She’s the cutest.”
“I agree,” Caitlin said. “That’s why I have to tell you.”
“This really sounds like a pull-over conversation,” Jordan tried again.
Caitlin wrung her hands and fidgeted in her seat. “If I don’t tell you now, what if it keeps getting interrupted?” She turned to him. “When I left, I did because—” The phone that Miller handed Caitlin rang. She stopped talking but didn’t answer.
“You gonna get that?”
“It’s probably Miller calling to argue with me more.” She looked down at the phone.
Jordan glanced in his rear-view mirror to Miller in the car behind them. “He isn’t holding a phone.”
Caitlin gasped and hit the accept call button. “Hello?” Her eyes met his and widened. “Oh, Mom!” Caitlin’s lower lip trembled. “No, we’re okay. Isabelle is right here. She’s good. Are you okay?”
Jordan glanced at Caitlin as much as he could and keep his eyes on the road at the same time. Her fidgeting and quivering voice told him all that he needed to know. She was scared and worried and needed him.
“No, we’re…we’re with Jordan.” She glanced at him before averting her eyes. “Yeah, he’s driving us back from New Hope right now. Yes, we did get Big Joe’s.” She looked at her barely touched lunch.
“Tell her I’ll keep you two safe,” Jordan said.
“Oh, he said to tell you he’s keeping us safe. No, I didn’t tell him. I know. No, I have seen no one else….Then why did dad send me here in the first place?”
Caitlin turned away, but not before he saw the red in her cheeks.
“Want me to pull over so you can have a private conversation?” Jordan asked.
She shook her head, but didn’t turn to look back at him. “Hi, Daddy.” She blew out a breath as he heard the murmurs of her dad’s deep voice over the phone. “Yes. I understand. Okay. I will.” Caitlin bit her lip while her father spoke. “No. He’s…he’s been great with her. Yeah. Maybe.” She sniffed, turning further away from Jordan as she continued to listen to her dad. “Okay. I will. Love you, too, Daddy. Be careful. Tell Mom I love her too.”
Caitlin dropped the phone into her lap and sucked in a sob. Jordan knew that sound better than any other. He reached over, setting a hand on her thigh and squeezing, not knowing what else he could do.
She pulled out a tissue from her purse, blew her nose, and wiped her eyes before finally turning forward once more. After several deep breaths, she finally spoke.
“Daddy said to tell you thank you.”
“Well, next time you talk to him, you could tell him that’s not only my pleasure, but my responsibility.” Jordan kept his hand on her thigh relaxed as much as he wanted to let go to squeeze the steering wheel in anger instead.
“He said he knew you would say that. That’s why he sent me back here. He said he told Tinkerton to stay in the rental, and for me to stay with you…at least until all of this blows over.”
“Glad to hear he’s finally come to his senses,” Jordan said, trying not to remember the many heated conversations he had had with her father after Caitlin had left.
Caitlin sucked in a breath again, and he wished they were home already so he could pull her into his arms. He had always hated to see her cry. It tore him to pieces. She took his hand in hers, squeezing hard and breathing in deep, slow breaths.
“Mommy sad?” Isabelle asked. “Go see Gammy?”
Caitlin blew out a shaky breath. “Not right now, sweetie. Gammy and Gampa are…”
With one glance, Jordan knew Caitlin couldn’t go on. “They’re on vacation, sugar cakes. Mommy will be okay. We’ll go home and run her a hot bath, and then you and I will play with all of your new toys.”
“Okay,” Isabelle said, but he didn’t think he had convinced her.
They remained in silence as they drove through Hope Lake and up his long drive. Buster greeted them happily from the porch, his tail wagging so hard his body shook back and forth with it.
“Buster!” Isabelle cried out, straining against her car seat.
Caitlin wiped her eyes and slid out of the truck to open Isabelle’s door when she gasped. “Oh, no,” she said, her eyes wide with fright.
“I make painting!”
Jordan’s heart raced with the words, thinking of the little girl back there with ketchup and his leather seats. He spun, his heart ripping as he saw finger-painted ketchup all over the back of his seat.
“I’m sorry. I should have known why she was so quiet. Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry, Jordan. I’ll clean it. I can pay for a professional cleaner. I’m so sorry. I…” Caitlin frantically spoke as she grabbed a handful of napkins, trying to get the ketchup off the seat.
“Painting a no-no?” Isabelle’s face puckered up, and her bottom lip stuck out.
Jordan’s mind whirled, and he drew in a deep breath, feeling the anger rise, but when he saw Isabelle crying, he blew it out in one big gust. He flew out of the truck and climbed into the back with them. With a staying hand, he stopped Caitlin from wiping the ketchup further into the seat, then unbuckled the crying girl from her seat and pulled her into his lap.
Caitlin watched with eyes narrowed like a mama bear’s, but he ignored her for the moment and turned his attention to Isabelle.
“Shhh. Painting is a great thing, but in proper places. Painting with food on my…my truck’s seat is not a proper place.” He kept his voice gentle, but she wailed even louder.
Miller came running over to the truck, glaring and obviously at a loss of what to do. Jordan held up his hand to stop the giant of a man from interfering.
“We will find a proper place inside, but right now, we have to fix this. Maybe you can help me research how to get ketchup out of leather?”
“I big helper,” Isabelle sniffled.
“Yes, you are.” Jordan drew in a big breath, trying not to look at his ruined seat. “Okay. Okay.” He nodded. “We’ll let your mama take a bath, and we’ll figure this out.”
“Jordan, I…” Caitlin started, but he reached out to squeeze her hand briefly.
“It’ll be okay.” Holding tight to the now sniffling little girl, he slid out of the truck, avoiding looking at the ruined seat. He pushed past a staring Miller to reach the other side and wrap an arm around Caitlin. “It’ll be okay,” he said again, to reassure them all, including himself.
An hour and a half later, he sat back against the backseat of his truck with a happy Isabelle on his lap. She yawned, and he sighed.
“See, look at that, sugar cakes. No harm done.”
“All better now. No harm done,” she repeated, then nestled into him as she rubbed her ear.
In moments, she was asleep, and Jordan was too shocked to move. An overwhelming emotion took him over as he vowed he wouldn’t let any harm come to her. He stared down into her sweet face, memorizing each little nuance of her slightly slanted eyes, her upturned nose, her full lips, the little crease in the fold of her ear…just like his.
He reached up to his ear, feeling the indentation with his free hand, then out to touch hers. Did everyone have ears like that? In his mind’s eye, he searched his memory of Caitlin, seeing if she had a similar folded indentation.
Isabelle murmured in her sleep. He rested his hand, holding her closer, enjoying the soft, sweet sound of her breath and the feeling that gripped him as she nestled her face against his chest.
He was so lost in her he didn’t hear Caitlin until she cleared her throat in the open doorway of the truck.
“I see you wore her out,” she said, meeting his gaze with cry-reddened eyes. “How’d it go?” She tore her gaze away to search the leather, reaching in to touch it. “I can’t even see it? Will it dry that way?”
“I’m hoping so,” he said, trying to see past her long wet locks to her ears.
“I’m really sorry, Jordan. She doesn’t mean to do bad things…she’s really a good girl…it’s just that she’s, well, she’s three.” Caitlin searched his eyes, but all he could do was smile before pulling them away to stare down into the girl’s face.
“Of course she’s a good girl.”
“She’s sweet on you,” Caitlin said, softening her voice.
“I think I’m sweet on her,” he looked up to Caitlin, “and her mommy.”
Caitlin’s lip trembled. “I’m scared.” The admission cost her the little composure she had left and tears fell down her cheeks.
He pulled her up into the truck to nestle with them, and he couldn’t help the feeling that it felt right, being there, in each other’s arms, as a family, in good times and in bad.