Chapter 31 Nova
NOVA
White. Cream. Ivory. Oyster. Everywhere I looked. I was struggling to breathe, covered in layers of tulle, while the bridal stylist threaded ribbons through the eyelets of the corset and tugged, pulling it impossibly tight.
“This one. My, you look so beautiful.” Placing her champagne flute down, my mother clapped her hands together.
My ribs were crushed. Or perhaps it was the fact that I was here in this wedding boutique with reality crashing down on me. This was really happening, wasn’t it?
“I preferred the last one. Can you even breathe in that thing, Nov?”
My mother shot Vesper a poisonous glare.
“My apologies,” the bridal stylist whispered, loosening the corset. My ribs expanded, and I sucked in a breath. Vesper exchanged glances with Liana before giving me a sympathetic smile.
“Not this one,” I said. “No corsets.”
“They make you look thinner. A lesson more than one of your friends could do with learning.” My mother dragged her disdainful gaze over Vesper’s curves, and I saw red. How fucking dare she insult my friends? Vesper was beautiful.
“I don’t want to look thinner, and my friends are perfect just the way they are. Don’t you dare speak about them like that.” Ignoring my mother’s shocked intake of breath, I turned to the bridal stylist. “I’d like to try the ivory column dress again, please.”
Another hour passed in a blur of fabric until I couldn’t take it any longer. Stepping down from the podium, I glanced at the bridal stylist. “If we have time, I’d like to take a quick break. Ten minutes?”
“Of course. I’ll refresh your drinks. More champagne?”
“I’d like a coffee, if that’s possible. No more champagne. Thank you.”
“Good idea.” Liana jumped up from the brocade sofa she’d been lounging on while she flipped through a magazine. “We’ll get you a mocha from the coffee shop. Come on, Ves.”
They left me, and I wandered over to the glass front of the shop, still wearing the simple ivory A-line dress I’d been trying on.
Even though I was as far away from my mother as I could possibly be without leaving the shop, I could still hear her stilted conversation with Maria, the second wife of Anton’s uncle Igor.
She was supposed to be here to steer me away from any unsuitable options, but so far, she had remained silent and expressionless with every single dress I’d tried on.
There was a tall gilt mirror next to the window, and when I turned, I caught sight of my reflection.
Was this really me? Drawn and pale, with the dark circles under my eyes still visible despite the care I’d taken to disguise them.
I looked like I hadn’t slept in a week, and it wasn’t far from the truth.
My brain refused to switch off when I went to bed, my worries churning through my mind in a never-ending loop.
When Daniel had suggested fighting as a way to get out of my head, I’d thought it was worth a try.
It had worked for one blissful moment, silencing the noise, until Anton had appeared, and reality had crashed down on me.
He’d made it crystal clear that Volkov women were expected to conduct themselves with decorum, and fighting was absolutely not allowed.
While he’d framed it as being for my own safety, because eyes were everywhere and he didn’t want me to end up facing any consequences either from my family or his, I couldn’t help wondering if he was vocalising his own personal beliefs.
Either way, it had been a reality check, both for my present and my future. I was helpless, trapped in this life with no way out that didn’t put both myself and the people I cared about in danger.
I couldn’t take it anymore. Spinning away from the mirror, I turned to the windows, scanning the street outside for my friends.
My breath caught in my throat.
Jay.
He was standing on the other side of the street, staring at me with wide, dark eyes. The devastation written all over his face shattered me, breaking my heart into pieces as the realisation hit me.
No one affected me like him. No one made me feel the way he did. No one would even come close to my heart. Because it was his. Somehow, he’d gone from the boy I hated to the man I was falling for, and there was no way for us to be together.
I took a step forwards, lifting my palm to the glass. A lorry rumbled past, cutting off our connection, and when it moved on, Jay was gone.
My gaze remained fixed on the spot where he’d been standing until my vision blurred, and it was only then that I realised I was crying.
“Nova? What’s the matter?”
“Babe, talk to us.”
“Jay. He—he was outside, and he saw me, and I… The look on his face. I-I—” I gasped out between sobs. “He’s the only man I’ve ever had feelings for, and he c-can’t be mine.”
“Oh, babe.” Liana slid her arm around my waist. “Let’s go somewhere private, and we can talk, okay?”
“The changing rooms over there,” Vesper murmured, coming up on my other side. “Quick.”
Inside one of the private rooms, Liana locked the door before placing my coffee down on the counter next to a box of tissues. She pulled out a tissue and carefully dabbed at my eyes, wiping my tears away until I’d composed myself. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“I wasn’t expecting to see him, and he obviously wasn’t expecting to see me, either.
He looked so shocked and so heartbroken.
It just hit me, just how strong my feelings for him were.
Are. And obviously, I knew he liked me, but that look on his face…
there was no way that could be faked. If there’s any chance he feels the same way about me as I do about him, then this has to be hurting him so badly.
Would you want to see the person you wanted to be with trying on wedding outfits, knowing that they were getting married to someone else?
It was unbearable for me, and I can’t stand the thought of him feeling that way. ”
Vesper clasped my hands between hers, her gaze fixed on mine. “Nova. Listen to me. Life’s too short. Take every bit of happiness you can because our world will chew you up and spit you out without a second thought.”
“She’s right,” Liana said. “Take your happiness where you can. They may be forcing you into this marriage, but you’re in control. You are your own person, and no one owns you.”
They were right. I pulled them into a hug, so grateful to have them both in my corner. “I love you both. Thank you.”
I was stuck in one situation, but it didn’t mean I had to take it lying down. If I was careful, maybe I could give both myself and Jay a piece of happiness. Something that I wanted him to have, that no one else could take from me.
“We shouldn’t be meeting—”
“Come inside. Quick.” Grabbing Jay’s hand, I dragged him into the barrow.
There was a moment where our eyes met and time seemed to stand still. Then we launched ourselves at each other, his mouth coming down on mine as he swept me into his arms.
When we broke apart, he stroked his fingers through my hair, the corners of his lips tilting up as he gazed down at me. It gave me butterflies.
“We shouldn’t be meeting,” he repeated, although there was no conviction in his words this time.
Even so, I wanted to reassure him. When I’d texted him to say we needed to meet, he’d initially been reluctant, and I hadn’t even been certain he would come.
After I’d done my best to communicate that I needed to talk to him and clear the air, he’d finally agreed.
But we were both well aware of the risks of meeting alone, and so I’d prepared carefully for tonight.
“Don’t worry. I made sure it was safe. I promise. Liana has my phone, and she’s covering for me all night in case anyone comes looking.”
Now we were here together. No one else knew about this place, and it was just the two of us, undisturbed, for as long as he wanted to stay.
Jay stared around the barrow, taking in the flickering candles and tiny, glowing fairy lights, the music playing softly from my speaker, and the piles of blankets and pillows covering the floor.
“This is cosy,” he drawled. I shivered, and his mouth curved into a smirk.
“Wanna tell me why we’re here? I’m not complaining about that kiss, but you said you wanted to talk. ”
“I did. I do. Can you sit down?”
He lowered himself to the pile of blankets, stretching out his legs in front of him.
Once again, he looked completely at home in my private space.
He raised a brow, looking pointedly from me to the space next to him, and I sank down beside him, close enough that we’d be touching if either of us leaned in, although I made sure to stay upright.
“Okay,” I began. “Earlier… I think it was, um, unexpected for both of us.”
“You could say that,” he muttered.
“Jay. I wish I could change things. Anton has no interest in me, and I have none in him. We both know it. Neither of us would be doing this if we had a choice.”
His jaw tightened, his hand curling into a fist against the blankets. “If you could choose someone, who would it be?”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I can’t torture myself with hypotheticals.”
“Nova. When I saw you in that wedding dress, you looked so fucking beautiful. Like everything I could never have. It— Fuck. It was so hard to see you and know I’d never be able to have you.”
“I know,” I whispered. “And that’s why I wanted you to meet me tonight. I want you.” My face was burning, and it was a struggle to say the words to his face, but I forced them out. “You were my first kiss, and I want you to be my first in every way.”
There was a shocked silence. “Nova. Nova. You— Fuck. I was your first kiss?” He rubbed his hand over his mouth, and the abject guilt and pain in his eyes killed me. “I-I didn’t know. I would never have— Fuck. I would give anything to go back and change the past. Anything.”
My lip trembled. “You took my first kiss, but I want to give you the rest of my firsts.”
“No,” he rasped. “No. I don’t deserve that. Not now, not ever. Not after the way I treated you.”
“Yes, you do. Believe me, this isn’t a snap decision. This is me, making a choice to give this to you. If you want it. Because I want you, Jay. Only you.”
“Fuck, Nova. I want you too. You don’t even know how much.” The heat in his gaze sent a shiver of desire through my body.
“Then will you let me give myself to you?”
“Oh, princess. You’ve got it the wrong way around. I’m going to give myself to you.” Wrapping his arms around me, he lowered his head, his lips skimming over mine. “I’m going to fucking worship you.”