Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ROBBIE
There are at least forty kids in matching white gis packed into the school gym this morning, and the volume is unreal. I can barely hear myself think.
Which is probably a good thing. Because when I remember too much about the kiss and the half-assed conversation I had with Ames, my throat gets thick, and my eyes sting.
Brie’s been doing tae kwon do for maybe five years, and now that she’s twelve, I don’t have to pretend to be impressed by her moves.
She executes a perfect side kick and glances over at me like did you see that?
I shoot her a grinning double thumbs-up as her instructor ruffles her hair, and she beams from ear to ear, all traces of her earlier stress seemingly gone.
But I haven’t forgotten.
On the way here, she kept apologizing, and it broke my heart.
She’s only a kid, and already she’s doing this dance where she’s making excuses for her dad and acting like it’s no big deal that he let her down.
I wanted to squeeze her and tell her she deserves better…
but it’s hard when she and her sister have seen me justifying Mike’s shit behavior as long as they’ve been alive.
Which is just another reason to do better, right?
One of the tae kwon do parents sidles up to me with a friendly smile and a toddler balanced on her hip. “You’re here with Brie?”
I nod, distracted.
“Aw. She’s a sweetheart. Are you and Anna…?” The woman trails off suggestively.
“Oh. No, Anna’s my sister-in-law. Well, ex. Brie’s my niece,” I finally say since it’s easier.
The woman’s eyes light up like I’ve just announced I’m giving away free puppies. “Oh my god, how sweet! We love an involved uncle! Do you have kids of your own? Would you like some?”
My eyes widen. The toddler and I exchange a wary glance, like she might try to foist him on me. “Uh?—”
“Raisa, chill. Your sister can find her own husband. This is Robbie Wojcik, our fire chief, and he’s engaged .” Sandra, a physical therapist I’ve worked with before, pats my arm and explains, “Raisa’s new to Winsome, Robbie. She doesn’t know you’re already taken.”
“If he wasn’t,” another parent pipes up, materializing out of nowhere, “the Winsome matchmakers woulda gotten their claws in him ages ago.”
Raisa sets her son down so he can run around the sidelines and sighs. “Shoulda guessed. All the good catches are taken, even here in Winsome.”
My face goes hot.
A good catch . Sure. Except for the one person I’d like to catch me .
The irony’s not lost that I’ve spent years not letting myself want too much or ask for too much. Just being that boat on calm water while Ames reminds me constantly that “It’s okay to want things and fight for them, Robbie.”
Now I’ve fucking told him what I want, and he doesn’t believe me. Worse, the stubborn motherfucker’s determined to fight against me to protect me from myself.
And maybe—given how panicked he looked when I asked if he was in love with me—he’s trying to protect himself too.
That thought cheers me up a little.
Because if he thinks I’m going to give up or back down, he’s wrong. When it comes to the few things in life I have let myself want—like being a firefighter, being a good chief, stepping up for my nieces—Anna’s right. I can out-stubborn anyone to get my way.
Even Ames.
Now that I know what it’s like to kiss him, to feel him in my arms, to hear the little sounds he makes when our bodies collide… I can’t let it go. I won’t . And I’m not letting Ames decide for both of us what I need and want and am capable of feeling.
Even right now, when I’m angrier than I’ve ever been at him, there’s not a shred of doubt in my mind that he’s meant to be mine.
“I’m not engaged anymore,” I tell the other parents, a little surprised by how firm my voice sounds. “Lissa and I didn’t work out. But I’m not available either.” I shrug. “The matchmakers can back off.”
Sandra laughs. “Fair enough.”
I can tell all of them are dying to know more, but I let the uncomfortable silence drag on, and nobody actually asks. Eventually, Sandra smiles and hands me an orange slice from the giant bag Brie brought, and the moment passes.
After Brie gets her green belt, I take her to Fox Creamery to celebrate with a sundae. Then I drop her back at Anna’s and head home. My head’s spinning with all the things I want to tell Ames. All the ways I can convince him that I meant what I said and that I’m willing to fight for it.
But when I get home, I realize almost immediately that Ames isn’t there.
The guest bed’s stripped. His duffel’s gone, and so’s his clean laundry.
Even this morning’s breakfast mess has been cleaned up.
It’s like the whole past week—that charged shower we shared, the nights I slept at his side—never happened.
Anger flashes through me. Does he really think I’ll drop it that easily?
I’m already halfway to the door, ready to get back in my truck and hunt the man down, when the doorbell rings, and I find my brother standing on my front porch.
It’s the first time I’ve seen Mike in a while, and he looks… different. He’s nearly my height but leaner than I remember, and he looks… well, hunted . There’s a blue Corolla idling at the curb, like he asked his Uber driver to wait for him.
“Rob,” Mike begins. “Hear me out?—”
“No,” I say immediately when I see his pleading face. “Save your apologies for your kid. I don’t wanna hear it.”
“You have to let me explain,” he says. “You owe me that much.”
“I really don’t.” I pull the door closed and lock it. “I already told you we’re done. No more money, Mike. No more putting in a good word for you. No more bailing you out. After today, we’re even more done. Lose my number.”
“You don’t mean that! Look, I… I know everyone thinks I’m a selfish asshole.” His voice takes on a wheedling tone. “But Rob, if anyone in this world can understand why I do what I do, it’s you. You know how important family is!”
I tell myself to keep walking, but this is too much. I stop and stare at him. “I do know how important it is. Which is why I do not understand you.”
“’Course you do! I know you’ve got your panties in a twist right now because I had another boss turn me out on my ass over nothing.
But Robbie, you have no idea how much shit I put up with.
Luc’s all, ‘You left early, Mike,’ and ‘I need someone I can depend on, Mike.’ Fucking bullshit .
I’m the best guy on his damn crew. Get more done than ten guys put together, all while earning peanuts ?—”
“What are you even talking about?”
“I’m talking about you being pissed at me! Letting Anna get in your head and talk shit?—”
“What happened today, Mike?” I demand.
Mike blinks. “What do you mean, today?”
“With Brie . Today.”
His face is blank. “I didn’t say shit to Brie today, man. I haven’t seen her all week ’ cause I’ve been hustling to find work?—”
“She had her green belt test in tae kwon do. You were supposed to take her.”
Mike’s face flushes. “Oh, fuck. That was today? But I… I told Anna my car needed repairs! How’d she think I was gonna get there to take Brie anywhere? Jesus.”
I glance at the Corolla still parked on the street. Someone I don’t recognize is waiting in the driver’s seat. “I guess when things are important, you find a ride.”
Red stains Mike’s cheeks, but his eyes flash with temper. “Don’t you dare judge me, Rob. You have no idea what I’ve been going through. I borrowed some money from some guys I know so I could pay my rent and… and other stuff. But I need to pay them back, and?—”
“Yeah. That’s usually how loans work,” I interrupt.
“Let me break this down into simple words, Mike. You’ve treated me like your ATM for years.
That’s your choice. I put up with it way too long, hoping you’d change, and that was my choice.
But now I’m making a different choice, to cut you out of my life.
And if you don’t smarten up, your kids are gonna make that choice too.
They don’t give a shit how much money you’re bringing in.
They care about whether you love them. About whether you make them feel important. Do better.”
“I’m fucking trying —” Mike says.
I shake my head. “Stop trying. Go and do it . Prove that you love them, for Christ’s sake.”
I don’t wait to see what Mike does. I climb into my truck with my hands shaking. By the time I pull out of the driveway a few minutes later, the Corolla is gone and Mike with it.
All I can think is, No wonder Ames can’t take me seriously when I spent years falling for Mike’s shit. I should have listened to him a long time ago.
But now I’m done talking. And I’ve decided I’m going to take my own advice. I don’t need to find the words to say to convince Ames to take a chance on us. I’m gonna prove to Ames that I mean what I say.
Ames’s Find My Friends icon shows he’s at his apartment, and I spare a second for gratitude.
If he’d fled to his parents’ house, I’d’ve had to drink lemonade and make small talk with Vivian for five or ten minutes before finding Ames and kissing the shit out of him…
though, let’s be clear, I’d have done it.
Less than ten minutes later, I’m taking the stairs up to his apartment and knocking on his door, even as I open it with my spare key.
“Ames?” I call. “Ames Axford, get your ass?—”
Ames hurries into his living room, wide-eyed. He’s clearly just out of the shower because he’s got a towel wrapped around his waist, and he’s not wearing his sling.
“Rob? Why are you yelling? Is everything okay?”
Little drops of water drip off the ends of his dark hair and slide down the yellowing bruises on his chest to pool at the edge of the terry cloth. His tattoo shimmers in the harsh overhead light.
I want to tell him I’m very, very okay, but when I open my mouth to speak, I can’t get any words out. I feel so damn much for him, it’s choking me.
“Robbie.” Ames says my name again, more like a warning this time, and shifts awkwardly. “I’m sorry I left?—”