Chapter 18 #2
“Mike,” I begin, trying to keep my brother’s attention focused on me. “Look at me.”
I don’t move my eyes or acknowledge Ames in any way, but Mike’s attention swings to him anyway, and so does his gun.
My vision tunnels, and for a second, I can’t breathe. Literally cannot get air past the vise grip around my lungs.
Then Mike shouts, “Ames fucking Axford! What the fuck are you doing here? This is a family matter ?—”
“Hey!” I shout back, angry and scared enough to get past my fear and think fuck de-escalation. “You’re standing in your ex-wife’s yard, terrorizing your daughters, Mike. Is this what you think loyalty is? Is this what you think family is?”
“I’m tryna provide for?—”
“Bullshit!” I shout, all my rage and frustration and hurt pouring out.
“You only ever think about yourself. Loyalty’s not something you’re automatically entitled to because you share the same parents.
Family’s not about sharing a last name. It’s about showing up for people and letting them show up for you.
The Axfords are my family,” I continue, voice breaking.
“The guys at the station are my family. Anna is my family.”
Mike blinks at me, confused. It would almost be amusing if it weren’t so fucking scary. Who the hell is this guy who used to be my brother?
“And you keep Ames Axford’s name out of your mouth, understand?
” I go on. “Because that man has been my anchor and my home for sixteen years. He made me believe in myself. He taught me to fight for what I want and deserve. He showed me that I don’t owe any loyalty to people who aren’t loyal to me.
And someday—” I hesitate, but then decide fuck it .
I want Mike to hear this. “Someday, I’m going to marry that man, if he’ll let me, because I am so in love with him it hurts.
And we’re going to have a happy fucking life with the family we build together. ”
I hear a sound that’s half sob, half laugh, and I know it’s Ames.
Oops. Spoiler, Amesie .
Meanwhile, Mike’s standing there staring at me, gun hanging loose in his hand, face slack with shock. “But Rob. You can’t— You’re not?—”
I don’t really notice Holden moving until he’s vaulting over the deck railing from below like some sort of superhero hurdle-jumper. The balls of his feet hit the deck just behind Mike.
I’m so surprised I freeze. Mike immediately whirls to face him, and Holden moves to catch his gun hand. But because Mike’s so uncoordinated right now, he stumbles as he whirls. His hand’s not where Holden expects, and he ends up catching Mike’s jacket instead.
And somehow, accidentally—because, yeah, I still want to believe it’s an accident—Mike squeezes the trigger. There’s a deafening bang… and then Holden Axford, the man who’s more of a brother to me than Mike’s ever been, slumps to the deck.
The next few seconds are a blur of chaos and fear. I tackle my brother, shoving him—unresisting—to the ground. Deputies rush in, some flying to Holden’s side, others taking away Mike’s gun and cuffing his hands.
From several feet away, I watch as Ames runs to Holden. He drops to his knees beside his brother, who’s lying on his back, and struggles to remove his arm from his sling.
A dark stain of blood’s spreading across Holden’s shoulder and chest under his olive-green shirt. His blue eyes stare up at the sunset, vacant and unseeing.
My breath catches.
As I watch in horror, Ames leans down and clutches Holden’s face in both hands and lets out a sob that tears my heart to shreds. “No! Holden! Oh, god, please no. Please no! Come on, you asshole.” He pounds Holden’s chest weakly with one fist. “You can’t be?—!”
I’m frozen solid, staring at the scene unfolding before me, clueless about what to do or say. My own fucking brother might be the reason Ames loses his. And if that happens, everything is lost. There’s no way we would survive that. How could he ever forgive me?
“Fucking ow , Ames! Jesus Christ!” Holden complains through gritted teeth, shocking everyone.
I let out a shuddering breath as I see him blink. Finally .
Ames lifts his head to see Holden’s face. His cheeks are streaked with tears. “You’re alive?”
Holden coughs and tries to roll, but can’t. He groans loudly. “No thanks to you and your tender mercies.” He grips Ames’s hand in his, possibly because Ames looks like he might punch Holden again, this time for worrying him. “I’m okay. Just… had the wind knocked out of me.”
“He shot you!” Ames insists.
“Yes, he fucking did,” Holden says with gritted teeth.
“Do you know, I had a perfect fucking record until today? Zero on-the-job injuries.” He yells loudly as one of his deputies leans on his shoulder, applying pressure.
“Marin! Are you sure that’s what you’re supposed to be doing?
How fucking long for the bus to get here? ”
“ETA less than one minute, sir,” the woman replies. “I’m trying to get the bleeding stopped?— ”
“Have I mentioned it fucking hurts ?” Holden demands. “Because it fucking does. A fucking lot . So maybe stop that!”
One of the other deputies, Bale, touches my arm. “Rob? You can get off him now, bud. Let us get him up.” He nods down at Mike. I have to glance down before I realize I’m still kneeling on my brother’s back.
I hop up, quickly scramble across the deck, and drop down at Ames’s side, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him against my chest. Tears are still falling down his face as I press a kiss to his mouth.
He kisses me back, lips clinging to mine. “Robbie. Fuck, baby, I thought?—”
“You’re okay,” I soothe. “I’m okay. Holden’s okay too. I’ve got you.”
Ames sniffs. “I know you do. You always do.”
The EMTs arrive and efficiently cut away Holden’s shirt to assess the wound. One of them, Linette, looks at Ames with kind eyes.
“Bullet went clean through his shoulder, Ames. He’ll be okay. There’s just a lot of blood?—”
“And pain ,” Holden complains. “Have I mentioned the pain?”
Ames lets out a shaky, watery laugh. He’s still gripping Holden’s hand, but he lets himself lean into my arms. “Oh my god, quit being so dramatic,” he teases.
Holden shoots Ames a narrow-eyed look as the EMTs start loading him onto a stretcher. “ Me ? I had to get shot to make you and your boyfriend stop pretending you’re not together. But sure, Ames, I’m the dramatic one.”