Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
AMES
Not-Shocking Ames Axford Fact Number One: I fucking hate hospital waiting rooms.
The fluorescent lights. The hideous pastel walls. The chairs that put your ass to sleep the second you sit in them. The utter lack of control, knowing someone you care about is around here somewhere, but you can’t see them or hear them or fix them .
I imagine this is a little taste of what Robbie went through not so long ago, when I was the one being rushed to the hospital. But in this case, thank fuck, we know Holden’s going to be okay. And in this case, I get to have my very favorite person sitting beside me with his arm around my shoulder.
Even as I’m thinking about this, Robbie shifts and pulls me more fully against his side, careful not to squeeze too hard.
The man actually made me get my arm checked when we arrived here, convinced I’d reinjured myself—which wasn’t too far-fetched, since my sling had been soaked with Holden’s blood.
I’d opened my mouth to protest that I was fine—that I had, in fact, tweaked my arm a fuck of a lot more while I was getting fucked last night—but one look at Robbie’s worried face, and I’d shut up.
Not-Shocking Ames Axford Fact Number Two: There’s not much I won’t do for Robbie Wojcik. Especially when he’s holding me against him so I can smell the homey, soothing scent of his Abercrombie cologne over the unpleasant tang of antiseptic.
He lifts his other hand and runs his fingers through my hair before settling my head on his shoulder. It feels so damn good. I don’t give a shit that my whole family’s watching me lean on him, literally and figuratively.
Mom and Dad arrived about five minutes after we did, followed by Beckett and Griffin.
True snuck in at some point after that, and Wilder rushed in smelling like motor oil from the shop a little while ago.
Eliza and Luis are out of town, but Eliza’s been calling the doctors and keeping tabs on Holden’s condition from a distance.
Everyone’s talking quietly, trying to keep things light. But I can hear Beckett muttering at Griffin from here, as he paces back and forth.
“My fucking brothers need to stop risking their fucking lives,” he says in a rough voice, shooting me eyeballs. “First, Ames runs into a burning building, then Holden and Robbie decide to play hero against a man with a gun?—”
Griffin catches Beckett’s hand and pulls him into a hug that makes Beckett blow out a breath.
Meanwhile, Robbie’s body stills beside me.
“What?” I ask softly .
His eyes meet mine, and he shakes his head. “He said… brothers.”
I mentally replay Beckett’s words and grin. “Well, yeah. Are you surprised he thinks of you that way? After everything you said to Mike about what family is?”
“I mean, I knew how I felt, but…” He shrugs. “It’s nice to hear, that’s all.”
“You’ve been an Axford for sixteen years, Robert. Get with the program.” I pat his thigh and settle against him again.
“Of course he has.” My mother catches the tail end of this and looks at Robbie with narrowed eyes. “Who’s been saying differently?”
Robbie laughs and shakes his head.
The automatic doors slide open, and Anna walks in, trailed by Brie and Kaylee. All three of them look shaken but physically okay.
Robbie and I stand simultaneously with our hands locked together, and Brie runs over to throw her arms around both of us.
“I was so scared.”
“I know,” Robbie whispers. “Me too.” I see the complicated mix of emotions on his face—relief, guilt, grief, anger—and I squeeze his hand more tightly, letting him know I’m there.
“Sorry to intrude, but the girls and I couldn’t sleep,” Anna says, stroking a hand down Kaylee’s long hair.
It’s a sign of how freaked-out Kaylee was—and maybe still is—that she allows this coddling and actually leans closer to her mother, though they’re nearly the same height.
“We tried, after the police took our statements, but all three of us really wanted to make sure Holden was okay. ”
“Of course.” I wrap my arms around Anna and Kaylee both. “I’m so glad you came.”
The doctor comes out about twenty minutes later. “Sheriff Axford’s people?”
We all turn as one.
“Another crowd, huh?” The doctor gives us a tired smile, and I recognize her as the same woman who treated me after the fire. “He’s fine. No bone damage, no major vascular damage. He told me to tell you that you can go cry over him two at a time.”
The whole family laughs in relief.
“He’s such an asshole,” I say fondly.
“Ames Michael! Language,” my mom chides, but she can’t hide her grin. “Besides, the poor boy’s probably on pain medication. He’s not himself.”
“Nah. The meds just make you more honest.” I shoot Robbie a look and add softly, “In my experience, anyway.”
We finally leave the hospital around midnight. Holden’s being kept overnight for observation.
I take the keys from Robbie and manage to drive us home left-handed. I head to his house, obviously, no discussion needed. The poor guy’s exhausted. His big body’s slumped, and his eyes are shadowed.
I want to say it’s the longest day of both our lives, but I think for him, it might take second place to the night of the fire. I’m determined that this night will end better than that one, for both of us.
Robbie lets me lead him up the path, past the tulips, and I unlock the front door with my key. But when I see the living room’s still full of flickering candles and the rose petals I slid through earlier, I freeze .
Somehow, with everything else that happened, I forgot about Robbie’s date . The guy he matched with on Tapper.
Fuck.
I whirl around to find Robbie’s shut the door and is leaning against it with an unreadable expression on his face.
Out of nowhere, I panic—heart racing and palms sweating worse than during any of the actual life-or-death situations I’ve been in this month.
But this feels life or death.
“Okay, so listen,” I begin. My voice is a little too loud, a little too strident, and I can’t seem to stop it.
“I… I know I said things earlier. Tragically stupid things. A-about you, like, seeing other people and doing… whatever this is.” I gesture around at the candles and the flowers.
“Which, frankly, is a little much for a freaking Tapper hookup, just so you know. I mean, sweet, yes, but?—”
Robbie cocks an eyebrow, his green eyes watching me calmly.
“N-never mind. Irrelevant,” I stammer. “The thing is…”
I swallow and dart another look at him. God , the man’s beautiful.
I have wanted him forever. His big shoulders and his quiet strength.
The way he knows me and loves me and chooses me time and again.
And now, all I can think is that I want to be the only person who ever gets to see him like this—staring at me in the candlelight—ever again.
“Can it please be me?” I blurt. “Please?”
He blinks, and I realize that Robbie is not actually inside my brain. I might have to connect the dots.
Double fuck .
“I mean, I want to be your only date from now on. Me and only me. I don’t want you to… to… scatter rose petals for anyone else.”
I keep waving my good hand around like that will help make my point, but I’m afraid it’s not working. Try again, Ames.
“I mean, I know I said I wanted you to explore your options, but I don’t want you to have any options.”
Goddamn it. Also not right. Though at least Robbie’s lips have quirked up at the corners now.
“I meannnnn .” I take a deep breath and admit, “I was afraid. Before. Because I’ve wanted you for so long, Robbie. And I couldn’t believe I could actually have you. I thought for sure you’d decide there was someone better out there for you.”
I’m pacing now, my feet carrying me back and forth across the floor in front of him.
“But then I realized… you’ve never let me down.
Not once. You take care of me when I’m sick.
You laugh at my jokes. You’re always ready to hype me up when I’m sad and chill me out when I’m upset.
And I do those things for you too. Which means there isn’t anyone better out there.
Not for either of us.” I stop and point at him accusingly. “ You love me. ”
Robbie’s full-on smiling now, his expression soft and achingly tender… and just the littlest bit teasing too.
“Just to be clear,” he says. “This thing we’re doing right now is… you declaring my love for you ?”
“No! What I’m trying to say is, you’re mine and no one else’s. And I know that because I’m yours , and I always have been.” I swallow. “The very idea of you being with anyone but me—of any gender—makes me high-key want to hurl. Literally, Rob,” I add. “I might vomit .”
“Wow.” Robbie laughs. “Okay.”
“And I see what you’re thinking!” I continue, flinging my arm some more and wishing I had the use of my dominant hand too.
“You’re thinking I’m being dramatic. Yes.
Duh. Obviously. I am dramatic. You know this.
And you love me anyway. So, really, the takeaway here is that I need you to cancel any and all future dates because…
” I take a step toward him. “Because… I love you.”
The words stick in my throat, so I try again because the man needs to hear it, and know, and never doubt.
“I am in love with you, Robert Wojcik,” I say firmly.
Silence falls. Robbie’s grin widens. And he says…
“Okay.”
I stare at him. “ Okay ? I gave you all that, and all I get is?—”
Robbie laughs out loud—a deep, genuine sound that fills the whole room—and wraps his two giant arms around me, pulling me against him so that I can feel his heartbeat against my chest.
“Baby…” His breath is warm against my ear. “Did you really think I did all this for some guy on Tapper?”
I pull back just far enough to see his face. “What?”